Fic: Sort-of Love Story (Brotherhood II, Matt/Marcus, NC17)
I love my site statistics. Not only do they tell me that someone from Harvard visits my site (and that is so the closest I'm ever getting to Harvard), but someone from my own alma mater stopped by today. I have smart readers! I already knew that, of course, but still. I like being able to stalk chart the logistics of my readership. Also? I love the fact that Nedstat tells me how people are getting to my site. Someone at the TWoP boards posted a link to my Nick/Greg fic (they call Greg 'Liam', but I'll excuse that as they are sending traffic my way). I think I finally understand why I get the occasional flame.
I don't know why I find all this so amusing, I just do.
Know what else I find amusing? Boarding school smut. In particular, horror movie boarding school smut. I know other people besides me have seen Brotherhood II: Young Warlocks, but the chances of any of them actually reading my livejournal are very, very slim. So most likely no one will even read this fic, but when I want to cheer myself up I write boarding school porn, and as I needed cheering up today, here we are. Brotherhood II is the lackluster sequel to DeCoteau's campy vampire film The Brotherhood; the sequel is even worse than the original, but it's easily as slashy. Possibly more so, which hardly seems possible, and yet somehow, it is.
This is Marcus (only his hair was long in the movie), if you need a visual aid. I'm afraid there's no photo of Matt available online that I can find, as the actor hasn't actually done much of anything besides this sad, sad DeCoteau film. When I get ahold of the DVD again I'll make screencaps, since I'm sure everyone is just dying to know what Matt looks like.
Title: A Sort-of Love Story
Fandom: Brotherhood II: Young Warlocks
Pairing: Marcus/Matt
Rating: NC17
Summary: A coda for the movie, in which Matt and Marcus reassess their friendship.
Warnings: Movie spoilers. For...yeah, the whole movie. And if you haven't seen the movie, the backstory/plotty bits won't make much sense. But the porn will.
Nothing was the same after Luc. That was how Marcus thought of it -- After Luc, in capital letters like Luc wasn't a person so much as a thing that happened to all of them. And in a way he was, because whatever he was, he definitely wasn't human. No human could make them all do the things they'd done -- at least that was what Marcus told himself, because he didn't want to believe that he was really capable of murder.
He knew that was part of the reason John didn't hang around them much anymore. He was still Matt's roommate, but he spent all his time with Mary now, and even though he said they were still friends, he didn't act like it. Not that Marcus saw much of Matt anymore either, and he had a feeling that had to do with what Luc did to them too.
They'd killed two people, after all, and he couldn't really blame John or Matt for wanting to forget that. Only John hadn't killed anybody -- that was all on Matt and Marcus' shoulders, and they were the ones who had to find a way to live with it. It seemed to Marcus that it would be easier to do it together, but Matt didn't seem to think so, and Marcus wasn't about to beg.
So he was surprised to open his door one night and find Matt standing there, a six-pack of beer tucked under one arm. He was glancing over his shoulder as though he expected someone to be lurking around the corner waiting to bust him, and as soon as Marcus opened the door Matt pushed past him, dropping the beer on Marcus' bed and dropping down next to it.
"Hey," Matt said, reaching up to push the mop of dark hair out of his eyes. "Mind if I hang out for awhile? John and Mary are in our room and they're grossing me out."
Marcus smirked at Matt's expression and shut the door, careful to lock it so nobody would surprise them and catch them with contraband. "Yeah, sure," he answered, crossing the small dorm room to sit down at the head of his bed. "Where'd you get the beer?"
"Kitchen," Matt answered as he handed Marcus a beer. "It was stashed behind a bunch of cans, must be the cook's. Ours now, though."
Marcus mirrored Matt's grin as he popped open the can, swallowing a mouthful of lukewarm beer and making a face. "Dude, that's disgusting."
Matt laughed and opened his own can, taking a long swallow before he wiped his mouth on his sleeve and looked at Marcus again. "Yeah, it is. I wonder how long this stuff's been back there."
Marcus shrugged and took another sip before he set the can down, wincing at the bitter flavor. It didn't taste good, but it was still booze and he needed all the help he could get if they were going to be alone in his room for awhile. He couldn't even count on his roommate coming back and interrupting them, because he'd gone home for the weekend and he wouldn't be back until sometime on Sunday.
He wasn't sure why he was so nervous about being alone with Matt; they'd been friends since seventh grade, after all, and they knew each other better than anybody. But it had been awhile since they hung out together, and even longer since it was just the two of them. Ever since John transferred to their school they'd been a threesome; at first Marcus had thought it was good, because having John around meant he didn't have to worry about Matt figuring out he wasn't as into girls as he pretended to be. And okay, maybe he had a little crush on John, but it wasn't going anywhere so it didn't hurt anybody. Then Luc came along, and Marcus found himself wishing they'd never met John.
"So what are the It Couple up to tonight?" Marcus asked, leaning back against his headboard as Matt stretched out at the foot of the bed.
Matt made a face and Marcus laughed, grateful that things felt almost normal between them for once. It had been so long since they just hung out together that he'd forgotten what it felt like, and when Matt fished a cigarette out of the pack in his pocket Marcus realized that he'd even missed that. "The usual," Matt answered after he'd lit his smoke, "making out, whispering about stuff that nobody cares about. John giggles a lot now. It's embarrassing."
"Sounds pretty pathetic," Marcus said, leaning forward far enough to pull the cigarette out of Matt's hand. He took a drag and handed it back again, watching as the smoke left his lungs to curl through the air in front of him. "Matt's always been kind of a pussy when it comes to her, though."
"Yeah." Matt took another drag off his cigarette and passed it back to Marcus, watching the other boy as he wrapped his lips around the filter and inhaled. "But if he wasn't such a pussy about her we'd probably all be dead right now."
It was the closest either of them had gotten to bringing up Luc since it happened, and Marcus inhaled too hard and choked on a lungful of smoke. His eyes watered as he coughed and he felt the cigarette being pulled out of his hand, then Matt was shoving a beer under his nose.
"Dude, drink this," Matt said, and Marcus registered through the stinging in his lungs that Matt was right next to him now. He took the beer and swallowed the bitter liquid, fighting to keep from coughing it right back up again.
"Thanks," he mumbled when he finally got his breathing back under control, handing the beer back to Matt and watching as the other boy took a long swallow.
"No problem." Matt set the beer down on the table next to the bed and leaned back on his hands, regarding Marcus thoughtfully for a minute before he continued. "Do you ever think about it?"
"Yeah," Marcus answered. He looked down at the bedspread so he wouldn't have to see Matt's intense expression; there was no use pretending he didn't know what Matt was talking about, not when he knew Matt had been thinking about it as much as he had. "It all seems kind of like a dream, you know? Luc and Randal and the headmistress...all of it."
"Yeah." Matt picked up the beer and swallowed the last of the can before he tossed it across the room to land in Marcus' trash can. "You know, sometimes I think none of it would have happened if it wasn't for John."
Marcus had spent so much time blaming himself for everything that happened, for falling for Harlan's friendly routine and needing Luc to rescue him that he'd just assumed the others blamed him too. He was the one who introduced Luc to them, after all, and he was the one who got so caught up in Luc's charm that he couldn't see past what Luc was selling them. It was weird to hear Matt blame John when he was the only one who hadn't fallen for Luc's lies, but he was so relieved that he had to fight back tears.
"How do you figure?"
"Come on, man, you saw how obsessed Luc was with John. He wanted him so bad he arranged that little threesome with Trini. John can look down on us all he wants for what we did, but he and Luc raped that girl. Whether or not Mary ever believes it, he knows what he did. If Luc hadn't been so into John he never would have bothered with me and you."
And he had a point, as pathetic as it was. Nobody had ever bothered with Matt and Marcus before John came around, not even to hassle them about being freaks. They'd always flown below the radar until John, but then he showed up with aspirations to climb the social ladder, and Matt and Marcus got caught in the crossfire. "I guess," Marcus said, drawing the words out as he turned the idea over in his mind.
He didn't realize Matt was watching him until the silence in the room stretched out for so long that he could feel it, Matt's gaze pressing down on him. He looked up, flushing at the curious look in the other boy's eyes. "Did you want it to be you?"
"What?"
"The way Luc was...with John. Did you want him to pick you?"
Marcus shrugged, because he didn't want to lie anymore, but not answering wasn't the same as denial. "Doesn't matter, does it?"
"No, I guess it doesn't." Matt didn't sound convinced, though, and Marcus knew the truth was written all over his face. He had wanted it to be him, since the first moment Luc rescued him from Harlan and the others. He'd thought maybe that was what Luc wanted in the locker room, but he'd just waited until Marcus was dressed and then he'd started in on how he could help Marcus deal with Harlan once and for all.
"Do you remember what it was like before?"
"Yeah, sure," Matt answered, glancing at Marcus long enough to smile wistfully. "Just the three of us, right? Before John got popular and ditched us."
"No, I mean before that. Before John even showed up, it was just you and me."
Matt nodded and shifted until he was leaning back against Marcus' headboard. "Yeah, sure, man. Just you and me. Guess we've still got each other, right?"
"Right," Marcus echoed, but he knew he didn't sound convinced. Too much had changed, first John and then Luc, and now...now he couldn't even look at his hands without seeing Randall's blood. He didn't know how to forget that he was a murderer, just like he didn't know how Matt would take it if Marcus admitted that he had wanted Luc to want him. And the worst part was that even after he knew what Luc was, even after he was gone and everything was back to normal, Marcus still wanted that.
It wasn't so much that he wanted Luc; he was a little too blond, not to mention a little too scary. But he wanted someone to look at him that way, the way Luc looked at John like his world wasn't complete without him. He wanted someone to look at him like he was important. Like he mattered, even when the rest of the world thought he wasn't worth the time.
"Do you ever wonder if this would have happened to us anyway?"
Matt's voice sounded loud in the silence of the room, and when Marcus looked up he realized for the first time how close they were. Maybe it was the beer, or maybe it was just the fact that they were crammed onto the single bed together, but he suddenly felt a lot warmer. Matt's shoulder pressing against his wasn't really helping, and when he realized their hips were pressed together he started to panic a little.
"If what would have happened?"
"You know, the way John ditched us for Mary. You think one of us would have ditched the other for a girl eventually?"
"Right, like any of the girls at this school would even look at us," Marcus answered, praying Matt would laugh it off and then let the subject drop. He didn't want to have this conversation; he wanted to keep Matt in his life, not scare him off for good.
"Why not? Dude, you're decent-looking. If you were a girl I'd do you."
And okay, he didn't need to hear that, because it hit way too close to home from Marcus to laugh it off. He'd tried hard not to want Matt; they'd been each other's only friend for a long time, and after John came around it was easy for Marcus to transfer his crush to the new guy. It was safer that way, because he knew John was completely straight. He'd never been a hundred percent sure about Matt, but he'd always been too scared of losing Matt to find out. Only he'd been feeling an awful lot like he'd already lost Matt since the whole thing with Luc, and if that was true he didn't really have anything left to lose.
"I never would have ditched you for a girl," he finally answered, his voice so quiet he wasn't sure Matt heard him until the other boy answered.
"How can you be so sure? I mean two months ago I bet John would have said the same thing, and look at him now."
Marcus let out a frustrated sigh and looked up, frowning at Matt's confused expression. So he was going to have to spell it out; suddenly that didn't seem like such a bad idea, because at least then he'd know. If Matt was going to hate him for liking guys then he'd rather know now, because he already knew what it felt like to be alone and he didn't want to get Matt back just to lose him again later. "Number one, I've been your friend a hell of a lot longer than John," Marcus reminded him, some of the old bitterness creeping into his voice. He bit the inside of his cheek and looked down, focusing on his hands so he wouldn't have to watch the other boy's reaction to his confession. "Besides, I'm not really into girls."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," Marcus answered, glancing up long enough to gauge Matt's expression. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting -- shock, maybe, or disgust. At the very least he'd expected Matt to look surprised, maybe a little uncomfortable, but he just looked...thoughtful. He'd looked pretty thoughtful all night, as a matter of fact, and suddenly Marcus wasn't sure if he was the only one with secrets to confess.
"So you did want it to be you."
He was really getting tired of hearing about Luc, especially when he was long gone and Marcus had never had a chance with him anyway. Not as long as John was around, that much he was sure of. "No. I mean...he was new. Different. But I wasn't in love with him or anything."
Matt nodded, the movement making their shoulders brush together. And it felt weird, to be sitting next to his supposedly straight best friend on his bed, talking about whether or not he'd wanted another guy. A guy who turned out to be some kind of demon in the end, and if Marcus wasn't so ashamed of all the things he'd done for Luc he'd probably think it was all pretty funny.
"You ever done it with a girl?" Matt asked, his voice casual like he was just making conversation. Only he knew the answer to that question already, and Marcus wasn't sure what he was getting at.
"No. You know I haven't."
"Then how do you know you wouldn't like it?" Matt asked, turning his head far enough to look at Marcus.
Marcus felt the heat creeping into his cheeks, but he didn't bother trying to hide his blush. This was Matt, after all, and Marcus should have known he'd come up with a bunch of embarrassing questions when Marcus finally came out to him. "You just know," he said, his cheeks burning even hotter with each word. "It's just one of those things."
"I don't know."
And...wait. Marcus forced himself to meet Matt's gaze, hunting for any sign that the other boy was just yanking his chain. Only Matt looked totally serious, and Marcus' stomach clenched into a tight knot even as he told himself not to get his hopes up. "What...what do you mean?"
"I mean I've made out with girls before and it's okay, but sometimes I wonder if I'd like making out with guys too. But I've never tried it before, so I don't know."
There were two ways Marcus could play this: he could be casual, pretend he actually knew what he was talking about and offer Matt some advice on his sexuality, or he could pretend he had to take a leak and go freak out in the relative privacy of the bathroom. Only he was pretty sure if he got up and left right now he'd never get this chance again, and he wasn't stupid enough to pass it by.
"So maybe you should try it with a guy sometime," he finally said, hoping he didn't sound as terrified as he felt. "Maybe you're one of those people who needs hands-on experience or something."
A snort of laughter escaped Matt's throat at that, and Marcus found himself grinning along in spite of the butterflies in his stomach. For all he knew Matt didn't want to make out with him, but it would be nice if just once in his life something would go his way.
"So would you mind? If I wanted to try it, I mean. Since you already know you like guys and all."
And okay, now he was going to have to pretend this wasn't his first kiss and hope Matt didn't notice, because there was no way he was going to say no to that. Matt was his best friend, after all, and he'd do anything for his friends. The fact that he really wanted to kiss Matt didn't have anything to do with it, because chances were that he was going to be terrible at it, and then Matt would be off guys forever.
"Yeah, sure," he heard himself say, his voice nearly drowned out by the sound of his blood pounding against his eardrums. "If you want."
Matt grinned then and Marcus had a split second to realize what a bad idea this was before Matt's hand was in his hair, then Matt's breath was on his skin and Matt's lips were pressed against his, thin and a little rough and better than Marcus had ever imagined. He'd been hard since they started talking about Luc and John -- a fantasy he'd never in a million years own up to, not even for Matt -- and now he was desperate for it, even though he had no idea what exactly 'it' was. All he knew was that Matt's hair felt soft under his fingers, and when Matt slid his tongue into Marcus' mouth he moaned and pulled the other boy closer.
Matt tasted like cigarettes and beer and that cinnamon gum he was always chewing, and Marcus chased the flavor of the cinnamon with his tongue until Matt was moaning and pressing hard against him.
Hard. Matt was hard, and Marcus wasn't sure how they'd gone from shoulder to shoulder against his headboard to tangled up together on his mattress, but he didn't really care. He didn't care about anything except the fact that Matt liked this; he definitely liked it, because he was easily as hard as Marcus and his hands were under Marcus' shirt, pushing up in a vain effort to get the fabric over Marcus' shoulders.
The only way that was going to happen was if they stopped kissing, though, and a large part of Marcus was terrified that if they stopped even long enough to undress that Matt would realize what they were doing and back off. Because this was supposed to be just a kiss, just a test to see if Matt liked kissing guys as much as he liked kissing girls. It was supposed to be one friend helping out another, but it felt like a lot more and when Matt slid a thigh between Marcus' legs and pressed up Marcus let out a sharp, surprised gasp and came in his jeans.
It should have been embarrassing. When Matt pulled back to look at him, wide-eyed at the affect he had on his best friend, Marcus knew he should be embarrassed. Only Matt wasn't pulling away, and he was still hard and that didn't seem fair, so Marcus slid a hand between them. He paused at the top of Matt's pants, letting his fingers brush under the hem as he waited for Matt to tell him this was what he wanted.
And Matt did answer, but not with words. Instead he hooked a hand around Marcus' neck and pulled him forward, passing by his mouth to lick a hot stripe down the side of his face. His fucking face, and it shouldn't have been anywhere near as hot as it was. It was hard to believe any of this was happening, but Marcus was smart enough to know this wasn't the time to worry about whether or not this was a mistake. Even if it was, it was a mistake they'd already made, so he might as well see it through.
His fingers shook a little as he unbuttoned Matt's pants, sliding a hand under Matt's underwear and touching someone else's cock for the first time. He was terrified that he was going to find some way to screw this up, to make it so bad that Matt would never want to do it again. It probably wasn't Matt's first hand job, after all, not if he'd been making out with girls that Marcus had never heard about before now. And later he'd have to remember to ask who these alleged girls were, because it seemed kind of weird that Matt had never mentioned them.
But for now...for now he had Matt's cock in his hand, and it was hot and so hard, like touching himself but totally different. He wondered what it would feel like against his tongue, resting heavy on his lip as Marcus sucked him off. And that thought was enough to give him confidence, that and the sight of Matt's arched back and his neck exposed as he thrust into Marcus' grip.
The same five words repeated over and over in his head as he worked his fist around Matt's cock, a feverish prayer as Matt got closer and closer to release: I want to suck you. He was so caught up in his own fantasy that it took him by surprise when Matt groaned and tensed against him, gripping Marcus' shoulders hard as he came all on Marcus' fingers and their clothes.
Before Matt even caught his breath he was kissing Marcus again, hot and frenzied as he fought to get as much of Marcus as he could while he struggled to breathe. When he finally stopped shuddering Matt collapsed back against the pillow, glancing down at the wreck of their clothes before he looked up at Marcus and flashed a wry grin. "Did you mean that?"
"What?" Marcus asked, confusion marring his features as he tried to figure out what the hell Matt was talking about.
"You said you wanted to suck me."
And then Marcus did blush, hot and red from the tips of his toes to the roots of his hair. But he'd said it, and he was already hard again just thinking about it, so there was no use lying about it. "Yeah."
"You ever done it before?"
"No," Marcus admitted, falling back on the mattress to press his shoulder to Matt's. He took the cigarette Matt held out to him, laughing softly at the cliché as Matt lit his own cigarette and then Marcus' before he settled onto the pillow again. "So would you...I mean do you want...?"
"Yeah," Matt said, interrupting Marcus before he actually burst into flames from blushing too hard. "Hell, yeah."
Marcus grinned ridiculously and tucked one arm behind his head, taking a drag off his cigarette and staring up at the ceiling. He never would have been able to predict this, but he'd never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth. And maybe if he'd just told Matt how he felt back before John showed up they never would have gotten messed up with Luc in the first place, but if this was the result then maybe it wasn't all bad. John was happier now, after all, and maybe he and Matt could find a way to be happy too.
They laid there in silence for a long time, long after their cigarettes had burned out. Part of Marcus wanted to climb on top of Matt and take his first stab at blow jobs right now, but he didn't want to seem too pushy. He was starting to wonder if maybe Matt had fallen asleep when the other boy shifted next to him, and he had to swallow a sigh when Matt's fingers pushed a few strands of hair away from his cheek.
"Where's your roommate?"
"He went home for the weekend," Marcus answered, shifting just enough to catch a glimpse of Matt's chin out of the corner of his eye. "Won't be back 'til Sunday."
"You mind if I stay here tonight?"
"No," Marcus said. Even if Matt didn't want to have sex with him again he would have let him stay, because Matt was still his best friend. But Matt wasn't in any hurry to get out of his bed or even straighten out his clothes, so Marcus figured they were going to wake up pressed together in his narrow bed, hot and sweaty and smelling like sex. Besides, he still owed Matt a blow job, and with any luck Matt would want to try it too.
I don't know why I find all this so amusing, I just do.
Know what else I find amusing? Boarding school smut. In particular, horror movie boarding school smut. I know other people besides me have seen Brotherhood II: Young Warlocks, but the chances of any of them actually reading my livejournal are very, very slim. So most likely no one will even read this fic, but when I want to cheer myself up I write boarding school porn, and as I needed cheering up today, here we are. Brotherhood II is the lackluster sequel to DeCoteau's campy vampire film The Brotherhood; the sequel is even worse than the original, but it's easily as slashy. Possibly more so, which hardly seems possible, and yet somehow, it is.
This is Marcus (only his hair was long in the movie), if you need a visual aid. I'm afraid there's no photo of Matt available online that I can find, as the actor hasn't actually done much of anything besides this sad, sad DeCoteau film. When I get ahold of the DVD again I'll make screencaps, since I'm sure everyone is just dying to know what Matt looks like.
Title: A Sort-of Love Story
Fandom: Brotherhood II: Young Warlocks
Pairing: Marcus/Matt
Rating: NC17
Summary: A coda for the movie, in which Matt and Marcus reassess their friendship.
Warnings: Movie spoilers. For...yeah, the whole movie. And if you haven't seen the movie, the backstory/plotty bits won't make much sense. But the porn will.
Nothing was the same after Luc. That was how Marcus thought of it -- After Luc, in capital letters like Luc wasn't a person so much as a thing that happened to all of them. And in a way he was, because whatever he was, he definitely wasn't human. No human could make them all do the things they'd done -- at least that was what Marcus told himself, because he didn't want to believe that he was really capable of murder.
He knew that was part of the reason John didn't hang around them much anymore. He was still Matt's roommate, but he spent all his time with Mary now, and even though he said they were still friends, he didn't act like it. Not that Marcus saw much of Matt anymore either, and he had a feeling that had to do with what Luc did to them too.
They'd killed two people, after all, and he couldn't really blame John or Matt for wanting to forget that. Only John hadn't killed anybody -- that was all on Matt and Marcus' shoulders, and they were the ones who had to find a way to live with it. It seemed to Marcus that it would be easier to do it together, but Matt didn't seem to think so, and Marcus wasn't about to beg.
So he was surprised to open his door one night and find Matt standing there, a six-pack of beer tucked under one arm. He was glancing over his shoulder as though he expected someone to be lurking around the corner waiting to bust him, and as soon as Marcus opened the door Matt pushed past him, dropping the beer on Marcus' bed and dropping down next to it.
"Hey," Matt said, reaching up to push the mop of dark hair out of his eyes. "Mind if I hang out for awhile? John and Mary are in our room and they're grossing me out."
Marcus smirked at Matt's expression and shut the door, careful to lock it so nobody would surprise them and catch them with contraband. "Yeah, sure," he answered, crossing the small dorm room to sit down at the head of his bed. "Where'd you get the beer?"
"Kitchen," Matt answered as he handed Marcus a beer. "It was stashed behind a bunch of cans, must be the cook's. Ours now, though."
Marcus mirrored Matt's grin as he popped open the can, swallowing a mouthful of lukewarm beer and making a face. "Dude, that's disgusting."
Matt laughed and opened his own can, taking a long swallow before he wiped his mouth on his sleeve and looked at Marcus again. "Yeah, it is. I wonder how long this stuff's been back there."
Marcus shrugged and took another sip before he set the can down, wincing at the bitter flavor. It didn't taste good, but it was still booze and he needed all the help he could get if they were going to be alone in his room for awhile. He couldn't even count on his roommate coming back and interrupting them, because he'd gone home for the weekend and he wouldn't be back until sometime on Sunday.
He wasn't sure why he was so nervous about being alone with Matt; they'd been friends since seventh grade, after all, and they knew each other better than anybody. But it had been awhile since they hung out together, and even longer since it was just the two of them. Ever since John transferred to their school they'd been a threesome; at first Marcus had thought it was good, because having John around meant he didn't have to worry about Matt figuring out he wasn't as into girls as he pretended to be. And okay, maybe he had a little crush on John, but it wasn't going anywhere so it didn't hurt anybody. Then Luc came along, and Marcus found himself wishing they'd never met John.
"So what are the It Couple up to tonight?" Marcus asked, leaning back against his headboard as Matt stretched out at the foot of the bed.
Matt made a face and Marcus laughed, grateful that things felt almost normal between them for once. It had been so long since they just hung out together that he'd forgotten what it felt like, and when Matt fished a cigarette out of the pack in his pocket Marcus realized that he'd even missed that. "The usual," Matt answered after he'd lit his smoke, "making out, whispering about stuff that nobody cares about. John giggles a lot now. It's embarrassing."
"Sounds pretty pathetic," Marcus said, leaning forward far enough to pull the cigarette out of Matt's hand. He took a drag and handed it back again, watching as the smoke left his lungs to curl through the air in front of him. "Matt's always been kind of a pussy when it comes to her, though."
"Yeah." Matt took another drag off his cigarette and passed it back to Marcus, watching the other boy as he wrapped his lips around the filter and inhaled. "But if he wasn't such a pussy about her we'd probably all be dead right now."
It was the closest either of them had gotten to bringing up Luc since it happened, and Marcus inhaled too hard and choked on a lungful of smoke. His eyes watered as he coughed and he felt the cigarette being pulled out of his hand, then Matt was shoving a beer under his nose.
"Dude, drink this," Matt said, and Marcus registered through the stinging in his lungs that Matt was right next to him now. He took the beer and swallowed the bitter liquid, fighting to keep from coughing it right back up again.
"Thanks," he mumbled when he finally got his breathing back under control, handing the beer back to Matt and watching as the other boy took a long swallow.
"No problem." Matt set the beer down on the table next to the bed and leaned back on his hands, regarding Marcus thoughtfully for a minute before he continued. "Do you ever think about it?"
"Yeah," Marcus answered. He looked down at the bedspread so he wouldn't have to see Matt's intense expression; there was no use pretending he didn't know what Matt was talking about, not when he knew Matt had been thinking about it as much as he had. "It all seems kind of like a dream, you know? Luc and Randal and the headmistress...all of it."
"Yeah." Matt picked up the beer and swallowed the last of the can before he tossed it across the room to land in Marcus' trash can. "You know, sometimes I think none of it would have happened if it wasn't for John."
Marcus had spent so much time blaming himself for everything that happened, for falling for Harlan's friendly routine and needing Luc to rescue him that he'd just assumed the others blamed him too. He was the one who introduced Luc to them, after all, and he was the one who got so caught up in Luc's charm that he couldn't see past what Luc was selling them. It was weird to hear Matt blame John when he was the only one who hadn't fallen for Luc's lies, but he was so relieved that he had to fight back tears.
"How do you figure?"
"Come on, man, you saw how obsessed Luc was with John. He wanted him so bad he arranged that little threesome with Trini. John can look down on us all he wants for what we did, but he and Luc raped that girl. Whether or not Mary ever believes it, he knows what he did. If Luc hadn't been so into John he never would have bothered with me and you."
And he had a point, as pathetic as it was. Nobody had ever bothered with Matt and Marcus before John came around, not even to hassle them about being freaks. They'd always flown below the radar until John, but then he showed up with aspirations to climb the social ladder, and Matt and Marcus got caught in the crossfire. "I guess," Marcus said, drawing the words out as he turned the idea over in his mind.
He didn't realize Matt was watching him until the silence in the room stretched out for so long that he could feel it, Matt's gaze pressing down on him. He looked up, flushing at the curious look in the other boy's eyes. "Did you want it to be you?"
"What?"
"The way Luc was...with John. Did you want him to pick you?"
Marcus shrugged, because he didn't want to lie anymore, but not answering wasn't the same as denial. "Doesn't matter, does it?"
"No, I guess it doesn't." Matt didn't sound convinced, though, and Marcus knew the truth was written all over his face. He had wanted it to be him, since the first moment Luc rescued him from Harlan and the others. He'd thought maybe that was what Luc wanted in the locker room, but he'd just waited until Marcus was dressed and then he'd started in on how he could help Marcus deal with Harlan once and for all.
"Do you remember what it was like before?"
"Yeah, sure," Matt answered, glancing at Marcus long enough to smile wistfully. "Just the three of us, right? Before John got popular and ditched us."
"No, I mean before that. Before John even showed up, it was just you and me."
Matt nodded and shifted until he was leaning back against Marcus' headboard. "Yeah, sure, man. Just you and me. Guess we've still got each other, right?"
"Right," Marcus echoed, but he knew he didn't sound convinced. Too much had changed, first John and then Luc, and now...now he couldn't even look at his hands without seeing Randall's blood. He didn't know how to forget that he was a murderer, just like he didn't know how Matt would take it if Marcus admitted that he had wanted Luc to want him. And the worst part was that even after he knew what Luc was, even after he was gone and everything was back to normal, Marcus still wanted that.
It wasn't so much that he wanted Luc; he was a little too blond, not to mention a little too scary. But he wanted someone to look at him that way, the way Luc looked at John like his world wasn't complete without him. He wanted someone to look at him like he was important. Like he mattered, even when the rest of the world thought he wasn't worth the time.
"Do you ever wonder if this would have happened to us anyway?"
Matt's voice sounded loud in the silence of the room, and when Marcus looked up he realized for the first time how close they were. Maybe it was the beer, or maybe it was just the fact that they were crammed onto the single bed together, but he suddenly felt a lot warmer. Matt's shoulder pressing against his wasn't really helping, and when he realized their hips were pressed together he started to panic a little.
"If what would have happened?"
"You know, the way John ditched us for Mary. You think one of us would have ditched the other for a girl eventually?"
"Right, like any of the girls at this school would even look at us," Marcus answered, praying Matt would laugh it off and then let the subject drop. He didn't want to have this conversation; he wanted to keep Matt in his life, not scare him off for good.
"Why not? Dude, you're decent-looking. If you were a girl I'd do you."
And okay, he didn't need to hear that, because it hit way too close to home from Marcus to laugh it off. He'd tried hard not to want Matt; they'd been each other's only friend for a long time, and after John came around it was easy for Marcus to transfer his crush to the new guy. It was safer that way, because he knew John was completely straight. He'd never been a hundred percent sure about Matt, but he'd always been too scared of losing Matt to find out. Only he'd been feeling an awful lot like he'd already lost Matt since the whole thing with Luc, and if that was true he didn't really have anything left to lose.
"I never would have ditched you for a girl," he finally answered, his voice so quiet he wasn't sure Matt heard him until the other boy answered.
"How can you be so sure? I mean two months ago I bet John would have said the same thing, and look at him now."
Marcus let out a frustrated sigh and looked up, frowning at Matt's confused expression. So he was going to have to spell it out; suddenly that didn't seem like such a bad idea, because at least then he'd know. If Matt was going to hate him for liking guys then he'd rather know now, because he already knew what it felt like to be alone and he didn't want to get Matt back just to lose him again later. "Number one, I've been your friend a hell of a lot longer than John," Marcus reminded him, some of the old bitterness creeping into his voice. He bit the inside of his cheek and looked down, focusing on his hands so he wouldn't have to watch the other boy's reaction to his confession. "Besides, I'm not really into girls."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," Marcus answered, glancing up long enough to gauge Matt's expression. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting -- shock, maybe, or disgust. At the very least he'd expected Matt to look surprised, maybe a little uncomfortable, but he just looked...thoughtful. He'd looked pretty thoughtful all night, as a matter of fact, and suddenly Marcus wasn't sure if he was the only one with secrets to confess.
"So you did want it to be you."
He was really getting tired of hearing about Luc, especially when he was long gone and Marcus had never had a chance with him anyway. Not as long as John was around, that much he was sure of. "No. I mean...he was new. Different. But I wasn't in love with him or anything."
Matt nodded, the movement making their shoulders brush together. And it felt weird, to be sitting next to his supposedly straight best friend on his bed, talking about whether or not he'd wanted another guy. A guy who turned out to be some kind of demon in the end, and if Marcus wasn't so ashamed of all the things he'd done for Luc he'd probably think it was all pretty funny.
"You ever done it with a girl?" Matt asked, his voice casual like he was just making conversation. Only he knew the answer to that question already, and Marcus wasn't sure what he was getting at.
"No. You know I haven't."
"Then how do you know you wouldn't like it?" Matt asked, turning his head far enough to look at Marcus.
Marcus felt the heat creeping into his cheeks, but he didn't bother trying to hide his blush. This was Matt, after all, and Marcus should have known he'd come up with a bunch of embarrassing questions when Marcus finally came out to him. "You just know," he said, his cheeks burning even hotter with each word. "It's just one of those things."
"I don't know."
And...wait. Marcus forced himself to meet Matt's gaze, hunting for any sign that the other boy was just yanking his chain. Only Matt looked totally serious, and Marcus' stomach clenched into a tight knot even as he told himself not to get his hopes up. "What...what do you mean?"
"I mean I've made out with girls before and it's okay, but sometimes I wonder if I'd like making out with guys too. But I've never tried it before, so I don't know."
There were two ways Marcus could play this: he could be casual, pretend he actually knew what he was talking about and offer Matt some advice on his sexuality, or he could pretend he had to take a leak and go freak out in the relative privacy of the bathroom. Only he was pretty sure if he got up and left right now he'd never get this chance again, and he wasn't stupid enough to pass it by.
"So maybe you should try it with a guy sometime," he finally said, hoping he didn't sound as terrified as he felt. "Maybe you're one of those people who needs hands-on experience or something."
A snort of laughter escaped Matt's throat at that, and Marcus found himself grinning along in spite of the butterflies in his stomach. For all he knew Matt didn't want to make out with him, but it would be nice if just once in his life something would go his way.
"So would you mind? If I wanted to try it, I mean. Since you already know you like guys and all."
And okay, now he was going to have to pretend this wasn't his first kiss and hope Matt didn't notice, because there was no way he was going to say no to that. Matt was his best friend, after all, and he'd do anything for his friends. The fact that he really wanted to kiss Matt didn't have anything to do with it, because chances were that he was going to be terrible at it, and then Matt would be off guys forever.
"Yeah, sure," he heard himself say, his voice nearly drowned out by the sound of his blood pounding against his eardrums. "If you want."
Matt grinned then and Marcus had a split second to realize what a bad idea this was before Matt's hand was in his hair, then Matt's breath was on his skin and Matt's lips were pressed against his, thin and a little rough and better than Marcus had ever imagined. He'd been hard since they started talking about Luc and John -- a fantasy he'd never in a million years own up to, not even for Matt -- and now he was desperate for it, even though he had no idea what exactly 'it' was. All he knew was that Matt's hair felt soft under his fingers, and when Matt slid his tongue into Marcus' mouth he moaned and pulled the other boy closer.
Matt tasted like cigarettes and beer and that cinnamon gum he was always chewing, and Marcus chased the flavor of the cinnamon with his tongue until Matt was moaning and pressing hard against him.
Hard. Matt was hard, and Marcus wasn't sure how they'd gone from shoulder to shoulder against his headboard to tangled up together on his mattress, but he didn't really care. He didn't care about anything except the fact that Matt liked this; he definitely liked it, because he was easily as hard as Marcus and his hands were under Marcus' shirt, pushing up in a vain effort to get the fabric over Marcus' shoulders.
The only way that was going to happen was if they stopped kissing, though, and a large part of Marcus was terrified that if they stopped even long enough to undress that Matt would realize what they were doing and back off. Because this was supposed to be just a kiss, just a test to see if Matt liked kissing guys as much as he liked kissing girls. It was supposed to be one friend helping out another, but it felt like a lot more and when Matt slid a thigh between Marcus' legs and pressed up Marcus let out a sharp, surprised gasp and came in his jeans.
It should have been embarrassing. When Matt pulled back to look at him, wide-eyed at the affect he had on his best friend, Marcus knew he should be embarrassed. Only Matt wasn't pulling away, and he was still hard and that didn't seem fair, so Marcus slid a hand between them. He paused at the top of Matt's pants, letting his fingers brush under the hem as he waited for Matt to tell him this was what he wanted.
And Matt did answer, but not with words. Instead he hooked a hand around Marcus' neck and pulled him forward, passing by his mouth to lick a hot stripe down the side of his face. His fucking face, and it shouldn't have been anywhere near as hot as it was. It was hard to believe any of this was happening, but Marcus was smart enough to know this wasn't the time to worry about whether or not this was a mistake. Even if it was, it was a mistake they'd already made, so he might as well see it through.
His fingers shook a little as he unbuttoned Matt's pants, sliding a hand under Matt's underwear and touching someone else's cock for the first time. He was terrified that he was going to find some way to screw this up, to make it so bad that Matt would never want to do it again. It probably wasn't Matt's first hand job, after all, not if he'd been making out with girls that Marcus had never heard about before now. And later he'd have to remember to ask who these alleged girls were, because it seemed kind of weird that Matt had never mentioned them.
But for now...for now he had Matt's cock in his hand, and it was hot and so hard, like touching himself but totally different. He wondered what it would feel like against his tongue, resting heavy on his lip as Marcus sucked him off. And that thought was enough to give him confidence, that and the sight of Matt's arched back and his neck exposed as he thrust into Marcus' grip.
The same five words repeated over and over in his head as he worked his fist around Matt's cock, a feverish prayer as Matt got closer and closer to release: I want to suck you. He was so caught up in his own fantasy that it took him by surprise when Matt groaned and tensed against him, gripping Marcus' shoulders hard as he came all on Marcus' fingers and their clothes.
Before Matt even caught his breath he was kissing Marcus again, hot and frenzied as he fought to get as much of Marcus as he could while he struggled to breathe. When he finally stopped shuddering Matt collapsed back against the pillow, glancing down at the wreck of their clothes before he looked up at Marcus and flashed a wry grin. "Did you mean that?"
"What?" Marcus asked, confusion marring his features as he tried to figure out what the hell Matt was talking about.
"You said you wanted to suck me."
And then Marcus did blush, hot and red from the tips of his toes to the roots of his hair. But he'd said it, and he was already hard again just thinking about it, so there was no use lying about it. "Yeah."
"You ever done it before?"
"No," Marcus admitted, falling back on the mattress to press his shoulder to Matt's. He took the cigarette Matt held out to him, laughing softly at the cliché as Matt lit his own cigarette and then Marcus' before he settled onto the pillow again. "So would you...I mean do you want...?"
"Yeah," Matt said, interrupting Marcus before he actually burst into flames from blushing too hard. "Hell, yeah."
Marcus grinned ridiculously and tucked one arm behind his head, taking a drag off his cigarette and staring up at the ceiling. He never would have been able to predict this, but he'd never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth. And maybe if he'd just told Matt how he felt back before John showed up they never would have gotten messed up with Luc in the first place, but if this was the result then maybe it wasn't all bad. John was happier now, after all, and maybe he and Matt could find a way to be happy too.
They laid there in silence for a long time, long after their cigarettes had burned out. Part of Marcus wanted to climb on top of Matt and take his first stab at blow jobs right now, but he didn't want to seem too pushy. He was starting to wonder if maybe Matt had fallen asleep when the other boy shifted next to him, and he had to swallow a sigh when Matt's fingers pushed a few strands of hair away from his cheek.
"Where's your roommate?"
"He went home for the weekend," Marcus answered, shifting just enough to catch a glimpse of Matt's chin out of the corner of his eye. "Won't be back 'til Sunday."
"You mind if I stay here tonight?"
"No," Marcus said. Even if Matt didn't want to have sex with him again he would have let him stay, because Matt was still his best friend. But Matt wasn't in any hurry to get out of his bed or even straighten out his clothes, so Marcus figured they were going to wake up pressed together in his narrow bed, hot and sweaty and smelling like sex. Besides, he still owed Matt a blow job, and with any luck Matt would want to try it too.