Hoppy Floppy Bunnies

Aug 04, 2011 14:49

Um...you shouldn't really read this if you like Bunnies. Rated M for a bit of BunnyViolence.
Takes place after Chosen, let's go with the whole 'all the slayers are living in a castle in Scotland' thing.

“They’re nought but vermin.”  Duncan glares out the window at the countless fuzzy grey and brown blobs defiling the castle’s immaculate lawn. “Ought to be destroyed.”

Xander has no reply; all of his energy is focused on the Slayers and the mysterious sickness leeching them of their powers.

“Leave ‘em alone. The girls think they’re cute.”


The first time it happens Xander puts it down to stress.

The hot water’s running while he shaves three days’ worth of growth from his face. He cleans his razor under the flow and taps it against the side of the sink. When he looks up, he realises his left hand is working of its own accord, tracing patterns in the fogged up mirror. He pulls his hand back with a yelp and stares at the half formed words across the surface.

“Floppy, hoppy bu...”


The next time it happens he’s not alone; he’s in the music room trying to convince Fiona to rest. He walks over to the piano and all of a sudden he’s quite the accomplished musician. His fingers fly across the keys and Fiona finally sits down, singing along softly as he plays.

“Bright eyes, burning like fire. Bright eyes, how can you close and fail.”

When he finishes playing, Fiona’s asleep. He pulls her into his arms and takes her to join the rest of the Slayer’s in the sick wing.

Willow and Dawn are heavy lidded over the books, and Giles just shakes his head.  “We’ve nothing yet.”

He doesn’t tell them about the Garfunkel channelling. There are more important things to be dealt with here.


Xander’s now the strongest in the castle. They call him when Andrew gets stuck in the library, books flying angrily around his head. The books stop when Xander steps into the room, one volume dropping right at his feet, but Andrew’s been knocked out in the whirlwind and he’s too busy rushing to his side to pay any attention to the works of Beatrix Potter.


Willow thinks he has a spirit haunting him. She says it’s not really malevolent, even though Andrew was out for half a day, and apparently it feels “almost kinda familiar.”  The conversation’s cut short when the television in the corner of the room springs suddenly to life.

“Meh, what’s up doc?”

Willow turns the television off.

“Meh, what’s up doc?”

Xander unplugs it from the wall.

“Meh, what’s up doc?”

Willow shrugs. “Really not malevolent. Just… maybe a little annoying at times?”


If Willow’s predictions are right, they don’t have much time left. All of the Slayer’s are succumbing now. Buffy’s staring down at the grounds when Xander finds her to tell her the news. She shouldn’t even out of bed, let alone wandering the halls.

“Hey Buff.”

“Xander?" She sounds so completely done in and he’s never felt so powerless in his life. "I’m so tired.”

He swallows past the lump in his throat. “So, whatcha doing?”

“Watching Duncan.”

On the grounds below, Duncan’s wheeling a barrow full of carrots out to the shed. Xander turns away from the window, and finds Dawn standing in the doorway, eyes glowing eerily.

“What’s with all the carrots?”

"Anya?" His heart skips a beat. “It’s the bunnies isn’t it?”

“Finally! I’ve only been trying to tell you that for weeks now. That was always your problem Xander, you never really listened to me.”

Dawn collapses to the floor.

Xander runs.


Duncan’s in the shed liberally pouring poison over the carrots. He looks up shame faced when Xander rushes in. “Don’t care how the girls feel. They’re nought but vermin.”

“Yeah. Ought to be destroyed.” For the first time in weeks Xander no longer feels so helpless. ”You know what I find works better than poison?” He pulls a shot gun and a shovel down from the wall. “These.”


The bunnies are slow and lethargic from weeks of feeding from the life forces of the Slayer’s. They’re sitting ducks, offering little resistance as they’re systematically destroyed. Floppy ears, twitchy little noses, and cottontails fly across grounds that are now running with rivers of slain bunny blood.

It feels as though Anya is right there with him as Xander jams the shovel through another furry little neck.

“Quickly Xander! Over there! That one’s trying to escape.”

He quickly signals to Duncan, who takes it out with a laugh.

As Xander decapitates the last bunny, he gazes up at the windows of the castle. Even the sickest Slayers are now standing, watching him.

He feels a ghostly kiss on his cheek and even though it's a goodbye, Xander still smiles.

xander, bunnies., crackfic

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