Up the ladder (to the roof?)

[boolean263]

My friend and commiserator in manners of being single males sent me this link on the "ladder theory" of relationships between men and women. On the whole, I find it chauvanistic and bitter, despite the author's responses to such criticisms. But there are a few things that I can't disagree with, particularly given recent events and soul-searching

Comments

[psychocreampuff]

Personally, I am confused by the concept of a life partner and best friend not being the same person.

Also, I am amused that all the ads on those pages seem to be dating ads. I'm not sure if that's ironic or what.

[boolean263]

There are a few obvious (and either snarky or depressive) responses to your first statement, but we wouldn't be here in the first place if I wanted to forego thoughtful analysis in favour of the quick answer. (: Though it is a slight divergence from the topic at hand, I don't view the "best friend" as being something a person has only one of. I have a few people who I would trust with my life, and whom I would give my own life for if it came down to it, but obviously, not all of them are my life partner. I believe the bond shared by best friends is similar to that shared by life partners, but at least in the ideal sense, I like to think the bond between life partners is even deeper and has more layers and subtleties to it

[psychocreampuff]

I can agree with that, certainly. A person may have multiple close friends, but I personally think a life partner should also be considered one of these friends. I don't like the idea of that being a different category, and have never been one to categorize or rate my friends in my heard. Maybe some females do that, though. I have been called pretty strange for a girl, or a boy in a girl's body.

Of course, even if the last were true in a sense, I can't say I've had much in the way of sexual desire for people I meet either. The thought of evaluating someone for that makes me feel a little ill inside.

[psychopyro]

I think the theory around women wanting men with power has been portrayed a little too bluntly. Like you said, it holds a bit of water, but people jump to generalizations too quickly without trying to understand the logic. I agree more with your comment about women preferring men who "have what it takes to go GET the power

[boolean263]

None taken. I appreciate hearing other perspectives, from male and female alike, and your assessment makes perfect sense. A male who gives off the impression that he can provide well for his wife and offspring must be more desirable than one who will apparently succumb to threats or bypass opportunities.

Assuming the Nice Guy does indeed give that impression of emotional dependability you mention, that explains why he would get such a high position on the Friend Ladder. But for the aforementioned reasons, it's the Friend Ladder he gets placed on, not the other. Perhaps that goes along with humanity's history as a social species.

Thanks for reading with an open mind and sharing your views!

[tiffybunny13]

I have to say i was extremely amused by the entire site not to mention all of the arguements this guy made. While i have to agree with a lot of it - like the breakdown of "physical attraction" from a female's pov and the 2 ladders scenerio, i think this guy is forgetting the most important thing that makes us difference from other animals - the human mind. If we didn't have the mental capacity that we have, i think he would be totally correct. Except for humans want more than just a good lay - guys and girls want meaning in a relationship, someone who understands them and is totally devoted. Sure we get jealous and money/power is always a plus, but the flaw in the arguements are not including the human mind.

I sent this article to my roommate and thinking of sending it to my best guy friend....should i? lol

[boolean263]

Your statement sounds blindingly obvious, but it's so simple that it's easy to overlook. A lot of what he says is probably true if you look at humans as a primitive species, but the human mind is a very important factor. We're not just driven by our hormones any more.

Having said that, I think it is good to know what our biological motivations and the resultant behaviours are, because we aren't completely immune to our base instincts and intuitions. It's apparently still true that most humans form a decision about how they will view other humans within the first five seconds or so of seeing them for the first time. Which is really a shame.

Hopefully your roommate (and your friend, if you send it to him) are critically-minded enough to draw their own conclusions from the article, and to not presume your own attitude from its contents! (:

[allethaen]

I find this whole "Ladder Theory" thing a rather interesting subject... in an ironic way, of course.

I found this quote particularly hilarious:

Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.So, according to the site, it's completely impossible for a guy to think a girl as a friend, right? While I do think this' right for a part of the human male population, assuming we all are that way is... really funny! (it's been mentioned before, but the presence of the human mind and consciousness draws a line between the primitive beings portrayed in the "Theory" and actual people. Of course, humanity is such a relative concept so... still, each person is a universe

[boolean263]

Heheh! That last point is a good one! I'm probably reading too much into a site that's self-admittedly stupid. (:

You also make a good point about the outlaw bikers. Some women may like the thrill of a rebel, at least in the short term, but I'd imagine it's an unsatisfying relationship over time (if not downright dangerous).

And I'm glad that I'm coming across as coherent when I debate the points of the article. I'm not sure how that shows I'm strong of spirit, but I'm grateful that you think I come across that way. I'll try not to let you down. (: