Scenario: What would you do if a child was being bullied or was the bully?

[lynn82md]

Being pregnant and going to become a mom in late May, I've been pondering what I would do if I found out that my child is being bullied or is the bully. Of course, I have a few years before I seriously have to worry about it. However, it doesn't hurt to consider what to do in that kind of situation even if it may not ever happen

Comments

[darth_eldritch]

Congratulations!

These are good ideas that any parent should consider.

[lynn82md]

Thank you :)

[alice_the_raven]

That's a tough one for me. I don't have any kids and my nephews and nieces are pretty well taken care of so I don't have many instances in which I encounter this in children.

If it were something physical I would first find the parent and let them know before taking any direct action. One of the things that I often see where I'm at is really bad parenting though and a culture that encourages aggressiveness. I have to admit being hesitant to getting involved, but perhaps that is something that I need to look at in myself.

[lynn82md]

If it were something physical I would first find the parent and let them know before taking any direct action. One of the things that I often see where I'm at is really bad parenting though and a culture that encourages aggressiveness. I have to admit being hesitant to getting involved, but perhaps that is something that I need to look at in myself.I would do that too, but I would be like you too where I'm hesitant about getting involved because the kid's parent would probably tell me to mind my own business before slamming the door on my face. On the other hand, if I see someone's kid physically attacking another kid in plain sight out in public, I would tell the parent that alone makes it my business because their kid is attacking another kid. However, as I learned through what happened with my former neighbor's daughter when she got attacked at school, you have parents out there that think other kids are the problem rather their own. So, they don't do shit about it and let it fester until they can't control their kids anymore (or

Answer to my own question

[lynn82md]

Whether if my youngin' is a bully or being bullied, I would have a long talk with them. I would let them speak first, so they can either get off what's been happening off their chest (if they're bullied) or what's been going on lately that might be the deep cause of why they're taking their issues out on other people (if they are a bully

[luna_glass_wall]

I have in all honesty considered telling my young kid that if someone is picking on them or someone else, they should

[lynn82md]

d) which is to pop that bully in the mouth

And they won't get in trouble with Mommy for doing so. I haven't fully adopted this plan of action yet, since I don't necessarily like violence being used a problem-solver, so I certainly haven't run it past my wife-to-be yet, but it's been dancing around my head lately.
While I would only tell my kid to do something like pop a bully in their mouth if the bully attacks them, they wouldn't get into too much trouble with me either if they would do that without being provoked. To say that I haven't been tempted to do that with some people when they try to bully me would be a whopper of a lie (let alone...using a baseball bat to do it). However, I would feel like attacking someone physically without being physically attacked first would make me lower than the bully. Plus, like you, I normally don't like the idea of using violence as a way to solve problems unless it's seriously warranted (i.e self-defense).

I don't really like the idea of spanking your kids--see the above reticence to adopt

[luna_glass_wall]

I don't really view physical violence in response to verbal bullying to necessarily make me lower/as low as bullies. In my experience, bullies have to be outdone...outwitted, outrun, or outfought. If they think you can outfox them, they will leave you alone. So I'd rather my kid get in a good punch to the face and save themselves further harassment, than tell them to endure what could be years and years of emotional abuse because they're waiting for someone to lay a hand on them first

[lynn82md]

I don't really view physical violence in response to verbal bullying to necessarily make me lower/as low as bullies.
I hope I didn't imply that I think that way about anyone who does it. Believe me, I understand the feeling A LOT and don't blame people who feel that way. However, for me personally, I would think of myself being as lower or lower than the bully if I smacked them in their mouth if they were talking shit about me because that would go against my nature of not wanting to hurt anyone. Of course, as we know, I make an exception to that when it comes to self-defense.

In my experience, bullies have to be outdone...outwitted, outrun, or outfought. If they think you can outfox them, they will leave you alone.
Whole heartedly agreed

So I'd rather my kid get in a good punch to the face and save themselves further harassment, than tell them to endure what could be years and years of emotional abuse because they're waiting for someone to lay a hand on them first.I wouldn't tell my kid to endure it. I would tell my kid that would

[lynn82md]

I know what not to do if my child is being bullied: blame it on them or tell them to quit whining, or tell them to always beat up the aggressors
Those are good ideas. I'm surprised at myself for leaving out the first two when I made my own comment about what I would do because I've been blamed for being bullied myself(luckily, not by my own parents).

This is a tough situation and there isn't always an easy answer--especially if their childhood is like mine and bullying happens almost every place they go.Whole heartedly agreed...let alone, even among bullied victims, the situations are different. Like some people are physically attacked while others are emotionally or mentally attacked (I mostly suffered from emotional and mental bullying though I got phsycially hurt a couple times). So, the answers are not only easy because the situation is different...but people react differently too

[luna_glass_wall]

I know what not to do if my child is being bullied: blame it on them or tell them to quit whining
Oh god, yes. I've told my wife-to-be to never, ever let me utter the phrase "You're too sensitive" to our children, considering what sort of insidious damage that wreaked on me...simultaneously sending the message that you don't have a right to complain when you're being treated badly, and that no one cares if you're upset!

To this day I wonder if I was really oversensitive at all, of if the adults didn't know how or didn't want to deal with my problems.