The flaw in the diamond highlights the clarity of the character.

[angelo]

It appears I'm aimlessly drifting through the internet, again, looking perhaps for something of meaning or value in a day that was fine on all accounts but felt full of the feeling of disconnection

Comments

[lucyruthe]

I hear where you're coming from, here. But I also want to throw in another idea.

There isn't enough time to love _everyone_. On some level, you have to be selective and spend your time on becoming close to the people who are both nice to you AND good for you.

Unconditional love, while a truly beautiful thing, can also lead to codependence, not so beautiful of a thing. Unconditional only works when it's reciprocal. When there are people involved who only take, unconditional is a tragedy for the other person.

So, I guess there should be a condition for closeness. I can love anyone from a distance unconditionally. But I can't have unconditional love in a close relationship without both reciprocation and trust.

That sort of love is a good goal, but reality is always more complicated than the pure concept. :)

[angelo]

I'd hazard that if the love you have for someone causes a co-dependency it's not real love - if you are dependent on the person there are conditions on your love for them. I think, in fact co-dependency is a sign that people are trading in false love

[lucyruthe]

I agree with your assessment.

But I also come from the place of never knowing for sure whether someone else's love for me is real or a form of control/manipulation. It's an obstacle I am still working to overcome.

I've had people say up and down that they love me, but the moment I don't behave the way they want me to, I'm out. That's when I suspect that they don't really love me, just the role I'm supposed to play in their life.

While behavior alone shouldn't determine whether you love someone, behavior certainly proves whether or not someone else loves you for real.

Sometimes walking away is a sign of love. True fact.

[angelo]

I think it always becomes clear over time when someone is conditionally loving you. Sometimes they don't realize that's the case.

Even past that goes the fact that in our society we put a lot of value *on* conditional interaction. I feel an American value is finding the mutual win (not necessarily the equal win).

Walking away is all in how it's done. Most people leave nosily and not peacefully or mindfully. Disengaging from conflict is often a best first step and can be done lovingly. If you ask someone to stop screaming at you and they can't (or won't), it's best to walk away quietly and without drama. That way is very hospitable to a return to positive interaction at a later point.

There's a lot of things we do as humans that communicate we don't love someone, none more than judgment. That's probably the most love devastating behavior. If I'm judging you all you can hear is me saying you're not good enough and that I don't love you. It's amazing how powerful that can be.

[angelo]

Well I read it anyway and found a bit insightful:

..In fact loving yourself is a part of unconditional love

I think I rather entirely agree with this but I can't even tell you why.

[angelo]

I think that's probably it.

Thank you.