an open letter to a righteous babe

[and_old_lace]

dear ani difranco,

please stop stalking me. you lived around the corner from me in the bywater (your husband skateboarded past my house daily much to my chagrin). you lived two blocks away from me in the marigny (do you remember scooping up my pomeranian? without either of our permission? petting him? violating him? do you know the kind of therapy we both had to go through?). then a couple weeks ago i heard that you'd moved uptown. i thought well, uptown is big, right? it's way bigger than the bywater, it's bigger than the marigny? its not like we have to bump into each other here. but then who do i see tonight at my neighborhood grocery? it's you again. and you have the temerity to smile and wave? why? why? do you have any idea how you've tortured me? for christsakes ani difranco, please stop. it's bad enough that since i'm a lesbian everyone i date has to like your shitty horrible whiny brand of funk, but do i have to see you all the freaking time? i thought you were so damn proud of buffalo. why aren't you there? hmm? why, ani difranco, why? please stop it!

your neighbor (for way way too long and apparently no matter where i live),
yvette