What Have I Done? - 2/2
Title: What Have I Done? - 2/2
Author: kidots
Pairing: Kikwang/Dongwoon
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG
Summary: He realised what an idiot he was when he found out the truth.
I stayed with Yoseob for a week, never once turning on my phone. My e-mail box was filled with messages from Dongwoon. At first, those messages had been on a note of confusion.
~"What's wrong?"
~"What happened?"
~"Let me know, I'm here for you."
~"Kikwang, you know I love you right?"
For all the 6 months of dating, Dongwoon had never utter those words. Maybe he was wrong. He shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. But, the next message...
~"Regardless, know that you have a friend in me."
A friend? A friend? After the 6 months of dating, I'm still a friend?
As the week at Yoseob's passed by, the messages from Dongwoon turned demanding, it turned bitter. I looked blankly at the monitor as words from those messages kept repeating itself in my head.
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Your phone is off, I have to resort to e-mailing and I don't even get a single reply."
"This has gone too far, I cannot possibly sit around and wonder what I did wrong when I don't even know what I did in the first place."
"Are you dead? Cause you might as well be for me."
Before leaving Yoseob's, I felt I owed him an explanation. I told him the entire scene which was still so vivid in my mind.
He listened intently, and when I stopped, he sighed, "Don't you think that at least for the fact that you love him so much, you could have at least let him explain? An old photo could mean a million things. The guy turning up at his doorstep could mean a million things."
He continued with a shake of his head, "What made you think that the guy was a lover anyway? If you truly do love him as much as you say you do, go to him and asked him what happened? Who was that guy? Let your mind be at ease. You can't continue life wondering what could have been."
Yoseob's advice was a wake-up call. But, Dongwoon's final e-mail wasn't a real good motivator for me to go meet him either. He appears to be hurt with what I did.
---
Another 3 weeks passed, I never did take Yoseob's advice. I figured it'd be best to leave it as it is. The e-mails stopped coming. Everything seemed to go back to normal, with the exception that I'm no longer feeling happy as I used to be. The blue velvet box sits itself inside my dresser drawer. Occasionally, I would take a look at it. The pain sometimes too hard to bear.
One morning, Yosoeb called me, telling me that he was in the neighbourhood and would like for us to meet up. He had with him a friend that he would love for me to meet. Having the chance of meeting my best friend, I agreed and was as usual on time. I caught sight of Yoseob who waved when he saw me walking into the restaurant. I waved back. Seated at the table, was a stranger. His back was towards me but there was something familiar with that stranger.
He stood up and turned around, I stopped dead in my tracks, that stranger was Dongwoon's stranger. Although I only saw him at a distant a month or so ago, I could never get that stranger out of my head. Yoseob ran towards me, and practically dragged me towards their table. "Let me introduce you guys, this is my best friend, Kikwang. And Kikwang, this is my boyfriend, Doojoon", smiling away. He extended his hand but I was still numb. Yoseob nudged me, "Hey. What's wrong with you?" I turned to him, "Did you say boyfriend?" He nodded.
"Your name seemed really familiar, you look rather familiar as well, have we met?" I turned my attention back towards the stranger who up-close doesn't seem any taller than Dongwoon. Maybe the same. I shake my thoughts away and answered him as best I could.
"I don't think so".
Throughout lunch, all I could hear was my thoughts asking me, what the hell is going on?
When we were about to leave, I simply couldn't hold it in any longer.
"Do you , by any chance, know Dongwoon?"
He stared blankly at me, as though trying to search his memory for a person named Dongwoon. Suddenly, he frowned, "Oh my God, you're Dongwoon's Kikwang. I've heard so much about you. What happened to you that night anyway? Dongwoon had arranged for us to meet up but you never show. He searched for you everywhere. We went to your apartment , but you weren't there. He kept calling you. And when you did pick up, you said that you were sorry and that you can't bear to hear it. Dongwoon was heartbroken. He couldn't understand what went wrong. What went wrong anyway?"
I blinked dumbly at him. I couldn't think of what to say. Dongwoon was heartbroken, all because of my haste reaction. "Who are you to Dongwoon anyway?"
"I'm his childhood friend and best friend. I moved to Japan when I was fifteen, but we remained in contact. I recently moved back here. That night was the first time I saw him in 6 years. He wanted to introduce you to me. But..."
I felt like an idiot. My foolish idea that the stranger was a lover. My foolish self that never gave a chance to Dongwoon. I'm so stupid. I needed to find Dongwoon. I needed to tell him what happened. I need to apologise. I need to tell him that I love him.
I excused myself from my 2 rather blurr-looking friends, I thanked Yoseob for calling me, I thanked Doojoon for telling me.
I ran home, ran straight to my room, opened the dresser drawer and grab the blue velvet box. I clenched my fist around it and silently calling myself an idiot. I had to find Dongwoon now. Explain myself. I pocket the box and grabbed my keys. I sped down the streets to where Dongwoon lives. I parked my car and ran down the pathway straight to his doorstep. Before ringing the doorbell, I catch my breath, making a personal note to apologise as soon as he opens the door. I rang the bell. Once. No answer. I rang again. Still no answer. Maybe he's asleep, in the shower, I rang again, this time I buzzed it a couple of times. Then suddenly, I hear the door lock clicked open, I put on a smile. I prepared myself, but what greeted me, shocked me to silence. A woman was standing in the doorway. She looked at me strangely before saying, "Who are you looking for?"
I opened my mouth wanting to politely ask her who she was, yet only the word Dongwoon came out.
"Ah, you must be looking for the previous tenant. He moved."
My jaw dropped, "He moved? Do you know where to? When did he moved?"
"I wasn't told. Only about a week ago, I guess. I just moved in 2 days ago, so I'm not too sure."
I bowed my head slightly, apologised and said my thanks before turning on my heels to leave. Dongwoon moved? Instantly, I called Yoseob, "Yoseob, Dongwoon moved. Can you ask Doojoon if he knows where he moved to?" I waited patiently. I could hear the two talking away and then Yoseob replying me with, "He says he doesn't. He hasn't been in contact with him for a while now. So, what are you going to do now?"
"I don't know. Maybe I'll try calling him. Thanks."
I dialled Dongwoon's number, "The number you've dialled is no longer in service."
What? He changed his number. He must have been really hurt and now no longer wants anything to do with me. I silently prayed, let me find him please, he needs to know I'm sorry, oh God, what have I done? Please let me find him. I searched for him everywhere I knew possible. By night, I absolutely ran out of ideas. Places I knew he might be at, all end up giving me the same answer. We haven't seen him in awhile.
I could feel the life in me once again being snatched away. This time, because of my stupidity. This time, the situation is bleak. This time, Dongwoon meant business. Oh, what an idiot I've been. How could I have jumped to such ridiculous conclusions?
I parked my car aside and decided I needed some fresh air to clear my head. I needed to calm down or I'll go crazy. What have I done kept yelling back at me in my head. I try desperately to hold back my tears. This isn't the time or place. I walked down the street, unaware of my surroundings, I turned a corner and kept walking. I kept on walking until I reached a cafe. I looked in, there were quite a number of people inside. I hadn't realised how thirsty and hungry I was, I don't have the appetite for anything but a drink may be what I need.
I walked in and sat at the only available table which was located almost at the rear of the cafe. The bustling in the cafe took my mind off of things. I looked around and my eyes caught sight of a man who has his back towards me. That man's back profile looks alot like Dongwoon's. I kept staring at it. As if sensing that someone was looking at him, the man turned. My breath caught. It was Dongwoon. As if by fate, I found him. He didn't look at all happy seeing me, he simply turned his back on me again. I slowly stood up from my table and walked over to his, I could see his shoulder tensed sensing that I was closing in on him.
"Can I sit down?"
Nonchalantly he answered, "Whatever."
I sat across from him, I couldn't read his expressions, it seemed blank to me and that hurt.
"Dongwoon-ah, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I was an idiot. I thought you were drawing away and when I saw Doojoon on your doorstep that night. I thought you've found someone else". At the mention of Doojoon's name, he looked up. "Doojoon?"
"Yes, I've met him and I know what a complete fool I was for jumping to the most ridiculous conclusion. He told me everything and I see now that I've hurt you terribly. I wish I could turn back time but what's done is done. All I'm hoping for is a second chance. I love you and I couldn't possibly lived my life without you. Because of my stupidity, the past month has been a torture to me. Please, say something."
"I'm disappointed, Kikwang. Disappointed at how little faith you have in me, at how little faith you have in yourself and mostly just disappointed at how little faith you have in us and this relationship. You left without an explanation. I tried looking for you, called you like a million times, e-mailed you and yet you never bother to reply me. You don't realise how heartbroken I was. I didn't understand a damn thing. Do you understand that? I had to move out of that house because it reminded me of you so much. Now, you come asking me for forgiveness, wanting me to accept you back. How am I going to be sure that you won't pull such a stunt again when another of my friends comes to visit me? I don't think I can take another episode like this again".
I sat there listening silently at what Dongwoon had to say, he has let his guard down and I can see from his eyes that he was hurting. All because of me. Hearing Dongwoon speak his mind, I felt I had a chance still. I put my hand into my pocket and slowly pulled out the velvet box. I lay it on the table. Dongwoon's eyes fell on it and looked back up at me. "I had this made to commemorate our 6 months' anniversary. I wanted to give it to you that night but..." I trailed off.
He slowly took the box and opened it to reveal the 2 rings. He took one out and read the inscription on it; Forever Yours, K & D. He looked back at me. "Give me another chance, Dongwoon. I know I'm an idiot this time but I promise you I'll never doubt us ever again. I love you and I'm forever yours, that is if you still want me."
With tears glistening in his eyes, he took my hand and slipped the ring onto my ring-finger. "Hmm, it fits perfectly". He looked me in the eye and continued, "Doubt me again, doubt us again and you are never going to see me for the rest of your life. Kikwang, you were a fool for not seeing that I loved you. I've loved you since the moment I saw you. Maybe this was partly my fault for never telling you how I felt".
I shook my head. "No, no, this was my fault. My insecurity. My immaturity. I should have hear you out..."
He silent me by planting a kiss on my lips. "It's in the past now. We should let it be and move on from here onwards".
Not caring about the weird stares that we were receiving from the patrons in the restaurant, I moved in for a deeper kiss. I slipped on the other ring onto Dongwoon's finger. "Dongwoon-ah, thank you for giving me a second chance. What have I done to deserve you, my angel?"
---
Thank you very much for reading.
Comments are much loved and appreciated.
P/S: Sorry if it might be slightly lame... I tried my best.
Author: kidots
Pairing: Kikwang/Dongwoon
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG
Summary: He realised what an idiot he was when he found out the truth.
I stayed with Yoseob for a week, never once turning on my phone. My e-mail box was filled with messages from Dongwoon. At first, those messages had been on a note of confusion.
~"What's wrong?"
~"What happened?"
~"Let me know, I'm here for you."
~"Kikwang, you know I love you right?"
For all the 6 months of dating, Dongwoon had never utter those words. Maybe he was wrong. He shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. But, the next message...
~"Regardless, know that you have a friend in me."
A friend? A friend? After the 6 months of dating, I'm still a friend?
As the week at Yoseob's passed by, the messages from Dongwoon turned demanding, it turned bitter. I looked blankly at the monitor as words from those messages kept repeating itself in my head.
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Your phone is off, I have to resort to e-mailing and I don't even get a single reply."
"This has gone too far, I cannot possibly sit around and wonder what I did wrong when I don't even know what I did in the first place."
"Are you dead? Cause you might as well be for me."
Before leaving Yoseob's, I felt I owed him an explanation. I told him the entire scene which was still so vivid in my mind.
He listened intently, and when I stopped, he sighed, "Don't you think that at least for the fact that you love him so much, you could have at least let him explain? An old photo could mean a million things. The guy turning up at his doorstep could mean a million things."
He continued with a shake of his head, "What made you think that the guy was a lover anyway? If you truly do love him as much as you say you do, go to him and asked him what happened? Who was that guy? Let your mind be at ease. You can't continue life wondering what could have been."
Yoseob's advice was a wake-up call. But, Dongwoon's final e-mail wasn't a real good motivator for me to go meet him either. He appears to be hurt with what I did.
---
Another 3 weeks passed, I never did take Yoseob's advice. I figured it'd be best to leave it as it is. The e-mails stopped coming. Everything seemed to go back to normal, with the exception that I'm no longer feeling happy as I used to be. The blue velvet box sits itself inside my dresser drawer. Occasionally, I would take a look at it. The pain sometimes too hard to bear.
One morning, Yosoeb called me, telling me that he was in the neighbourhood and would like for us to meet up. He had with him a friend that he would love for me to meet. Having the chance of meeting my best friend, I agreed and was as usual on time. I caught sight of Yoseob who waved when he saw me walking into the restaurant. I waved back. Seated at the table, was a stranger. His back was towards me but there was something familiar with that stranger.
He stood up and turned around, I stopped dead in my tracks, that stranger was Dongwoon's stranger. Although I only saw him at a distant a month or so ago, I could never get that stranger out of my head. Yoseob ran towards me, and practically dragged me towards their table. "Let me introduce you guys, this is my best friend, Kikwang. And Kikwang, this is my boyfriend, Doojoon", smiling away. He extended his hand but I was still numb. Yoseob nudged me, "Hey. What's wrong with you?" I turned to him, "Did you say boyfriend?" He nodded.
"Your name seemed really familiar, you look rather familiar as well, have we met?" I turned my attention back towards the stranger who up-close doesn't seem any taller than Dongwoon. Maybe the same. I shake my thoughts away and answered him as best I could.
"I don't think so".
Throughout lunch, all I could hear was my thoughts asking me, what the hell is going on?
When we were about to leave, I simply couldn't hold it in any longer.
"Do you , by any chance, know Dongwoon?"
He stared blankly at me, as though trying to search his memory for a person named Dongwoon. Suddenly, he frowned, "Oh my God, you're Dongwoon's Kikwang. I've heard so much about you. What happened to you that night anyway? Dongwoon had arranged for us to meet up but you never show. He searched for you everywhere. We went to your apartment , but you weren't there. He kept calling you. And when you did pick up, you said that you were sorry and that you can't bear to hear it. Dongwoon was heartbroken. He couldn't understand what went wrong. What went wrong anyway?"
I blinked dumbly at him. I couldn't think of what to say. Dongwoon was heartbroken, all because of my haste reaction. "Who are you to Dongwoon anyway?"
"I'm his childhood friend and best friend. I moved to Japan when I was fifteen, but we remained in contact. I recently moved back here. That night was the first time I saw him in 6 years. He wanted to introduce you to me. But..."
I felt like an idiot. My foolish idea that the stranger was a lover. My foolish self that never gave a chance to Dongwoon. I'm so stupid. I needed to find Dongwoon. I needed to tell him what happened. I need to apologise. I need to tell him that I love him.
I excused myself from my 2 rather blurr-looking friends, I thanked Yoseob for calling me, I thanked Doojoon for telling me.
I ran home, ran straight to my room, opened the dresser drawer and grab the blue velvet box. I clenched my fist around it and silently calling myself an idiot. I had to find Dongwoon now. Explain myself. I pocket the box and grabbed my keys. I sped down the streets to where Dongwoon lives. I parked my car and ran down the pathway straight to his doorstep. Before ringing the doorbell, I catch my breath, making a personal note to apologise as soon as he opens the door. I rang the bell. Once. No answer. I rang again. Still no answer. Maybe he's asleep, in the shower, I rang again, this time I buzzed it a couple of times. Then suddenly, I hear the door lock clicked open, I put on a smile. I prepared myself, but what greeted me, shocked me to silence. A woman was standing in the doorway. She looked at me strangely before saying, "Who are you looking for?"
I opened my mouth wanting to politely ask her who she was, yet only the word Dongwoon came out.
"Ah, you must be looking for the previous tenant. He moved."
My jaw dropped, "He moved? Do you know where to? When did he moved?"
"I wasn't told. Only about a week ago, I guess. I just moved in 2 days ago, so I'm not too sure."
I bowed my head slightly, apologised and said my thanks before turning on my heels to leave. Dongwoon moved? Instantly, I called Yoseob, "Yoseob, Dongwoon moved. Can you ask Doojoon if he knows where he moved to?" I waited patiently. I could hear the two talking away and then Yoseob replying me with, "He says he doesn't. He hasn't been in contact with him for a while now. So, what are you going to do now?"
"I don't know. Maybe I'll try calling him. Thanks."
I dialled Dongwoon's number, "The number you've dialled is no longer in service."
What? He changed his number. He must have been really hurt and now no longer wants anything to do with me. I silently prayed, let me find him please, he needs to know I'm sorry, oh God, what have I done? Please let me find him. I searched for him everywhere I knew possible. By night, I absolutely ran out of ideas. Places I knew he might be at, all end up giving me the same answer. We haven't seen him in awhile.
I could feel the life in me once again being snatched away. This time, because of my stupidity. This time, the situation is bleak. This time, Dongwoon meant business. Oh, what an idiot I've been. How could I have jumped to such ridiculous conclusions?
I parked my car aside and decided I needed some fresh air to clear my head. I needed to calm down or I'll go crazy. What have I done kept yelling back at me in my head. I try desperately to hold back my tears. This isn't the time or place. I walked down the street, unaware of my surroundings, I turned a corner and kept walking. I kept on walking until I reached a cafe. I looked in, there were quite a number of people inside. I hadn't realised how thirsty and hungry I was, I don't have the appetite for anything but a drink may be what I need.
I walked in and sat at the only available table which was located almost at the rear of the cafe. The bustling in the cafe took my mind off of things. I looked around and my eyes caught sight of a man who has his back towards me. That man's back profile looks alot like Dongwoon's. I kept staring at it. As if sensing that someone was looking at him, the man turned. My breath caught. It was Dongwoon. As if by fate, I found him. He didn't look at all happy seeing me, he simply turned his back on me again. I slowly stood up from my table and walked over to his, I could see his shoulder tensed sensing that I was closing in on him.
"Can I sit down?"
Nonchalantly he answered, "Whatever."
I sat across from him, I couldn't read his expressions, it seemed blank to me and that hurt.
"Dongwoon-ah, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I was an idiot. I thought you were drawing away and when I saw Doojoon on your doorstep that night. I thought you've found someone else". At the mention of Doojoon's name, he looked up. "Doojoon?"
"Yes, I've met him and I know what a complete fool I was for jumping to the most ridiculous conclusion. He told me everything and I see now that I've hurt you terribly. I wish I could turn back time but what's done is done. All I'm hoping for is a second chance. I love you and I couldn't possibly lived my life without you. Because of my stupidity, the past month has been a torture to me. Please, say something."
"I'm disappointed, Kikwang. Disappointed at how little faith you have in me, at how little faith you have in yourself and mostly just disappointed at how little faith you have in us and this relationship. You left without an explanation. I tried looking for you, called you like a million times, e-mailed you and yet you never bother to reply me. You don't realise how heartbroken I was. I didn't understand a damn thing. Do you understand that? I had to move out of that house because it reminded me of you so much. Now, you come asking me for forgiveness, wanting me to accept you back. How am I going to be sure that you won't pull such a stunt again when another of my friends comes to visit me? I don't think I can take another episode like this again".
I sat there listening silently at what Dongwoon had to say, he has let his guard down and I can see from his eyes that he was hurting. All because of me. Hearing Dongwoon speak his mind, I felt I had a chance still. I put my hand into my pocket and slowly pulled out the velvet box. I lay it on the table. Dongwoon's eyes fell on it and looked back up at me. "I had this made to commemorate our 6 months' anniversary. I wanted to give it to you that night but..." I trailed off.
He slowly took the box and opened it to reveal the 2 rings. He took one out and read the inscription on it; Forever Yours, K & D. He looked back at me. "Give me another chance, Dongwoon. I know I'm an idiot this time but I promise you I'll never doubt us ever again. I love you and I'm forever yours, that is if you still want me."
With tears glistening in his eyes, he took my hand and slipped the ring onto my ring-finger. "Hmm, it fits perfectly". He looked me in the eye and continued, "Doubt me again, doubt us again and you are never going to see me for the rest of your life. Kikwang, you were a fool for not seeing that I loved you. I've loved you since the moment I saw you. Maybe this was partly my fault for never telling you how I felt".
I shook my head. "No, no, this was my fault. My insecurity. My immaturity. I should have hear you out..."
He silent me by planting a kiss on my lips. "It's in the past now. We should let it be and move on from here onwards".
Not caring about the weird stares that we were receiving from the patrons in the restaurant, I moved in for a deeper kiss. I slipped on the other ring onto Dongwoon's finger. "Dongwoon-ah, thank you for giving me a second chance. What have I done to deserve you, my angel?"
---
Thank you very much for reading.
Comments are much loved and appreciated.
P/S: Sorry if it might be slightly lame... I tried my best.