Off-Hand

[audreyii_fic]

Title: Off-Hand
Author: audreyii_fic
Fandom: Twilight (Team Jacob)
Rating: M
Characters: Jacob/Bella
Genre: Romance/Humor
Warnings: Explicit sex.

Summary:
Bella speaks without thinking, and the results lead to an interesting afternoon. Pre-FURSPLODE!sion. Prompted by Rifftrax. Total crack!smut fluff.

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Comments

[lezah_hctiw]

Aww, shucks. That was just cute and hot and cute and hot. Who knew Bella could be a comedian? Great job, honey! :)

[audreyii_fic]

Thanks :) And when Bella tries to be funny she winds up getting laid. Wish that'd worked for me in high school.

[elle_blessing]

Bella was pretty sure she was about to be cared for like an engine.

HAHAHA! I giggled out loud at that one.

This whole piece was awesome. Nice and light-hearted, and a great peek at what could have been.

(And yeah, for J/B virgin!sex, I'm impressed. They didn't beat around the bush for a change! :D)

[audreyii_fic]

Hee, thanks :) Yeah, you know, when you think about the movie!verse scenes of Jake working on the engines... well... boy's got talented fingers, right? ;)

They didn't beat around the bush because they weren't super-angsty yet! Yay! Well, okay, perfectly IC Bella would have been angsty, but we're going to pretend she was as generally cheerful from her time with Jake as she appeared to be in the relevant scene. That's my excuse, and I'm sticking to it.

[elle_blessing]

HA! Yes. Mechanics and musicians. Always very good with their hands.

[audreyii_fic]

I dated a clarinetist once. Um... yes.

[audreyii_fic]

RIFFTRAX WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. I mean, this is only bits, you need to see the whole thing, but... yeah. You'll never watch the movies without them again. CANNOT WAIT FOR BREAKING DAWN.

[anonymous]

lol, I almost snorted tea through my nose while laughing (: that Rifftrax thing is hilarious (:

I like the pieces which are more ... yours. Thus I was rereading your stuff last week (instead of writing my dissertation; I *SO* suck :/ ). And then I read the first chapters of MotE, and ... the difference has never been clearer; it must have been horrible to force yourself into writing like SMeyer. I do appreciate your effort, though, if it's any consolation...

Thank you!
OctopusGirl

[audreyii_fic]

Thanks :) AND RIFFTRAX IS THE BEST THING EVER.

Yeah, MotE hurt. As much as anything, to be honest, it hurt my pride to write like that. (Only in the beginning, though. Later it mostly hurt my head and my stomach.) Luckily towards the end I got a lot more freedom, and FotS hasn't been quite so brutal in its Meyervoice requirements. But, well, it was definitely intellectually stimulating. Oddly enough.

Go do your dissertation, girl. You'll be sorry later if you don't.

[spoonz_10]

"Is this a trick question? This feels like a trick question."

I can't tell you how many times my boyfriend has needed to ask this question. It's kinda fun to watch 'em squirm. XD

[audreyii_fic]

Isn't it, though? It always makes me think of Coupling :)

[sleepy_sheep683]

Yay! Coupling mention! It's like Friends only better.

[audreyii_fic]

I kept telling people that. "It's like Friends combined with Seinfeld! But British!" It never really worked. Now I just sit them down and make them watch an episode.

[lsjcandy]

Oh my, this was hawt :3 And you managed to keep it cute and... Well, virgin-esque.

I especially liked how you cleared up that Bella was ready for it, and despite that Edward had to go all "You virtue is what I want to protect although the real excuse is that I'm just a prude", it always seems like Jacob and Bella go very fast, but that's because they're two teenagers, unlike Edward and Bella, whose relationship consists of a prudish old(-fashioned) man and a teenager with needs.

This kind of one-shots make me think: What if they had a somewhat strong relationship before the werewolfshit and Alice and Italy and Edward? And I think that if SM wasn't so scared to actually write teenage girl thoughts and sex, I think that, uh, certain parts would've gone differently.

[audreyii_fic]

Thanks :) I keep swearing off virgin!sex, but this was different enough -- non-angsty! -- that it was sort of a new experience. Uh, so to speak.

I especially liked how you cleared up that Bella was ready for it
That's good, because I was definitely pushing the limits of in-character behavior here ;) Chalk it up to Bella's angst being unknowingly caused by extreme sexual frustration and... uh... oh, hell, it's crack!smut fluff. It's just sexing, really.

This kind of one-shots make me think: What if they had a somewhat strong relationship before the werewolfshit and Alice and Italy and Edward?
Have you read Sublimation by sfiddy? That's basically the premise -- what if things had gone further between Jacob and Bella pre-FURSPLODE!sion, and how would that have changed things? It takes a few chapters to get used to the POV swaps, but it's wonderful. Go check it out.

[lsjcandy]

Good choice of words :')

Well, by that time I was ready to throw the book in frustration and yell, "JESUS CHRIST BITCH GET THE FUCK OVER THAT ASSHOLE!" So I don't mind you going slightly OOC for this time.

No, but thanks for the rec, I'll start reading it now :D

[audreyii_fic]

Yeah, I was doing the same thing. At times like this you just have to focus on her actions and pretend we don't know her internal monologue.