Title: It’s All Your Fault
Title: It’s All Your Fault
Pairing: Santana/Brittany
Rating: PG-13-R I think
Summary: "She wasn’t exactly ready to shout “I’m queer!” from the top of a Cheerios pyramid while freaking covered in rainbows" In my mind, everybody forgot about the phone call.
Spoilers: Set after 1x13, Sectionals.
Special thanks to istillam, my awesome, awesome Beta!
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Santana is pretty sure that this whole Glee thing is ruining her.
Not just socially either-even though she was almost certain that if she hadn’t gotten Brittany to duck into the bathroom, using candy as temptation, they would have been hit by grape slushies-no, it was ruining her in other ways too.
If there’s anything Santana’s learned from growing up in Lima County, it’s that appearances are everything, and even if the Glee kids seem like nice people, she couldn’t be that girl who gets stuck.
From a young age she had made a resolution to only care about two things: herself and leaving Ohio. It worked for her the same way acting worked for Angelina Jolie-it hadn’t let her down so far-so she shouldn’t stick her foot in a different pond. Plus she had always been a strong believer that caring was overrated. Then Brittany happened.
Santana was a firm supporter of all men left behind-in favor of herself-as long as she could get ahead of the pack. But Brittany had always been different. From the moment Santana had seen Brittany crying because a kid had stolen her lunch, Santana had been entranced. She marched over to the kid and demanded he give Brittany her lunch back or she’d ‘hurt him in places his mother only saw’-she was very expressive about her anger, even at the age of 7-but then Brittany had placed her arm over Santana’s hand and told her that it was okay, she had packed some trail mix in her backpack. In that moment, Santana had known that they were sealed together for life. Brittany had pretty much robbed her blind, and Santana hadn’t even cared to wonder how.
There was just something wonderful about Brittany. Her outlook on life was all ‘sunshine, rainbows, and raining iPods’ and truthfully it did contrast deeply to Santana’s ‘shank a bitch that crosses her’ life motto, but it was refreshing for Santana to see someone so untainted by the problems in the world, so genuinely happy and harmless, that Santana made it her personal mission to keep it that way, even if that meant protecting Brittany and shielding her from all the problems in the world.
Then Glee came around.
Glee wasn’t just turning her into a social pariah, it was messing with the emotional foundation she had spent years mastering. It was making her soft. A soft, sappy, caring, tree hugger type person who had feelings and felt like the solution to solving problems was ‘hugging it out’. She strictly had a no-feelings policy that she had only broken with Brittany, because when people know you care for something, that’s when you show your weakness, and that’s when people can hurt you. So she had a personal vendetta with all feelings, especially jealousy.
She was the object of people’s envy, not the one who envied.
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Before all this after school special crap happened, Santana had a plan. A plan that would quickly and sufficiently help her and Brittany not only climb the social ladder but help her get the hell out of Lima County. Because let’s face it, Brittany was in no condition to take care of herself and Santana was in no position to leave her behind. Anyway, all good dictators need a loyal minion to do their dirty work. Even though Brittany thought minion was another word for a Disney character, Santana was pretty sure she wouldn’t trade Brittany for anything.
All they needed to do was make it out of high school unscathed and then they could get a place further away, a place where they could be happy together. She would never admit this, unless physically forced to, but Santana had been doing some research. Regardless of the façade she liked to put on, Santana had always known that bigger things existed outside of McKinley High. She was determined not to end up being some knocked up ex-cheerleader who ended up working at McDonalds for a living. So she had looked into a few schools and found a dance school in NYC that Brittany could easily get into, and Santana had good enough grades, scores, and extracurricular activities to get into NYU. That’s when Glee had come in handy, it looked good on her transcripts, and it played to her talents.
She was even thinking-which was strange because she normally didn’t think or plan, she just did. Since she had seemed to survive Glee with Rachel without strangling her so far, maybe her and Brittany could stay with Quinn and Rachel-who had already made it abundantly clear they would be living together and sharing an apartment-until they could afford their own place. She was never going to tell anyone this, but she planned for Brittany and her to be together forever.
Glee is turning her into an actual person, and she doesn’t like it.
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“Hey Brittany! What’s your favorite past time?” Artie asked as he looked towards Santana and Brittany. Mr. Schue had been running late and the kids had resorted to new ways to keep them entertained. It didn’t matter because Santana was already bored and just let Brittany absently comb through her hair.
“When I was seven, because I got to ride on a pony.”
“Um. What?” Artie gaped at Brittany.
Santana sighed and turned her head towards Brittany, “Not your favorite past memory, B. He means what is your favorite thing to do.”
Brittany shrugged and continued to comb through Santana’s hair, “Hanging out with Santana.”
“Oh, well what about you Santana?”
Santana looked up from her fingernails that she had been picking at; she really didn’t feel like answering their stupid questions, or socializing with any of them really. Santana felt Brittany tug on her hair.
She sighed again before looking back down at her nails, “Being awesome.”
She heard Brittany giggle behind her “Santana is really good at that.”
Santana didn’t like how her heart swelled at Brittany’s statement.
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She knew things were changing between her and Brittany before anything physically happened. It started with Brittany trying to hold her hand in the hallway. Santana had just let it go because she had figured that the hallway was just crowded.
But then one day when Brittany got a good grade on a Spanish quiz, she had leaned in to kiss Santana in front of the whole class. Don’t get her wrong, she loved kissing Brittany. Just not in front of the kids who decided their fates for the rest of their high school experience. So she had just jerked away and spent the rest of the class avoiding Brittany’s gaze.
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She spent a good part of the rest of her day making excuses not to be alone with Brittany. It seemed like Brittany was ready for their relationship to be broadcasted throughout the entire student body, and Santana was afraid.
She wasn’t exactly ready to shout “I’m queer!” from the top of a Cheerios pyramid while freaking covered in rainbows.
She wasn’t ready to be a ‘Lima Loser’.
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Avoiding Brittany lasted about a day, until she was able to corner Santana in the girls’ restroom. Santana cursed her small bladder and put on a fake smile.
“Brittany! Hey, what’s up?”
Brittany frowned, “Did I do something wrong? Because I’m sorry if I did.”
Santana smiled wider, as she walked to the sink and began washing her hands. She glanced into the mirror and could see Brittany didn’t move. She was still standing directly in front of the door. Brittany knew Santana too well.
“Why would you think that?”
Brittany crossed her arms over her chest, “Because you’re ignoring me.”
“Britt, I’m not ignoring you, I just had some extra homework I needed to catch up on.”
Santana turned around so she could face Brittany and mirrored her stance.
Brittany stared at her for a second, causing Santana to squirm, because no one ever studied her as hard as Brittany always managed to.
“You’re lying,” Brittany decided, and she nodded her head as if that justified her point.
Santana scoffed, “No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
“No, I’m not!”
“Yes, you are.”
Santana grimaced; she was starting to get a little agitated, “How would you even know anyway?”
“Because the tips of your ears only get red when I’m making you cum, or when you’re lying to me. You’re terrible at it.” Brittany stated simply, she took a step towards Santana. Of course Brittany could tell if she was lying, they’d been friends for practically their whole lives.
Santana closed her eyes briefly, “Brittany…”
“This is because I asked that Spanish kid why we’re learning Mexican isn’t it?”
Santana rolled her eyes, “No.”
“Because I have that problem with Reading Rainbow?”
“No, that’s reasonable. Your right, you can’t read a rainbow. It is false advertising.”
Brittany smiled and started bobbing her head, “This is because I wouldn’t have sexy time last night right?”
Santana shook her head furiously, “No!”
Brittany frowned as she concentrated. Her tongue darted out between her lips as she thought. After about 5 minutes Brittany just sighed, tears forming in her eyes, “I wish I was smart enough to know what I did wrong.”
Santana was over in a matter of seconds, hugging Brittany to her chest before a sob could escape her mouth.
“You didn’t do anything, B. I’m just…an idiot. I was worried you didn’t want to be secret girlfriends anymore.”
Brittany pulled back and sniffed, “I don’t.”
“You don’t?”
Brittany shook her head, “No,”
Santana stepped away, creating some space between the both of them and immediately missed the contact.
“Why?”
Brittany just shrugged, and tilted her head to the side, “Because sometimes you look really hot in that uniform.”
Santana smiled and walked over to Brittany, wrapping her arms around her again, “Of course I do, it’s me. Look…Brittany, being secret girlfriends is better, and it’s more fun okay?”
“It is?” Brittany mumbled into Santana’s chest.
“Yeah, just trust me Britty.”
“Always, Santy.”
Santana grinned and kissed the top of Brittany’s head, “That’s my girl.”
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“Hey Santana,” Matt said as he jogged towards her in the hallway. She had been bored in math class and decided to see if she could find Brittany and fit in a little make-out time. Brittany was usually wandering the halls around this time anyway; it was amazing that after 6 months Brittany still got lost on her way to her history class.
“What are you doing?” she hissed as she looked around frantically, only taking a step forward when she was sure the hall was empty.
“Uh, talking to you?”
Santana placed her hands on her hips and glared, “Who said you could do that?”
These kids seemed to be under the impression that Glee made them all friends. No. Glee made them all losers, and as much as Santana liked it, and even though it made Brittany happy, she refused to go down with their sinking ship. She had a reputation to uphold.
Matt furrowed his brow, “I just thought because of Glee th-“
Santana raised her hand to silence Matt and glanced around again before leaning forward, “Do me a favor and stop thinking.”
“Fine,” Matt grumbled, “I was just going to ask where you think I should take Brittany on our date.” He turned around and started walking away.
Matt turned his head and around as he continued walking, “But I guess you’re too cool for me.”
He got that right…did he just say date?! Santana hoped her annoyance was making her hear things.
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Santana couldn’t decide what a more appropriate means of response was; hitting Matt with her car, or hitting Matt with her car repeatedly.
Santana was angry. Scratch that, she was pissed off. This is why she had a strict no caring policy, because all caring gives you is this feeling of angst and the need to eat a whole pint of chocolate ice cream while listening to Kelly Clarkson.
Not to mention the images of some boy putting his hands on Brittany, her Brittany.
Santana needed to find her and get this nauseous feeling in the pit of her stomach settled quickly.
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Brittany was hunched over a desk in the library peering at her math textbook, a pen in her mouth with confusion written all over her face when Santana slammed her backpack down next to her. Brittany didn’t even budge.
Santana sighed loudly, expecting Brittany to show some acknowledgement that she knew Santana was there, but Brittany just stayed completely focused on her math book.
“Hey Santy.”
Santana huffed and sat down, “Don’t call me that.”
Brittany finally looked over and tilted her head to the side, “I’m confused.”
“Because I won’t let you call me Santy?”
“No, because there’s pie involved in math. What does baking have to do with equalities?”
Santana raised her eyebrows, “You mean equations.”
Brittany nodded her head frantically, “Same thing. Thinking gives me a headache, S. You should kiss it better.”
Santana took a deep breath. This was the person who stole her heart? The girl who only could tell the difference between the women and men’s restrooms based off the pictures?
“Why are you going on a date with Matt?”
Brittany’s confused face quickly lit up as she smiled, “He’s nice isn’t he? I’m so excited! I hope he takes me bowling. I’ve been practicing since that time we went, so hopefully I won’t need those rail things.” Brittany said quickly, her hands moving around as she spoke. If this were any other subject, Santana would laugh and whisper how adorable she is.
Santana pursed her lips as she leaned closer to Brittany, “Why B?” She was Santana Lopez. She had kickass for breakfast, with a side of hardcore, and she’d be damned if she let herself lose to someone who was ‘nice’.
“You wouldn’t go on a date with me.” Oh. This. Again.
Santana shot away as if Brittany had stung her and lifted her hand to scratch the top of her head, “I already told you Britt-“
“Ya, ya, ya,” Brittany said half heartedly as she waved in Santana’s direction, “because being secret girlfriends is a lot more fun. But I don’t understand what’s so fun about it, I wanna do stuff together, around people.”
Santana picked at invisible lint on her knee.
“We always do stuff, together, around people, Brittany.”
“Not sexy girlfriend stuff. I wanna do that stuff around people.”
Santana looked up at Brittany, “Why?”
Santana wasn’t completely sure why all of a sudden this was so important to Brittany.
Brittany shrugged, “Because I love you.”
“B…”
Brittany leaned forward and placed her hand on Santana’s knee. No matter what Santana decided, she was going to break one of her rules. It wasn’t fair, she’d worked so hard to get where she was, she couldn’t give it up now because of stupid feelings.
“Remember that time when Drew Collins made fun of me because I had written that essay about how I wanted to have a pet unicorn some day and you locked him in the janitor’s closet with all those science frogs?”
How could she forget, it had only been a few months ago.
“That’s when I knew. I think deep down I’ve always known but you know me, it always takes me longer to figure something out than other people. I had just thought I had food poisoning. S, just say we can be not-secret girlfriends and then we can go get ice cream! Or knit!”
Santana didn’t have the heart to tell Brittany that friends do that too.
“Just say it,” Brittany continued, “and I’ll cancel the date.”
For all the things Brittany was, dense, happy-go-lucky, and careless, untempting was definitely not one of them. Santana looked at Brittany’s lips, temptation clearly in front of her. She leaned in a half an inch, her mouth so close that she could feel Brittany’s breath and taste the apple juice that she always has for lunch. Brittany licked her lips as she tilted her head to the side, slowly closing the gap between them, but before she could Santana snapped her head back and frantically looked around.
“Britt, seriously, I ca- “
“I’m not stupid S, I know you’re trying to have it both ways and eat your cake,” Brittany started grabbing her books and shoving them in her backpack.
Santana frowned, “I think you mean have your cake and eat it too.”
Brittany shook her head as her lips trembled, “Whatever. When you decide that im finally more important then the cake, let me know.” Brittany took a few steps, and then stopped, turning her head to the side, “Oh, and this means no more secret girlfriend sex.”
“Brittany, wait!” Before Santana could stop her, Brittany was already making her way out of the library door with alarming speed and grace. Santana banged her head on the table as she felt a pang in her chest. This is where caring got you. It got you debating whether or not a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream is worth it, along with mental images of Matt touching Brittany in places that no one should get to touch. Well, no one but her. Not only was Santana going to be horny, but she was going to be stuck with her mind and the disturbing images that now resided in them.
“Great.”
She was certain Glee was turning her into an actual person.
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“Seriously, Quinn. I don’t think the Glee club is in any way prepared for what Mr. Schuester has planned. You can’t just wing the works of Andrew Lloyd Webber. It requires hours of hard work, a bunch of dedication, a hand full of talent, and many singing lessons,” Santana heard Rachel say as she stood by the lockers with Quinn.
The down side about having Brittany ignore her-not that there was a plus side-was not only the fact that her body was overly hyper aware-due to the lack of sex-but now she was without her minion, her other half, her bestie. Without Brittany around to keep her distracted, Santana had to stoop so low as to hang out with Quinn and Rachel, who couldn’t stop giving each other the googly eyes, as a means of company so she wouldn’t be alone. It was nauseating, and on more than one occasion she had contemplated hitting them just because they looked so damn happy.
“Who’s that?”
Rachel froze and looked seriously at Quinn, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Yeah I am.” Quinn grinned as she popped open her locker.
“Really?”
Quinn frowned, “No. I really have no idea who that guy is.”
Rachel leaned over and smacked Quinn, a small smile splayed on her lips. God, couldn’t they just do it already? At least while Santana could still repress the urge to set them on fire.
“You know, this lack of knowledge on the works of a Broadway master is more of a handicap then it is anything else-”
“Is it now?” Quinn interrupted as she stole a quick glance over at Santana who had just stuck a finger in her mouth to simulate vomiting.
Rachel ignored her and kept going, “- I propose that you come over to my house after school so we can spend extensive hours researching his pieces, especially Phantom. This way you can be prepared and your voice can be shocked into submission.”
Quinn rolled her eyes, “Sounds like fun.”
Rachel scoffed as she lowered her gaze, leaning towards Quinn slightly, “Do not mock me if you expect to get any tonight.”
Quinn reached out hesitantly and traced the hem of Rachel’s shirt, completely forgetting they were in a crowded hallway and that Finn was standing a few feet away, his mouth hanging open. Santana had to glance around, just to make sure she hadn’t accidently ended up in some Hallmark movie.
“I would never do that.”
The display was so sickeningly sweet, Santana had to resist the urge to gag. Here was Fabray finding love with Berry-that was just wrong-but what’s worse is that they actually seemed happy. No one should get to be that happy.
“If you do good tonight, you just might be rewarded with extensive hours of make-out time.”
Quinn grinned and leaned forward, ignoring the look of jealousy that flashed on Finn’s face and the look of disgust Santana had, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
This time Santana did gag. It was horrible enough that Brittany was mad at her, she didn’t need to spend the rest of the day with mental images of Quinn and Rachel doing the nasty.
Rachel pulled away, “I gotta get to class, bye Santana.” Rachel turned around and walked away, her hips swaying.
Santana watched Quinn tilt her head slightly and watch Rachel walk away. Were her and Brittany this sickening?
“That was disgusting Fabray,” Santana huffed as she walked up beside Quinn, who was still ignoring Finn and watching Rachel. She was definitely a good multitasker.
Quinn finally turned her head towards Santana, “It was sweet.”
“She’s making you all domestic.” Before you know it, Quinn just might be the next Betty Crocker.
“You’re just angry because I’m still getting some.”
Santana didn’t feel the need to dignify that statement with a response, mostly because it was true.
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“Who do you think is more suited for my vocal abilities? Whitney Houston or Idina Menzel?”
Santana glanced at the annoying brunette who was walking beside her, Quinn close by. Ever since she had gotten into it with Brittany, the smurf and her walking billboard for why you should use condoms had been following her everywhere. It was starting to give her a headache.
“I think I don’t really care.”
Quinn glared, “Santana!”
Santana just rolled her eyes and continued walking to her class. Rachel put her hand up to silence Quinn before she could scold Santana anymore, “It’s okay Quinn, I understand what she’s going through. She’s just distraught.”
Quinn rolled her eyes, “And I’m horny. We all have our crosses to bear.”
Rachel frowned, “It’s your fault! I told you not to be so loud otherwise my fathers would require me to leave my bedroom door open when you visit.”
“It’s not my fault you couldn’t wait until after they had fallen asleep t-“
Santana stopped abruptly, clamping her hand over Quinn’s mouth, “I’m going to stop you before my ears start to bleed…what do you mean distraught?! I am not distraught!”
Santana turned quickly to Rachel, whose eyes had widened.
Rachel tucked some hair behind her ears, and glanced towards Quinn who just nodded.
“Well I’m no Dr. Phil, but I was watching this episode last night, and he said that sometimes people exert their anger due to the fact that they are sexually repressed. The anger is just your pent up sexual aggression really.”
Santana opened and closed her mouth repeatedly, “What…you…huh?”
Quinn just looked between Rachel and Santana frequently, before glaring at Rachel, begging her not to continue.
“So I understand your need to insult me. In fact, I say why not? Especially if it helps you become less on edge, and then all are satisfied. I recommend an escort though, if the need becomes too great. They me be a bit pricey, but they happen to be classier then hookers and you have less of a chance of catching an STD.”
Santana froze as her she felt her face go red, she glared over at Quinn, “Quinn I swe--“
“I’m already on it.”
Quinn steered a flabbergasted Rachel away from Santana as Santana resisted the urge to turn her into her personal punching bag.
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It had been three days since Brittany and Satana had stopped talking. In those three days, Santana had painted and repainted her nails 17 times, ironed her Cheerios uniform to a crisp and even wrote her Spanish paper two weeks early. She hated to admit it, but she was lost without Brittany.
But not lost enough to apologize, because she NEVER apologised.
Nope. She wouldn’t do it, even if that meant she had to sit in the corner of Glee and watch as Mercedes showed Brittany her new Iphone her parents had gotten her, without getting involved in the conversation. Even if that meant she had to listen to Puck ramble on and on about Quinn and how that baby is technically his, so he should get a say in whom she dates, watching Finn stare at Rachel, or even Quinn and Rachel giving each other the sex eyes.
Only a few kids had been able to make it to the Glee club meeting Mr. Schue had called. That just meant that Santana was stuck in a room with even less people to distract her from Brittany.
“So how do you answer it?” Santana heard Brittany ask. She had said she was above apologising, she had never said she was above eavesdropping.
“You put it to your face and say hello.”
Mercedes didn’t even have time to register the look of hurt that had crossed Brittany’s face before Santana was in front of her growling.
Santana pointed a finger dangerously close to Mercedes heart, “Apologize Aretha.”
Mercedes looked around the room, at the Glee kids who had gone eerily quiet, and then just looked back down at Santana before sighing, “Im sorry Brittany.”
Santana ignored the hands on her elbows that were trying to pull her back, and stepped closer, snarling, “Say it like you mean it, or ill give you an actual reason to hate today.”
Mercedes gaped at Santana, who was still struggling against the arms on her elbows. But Brittany was really strong, and Santana hadn’t really eaten in a few days, so she let Brittany pull her into her chest, wrapping her arms around Santana. Santana felt a sob escape her throat as she breathed in Brittany’s scent, cucumbers and apple jolly ranchers. She felt her anger disappear quickly, as she let out another sob. She’d never really gone this long without Brittany.
“How mad do you think she is?” Santana heard Mercedes whisper.
“She’s table flipping mad.” She felt, rather then hear Brittany reply.
“What’s table flipping mad?”
“It’s the only mad that really matters,” Quinn replied, “the mad she is whenever someone hurts Brittany.” A murmur of agreement ran throughout the Glee kids.
Santana was fully aware they were talking about her like she wasn’t there, and she just couldn’t do it, it was like they knew about her and Brittany, and she just couldn’t do it. Santana pulled away from Brittany, who was staring at her confused.
“Im not a freaking billboard, I can hear you.”
Brittany reached for Santana but she pulled away again, glancing around at all the Glee kids who were pretending not to pay attention, “I’m not your pet Brittany, you can’t take care of me.”
Santana decided against grabbing her backpack, and ran towards the door.
“You always take care of me.” She heard Brittany whisper as the door shut behind her. Santana tried to pretend like it didn’t break her heart, like she knew how to live wihtout Brittany.
She never knew how to live without Brittany.
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It was all just really, really gay.
The fact that Santana didn’t even have it in her to be as horrid as she usually is, because she missed Brittany too much. Instead of plotting brilliant ways to sabotage people, she now spent most her time focusing on the pain in her heart. She was becoming all people like, and regardless of what others think, she was pretty positive her heart wasn’t made of tin.
This crap had to stop.
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“Santana.”
Santana looked up from her Cosmo magazine to see an overly exuberant Rachel Berry standing in front of the lunch table she was sitting at. She wasn’t so sure what gave these Glee kids the impression that she liked them, or even that she was okay with them speaking to her, but it was starting to annoy her. First Matt had stopped her in the hallway, and then Artie had offered her part of his sandwich-because she usually shares with Brittany-then Tina had asked her if she wanted to sit next to her in Spanish. She got it, it was weird seeing Santana without Brittany, but she wasn’t glass. She wasn’t going to break and even if she did, she didn’t need people there to catch her when she fell. She didn’t want people there, she just wanted Brittany.
“Please don’t talk to me.” Honestly, what was with these Glee kids?
Rachel ignored her and sat down across from her, not paying attention to the fact that Quinn had just walked over. Probably as a means to protect Rachel, “Normally, I try and avoid butting my head in other people’s business-“
Santana shot a glare over at Quinn, “Quinn. Take your Celine Dion wannabe away from me before I smack her.”
“-but occasionally I do happen to stray and put my two cents in. This qualifies as one of those off chances, because I was wondering if it had occurred to you just how miserable you look and how long you were intending on keeping up this charade that you’re okay without Brittany.”
Santana narrowed her eyes, “What makes you think I’m not okay?”
“Are you aware that she cries in the bathroom every free period?”
Santana froze, “She does?”
“Yes.” Rachel nodded her head quickly, “So if I may ask, usually you’re the one to fight for Brittany’s dignity, or in other words ‘kick the ass of whoever hurt her’. Well does this mean you intend on kicking your own ass? Because that’s a little improbable ya know? I’m just a bit sketchy on the details.”
Quinn sat down and started rubbing Rachel’s back as Santana looked around, everyone was looking at her. Well everyone was usually looking at her, but this time it wasn’t out of fear or envy, it was out of pity. Even the Glee losers looked at her as if she was a lost puppy. She took a deep breathe and went against the part of her that never asked for anything.
She turned back to Rachel, “What should I do?”
“You need to make a grand gesture.” A what?
“What?” Santana repeated out loud, looking at Rachel as if she were insane; well, more insane than usual.
“A declaration of love. You know, like in all the romance novels? Seriously, didn’t you watch Disney movies as a kid?” Quinn smiled as Rachel beamed, all Santana really wanted to do was punch something, but right now she needed them, and frankly, being alone was getting kind of boring.
“No, I had a life.” Santana did a mental happy dance as Rachel and Quinn’s smiles faded.
She stood up quickly, grabbing her magazine. Screw rules, screw Lima County, and screw fucking McKinley High. Santana was getting her Brittany back. Santana started walking away, trying her best to resist the urge to stab all the people with a fork that were looking at her. She was violent by nature, so it probably wouldn’t shock anyone if she did, but for Brittany she’d have to take one for the team and just not hurt anybody till after they made up. She needed to focus and be on her A game.
She was barely a few feet away when she heard Quinn whisper, “Of course I think you’re better than Celine Dion.”
That girl had Quinn whipped.
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Santana had searched a majority of the school before realizing that Brittany wasn’t that difficult to find when you remember the place she goes to whenever she’s upset. Santana pushed open the doors to the girls’ restroom, peering under the stalls until she saw the one with feet under it and heard sniffles.
“Britty?” Brittany didn’t respond, she just shuffled her feet.
“It’s not me Santana.” Santana rolled her eyes before pushing the stall open to reveal a red faced Brittany in her Cheerios uniform, her eyes puffy and a tissue crumpled in her hand. Santana took a step forward but Brittany just cowered in fear like Santana was going to hurt her. That hurt more than the sight of Brittany crying.
“B?” Santana put on her best smile and reached out for Brittany.
“I’m mad at you.”
Santana resisted the urge to roll her eyes; Brittany wasn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed.
“I know, B.” Santana took another step forward, her fingers barely touching Brittany’s face. She felt like slapping herself when she felt how wet Brittany’s cheeks were. Brittany looked Santana in the eyes, confusion written all over her face.
“Santy?”
“Yeah baby?” Santana continued to inch closer, until she was practically on Brittany’s lap.
“You hurt me,” Brittany placed a hand over Santana’s heart, “you hurt me here. Worse than that time Gavin Solomon laughed at me for getting my thumb stuck in the vacuum.”
Santana shut her eyes, “I know, Britt.”
“You promised me you’d never do that, remember? Remember you said that, that you’d never leave and you’d nev-”
“-er hurt you, or let others hurt you, because were besties and besties always have each other’s backs.” Santana recited the words she had once spoke in the seventh grade after Brittany had gotten her head stuck in a window and kids were making fun of her. She had first kicked the ass of every kid who even so much as looked at Brittany, than she had performed a best friend ceremony, promising to always be there for Brittany because no one else was.
Brittany smiled as she remembered then froze, her gaze hardening, “I don’t like being mad at you, it makes me feel all sick, and it gives me wrinkles.”
Santana smiled meekly at the bluntness of Brittany’s statement, she moved so that she was kneeling in front of Brittany, the front of her Cheerio uniform wrinkling, “I know, B. But I promise I can make it up to you.”
Brittany frowned, “How? You can’t just buy me cookies, don’t think that’ll work.”
“Oh, it’s better than cookies.”
Brittany grinned, “Really?”
Santana nodded, “Really, but you have to follow me into the hallway first.”
Brittany licked her lips and concentrated, a small crease forming on her forehead as she stuck her tongue out, Santana was starting to doubt herself, and her awesomeness, until Brittany grinned.
“Okay.”
Santana smiled and grabbed Brittany’s hand, pulling her into the hallway, she kissed Brittany’s hand briefly before letting it go and marching over to Matt.
“Hey Santa--ow--what the hell!”
Santana grabbed Matt by the shoulder and shoved him into a locker, growling as she leaned in to him, “You are not taking Brittany on a date.”
“What? Why?”
“Because,” Santana glanced over at Brittany who looked frightened, she released her grip a little, “because Brittany is my girlfriend.” She let go of Matt who fell to the floor, looking up at her in disbelief, she just smiled and walked back over to Brittany.
“Why’d you do that?”
Santana grimaced and shrugged her shoulders, “It was an accident B.”
“Oh. Okay.”
Santana smiled and turned just in time to see Matt try and reach towards Brittany, she shoved him again, releasing some of that pent up aggression Rachel had been talking about.
Santana turned back to Brittany, who had one eyebrow raised questioningly.
Santana rolled her eyes and shrugged again, “Both times.”
“That was mean.”
“Yeah, well if you haven’t heard, I have been on a bit of a war path lately.”
Brittany nodded her head, eyes sparkling, “Its cause of me isn’t it?”
Santana reached forward and placed a hand on Brittany’s cheek, “It’s always’s cause of you, Britt.”
“Well this is your entire fault you know.”
It wasn’t entirely her fault!
“Hey, that’s not true!”
“Yessir, it is.”
“How is it my fault?” Santana grumbled as she crossed her arms. Maybe she was to blame for a bit of it, okay, a lot of it, but it wasn’t all her fault, “If anything it’s all you fault.” Santana glared at Brittany, who just frowned.
“How is it my fault?”
“You made me fall in love with you.” Santana hissed ignoring the gazes of nearly half the student body.
Brittany frowned, “You made me fall in love with you. So technically it’s your entire fault!”
“It is not!” Santana threw her hands in the air frustrated.
Brittany nodded her head and grinned, “Yes it is. Rachel said it’s always you fault.”
“Yeah well, Rachels…a…a…she’s dumb.” Santana mumbled incoherently as Brittany stepped closer to her.
“Did you mean it?” Brittany tilted her head to the side and chewed on her lip.
“Mean what?”
Brittany grinned, “That you’re in love with me.”
Santana nodded, “If you still want me to be.”
Brittany grinned and leaped towards Santana, pushing her into a row of lockers before placing her lips quickly on Santana’s. Santana froze before quickly wrapping her arms around Brittany’s waist. She quickly turned them around so that Brittany’s back hit the lockers and grinned as a slight ‘hmph’ left Brittany’s mouth. Brittany slowly lowered her hands onto Santana’s butt. If it hadn’t been for Puck’s cheering and the wolf whistles she was hearing, Santana was pretty sure she would have taken Brittany right there, instead she forced herself to pull away with a slight ‘pop’.
Brittany grinned as she wrapped her arm around Santana’s waist, “Does this mean were not-secret girlfriends anymore?”
Santana smiled, “Considering we just made out in front of half of the school? No.”
Brittany grinned even wider as they started walking towards the locker rooms, “Does this mean we can get ice cream now?”
Santana rolled her eyes, but had a soft smile on her face, “Anything you want B.”
And she meant that.
“I’ll get the mint chocolate chip because that’s your favorite. That way we can share, it’s not fun if you don’t share. I missed sharing. I missed you.” Brittany leaned in and nuzzled her head in Santana’s neck.
Santana grinned as she pulled Brittany closer. She knew Glee was turning her into an actual person, and for once, she didn’t have such a problem with it.
++
Pairing: Santana/Brittany
Rating: PG-13-R I think
Summary: "She wasn’t exactly ready to shout “I’m queer!” from the top of a Cheerios pyramid while freaking covered in rainbows" In my mind, everybody forgot about the phone call.
Spoilers: Set after 1x13, Sectionals.
Special thanks to istillam, my awesome, awesome Beta!
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Santana is pretty sure that this whole Glee thing is ruining her.
Not just socially either-even though she was almost certain that if she hadn’t gotten Brittany to duck into the bathroom, using candy as temptation, they would have been hit by grape slushies-no, it was ruining her in other ways too.
If there’s anything Santana’s learned from growing up in Lima County, it’s that appearances are everything, and even if the Glee kids seem like nice people, she couldn’t be that girl who gets stuck.
From a young age she had made a resolution to only care about two things: herself and leaving Ohio. It worked for her the same way acting worked for Angelina Jolie-it hadn’t let her down so far-so she shouldn’t stick her foot in a different pond. Plus she had always been a strong believer that caring was overrated. Then Brittany happened.
Santana was a firm supporter of all men left behind-in favor of herself-as long as she could get ahead of the pack. But Brittany had always been different. From the moment Santana had seen Brittany crying because a kid had stolen her lunch, Santana had been entranced. She marched over to the kid and demanded he give Brittany her lunch back or she’d ‘hurt him in places his mother only saw’-she was very expressive about her anger, even at the age of 7-but then Brittany had placed her arm over Santana’s hand and told her that it was okay, she had packed some trail mix in her backpack. In that moment, Santana had known that they were sealed together for life. Brittany had pretty much robbed her blind, and Santana hadn’t even cared to wonder how.
There was just something wonderful about Brittany. Her outlook on life was all ‘sunshine, rainbows, and raining iPods’ and truthfully it did contrast deeply to Santana’s ‘shank a bitch that crosses her’ life motto, but it was refreshing for Santana to see someone so untainted by the problems in the world, so genuinely happy and harmless, that Santana made it her personal mission to keep it that way, even if that meant protecting Brittany and shielding her from all the problems in the world.
Then Glee came around.
Glee wasn’t just turning her into a social pariah, it was messing with the emotional foundation she had spent years mastering. It was making her soft. A soft, sappy, caring, tree hugger type person who had feelings and felt like the solution to solving problems was ‘hugging it out’. She strictly had a no-feelings policy that she had only broken with Brittany, because when people know you care for something, that’s when you show your weakness, and that’s when people can hurt you. So she had a personal vendetta with all feelings, especially jealousy.
She was the object of people’s envy, not the one who envied.
------------
Before all this after school special crap happened, Santana had a plan. A plan that would quickly and sufficiently help her and Brittany not only climb the social ladder but help her get the hell out of Lima County. Because let’s face it, Brittany was in no condition to take care of herself and Santana was in no position to leave her behind. Anyway, all good dictators need a loyal minion to do their dirty work. Even though Brittany thought minion was another word for a Disney character, Santana was pretty sure she wouldn’t trade Brittany for anything.
All they needed to do was make it out of high school unscathed and then they could get a place further away, a place where they could be happy together. She would never admit this, unless physically forced to, but Santana had been doing some research. Regardless of the façade she liked to put on, Santana had always known that bigger things existed outside of McKinley High. She was determined not to end up being some knocked up ex-cheerleader who ended up working at McDonalds for a living. So she had looked into a few schools and found a dance school in NYC that Brittany could easily get into, and Santana had good enough grades, scores, and extracurricular activities to get into NYU. That’s when Glee had come in handy, it looked good on her transcripts, and it played to her talents.
She was even thinking-which was strange because she normally didn’t think or plan, she just did. Since she had seemed to survive Glee with Rachel without strangling her so far, maybe her and Brittany could stay with Quinn and Rachel-who had already made it abundantly clear they would be living together and sharing an apartment-until they could afford their own place. She was never going to tell anyone this, but she planned for Brittany and her to be together forever.
Glee is turning her into an actual person, and she doesn’t like it.
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“Hey Brittany! What’s your favorite past time?” Artie asked as he looked towards Santana and Brittany. Mr. Schue had been running late and the kids had resorted to new ways to keep them entertained. It didn’t matter because Santana was already bored and just let Brittany absently comb through her hair.
“When I was seven, because I got to ride on a pony.”
“Um. What?” Artie gaped at Brittany.
Santana sighed and turned her head towards Brittany, “Not your favorite past memory, B. He means what is your favorite thing to do.”
Brittany shrugged and continued to comb through Santana’s hair, “Hanging out with Santana.”
“Oh, well what about you Santana?”
Santana looked up from her fingernails that she had been picking at; she really didn’t feel like answering their stupid questions, or socializing with any of them really. Santana felt Brittany tug on her hair.
She sighed again before looking back down at her nails, “Being awesome.”
She heard Brittany giggle behind her “Santana is really good at that.”
Santana didn’t like how her heart swelled at Brittany’s statement.
----------
She knew things were changing between her and Brittany before anything physically happened. It started with Brittany trying to hold her hand in the hallway. Santana had just let it go because she had figured that the hallway was just crowded.
But then one day when Brittany got a good grade on a Spanish quiz, she had leaned in to kiss Santana in front of the whole class. Don’t get her wrong, she loved kissing Brittany. Just not in front of the kids who decided their fates for the rest of their high school experience. So she had just jerked away and spent the rest of the class avoiding Brittany’s gaze.
----------
She spent a good part of the rest of her day making excuses not to be alone with Brittany. It seemed like Brittany was ready for their relationship to be broadcasted throughout the entire student body, and Santana was afraid.
She wasn’t exactly ready to shout “I’m queer!” from the top of a Cheerios pyramid while freaking covered in rainbows.
She wasn’t ready to be a ‘Lima Loser’.
----------
Avoiding Brittany lasted about a day, until she was able to corner Santana in the girls’ restroom. Santana cursed her small bladder and put on a fake smile.
“Brittany! Hey, what’s up?”
Brittany frowned, “Did I do something wrong? Because I’m sorry if I did.”
Santana smiled wider, as she walked to the sink and began washing her hands. She glanced into the mirror and could see Brittany didn’t move. She was still standing directly in front of the door. Brittany knew Santana too well.
“Why would you think that?”
Brittany crossed her arms over her chest, “Because you’re ignoring me.”
“Britt, I’m not ignoring you, I just had some extra homework I needed to catch up on.”
Santana turned around so she could face Brittany and mirrored her stance.
Brittany stared at her for a second, causing Santana to squirm, because no one ever studied her as hard as Brittany always managed to.
“You’re lying,” Brittany decided, and she nodded her head as if that justified her point.
Santana scoffed, “No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
“No, I’m not!”
“Yes, you are.”
Santana grimaced; she was starting to get a little agitated, “How would you even know anyway?”
“Because the tips of your ears only get red when I’m making you cum, or when you’re lying to me. You’re terrible at it.” Brittany stated simply, she took a step towards Santana. Of course Brittany could tell if she was lying, they’d been friends for practically their whole lives.
Santana closed her eyes briefly, “Brittany…”
“This is because I asked that Spanish kid why we’re learning Mexican isn’t it?”
Santana rolled her eyes, “No.”
“Because I have that problem with Reading Rainbow?”
“No, that’s reasonable. Your right, you can’t read a rainbow. It is false advertising.”
Brittany smiled and started bobbing her head, “This is because I wouldn’t have sexy time last night right?”
Santana shook her head furiously, “No!”
Brittany frowned as she concentrated. Her tongue darted out between her lips as she thought. After about 5 minutes Brittany just sighed, tears forming in her eyes, “I wish I was smart enough to know what I did wrong.”
Santana was over in a matter of seconds, hugging Brittany to her chest before a sob could escape her mouth.
“You didn’t do anything, B. I’m just…an idiot. I was worried you didn’t want to be secret girlfriends anymore.”
Brittany pulled back and sniffed, “I don’t.”
“You don’t?”
Brittany shook her head, “No,”
Santana stepped away, creating some space between the both of them and immediately missed the contact.
“Why?”
Brittany just shrugged, and tilted her head to the side, “Because sometimes you look really hot in that uniform.”
Santana smiled and walked over to Brittany, wrapping her arms around her again, “Of course I do, it’s me. Look…Brittany, being secret girlfriends is better, and it’s more fun okay?”
“It is?” Brittany mumbled into Santana’s chest.
“Yeah, just trust me Britty.”
“Always, Santy.”
Santana grinned and kissed the top of Brittany’s head, “That’s my girl.”
----------
“Hey Santana,” Matt said as he jogged towards her in the hallway. She had been bored in math class and decided to see if she could find Brittany and fit in a little make-out time. Brittany was usually wandering the halls around this time anyway; it was amazing that after 6 months Brittany still got lost on her way to her history class.
“What are you doing?” she hissed as she looked around frantically, only taking a step forward when she was sure the hall was empty.
“Uh, talking to you?”
Santana placed her hands on her hips and glared, “Who said you could do that?”
These kids seemed to be under the impression that Glee made them all friends. No. Glee made them all losers, and as much as Santana liked it, and even though it made Brittany happy, she refused to go down with their sinking ship. She had a reputation to uphold.
Matt furrowed his brow, “I just thought because of Glee th-“
Santana raised her hand to silence Matt and glanced around again before leaning forward, “Do me a favor and stop thinking.”
“Fine,” Matt grumbled, “I was just going to ask where you think I should take Brittany on our date.” He turned around and started walking away.
Matt turned his head and around as he continued walking, “But I guess you’re too cool for me.”
He got that right…did he just say date?! Santana hoped her annoyance was making her hear things.
----------
Santana couldn’t decide what a more appropriate means of response was; hitting Matt with her car, or hitting Matt with her car repeatedly.
Santana was angry. Scratch that, she was pissed off. This is why she had a strict no caring policy, because all caring gives you is this feeling of angst and the need to eat a whole pint of chocolate ice cream while listening to Kelly Clarkson.
Not to mention the images of some boy putting his hands on Brittany, her Brittany.
Santana needed to find her and get this nauseous feeling in the pit of her stomach settled quickly.
----------
Brittany was hunched over a desk in the library peering at her math textbook, a pen in her mouth with confusion written all over her face when Santana slammed her backpack down next to her. Brittany didn’t even budge.
Santana sighed loudly, expecting Brittany to show some acknowledgement that she knew Santana was there, but Brittany just stayed completely focused on her math book.
“Hey Santy.”
Santana huffed and sat down, “Don’t call me that.”
Brittany finally looked over and tilted her head to the side, “I’m confused.”
“Because I won’t let you call me Santy?”
“No, because there’s pie involved in math. What does baking have to do with equalities?”
Santana raised her eyebrows, “You mean equations.”
Brittany nodded her head frantically, “Same thing. Thinking gives me a headache, S. You should kiss it better.”
Santana took a deep breath. This was the person who stole her heart? The girl who only could tell the difference between the women and men’s restrooms based off the pictures?
“Why are you going on a date with Matt?”
Brittany’s confused face quickly lit up as she smiled, “He’s nice isn’t he? I’m so excited! I hope he takes me bowling. I’ve been practicing since that time we went, so hopefully I won’t need those rail things.” Brittany said quickly, her hands moving around as she spoke. If this were any other subject, Santana would laugh and whisper how adorable she is.
Santana pursed her lips as she leaned closer to Brittany, “Why B?” She was Santana Lopez. She had kickass for breakfast, with a side of hardcore, and she’d be damned if she let herself lose to someone who was ‘nice’.
“You wouldn’t go on a date with me.” Oh. This. Again.
Santana shot away as if Brittany had stung her and lifted her hand to scratch the top of her head, “I already told you Britt-“
“Ya, ya, ya,” Brittany said half heartedly as she waved in Santana’s direction, “because being secret girlfriends is a lot more fun. But I don’t understand what’s so fun about it, I wanna do stuff together, around people.”
Santana picked at invisible lint on her knee.
“We always do stuff, together, around people, Brittany.”
“Not sexy girlfriend stuff. I wanna do that stuff around people.”
Santana looked up at Brittany, “Why?”
Santana wasn’t completely sure why all of a sudden this was so important to Brittany.
Brittany shrugged, “Because I love you.”
“B…”
Brittany leaned forward and placed her hand on Santana’s knee. No matter what Santana decided, she was going to break one of her rules. It wasn’t fair, she’d worked so hard to get where she was, she couldn’t give it up now because of stupid feelings.
“Remember that time when Drew Collins made fun of me because I had written that essay about how I wanted to have a pet unicorn some day and you locked him in the janitor’s closet with all those science frogs?”
How could she forget, it had only been a few months ago.
“That’s when I knew. I think deep down I’ve always known but you know me, it always takes me longer to figure something out than other people. I had just thought I had food poisoning. S, just say we can be not-secret girlfriends and then we can go get ice cream! Or knit!”
Santana didn’t have the heart to tell Brittany that friends do that too.
“Just say it,” Brittany continued, “and I’ll cancel the date.”
For all the things Brittany was, dense, happy-go-lucky, and careless, untempting was definitely not one of them. Santana looked at Brittany’s lips, temptation clearly in front of her. She leaned in a half an inch, her mouth so close that she could feel Brittany’s breath and taste the apple juice that she always has for lunch. Brittany licked her lips as she tilted her head to the side, slowly closing the gap between them, but before she could Santana snapped her head back and frantically looked around.
“Britt, seriously, I ca- “
“I’m not stupid S, I know you’re trying to have it both ways and eat your cake,” Brittany started grabbing her books and shoving them in her backpack.
Santana frowned, “I think you mean have your cake and eat it too.”
Brittany shook her head as her lips trembled, “Whatever. When you decide that im finally more important then the cake, let me know.” Brittany took a few steps, and then stopped, turning her head to the side, “Oh, and this means no more secret girlfriend sex.”
“Brittany, wait!” Before Santana could stop her, Brittany was already making her way out of the library door with alarming speed and grace. Santana banged her head on the table as she felt a pang in her chest. This is where caring got you. It got you debating whether or not a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream is worth it, along with mental images of Matt touching Brittany in places that no one should get to touch. Well, no one but her. Not only was Santana going to be horny, but she was going to be stuck with her mind and the disturbing images that now resided in them.
“Great.”
She was certain Glee was turning her into an actual person.
----------
“Seriously, Quinn. I don’t think the Glee club is in any way prepared for what Mr. Schuester has planned. You can’t just wing the works of Andrew Lloyd Webber. It requires hours of hard work, a bunch of dedication, a hand full of talent, and many singing lessons,” Santana heard Rachel say as she stood by the lockers with Quinn.
The down side about having Brittany ignore her-not that there was a plus side-was not only the fact that her body was overly hyper aware-due to the lack of sex-but now she was without her minion, her other half, her bestie. Without Brittany around to keep her distracted, Santana had to stoop so low as to hang out with Quinn and Rachel, who couldn’t stop giving each other the googly eyes, as a means of company so she wouldn’t be alone. It was nauseating, and on more than one occasion she had contemplated hitting them just because they looked so damn happy.
“Who’s that?”
Rachel froze and looked seriously at Quinn, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Yeah I am.” Quinn grinned as she popped open her locker.
“Really?”
Quinn frowned, “No. I really have no idea who that guy is.”
Rachel leaned over and smacked Quinn, a small smile splayed on her lips. God, couldn’t they just do it already? At least while Santana could still repress the urge to set them on fire.
“You know, this lack of knowledge on the works of a Broadway master is more of a handicap then it is anything else-”
“Is it now?” Quinn interrupted as she stole a quick glance over at Santana who had just stuck a finger in her mouth to simulate vomiting.
Rachel ignored her and kept going, “- I propose that you come over to my house after school so we can spend extensive hours researching his pieces, especially Phantom. This way you can be prepared and your voice can be shocked into submission.”
Quinn rolled her eyes, “Sounds like fun.”
Rachel scoffed as she lowered her gaze, leaning towards Quinn slightly, “Do not mock me if you expect to get any tonight.”
Quinn reached out hesitantly and traced the hem of Rachel’s shirt, completely forgetting they were in a crowded hallway and that Finn was standing a few feet away, his mouth hanging open. Santana had to glance around, just to make sure she hadn’t accidently ended up in some Hallmark movie.
“I would never do that.”
The display was so sickeningly sweet, Santana had to resist the urge to gag. Here was Fabray finding love with Berry-that was just wrong-but what’s worse is that they actually seemed happy. No one should get to be that happy.
“If you do good tonight, you just might be rewarded with extensive hours of make-out time.”
Quinn grinned and leaned forward, ignoring the look of jealousy that flashed on Finn’s face and the look of disgust Santana had, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
This time Santana did gag. It was horrible enough that Brittany was mad at her, she didn’t need to spend the rest of the day with mental images of Quinn and Rachel doing the nasty.
Rachel pulled away, “I gotta get to class, bye Santana.” Rachel turned around and walked away, her hips swaying.
Santana watched Quinn tilt her head slightly and watch Rachel walk away. Were her and Brittany this sickening?
“That was disgusting Fabray,” Santana huffed as she walked up beside Quinn, who was still ignoring Finn and watching Rachel. She was definitely a good multitasker.
Quinn finally turned her head towards Santana, “It was sweet.”
“She’s making you all domestic.” Before you know it, Quinn just might be the next Betty Crocker.
“You’re just angry because I’m still getting some.”
Santana didn’t feel the need to dignify that statement with a response, mostly because it was true.
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“Who do you think is more suited for my vocal abilities? Whitney Houston or Idina Menzel?”
Santana glanced at the annoying brunette who was walking beside her, Quinn close by. Ever since she had gotten into it with Brittany, the smurf and her walking billboard for why you should use condoms had been following her everywhere. It was starting to give her a headache.
“I think I don’t really care.”
Quinn glared, “Santana!”
Santana just rolled her eyes and continued walking to her class. Rachel put her hand up to silence Quinn before she could scold Santana anymore, “It’s okay Quinn, I understand what she’s going through. She’s just distraught.”
Quinn rolled her eyes, “And I’m horny. We all have our crosses to bear.”
Rachel frowned, “It’s your fault! I told you not to be so loud otherwise my fathers would require me to leave my bedroom door open when you visit.”
“It’s not my fault you couldn’t wait until after they had fallen asleep t-“
Santana stopped abruptly, clamping her hand over Quinn’s mouth, “I’m going to stop you before my ears start to bleed…what do you mean distraught?! I am not distraught!”
Santana turned quickly to Rachel, whose eyes had widened.
Rachel tucked some hair behind her ears, and glanced towards Quinn who just nodded.
“Well I’m no Dr. Phil, but I was watching this episode last night, and he said that sometimes people exert their anger due to the fact that they are sexually repressed. The anger is just your pent up sexual aggression really.”
Santana opened and closed her mouth repeatedly, “What…you…huh?”
Quinn just looked between Rachel and Santana frequently, before glaring at Rachel, begging her not to continue.
“So I understand your need to insult me. In fact, I say why not? Especially if it helps you become less on edge, and then all are satisfied. I recommend an escort though, if the need becomes too great. They me be a bit pricey, but they happen to be classier then hookers and you have less of a chance of catching an STD.”
Santana froze as her she felt her face go red, she glared over at Quinn, “Quinn I swe--“
“I’m already on it.”
Quinn steered a flabbergasted Rachel away from Santana as Santana resisted the urge to turn her into her personal punching bag.
----------
It had been three days since Brittany and Satana had stopped talking. In those three days, Santana had painted and repainted her nails 17 times, ironed her Cheerios uniform to a crisp and even wrote her Spanish paper two weeks early. She hated to admit it, but she was lost without Brittany.
But not lost enough to apologize, because she NEVER apologised.
Nope. She wouldn’t do it, even if that meant she had to sit in the corner of Glee and watch as Mercedes showed Brittany her new Iphone her parents had gotten her, without getting involved in the conversation. Even if that meant she had to listen to Puck ramble on and on about Quinn and how that baby is technically his, so he should get a say in whom she dates, watching Finn stare at Rachel, or even Quinn and Rachel giving each other the sex eyes.
Only a few kids had been able to make it to the Glee club meeting Mr. Schue had called. That just meant that Santana was stuck in a room with even less people to distract her from Brittany.
“So how do you answer it?” Santana heard Brittany ask. She had said she was above apologising, she had never said she was above eavesdropping.
“You put it to your face and say hello.”
Mercedes didn’t even have time to register the look of hurt that had crossed Brittany’s face before Santana was in front of her growling.
Santana pointed a finger dangerously close to Mercedes heart, “Apologize Aretha.”
Mercedes looked around the room, at the Glee kids who had gone eerily quiet, and then just looked back down at Santana before sighing, “Im sorry Brittany.”
Santana ignored the hands on her elbows that were trying to pull her back, and stepped closer, snarling, “Say it like you mean it, or ill give you an actual reason to hate today.”
Mercedes gaped at Santana, who was still struggling against the arms on her elbows. But Brittany was really strong, and Santana hadn’t really eaten in a few days, so she let Brittany pull her into her chest, wrapping her arms around Santana. Santana felt a sob escape her throat as she breathed in Brittany’s scent, cucumbers and apple jolly ranchers. She felt her anger disappear quickly, as she let out another sob. She’d never really gone this long without Brittany.
“How mad do you think she is?” Santana heard Mercedes whisper.
“She’s table flipping mad.” She felt, rather then hear Brittany reply.
“What’s table flipping mad?”
“It’s the only mad that really matters,” Quinn replied, “the mad she is whenever someone hurts Brittany.” A murmur of agreement ran throughout the Glee kids.
Santana was fully aware they were talking about her like she wasn’t there, and she just couldn’t do it, it was like they knew about her and Brittany, and she just couldn’t do it. Santana pulled away from Brittany, who was staring at her confused.
“Im not a freaking billboard, I can hear you.”
Brittany reached for Santana but she pulled away again, glancing around at all the Glee kids who were pretending not to pay attention, “I’m not your pet Brittany, you can’t take care of me.”
Santana decided against grabbing her backpack, and ran towards the door.
“You always take care of me.” She heard Brittany whisper as the door shut behind her. Santana tried to pretend like it didn’t break her heart, like she knew how to live wihtout Brittany.
She never knew how to live without Brittany.
----------
It was all just really, really gay.
The fact that Santana didn’t even have it in her to be as horrid as she usually is, because she missed Brittany too much. Instead of plotting brilliant ways to sabotage people, she now spent most her time focusing on the pain in her heart. She was becoming all people like, and regardless of what others think, she was pretty positive her heart wasn’t made of tin.
This crap had to stop.
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“Santana.”
Santana looked up from her Cosmo magazine to see an overly exuberant Rachel Berry standing in front of the lunch table she was sitting at. She wasn’t so sure what gave these Glee kids the impression that she liked them, or even that she was okay with them speaking to her, but it was starting to annoy her. First Matt had stopped her in the hallway, and then Artie had offered her part of his sandwich-because she usually shares with Brittany-then Tina had asked her if she wanted to sit next to her in Spanish. She got it, it was weird seeing Santana without Brittany, but she wasn’t glass. She wasn’t going to break and even if she did, she didn’t need people there to catch her when she fell. She didn’t want people there, she just wanted Brittany.
“Please don’t talk to me.” Honestly, what was with these Glee kids?
Rachel ignored her and sat down across from her, not paying attention to the fact that Quinn had just walked over. Probably as a means to protect Rachel, “Normally, I try and avoid butting my head in other people’s business-“
Santana shot a glare over at Quinn, “Quinn. Take your Celine Dion wannabe away from me before I smack her.”
“-but occasionally I do happen to stray and put my two cents in. This qualifies as one of those off chances, because I was wondering if it had occurred to you just how miserable you look and how long you were intending on keeping up this charade that you’re okay without Brittany.”
Santana narrowed her eyes, “What makes you think I’m not okay?”
“Are you aware that she cries in the bathroom every free period?”
Santana froze, “She does?”
“Yes.” Rachel nodded her head quickly, “So if I may ask, usually you’re the one to fight for Brittany’s dignity, or in other words ‘kick the ass of whoever hurt her’. Well does this mean you intend on kicking your own ass? Because that’s a little improbable ya know? I’m just a bit sketchy on the details.”
Quinn sat down and started rubbing Rachel’s back as Santana looked around, everyone was looking at her. Well everyone was usually looking at her, but this time it wasn’t out of fear or envy, it was out of pity. Even the Glee losers looked at her as if she was a lost puppy. She took a deep breathe and went against the part of her that never asked for anything.
She turned back to Rachel, “What should I do?”
“You need to make a grand gesture.” A what?
“What?” Santana repeated out loud, looking at Rachel as if she were insane; well, more insane than usual.
“A declaration of love. You know, like in all the romance novels? Seriously, didn’t you watch Disney movies as a kid?” Quinn smiled as Rachel beamed, all Santana really wanted to do was punch something, but right now she needed them, and frankly, being alone was getting kind of boring.
“No, I had a life.” Santana did a mental happy dance as Rachel and Quinn’s smiles faded.
She stood up quickly, grabbing her magazine. Screw rules, screw Lima County, and screw fucking McKinley High. Santana was getting her Brittany back. Santana started walking away, trying her best to resist the urge to stab all the people with a fork that were looking at her. She was violent by nature, so it probably wouldn’t shock anyone if she did, but for Brittany she’d have to take one for the team and just not hurt anybody till after they made up. She needed to focus and be on her A game.
She was barely a few feet away when she heard Quinn whisper, “Of course I think you’re better than Celine Dion.”
That girl had Quinn whipped.
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Santana had searched a majority of the school before realizing that Brittany wasn’t that difficult to find when you remember the place she goes to whenever she’s upset. Santana pushed open the doors to the girls’ restroom, peering under the stalls until she saw the one with feet under it and heard sniffles.
“Britty?” Brittany didn’t respond, she just shuffled her feet.
“It’s not me Santana.” Santana rolled her eyes before pushing the stall open to reveal a red faced Brittany in her Cheerios uniform, her eyes puffy and a tissue crumpled in her hand. Santana took a step forward but Brittany just cowered in fear like Santana was going to hurt her. That hurt more than the sight of Brittany crying.
“B?” Santana put on her best smile and reached out for Brittany.
“I’m mad at you.”
Santana resisted the urge to roll her eyes; Brittany wasn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed.
“I know, B.” Santana took another step forward, her fingers barely touching Brittany’s face. She felt like slapping herself when she felt how wet Brittany’s cheeks were. Brittany looked Santana in the eyes, confusion written all over her face.
“Santy?”
“Yeah baby?” Santana continued to inch closer, until she was practically on Brittany’s lap.
“You hurt me,” Brittany placed a hand over Santana’s heart, “you hurt me here. Worse than that time Gavin Solomon laughed at me for getting my thumb stuck in the vacuum.”
Santana shut her eyes, “I know, Britt.”
“You promised me you’d never do that, remember? Remember you said that, that you’d never leave and you’d nev-”
“-er hurt you, or let others hurt you, because were besties and besties always have each other’s backs.” Santana recited the words she had once spoke in the seventh grade after Brittany had gotten her head stuck in a window and kids were making fun of her. She had first kicked the ass of every kid who even so much as looked at Brittany, than she had performed a best friend ceremony, promising to always be there for Brittany because no one else was.
Brittany smiled as she remembered then froze, her gaze hardening, “I don’t like being mad at you, it makes me feel all sick, and it gives me wrinkles.”
Santana smiled meekly at the bluntness of Brittany’s statement, she moved so that she was kneeling in front of Brittany, the front of her Cheerio uniform wrinkling, “I know, B. But I promise I can make it up to you.”
Brittany frowned, “How? You can’t just buy me cookies, don’t think that’ll work.”
“Oh, it’s better than cookies.”
Brittany grinned, “Really?”
Santana nodded, “Really, but you have to follow me into the hallway first.”
Brittany licked her lips and concentrated, a small crease forming on her forehead as she stuck her tongue out, Santana was starting to doubt herself, and her awesomeness, until Brittany grinned.
“Okay.”
Santana smiled and grabbed Brittany’s hand, pulling her into the hallway, she kissed Brittany’s hand briefly before letting it go and marching over to Matt.
“Hey Santa--ow--what the hell!”
Santana grabbed Matt by the shoulder and shoved him into a locker, growling as she leaned in to him, “You are not taking Brittany on a date.”
“What? Why?”
“Because,” Santana glanced over at Brittany who looked frightened, she released her grip a little, “because Brittany is my girlfriend.” She let go of Matt who fell to the floor, looking up at her in disbelief, she just smiled and walked back over to Brittany.
“Why’d you do that?”
Santana grimaced and shrugged her shoulders, “It was an accident B.”
“Oh. Okay.”
Santana smiled and turned just in time to see Matt try and reach towards Brittany, she shoved him again, releasing some of that pent up aggression Rachel had been talking about.
Santana turned back to Brittany, who had one eyebrow raised questioningly.
Santana rolled her eyes and shrugged again, “Both times.”
“That was mean.”
“Yeah, well if you haven’t heard, I have been on a bit of a war path lately.”
Brittany nodded her head, eyes sparkling, “Its cause of me isn’t it?”
Santana reached forward and placed a hand on Brittany’s cheek, “It’s always’s cause of you, Britt.”
“Well this is your entire fault you know.”
It wasn’t entirely her fault!
“Hey, that’s not true!”
“Yessir, it is.”
“How is it my fault?” Santana grumbled as she crossed her arms. Maybe she was to blame for a bit of it, okay, a lot of it, but it wasn’t all her fault, “If anything it’s all you fault.” Santana glared at Brittany, who just frowned.
“How is it my fault?”
“You made me fall in love with you.” Santana hissed ignoring the gazes of nearly half the student body.
Brittany frowned, “You made me fall in love with you. So technically it’s your entire fault!”
“It is not!” Santana threw her hands in the air frustrated.
Brittany nodded her head and grinned, “Yes it is. Rachel said it’s always you fault.”
“Yeah well, Rachels…a…a…she’s dumb.” Santana mumbled incoherently as Brittany stepped closer to her.
“Did you mean it?” Brittany tilted her head to the side and chewed on her lip.
“Mean what?”
Brittany grinned, “That you’re in love with me.”
Santana nodded, “If you still want me to be.”
Brittany grinned and leaped towards Santana, pushing her into a row of lockers before placing her lips quickly on Santana’s. Santana froze before quickly wrapping her arms around Brittany’s waist. She quickly turned them around so that Brittany’s back hit the lockers and grinned as a slight ‘hmph’ left Brittany’s mouth. Brittany slowly lowered her hands onto Santana’s butt. If it hadn’t been for Puck’s cheering and the wolf whistles she was hearing, Santana was pretty sure she would have taken Brittany right there, instead she forced herself to pull away with a slight ‘pop’.
Brittany grinned as she wrapped her arm around Santana’s waist, “Does this mean were not-secret girlfriends anymore?”
Santana smiled, “Considering we just made out in front of half of the school? No.”
Brittany grinned even wider as they started walking towards the locker rooms, “Does this mean we can get ice cream now?”
Santana rolled her eyes, but had a soft smile on her face, “Anything you want B.”
And she meant that.
“I’ll get the mint chocolate chip because that’s your favorite. That way we can share, it’s not fun if you don’t share. I missed sharing. I missed you.” Brittany leaned in and nuzzled her head in Santana’s neck.
Santana grinned as she pulled Brittany closer. She knew Glee was turning her into an actual person, and for once, she didn’t have such a problem with it.
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