Pit

Feb 01, 2020 11:03

Shaddocks and mangosteen,
Pints of Mandalay rum,
Coltrane’s A Love SupremeClouds obscuring Mt. Fuji ( Read more... )

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Comments 26

static_abyss February 2 2020, 00:11:22 UTC
I love this poem so much. You can tell right away when a poem has good rhythm because when you read it your reading of it takes a natural beat and that always just makes me so happy. And then you have spot on imagery and it was just a win all around.

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alexanderscttb February 2 2020, 15:22:20 UTC
I'm so glad you liked it! Getting the rhythm set for this was tricky, even though the first part seemed to come very instantly. I really appreciate your enthusiasm for it and thank you so much for reading!!

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bleodswean February 2 2020, 02:54:13 UTC

A different outing for you this far and it’s stellar!!! I loved it right off but the split of Hong Kong had me swooning!!! Superb!

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alexanderscttb February 2 2020, 15:19:17 UTC
Haha! That's awesome. I also thought the "Hong/Kong" split was a bit quirky and hence couldn't resist it.
I appreciate your comments and I'm glad you liked it, especially the different qualities of this one. Sincerely thank you for reading!

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marlawentmad February 3 2020, 19:37:54 UTC
This rhythm is fun, and I especially like the quirky structure, not only the Hong/Kong break, but the ending line.

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alexanderscttb February 4 2020, 17:44:21 UTC
I appreciate that!
I'm glad it also felt quirky to you-- quirkiness is hard to get right, rhythm too. Hard to put your finger on, and I couldn't be sure if it'd actually gotten it. . .

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tonithegreat February 4 2020, 04:22:25 UTC
I had to look up shaddocks, but understanding a bit more about it really made the poem flow for me. Definitely evocative!

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alexanderscttb February 4 2020, 17:45:31 UTC
I believe the term pomelo is more standard, but the subject of this poem & I used to call them “shaddocks” a bit tongue in cheek, as that was the term we were given, when we looked up the English translation and thought it was a bit ridiculous that it had come from an East India Company captain’s name. Ha-ha.
Anyways I’m really glad you liked this, and even took the time to research a bit, let alone to just read it. Thank you kindly!

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adoptedwriter February 4 2020, 12:38:29 UTC
I enjoyed this!

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alexanderscttb February 4 2020, 17:46:59 UTC
I'm really glad, thank you for reading!

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