Smart is Sexy

[ask_captainjack]

Dear Captain Jack,

I am writing because I saw in your last advice column that you defended a thesis on the SPRAY THE MUTHAFUCKIN SCENE, MUTHFUCKAH! technique in Battle School. I'm working on my thesis right now. It's not about spraying the scene with bullets, though. Maybe that's why I'm having such a hard time with it.

I have never had such a hard

Comments

[ask_aboutcoffee]

I shagged a professor once, in my Drifting period. Clearly I got the benefits of higher education without all the fuss and bother of the degree. That said, I apparently missed a lot of erotic housecleaning.

So, technically, you're Dr. Captain Jack Harkness. Or Captain Dr. Jack Harkness?

For a man with a doctorate in Engineering it's amazing how long it took you to figure out the electric tin opener.

[ask_captainjack]

You lost me after "I shagged a professor once".

WHAT DID HE OR SHE LOOK LIKE?

How did his suede arm patches feel? Or her dangly artisan earrings? This is so erotic.

PS: The tin opener is electric!?

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Not after the first three times you tried to operate it manually, it isn't.

She was a very Modern professor with tattoos and a spiky hairdo who smoked Gauloises. She did her doctorate in pre-postmodernist feminist themes in 1970's cinema and dumped me for one of the tutors (not that I blame her, the tutor had fabulous breasts). I found out later dating me was apparently Performance Art. Good times.

[ask_captainjack]

Dating you is so Performance Art.

Some of my best exhibitions have involved you.

All of my best installations too, btw.

[neifile7]

There's a serious lack of proper warnings in academic theses. As ever, you set a sterling example. Some butlers readers are deeply traumatized by unexpected h/c.

[ask_captainjack]

I warned! There was pegging in the Appendix too, so I warned for that just to be polite.

[neifile7]

Did you warn for podophilia in the footnotes?

[ask_arealdoctor]

LOL!

[ask_arealdoctor]

You spelled "cannon" wrong.

[neifile7]

You sure? :)

CANON!

[ask_captainjack]

Are you making fun of my spelling because I'm from the farm?

There's a lot of things we spell differently in the Outer Systems. Freedom, that's a word we can't spell. YOU DON'T KNOW. This whole discussion is classist. :-(

Re: CANON!

[phaetonschariot]

Better than being from the Pharm!

[phaetonschariot]

It's okay, you shot the danger in the face, you just can't remember. Everyone blanked it out of their minds because they couldn't process how incredibly fucking awesome you were.

[ask_captainjack]

Good assumption. You're banking on the fact that my team and I are awesome...True, always back a winner!

[phaetonschariot]

It's a pretty good fact to bank on. Besides, if you hadn't shot it in the face, surely something bad would have happened by now, or you'd all be dead or something.

[thaddeusfavour]

Hmm. I'm not writing a thesis. Lots of my friends are writing a thesis. I'm feeling left out.

PhD. Heretical Physics 5027

Okay. I think Heretical Physics is the way to go! That's what I want to study.

[ask_captainjack]

It's the best kind. It's the most taut kind of physics you can study. There are no "right" answers, only "less wrong" answers.

[thaddeusfavour]

I should be good at that. I majored in Philosophy, so I'm good at debating all sides of an issue.

[ask_captainjack]

Issues have "sides"?

I see one side. TORCHWOOD'S SIDE. All those against me get fired!

FIRED and then maybe brought back later when I change my mind.