kindly handicap

[ashcanprobably]

I've been writing like crazy lately. No useful surface is spared when I get that itch to write in spasms. I've been writing so much with pens and pencils & crayons & eyeliners & anything handy that, when I get on the keyboard, I notice that I've regressed into committing whole new patterns of typos. It used to be about errors of brevity, my battles

Comments

[trickeration]

The bone didn't break, but the toe was flattened such that the nail was cracked at the root and severed a bit below the cuticle.

I flinched just reading that.

[ashcanprobably]

I must have damaged the nerves too because it didn't hurt sharply enough for me to flinch my foot out of harm's way. I didn't even cry out when it happened. I just left it sandwhiched there, as I devised a plan to release my foot, but mostly, I just stared at it. I marvelled that it was so forcefully wedged that I couldn't just pull it out. Even though I never dealt with such a heavy cabinet, I actually figured my foot would come out unscathed, because I've always used my feet for blunt purposes, to hold doors open, for leverage beneath smaller appliances, etc., and in the classroom, I liked the strange sensation of leaning back in my seat and then stabbing both tops of my feet with the legs of the chair. I liked the way the blood would swell around the centre of them. However, I'm a big fan of keeping blood inside

[finnekee]

HOW IS IT, sir, that you've trained people to tell you when they flinched and when they laughed and when they shed their single tears? the whole lot of my readers subsist on silence.

also, "bodily make-up" doesn't sound like you. nor does the sentiment about the hands.

[ashcanprobably]

Of course it doesn't sound like me. Whatever inconsistencies you happen to spot in my writing at the moment can be blamed on the influence of my mangled toe, which is poisoning me from the bottom up, and working its evil changes like a slow acid.

I don't attest to know why people comment or how, but I can conjecture patterns. That I've trained them in any way is absurd. The best I can do is boast an understanding, suggest that I'm composed of essential stuff, and that they should like and indulge me as reliable correspondence. Users like trickeration above deserve all the comments they get because their journals are very funny, and in this sense, interactive, for people feel grateful for all the laughs, and they respond in thanks. Journals like yours and mine are more introspective, more thorough, maybe they attempt to be beautiful or engaging, instead of entertaining, but they are so constructed that readers feel that all has been said and there's nothing to add. All they have to include is their reactions and some people might feel that their

[finnekee]

i was just thinking, remember a long time ago we were internet-arguing or something and you wanted to talk with the mouths and the voices? you really had me pinned there. strange, almost, that words avail my hands and voice descriminately.as a quick smack to the toe, i wasn't serious about the training.

and i think you've got the thing caught, here, really. you and i are of the same mind as regards what we'd git if we'd our 'druthers.

and my problem is, a comment feels like a thing IN TIME, so i write back even when i'm not in the mood for writing. which is a bigger influence on my writing than it maybe should be. in any case, what you've said above doesn't feel like an egotistical rant. it feels like an im-mense attempt at communication; one so thoughtful that it almost precludes what it's after. but that's not your fault, it's mine.

[ashcanprobably]

Yeah, you type out your ideas much faster than I can, faster than I ever could, and I wanted to level the playing field. The speed of the argument was frustrating me to the point where I wanted to sweep the keyboard aside and commence to dumping. It used to be that I considered myself a language spinner and not an idea man. Now that I'm trying to be the latter and failing, I'm losing my faculty and ease of language. It'll be back to the drawing board in no time.

[mlknchz]

You injure yourself altogether too frequently, old boy. DO try to be more careful, eh what?

[ashcanprobably]

Tut tut! Only a scratch!

Also...

[uberdionysus]

I injure myself often because I take stupid chances. Better than doing nothing and remaining scar free.

And I also enjoy knowing I can hurt with my fists as well as my words. I try to avoid both at all costs because I realize I have a mean streak that, when released, wants nothing but complete destruction and annihilation. Better to keep that shit suppressed and keep my fists, face, and relationships intact (although it is, as you say, great to have options). I try to vent through this place and through my art - it doesn't always work. And my class rage is still palpable, along with my rage against the world.

[ashcanprobably]

Right. I'm not into promoting all-out belligerence. I'm not fool enough to jump into scrapes that I know I can't win. If there's a question of my getting a bunch of pointless scars, internal bleeding, if I'm hopelessly outnumbered, if I'm rolling with (I don't wanna say cowards) people unaccustomed to bouts of violence, then yes, I'll be kicking up dust, gone in the blink of an eye, trampling my way out and leaving a trail of devastation. Payback is a bitch though. I swoop like a devouring bird.

[intransition]

Ah, indeed. The neverending stream of words with limited surfaces. I've been having much the same problem---though it is kind of different for me as I've always suffered from linguistic constipation, perhaps experiencing random letter love affairs, now I cannot stop. I don't know where this urge to write is coming from, it seems not from myself, yet shitting through like old mad hatter.

Well, I've missed you. Glad to see your writing splurges--keep it up,
but never keep it clean.