And then there were three.
Sabrina didn't make it.
I had a bad feeling from the very beginning about this. I just knew something was going to go wrong, even though everyone was saying "she'll be fine, it's just a dental cleaning." I had a premonition. That's why I was so nervous yesterday.
They were cleaning her teeth when she started having trouble breathing. Within minutes, she had a heart attack and was gone. I got there three minutes after she died. Three. Minutes.
I am beating myself up like crazy. The fact that she spent her last night in a cage at an unfamiliar place, rather than sleeping in my bed, I will never be able to forgive myself for. I had the option of bringing her home yesterday, but I left her there so they'd have her early this morning to start the procedure and I wouldn't have to get her back in her carrier and make her ride in the car any more than she had to. I thought I was being smart by doing this, but now I'd give anything if I could go back and change that, and have brought her home with me. I didn't even get to say goodbye. At least with Dexter, I was holding him when he died. This time, it happened within minutes, and was totally unexpected. I'm also beating myself up over the fact that, had I gotten there three minutes earlier, I could've been with her when she died. I think I realize that she was sedated, and wouldn't have known I was there, but still. I was doing 85mph in a 55mph zone, trying to get there as quickly as I could, and I was three minutes late. I got there right at 9:00. She'd passed away at 8:57.
I'm just kicking myself all around. "If only I'd ________." I guess on an intellectual level, I know that I did all I could/what I thought was best. But on an emotional level, it will take a long, long time to think that I really did.
I opted not to have her cremated. I actually have her body with me. The doctor said it might be a good idea to bring it in (she's wrapped in plastic, and swaddled in a towel) to let the other cats smell her body, so they'll understand she's gone. General never did quit looking for her last night. He was pacing and looking worried every time I saw him, and he never came up to my bed to sleep, so I wonder if he ever did. Right now, he's laying about two feet away from her body, which is in the living room floor. I think he's finally sleeping, so maybe he does realize.
I'm going to go take a shower and then take her body up to the farm to bury it. I can still smell the vet's perfume from where she hugged me (Beautiful, by Estee Lauder.) I want to wash it off, because it's making me sick. I just wanted to let everyone know.
I don't think this has totally sunk in yet..
June 1998 - August 2008
I had a bad feeling from the very beginning about this. I just knew something was going to go wrong, even though everyone was saying "she'll be fine, it's just a dental cleaning." I had a premonition. That's why I was so nervous yesterday.
They were cleaning her teeth when she started having trouble breathing. Within minutes, she had a heart attack and was gone. I got there three minutes after she died. Three. Minutes.
I am beating myself up like crazy. The fact that she spent her last night in a cage at an unfamiliar place, rather than sleeping in my bed, I will never be able to forgive myself for. I had the option of bringing her home yesterday, but I left her there so they'd have her early this morning to start the procedure and I wouldn't have to get her back in her carrier and make her ride in the car any more than she had to. I thought I was being smart by doing this, but now I'd give anything if I could go back and change that, and have brought her home with me. I didn't even get to say goodbye. At least with Dexter, I was holding him when he died. This time, it happened within minutes, and was totally unexpected. I'm also beating myself up over the fact that, had I gotten there three minutes earlier, I could've been with her when she died. I think I realize that she was sedated, and wouldn't have known I was there, but still. I was doing 85mph in a 55mph zone, trying to get there as quickly as I could, and I was three minutes late. I got there right at 9:00. She'd passed away at 8:57.
I'm just kicking myself all around. "If only I'd ________." I guess on an intellectual level, I know that I did all I could/what I thought was best. But on an emotional level, it will take a long, long time to think that I really did.
I opted not to have her cremated. I actually have her body with me. The doctor said it might be a good idea to bring it in (she's wrapped in plastic, and swaddled in a towel) to let the other cats smell her body, so they'll understand she's gone. General never did quit looking for her last night. He was pacing and looking worried every time I saw him, and he never came up to my bed to sleep, so I wonder if he ever did. Right now, he's laying about two feet away from her body, which is in the living room floor. I think he's finally sleeping, so maybe he does realize.
I'm going to go take a shower and then take her body up to the farm to bury it. I can still smell the vet's perfume from where she hugged me (Beautiful, by Estee Lauder.) I want to wash it off, because it's making me sick. I just wanted to let everyone know.
I don't think this has totally sunk in yet..
June 1998 - August 2008