What did we used to make fun of before Twilight? Oh right, I remember.
petronelle:What's Black Jewels?
brown_betty:It's this totally cracked out fantasy land where uh.
petronelle:uh?
brown_betty:It's a magical cock-ring AU
petronelle:...UH.
brown_betty:Yes, see, a bit hard to concisely summarize.
It's basically the most cracked out speshul fic ever, and the thing is, I cannot even convey to you-- it's sort of addictive. I mean, it's like that badfic you can't stop reading, only it's available in your public library.
petronelle:<3 Who's the author?
brown_betty:Um, Anne Bishop.
There's a trilogy, and then she wrote a whole wodge of spin-offs.
petronelle:wow.
brown_betty:Yes. I mean.
On the one hand, I feel like "You go girl!" because she's getting paid for writing her id-fic.
But on the other hand...
petronelle:man, that's enough to make me want to put more dirty in my story. :p
kphoebe:DOn't forget about the telepathic unicorns and tigers
brown_betty:Also there's magical talking unicorns.
petronelle:Wow.
brown_betty:And like, flying, which is sort of never explained how it works.
And one of the characters has wings for no reason.
petronelle:Does he use them?
brown_betty:And soul- bonds, and
No, I think they're crippled because the mean kinky-sex queens something something something.
petronelle:....
brown_betty:It's a bit like taking a weekend off and doing a lot of coke. I don't really remember all of it.
And of course there's the magical cock-rings, which are just referred to as "rings" and it took me the longest time to convince myself she REALLY WAS talking about magical cock-rings.
petronelle:Heavens, B.
kphoebe:You did mention the cunning naming convention, right?
brown_betty:Oh, and also all the men are named, like "Saetan" and "Lucivar" and "Daemon" for NO REASON
And also, some of them are undead. Somehow.
It's like if you put Pern, Twilight, and a brontosaurus-load of porn in a blender.
petronelle:o.O
kphoebe:*copies to a writer friend*
NONE OF THIS IS EXAGERRATED
AWriterFriend: I totally believe you
kphoebe:Oh, and the main character, oh my god, is this thirteen year old SUPER SPECIAL witch
Very rarely, someone can wear a Black jewel (the most importantly special magical jewel) after they've attained their majority
Jaenelle, BEFORE her majority, has THIRTEEN Black jewels
That were given to her by a *dragon*
And after she does the majority ceremony thing, they are BLACKER THAN BLACK
They are the BLACKIEST