New fic: The Sun Inside, OUAT, Emma/Regina, R, Part IV
Title: The Sun Inside
Fandom/pairing: Once Upon a Time, Emma/Regina
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything related to ABC/Disney’s Once Upon a Time. But I wish I could get my hands on Regina.
Summary: When someone gets fairydust in her hair at a party, that someone gets someone else pregnant. But a threat from another world looms large, distracting our fair couple from the impending birth. In other words, it’s yet another magic baby scenario.
Length: 41K words, give or take
Notes: I bow to the Mafia: damelola, shemadehimwaffles, the-charmings. They helped me tremendously with their advice and encouragement. Also, I never thought I’d see the day when I’d write a story that featured pregnancy, but eh, what can you do? This turned out to be far longer than I anticipated, so sorry for the delay, gentle readers!
---
For the next month, when Emma awakens each morning, Regina is gone from their bed. No more does she sleep in, and rarely do they have a late night. Instead they have supper early with James and Snow and Henry, and afterwards Regina does a strange combination of pre-natal yoga and tai chi that’s supposed to keep her relaxed. It’s not strenuous and it keeps her limbs lithe and flexible, but it doesn’t exactly chill her out. Whenever she joins Emma in their bedroom, she is wired, consumed with the thought of her mother’s discovery of their child’s imminent birth.
And despite Regina’s occasional hesitation, they make love on many of those nights. It gets out Regina’s excess energy, and more importantly, it keeps them close. When they finish, Emma asks how the day went, and Regina discusses the strategies they’re working toward. She has no answers, other than to say that she has been attempting a protective spell for the castle and some of the surrounding village. Emma, on the other hand, has been training like a fiend.
One evening after a very pleasant pair of orgasms, Emma reclines on the bed, stretching like a cat. Her lower back is a little stiff, but her efforts were worth it. Showing off, she flexes a bicep. “Check it out.”
Regina smiles as she runs her fingers along the muscles, long and lean in the candlelight. “I’ve noticed. You’ve dropped some weight, but once this is all over, you should put it back on. Go easier on the workouts.”
“Are you saying you don’t like my six-pack?” Emma teases, grinning wickedly as she flexes her stomach.
“I like it very much. But I liked you before, too. And you’re going to make me look like a whale by the time the baby comes.”
Emma strokes Regina’s belly, which has been expanding incrementally. She has gained little weight elsewhere, but her cheeks are slightly rounder, her breasts larger and softer. Emma gazes on the flesh laid out like a banquet before her and sighs. “I love you like this, Regina. If I’d known how gorgeous you were pregnant I’d have made this wish a long time ago.” She kisses one breast, avoiding the over-sensitive nipple, and licks her way to Regina’s ear. “You’re perfect as you are.”
“In your eyes,” Regina whispers, and Emma can hear the little break in her voice.
“Yeah,” Emma replies, pulling back. She sees shimmering tears, and frowns. “This isn’t about your body, is it.”
Regina’s mouth opens-she is searching for words. “I’m afraid,” she finally says, as if it takes great effort to admit this.
Emma just smiles. “Me too,” she replies. “But we’ve got so many people on our side--”
“No, not just of that. But I don’t know what kind of mother I’m going to be to my own child. She might-she might be just like me. What if she ends up hating me like Henry did?” The tears spill over and Regina grimaces. “What if all the terrible things I’ve done come back to haunt me through my own child? Oh god, Emma, I don’t think I can do this.”
Emma is frustrated at the declaration. She’s always understanding with Regina, always careful not to upset her, because she needs to stay calm and cool for the baby’s health. But this? Emma takes a deep breath. “We’re in this together. And what about me? I missed the first ten years of Henry’s life. I’ve never been a mom to an infant-at least you have experience.”
“Experience that put Henry in therapy. I was too clingy. Too worried I’d lose him. And I did! I lost--”
“You didn’t lose anything. Henry’s here, with us. He calls you Mom, and he always will.” Emma gives her a half smile. “And as for therapy, I sure could have used it when I was his age. God knew I needed it.”
“Because of me,” Regina spits, getting up from the bed and pulling on her robe. “Because I cursed you, and your parents, and everyone in this place. I ruined your childhood, Emma Swan. I destroyed your life.”
“What is going on?” Emma cries, wondering where all of this is coming from. Apparently the hour they spent making love did nothing to assuage Regina’s anxiety. “None of this is news. Why are you focusing on the past now instead of the future?”
“Because I realized something today. Every one of the men and women in the war room today see me as the evil queen. I will never get out from under that mantle, one I created myself. Our child will see that, she’ll see me as evil, as rotten as my own mother is. She is going to see the darkness in my heart, and she will run from me. Just as Henry did. Just as I ran from Cora.”
“Your mother killed the man you loved! She sold you to a king! She abused during your entire childhood, and you had no one to defend you!” Emma wants to tear her hair out. “You have to rise above the past, Regina. You have to. For us.”
“No, I don’t,” Regina says firmly. “I’ve been thinking, and I believe I have a new solution to our problem.”
Emma doesn’t even want to know what it is. She yanks on the tank top she’d pulled off earlier. Her underwear and trousers are next, because she is pretty sure she’s going to have to get some reinforcements to dismantle Regina’s argument, whatever it might be. “Hit me,” Emma says, sitting on the bed.
“I’ll have the baby, here, and leave her with you. I’ll go to Wonderland to stay, on my own.”
Emma waits for more. “And kill Cora?”
Regina frowns. “Of course not. I won’t have the power to kill her. But if I’m there, she’ll be able to focus her energy on me, and she won’t have the desire to harm the baby, or you, or anyone in the Enchanted Forest.”
Emma stares at her, open mouthed. “You’re out of your fucking mind,” Emma snaps as rage washes over her. “I can’t believe we’re even having this conversation.”
“The only thing my mother has ever wanted was to control me. I escaped her, and for all these years I’ve been out of reach in Storybrooke. When she hears of the baby, and believe me, she will hear, I know I’ll be able to convince her--”
“Shut up!” Emma shouts. “Shut up right now, Regina! That is not an option, and it never has been. What the hell happened today that makes you think your mother would even consider this totally ridiculous idea?”
“Because I can’t protect the castle!” Regina shouts back. “My spells, they’re not working. I’ve tried to cast the enchantment for almost two weeks without success!” She turns away, hands at her hair, pulling. “I’m weaker now than ever before. I’m supposed to protect everyone and I can barely keep the castle gate down against a few men, average human men, who try to lift it.” Shaking, Regina turns around. “My magic is fading, Emma. I don’t know when it happened, but I-I’m losing it. And I don’t know what to do, because this is my fault”
“Oh my god,” Emma breathes. The thought of Regina without magic knocks the wind out of her. She is their most powerful ally-even the fairies are no match. “Are you certain?”
“Of course I am!” Regina throws her hand out, and what normally would result in a little shower of sparks (a trick Henry loves) delivers nothing. Not even a wisp of smoke. Staring at her hand, Regina focuses harder, and a tiny flame is produced, but it vanishes in a moment. “I shouldn’t even have to think about it. All my training, my work, everything I’ve learned is gone. I tried a defense spell today against Charming and he knocked me down without even trying.” She covers her mouth. “Because of me Cora will come and I have no way to protect you, or Henry, or--” her face crumples and a hand falls against her belly. “I have nothing. I am nothing,” she whispers.
Emma makes it to her side in two strides. She holds Regina’s tear-streaked face in her hands. “You’re wrong. You’re everything. Everything in the world, to me, and your son, and your baby. If you lose your magic, so be it. We’ll find another way. There have to be other witches for you to speak to, who have heard of--”
“None who will talk to me. Maleficent refuses to see me, and honestly, I’m not even sure where she is. When we came home, she vanished right after I brought her back to human form. Yet another thing I brought on myself--”
“Enough with the blame,” Emma interrupts. “What’s done is done. We’ve talked about that a million times. I’m telling you, Regina, we will find another way. Cora won’t win. Evil never does.”
With that, Regina dissolves into real tears, horrible, heaving sobs as she clings to Emma helplessly. Emma holds on tight, determined to imbue her lover with strength.
At the same time, she feels a yawning terror in the pit of her stomach. Without Regina’s magic, they will be no match for the Queen of Hearts.
---
The next morning, after they both toss and turn through a sleepless night, Emma goes with Regina to the war room. Snow is there at the head of the table with the Blue Fairy and Snow’s second in command, William. James is nowhere to be found, which is a shame, since Emma would prefer to discuss their situation with him. She knows there will be tension, as there always is, and Regina is deeply on edge.
“Emma, I didn’t expect to see you this morning,” Snow says, her glance twitching toward Regina. Emma wonders what kind of words they’ve exchanged recently, and if Snow knows the extent of what’s going on.
“I know. Usually I’d be training, but there’s something we should discuss,” Emma begins, glancing behind her. “Privately.”
Snow looks over the room, filled with men and women who hover over maps and documents that hold no meaning for Emma. She spots Grumpy and Happy in conversation with Nova and Gepetto in a corner, and their faces are serious. There is little chit-chat going on. “I would prefer not to keep secrets from this council and our comrades. We all have something to lose here.”
Regina shifts next to Emma, hands clenching. If Emma isn’t careful, she’ll bolt. The baby has barely slowed her down, and she’d make it to the stables in no time even without magic. “Mom, it’s important--” Emma tries.
“No,” Snow commands, and there is steel in her voice. “Here or nowhere. And calling me ‘Mom’ won’t help, Emma, you should know that by now.”
“Fine.” She turns to Regina with a sigh. “It’s not like you can hide it for much longer.”
The Blue Fairy’s brow furrows. “What is it?”
Emma watches Regina swallow. She has never looked more vulnerable or more delicate. Emma is about to answer for her when Regina says in a low voice, “I have no magic.”
Snow, William and the Blue Fairy have identical expressions on their faces; it’s disbelief, mostly, tinged with fear. “Pardon, Your Majesty?” William says, his salt and pepper beard shining in the sunlight.
“My magic is nearly gone. I have no power. No way to defend our land, our people.” Her hands open and close at her sides.
“What?” Snow cries. “How can this be?” She turns to the Blue Fairy. “Why is this happening?”
The Blue Fairy is nearly breathless when she replies. “I don’t know. I’ve never heard of such a thing. I know of no witch who has lost power during a pregnancy. That said, I have little personal experience with anyone of your magical caliber, Regina. Those who call on dark forces tend to shy away from working with the fairies.”
“I don’t do that anymore,” Regina snaps. “You know that. I have performed nothing but protective spells and simple charms since Rumpelstiltskin’s death.”
“When did you notice a problem?” Snow asks. “Was it sudden?”
Regina hesitates to answer, and Emma finally does it for her. “No,” Emma says, “But she didn’t say anything until last night. James probably knows something’s happened, though. Has he said anything?”
Snow’s face grows angry. “Not a word.”
“Well, now you know,” Emma says. If her parents want to fight over this, that’s their prerogative, but Emma’s not getting involved. “So now we just have to decide how to move forward.”
Snow practically grits her teeth. “Move forward?” Her eyes flash at Regina. “If you’re lying, Regina, so help me--”
“Why would I lie?” Regina shouts so loudly that the entire room turns to watch. “Why would I put myself completely at your mercy? Do you have no memory of what my mother is capable of? She will string me up in front of all the world, keep me alive just to torture me. She will kill this baby in front of my eyes! She will kill every last one of you as well, knowing that I will suffer for every life and every death. Make no mistake, my mother will show no mercy to any of us, least of all me. Besides, I already have everything I’ve ever wanted. I would gain nothing through a lie.”
With that, Regina turns and begins to storm away, but Emma catches her wrist even as her loving words settle over her like a blanket. Regina tries to shake her off without success. “No,” Emma says. “You can’t run. Stay and face them. For me.” Regina stares at the wall. “Please.”
Regina clenches her jaw, but nods. “Fine.” She whips around, and despite her changed stature, she is as regal as she has ever been. A queen, now and always. Emma holds her hand and feels the small tremors running through her. Despite her fear, her voice booms through the room. “We must come up with another solution to defeat the Queen of Hearts. I may have lost my magic,” Regina admits to the group, her voice never losing strength, “but I still know Cora. I will do everything in my power to fight her. Everything. Is that understood?”
The faces are stunned, but heads begin to nod, slowly at first, and then with conviction. Emma pulls Regina closer to her side, sliding an arm low around her waist. Regina’s free hand covers her belly, and to Emma’s surprise, she smiles. “She’s kicking,” Regina murmurs to Emma in a low voice.
“She must have heard you,” Emma replies, wishing she could feel it. She wants so desperately to share in the moment, but with so many eyes on them, it’s awkward.
“Is it the baby?” Snow asks, stepping forward with some concern.
Regina nods. “She’s… very active right now. I think she wants to fight too.”
There’s light laughter around the room, and the simple fact of a baby kicking can dissolve tension in a room that was brimming with it just seconds earlier. Snow comes closer, reaching out. She asks, “May I?”
Regina takes Snow’s hand and presses it to the top of her stomach, closing her eyes. She inches it to right until Snow gasps. “I feel it!” She laughs, glancing over her shoulder at William. “I feel it.”
More members of the council crowd around Regina, and Emma can’t help but feel a sense of pride. That’s her baby kicking, the baby she made with the love of her life. The baby who will take down Cora’s reign simply through the act of being born. Emma can barely think past the moment of her birth. It’s all she thinks about when she’s training-meeting her child with Regina and Henry and Snow and James around them.
Regina’s fingers rest against Snow’s lightly, and their eyes meet. Somehow, Emma sees the hint of affection that Snow insists once existed between them.
“It doesn’t matter,” Snow finally says. “We’ll figure something out. Good always wins.”
Regina flinches, but Emma smiles.
“Everyone, we’ll have to change our strategy,” Snow announces to the room, “but I am no less convinced that we will succeed. The prophecy says we will. We must hold on to that.”
A mumble of assent goes around the room. Snow pats Regina’s belly. “Good. Then let’s begin. Regina, join us at the table.”
“Of course,” Regina says, standing a little straighter in her boots. She squeezes Emma’s hand. “Go. Speak to James, and Red if she’s there. I’ll see you for dinner?”
“Okay.” She presses her lips close to Regina’s ear, breathing in her scent. “Love you.”
“Mm,” Regina hums, a little grin curving her lips. “Yes.”
Just because she can, she smacks Regina’s ass lightly in full view of the whole room. She ignores the haughty response of disbelief and struts out, pulling the heavy door closed behind her.
---
A few nights later, the reality of the situation sinks in: Regina’s magic is gone. Completely.
There are no more magic shows for Henry, no quick clothing changes, no instant fires in the fireplace of their chambers. Regina continues to wear her mask of confidence, which slips now and then with Emma, but no one else.
As she does each night, Regina leaves their chambers to spend a good twenty minutes with Henry on her own in his room. Emma never asks either of them what they talk about, but Regina looks forward to it all day long, and Henry seems to feel the same. Emma just hopes they’ll be able to spend more time together after this Cora business is resolved, assuming they don’t die in the meantime.
While Emma waits for Regina’s return, she plans what she’s going to tell Henry. He’s one of the few people who need to know about the magic situation, but Regina has admitted she can’t do it. At first she demanded that Henry be kept in the dark, but Emma had her argument prepared. With so many children in his class from families of the guards or villagers, word will trickle down. He would never forgive either of them if he found out the truth from someone else. Emma volunteered to deliver the news, and now, she waits.
The typical twenty minutes is far longer tonight, and Emma wonders if Regina is dragging it out or if she’s simply seeking comfort. In any case, the moon is high in the sky by the time she enters their bedroom, eyes downcast. “Go ahead,” she says, her voice rough. Before she can get caught up in soothing Regina, Emma slips from the room, wanting to get this over with.
Henry’s door is cracked open, and silver light streams in across the duvet. The soft cover has been sewn with images of fire-breathing dragons and knights on horseback, courtesy of Regina. Emma recalls the first time she saw it, realizing that one of the knights was blonde and definitely female. Now every time she sees the image it makes her smile. Even tonight.
“Hey, kid?”
“Emma?” Henry replies sleepily. “What’s wrong?”
“If you’re too tired, I can talk to you in the morning--”
“No, I’m up,” he says, sitting up against the ornate headboard. “Come in.”
She does, taking a seat next to him. She can see well in the moonlight, so she doesn’t bother with a candle. It might be easier saying this in the darkness anyway. “Hi.”
Henry leans back, watching her. “It’s something bad, right?”
“Well,” she swallows, “it’s not great.”
“Okay. I’m ready.”
Emma takes a deep breath, and exhales the words as quickly as possible: “So your mom, she can’t do magic anymore.” The words hang in the air between them. His face doesn’t change; he barely seems surprised. Instead, after a moment, he looks thoughtful, eyes narrowing.
“None at all?” he asks.
Emma shakes her head.
Another minute passes until he nods. “I get it. It’s just adversity, part of the hero’s journey. It’s okay, Emma. It won’t matter when Cora comes. Either Mom won’t need magic or she’ll get it back or something. Is she all right?”
Hero’s journey? “What are you talking about, kid?”
He rolls his eyes, and in the gesture she sees the teenager he’s about to become. “Good will win, and Mom is good now. The adversity is just in the way. It’s natural for stuff like that to happen to the hero before she defeats the bad guy. And sometimes the bad guy is a parent, like Darth Vader, you know? Mom was on the dark side, but she changed. Cora won’t change, though. I’m pretty sure of that. Even though it’s never too late to go back to good, I’m not seeing it happen. She’s more like Emperor Palpatine, in my opinion.”
Emma frowns, wondering at the thought he’s already put into this. “Henry, this isn’t a story,” she reminds him. “This is real life. Everything doesn’t always turn out the way we want it to--”
“It is a story, Emma. It’s our story. I trust Mom, and you, and James and Snow White and all the dwarves and the guards and Red and Granny and everyone. More than ever. Whatever plan you come up with is going to work, and Mom will beat Cora, and she’ll have the baby and we’ll be okay.” He puts a hand on hers, and says with a certainty Emma wishes she had, “You just have to believe.”
She smiles, gazing into his open face. “I’ll try. I hope you’re right.”
“I am. You’ll see. But you didn’t tell me about Mom. Is she doing okay? She didn’t say anything about it when she was here before.”
“I know. She thinks it’s her fault.”
He nods. “Yeah, she would.”
Emma’s eyebrow twitches. Henry might have more insight into Regina’s soul than anyone alive, including herself.
He continues, “She’s gonna have to forget about that though. You tell her I said so, okay? She just has to be positive and it will work.”
Emma pulls him into a hug, smelling his hair, which has a distinctly “I rolled in dirt today and didn’t bathe afterward” smell to it. She loves it. “I will, kid. Sometimes I think you should be in the war room with your mom and Snow. You’d probably have as much to offer as anyone would.”
“I’m available on the weekends,” he jokes, and Emma laughs.
“Got it.” She kisses his forehead. “Sleep good, okay?”
“I will. And seriously, Emma, don’t worry about Mom. It’s going to be fine.”
She looks down into his face, and just for a second, she believes him. Maybe she should take his advice. What’s the harm in it? In the end, the results will be the same whether she thinks positively or not. “Remind me of that, okay? Every day.”
“Sure.” He grins, and she ruffles his hair. “Night.”
“Night.” She leaves the bedside and looks back as he turns on his side to look out the open window. Leaving the door cracked, she heads down the hall back to the room. Regina, too, is gazing out into the night sky, her brow furrowed.
“Hey,” Emma says.
Regina doesn’t turn around. “How did it go?”
Emma goes to her and wraps her arms around her waist from behind. “Amazing, actually. You raised an awesome kid.”
“Not just me,” Regina murmurs, running her fingers along Emma’s wrist. “What did he say?”
“He said that Cora was Emperor Palpatine, and that she’d get hers in the end, whether you had magic or not. Because that’s what happens during the hero’s journey.”
Regina snorts. “Who’s the hero?”
Emma kisses her neck. “You are, silly.”
“Me?” Regina asks sharply. “You’re the hero, dear. You must have misunderstood him.”
“Nope. You turned from the dark side, and losing your magic is just adversity that you’ll work through. His words exactly.”
“What in the world are they teaching him in that school?” Regina asks, shaking her head. “Filling his head with all sorts of ridiculous ideas.”
“I don’t think they teach ‘Star Wars’ mythology in the village. But you must have watched the movies with him, right?”
Regina sighs. “Interminably. When he was nine we watched all three of the old ones for six months straight.”
“So you have no one to blame but yourself,” she says, nibbling an ear. “Anyway, he’s pretty sure it’s going to be fine. When she gets here you’ll just throw Cora down a vortex of energy and she’ll erupt in a big ball of evil and die. The end.”
“Gods, if only it were that easy.” Regina leans more heavily into Emma’s arms, and she can feel her fatigue. “The problem is that no barrier we create will be impenetrable. The fairies have charmed the castle with protections, but she’ll be able to break through eventually. And if her army is even half the size it used to be, they’ll overwhelm ours quickly.”
“How do you think they’ll come?”
“My guess is she’ll bring them through the looking glass and open a portal as close to the castle as the enchantments allow. Snow believes she’ll use the conventional path to the gate, but I disagree.”
“What do you think?”
Regina’s mouth hardens. “She’ll come by water.”
Emma glances out onto the enormous body of water that surrounds this part of the castle. “On a boat?”
“No,” Regina says. “My mother’s specialty is ice. She can freeze anything instantly. If I were her, I’d come through the portal first, freeze the lake and make an ice bridge over the rocks right into the castle. The army would follow en masse and climb right in. They’ll attack our forces from behind, working their way through the least experienced first. While the fighting goes on, she’ll focus on me. Any losses on her side would be secondary-she will only care about finding and killing me, and the baby.”
“Power is everything to her,” Emma says, dismayed.
“As long as I’ve been alive, that’s been true.”
“Why is that?” Emma asks softly. “Do you know?”
“No,” Regina replies. “I used to wonder. I asked my father once when I was young, but he swore he didn’t know.”
“Did you believe him?”
Regina chuckles ruefully. “Not really.”
“Doesn’t matter now, I guess,” Emma decides. “You’ll probably never know.”
“I’ve lived in fear of her for so long that at least when this is all over, it will be done. I’ll never have to look over my shoulder again. Especially not if I’m dead.”
“Don’t talk like that, Regina,” Emma says, stroking her belly. “Henry says that we should think positive.”
“He’s a child. He doesn’t know any better.”
“You just like assuming the worst,” Emma says, taking a risk. She doesn’t usually poke at Regina’s mood like this, but she wants to try and change her outlook. “If you assume the worst and it happens, at least you can say you were right.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Regina scoffs. “I’m nothing like that.”
“Then act like it. Have hope. I want to have a baby with you, and raise her with you. I can’t do that if you’re dead. So do me a favor and don’t die, okay?”
After a second, Regina laughs. She turns to Emma and smirks. “Okay.”
“Good,” Emma says, smiling. “Just keep your head down and let me do the fighting. I’ll protect you.” As she gazes into Regina’s lovely dark eyes, she thinks, I’d die for you. She doesn’t say the words aloud, but she thinks Regina knows anyhow.
Later, they sleep pressed tightly together, Emma curls around Regina’s back. She feels her daughter kicking now and then, and the gentle thumps reassure her. Have hope, she tells herself over and over. Believe.
----
Part V.