hyunseung/kikwang: heartbreak stations
heartbreak stations
kikwang-centric, hyunseung/kikwang, broken!junhyung/kikwang
r, au, angst, drama
heartbreak stations.
lee kikwang had always been the awkward, quiet kid who sits in the back of the class. his uniform is always clean and tidy with his tie tucked underneath his school jacket and shirt buttons all buttoned up to his neck. he always raised his head to copy notes and drop them immediately as if afraid of making any eye contact (not that anyone would be looking at his direction anways). he wears a big, nerdy glasses that covered half of his face, clean black haircut with bangs just above his eyes and a bright eye smile that shied underneath books.
lee kikwang is like a robot. he wakes up early to go to school, absorbed anything the school has to offer (books and pencils and notes on the board, boys and girls and punches of greetings and good-byes), and he walks back home alone (occasionally brusies and cuts accompany him along the empty street), and waits for someone to knock on the door (but there's nothing, and day by day kikwang can barely remember the faces of the woman and man that once told him he was something special). lee kikwang likes to think that everything is just normal, everything is just fine. but the truth is always a little painful.
yong junhyung is something completely different, and maybe that's why kikwang's curious. yong junhyung held kikwang's hands and tied their hearts together with his smiles and cigarettes. kikwang met new people (like yoseob and doojoon and dongwoon) and he learned a new life. his empty room were now filled with smokes and cologne and alcohol and junhyung, and sometimes they would kiss and make love between the thin sheets and the remaining love would immersed the pillows with marks all over, and kikwang would think that maybe a part of him is normal, maybe a part of him is fine.
but then everything changed and the thin string that tied kikwang to the rest of the world disappeared.
"you're just temporary. always just temporary." junhyung said, fingers entwined with dongwoon's (not kikwang's, never kikwang's) and kikwang's shaking, startled and steady and his eyes wide with tears.
somewhere underneath those pale skins and heavy bones and pink flesh, there's a small heart, beating desperately and slowly and dying, calling junhyung, junhyung, junhyung. but junhyung doesn't hear his beats, because all junhyung can see are dongwoon's bright eyes that twinkled with stars (unlike his own bleak, hollow eyes) and dongwoon's beautiful laughter (unlike his own stuttering, quiet voice), and everything just falls apart because damnit, junhyung is kikwang's world, but kikwang was never junhyung's.
lee kikwang is like a robot. he wakes up early to go to school, absorbed anything the school has to offer (kicks and glares and empty stares in his eyes), and he walks back home alone (brusies and cuts accompany him along the empty street, he thinks maybe they're the only ones that cares), and waits for someone to knock on the door (but there's nothing, and day by day kikwang drowned himself in the smokes of cigarettes and the bitterness of alcohol, but something is still missing, something like junhyung). lee kikwang likes to think that everything is just normal, everything is just fine. but the truth is always a little painful.
lee kikwang is a little scared, but perhaps just a little, because kikwang never really knew how to funtion his heart. his heart throbbed and cried and it never beats for himself. he's a little confused. maybe it is already broken. maybe it had always been broken.
somewhere between night clubs and drunk fucks and stumbling on the empty street, kikwang met the dancer-boy. "it may be easier to live numbly, but never forget how to feel." kikwang remembed the dancer-boy who grabbed his hand and whispered those words against his ear and knocked gently and vehemently on his heart. it was a little cold to the skin but nevertheless it was something. maybe the dancer-boy knows, maybe those words are promises that are meant to be kept.
he later learned that the dancer-boy is called jang hyunseung, and he remembered, because there's something about his touch that made kikwang feel, and kikwang wants-needs, to feel, again and again, because he wants to know that maybe he's not broken, he wants to know that maybe he's still here.
jang hyunseung picked up the broken strings of kikwang's heart and tied them clumsily with his own, pulling him further and further away from the world. kikwang is a little scared because he sees junhyung and dongwoon and everyone else on the other side, and he thinks that maybe he can still go back-but no, jang hyunseung told kikwang that he's there and always there. kikwang doesn't know if he should trust hyunseung, but at this point he doesn't know anymore, so he doesn't care.
"you smoke a lot." hyunseung's lips conntected with kikwang's bare skin and the words danced on the tips of kikwang's flesh, sending goosebumps down his spine.
"i don't know." kikwang whispered, tears falling from his dark black eyes. "i don't know."
kikwang closed his eyes and closed his mouth and closed his senses, he moved under hyunseung's touches and allowed the dancer-boy to guide him, his clammy hands against hyunseung's and they moved in rhythm, hands roaming and trying to find the passage to his heart.
"maybe i can help you." hyunseung said between licks and kisses.
"i'm a worried thing. i'm just temporary." kikwang cried and moaned, arching his back to feel the heat of hyunseung-he wants it, he needs it, now-becauase it's all just temporary. i'm just temporary.
"everything in this world is just temporary," hyunseung swinged his hips in a beautiful manner, leaving feathery kisses that trailed along kikwang's skin and the words that escaped from hyunseung's lips snaked around kikwang's ears with it's own powerful and graceful motion; he thrusted his hips a few more times, reaching higher and higher until he came into kikwang and both collasped with shaky breaths. "but maybe you're different."
kikwang opened his eyes and opened his mouth and opened his senses and entwined his fingers with hyunseung's. maybe they've found his heart afterall.
so perhaps lee kikwang had always been a little broken. sometimes he would watch junhyung and dongwoon holding hands and embracing each other with something that danced in their eyes, something he doesn't quite understand, and his heart would hurt, just a little. but he never hated junhyung for what he did, because no, he never will. lee kikwang loved yong junhyung once, and lee kikwang loves yong junhyung still. maybe the best thing never happened to kikwang, but when he turned around and sees jang hyunseung behind him with his arms open and lips curled into a smile, he thinks that maybe this is good enough.
(it doesn't make sense to let go of something you've loved and cherished, but it also doesn't make sense to hold onto something when there's nothing left for you to hold on. so maybe when it's time to move on, you've just got to let it go.
kikwang laughed, kicking off his shoes and wiggled his toes, feeling the burning sand under his feet as he ran down the shore, cold water brushed against his ankles. he embraced the water and ate a mouthful of sand, splashing water here and there and tripping over rocks and shells and his hand never leaving hyunseung's.)
author's note:
lee kikwang you dumb dumb ilu, sfm ;A;
happy happy birthday boy ♥
kikwang-centric, hyunseung/kikwang, broken!junhyung/kikwang
r, au, angst, drama
heartbreak stations.
lee kikwang had always been the awkward, quiet kid who sits in the back of the class. his uniform is always clean and tidy with his tie tucked underneath his school jacket and shirt buttons all buttoned up to his neck. he always raised his head to copy notes and drop them immediately as if afraid of making any eye contact (not that anyone would be looking at his direction anways). he wears a big, nerdy glasses that covered half of his face, clean black haircut with bangs just above his eyes and a bright eye smile that shied underneath books.
lee kikwang is like a robot. he wakes up early to go to school, absorbed anything the school has to offer (books and pencils and notes on the board, boys and girls and punches of greetings and good-byes), and he walks back home alone (occasionally brusies and cuts accompany him along the empty street), and waits for someone to knock on the door (but there's nothing, and day by day kikwang can barely remember the faces of the woman and man that once told him he was something special). lee kikwang likes to think that everything is just normal, everything is just fine. but the truth is always a little painful.
yong junhyung is something completely different, and maybe that's why kikwang's curious. yong junhyung held kikwang's hands and tied their hearts together with his smiles and cigarettes. kikwang met new people (like yoseob and doojoon and dongwoon) and he learned a new life. his empty room were now filled with smokes and cologne and alcohol and junhyung, and sometimes they would kiss and make love between the thin sheets and the remaining love would immersed the pillows with marks all over, and kikwang would think that maybe a part of him is normal, maybe a part of him is fine.
but then everything changed and the thin string that tied kikwang to the rest of the world disappeared.
"you're just temporary. always just temporary." junhyung said, fingers entwined with dongwoon's (not kikwang's, never kikwang's) and kikwang's shaking, startled and steady and his eyes wide with tears.
somewhere underneath those pale skins and heavy bones and pink flesh, there's a small heart, beating desperately and slowly and dying, calling junhyung, junhyung, junhyung. but junhyung doesn't hear his beats, because all junhyung can see are dongwoon's bright eyes that twinkled with stars (unlike his own bleak, hollow eyes) and dongwoon's beautiful laughter (unlike his own stuttering, quiet voice), and everything just falls apart because damnit, junhyung is kikwang's world, but kikwang was never junhyung's.
lee kikwang is like a robot. he wakes up early to go to school, absorbed anything the school has to offer (kicks and glares and empty stares in his eyes), and he walks back home alone (brusies and cuts accompany him along the empty street, he thinks maybe they're the only ones that cares), and waits for someone to knock on the door (but there's nothing, and day by day kikwang drowned himself in the smokes of cigarettes and the bitterness of alcohol, but something is still missing, something like junhyung). lee kikwang likes to think that everything is just normal, everything is just fine. but the truth is always a little painful.
lee kikwang is a little scared, but perhaps just a little, because kikwang never really knew how to funtion his heart. his heart throbbed and cried and it never beats for himself. he's a little confused. maybe it is already broken. maybe it had always been broken.
somewhere between night clubs and drunk fucks and stumbling on the empty street, kikwang met the dancer-boy. "it may be easier to live numbly, but never forget how to feel." kikwang remembed the dancer-boy who grabbed his hand and whispered those words against his ear and knocked gently and vehemently on his heart. it was a little cold to the skin but nevertheless it was something. maybe the dancer-boy knows, maybe those words are promises that are meant to be kept.
he later learned that the dancer-boy is called jang hyunseung, and he remembered, because there's something about his touch that made kikwang feel, and kikwang wants-needs, to feel, again and again, because he wants to know that maybe he's not broken, he wants to know that maybe he's still here.
jang hyunseung picked up the broken strings of kikwang's heart and tied them clumsily with his own, pulling him further and further away from the world. kikwang is a little scared because he sees junhyung and dongwoon and everyone else on the other side, and he thinks that maybe he can still go back-but no, jang hyunseung told kikwang that he's there and always there. kikwang doesn't know if he should trust hyunseung, but at this point he doesn't know anymore, so he doesn't care.
"you smoke a lot." hyunseung's lips conntected with kikwang's bare skin and the words danced on the tips of kikwang's flesh, sending goosebumps down his spine.
"i don't know." kikwang whispered, tears falling from his dark black eyes. "i don't know."
kikwang closed his eyes and closed his mouth and closed his senses, he moved under hyunseung's touches and allowed the dancer-boy to guide him, his clammy hands against hyunseung's and they moved in rhythm, hands roaming and trying to find the passage to his heart.
"maybe i can help you." hyunseung said between licks and kisses.
"i'm a worried thing. i'm just temporary." kikwang cried and moaned, arching his back to feel the heat of hyunseung-he wants it, he needs it, now-becauase it's all just temporary. i'm just temporary.
"everything in this world is just temporary," hyunseung swinged his hips in a beautiful manner, leaving feathery kisses that trailed along kikwang's skin and the words that escaped from hyunseung's lips snaked around kikwang's ears with it's own powerful and graceful motion; he thrusted his hips a few more times, reaching higher and higher until he came into kikwang and both collasped with shaky breaths. "but maybe you're different."
kikwang opened his eyes and opened his mouth and opened his senses and entwined his fingers with hyunseung's. maybe they've found his heart afterall.
so perhaps lee kikwang had always been a little broken. sometimes he would watch junhyung and dongwoon holding hands and embracing each other with something that danced in their eyes, something he doesn't quite understand, and his heart would hurt, just a little. but he never hated junhyung for what he did, because no, he never will. lee kikwang loved yong junhyung once, and lee kikwang loves yong junhyung still. maybe the best thing never happened to kikwang, but when he turned around and sees jang hyunseung behind him with his arms open and lips curled into a smile, he thinks that maybe this is good enough.
(it doesn't make sense to let go of something you've loved and cherished, but it also doesn't make sense to hold onto something when there's nothing left for you to hold on. so maybe when it's time to move on, you've just got to let it go.
kikwang laughed, kicking off his shoes and wiggled his toes, feeling the burning sand under his feet as he ran down the shore, cold water brushed against his ankles. he embraced the water and ate a mouthful of sand, splashing water here and there and tripping over rocks and shells and his hand never leaving hyunseung's.)
author's note:
lee kikwang you dumb dumb ilu, sfm ;A;
happy happy birthday boy ♥