Title: Lose Me
Pairing: Jin x Kame
Rating: NC-17
Genre - Catch Me: AU, angst, romance, smut, drama, tragedy
Beta by: my cat. okay, seriously, nobody
Disclaimer: I don't own KAT-TUN, any of its members, any other JE people. I write this for fun and for other fans of these fine folks. But don't steal my plots, mmkay? I put a great deal of time into them except for when I'm randomly spastically spitting words onto a page. But I value those too...
Summary - Catch Me: A dramatic turn in his life throws Kame into Jin's college world. Almost immediately they notice an attraction, but they spend more time clashing than not.
Summary - Lose Me: Kame and Jin still have the occasional argument but mostly they live happily together. But when someone from Kame's past shows up, will the two be able to deal?
Warning: While "Catch Me" part is more towards the fluffy end of the scale at times, the other three parts have such things as drugs and murder and rape and all the fun parts of a bad neighborhood in a big city. Oh, and character death(s).
On my journal:
Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal MeOn the akame_ Community:
Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal MeOn the akame_fanfics Community:
Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal MeOn the kattun_fanfics Community:
Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me A/N: New cut up for you, yay! It's mostly narrative back story stuff but pay attention! As usual, the italics are a flashback.
Lose Me
Third Cut ~The Slap~
Kame laid his head down on Jin’s lap, grateful for the comfort brought by the older softly stroking his hair. “What did Nish-er, Ryo- tell you?”
Jin’s hand paused and his voice was hard when he asked, “Why? So you can judge what lies are left to you?”
Closing his eyes, Kame replied, “I know I earned that…” and he took another deep breath. “I just want to know what he got wrong and what he left out. Because you’re right. I never should have lied to you.”
He could feel Jin grumbling above him but the older resumed the comforting strokes as he filled Kame in on what Ryo had said. It was pretty much everything that was common knowledge.
Taking a deep breath, Kame opened the memories he’d tried so desperately to lock away forever. Keeping his voice and his breathing even, he closed his eyes and began his tale.
“Ryo was right when he said there were scouts talking with me. What he didn’t know, what I hadn’t really told anyone, was that it was going to be my last semester. I was offered the thing I wanted more than anything else in my whole life. I mean, baseball was my life…” Kame trailed off. Talking openly like this was hard. Remembering was a lot like peeling off bandages early, one layer at a time, slowly looking for the wound you know hasn’t healed yet.
“I can still feel the sting of what I no longer have. That would be bad enough, if it was an accident or fate that took it. But I didn’t lose it, it was stolen. I was pushed - no, I was practically thrown down those stairs. Somebody…” and he had to pause, take a few more steadying breaths before continuing, “I wasn’t facing the stairs, or even that close to them. Sure, the hall was full of people but it wasn’t especially crowded or anything. But I felt someone grab my shirt and jerk me backwards. Time kind of went all screwy. Like everything was in slow motion. They spun me around to face the stairs and just sort of…”
Kame was now wandering the dark corridors of his own mind, only vaguely aware of the dorm room and Jin. He could feel the tension from his shirt at the wrong points on his body. The shirt was supposed to hang a certain way, move a certain way. And then it was moving wrong and he was going the wrong direction and confusion crept in with panic following slowly behind it but before they reached some part of him that could understand or act, he was facing stairs. He remembered his body’s unguided response, locking his knee in an attempt to brace against the surprise pressure guiding him forward, but it didn’t help. He went forward and then tumbled down and he screamed as pain hit him in so many places, one after another, as he kept falling and falling. And then his body stopped but he still was falling, falling ever downward…
“…Kazu? Kazu! Come back to me!” and there was Jin, shaking him back to the present time and place.
Blinking tears from his eyes, Kame said, “S-sorry. What…? I… where was I?”
“Thrown down the stairs.”
“Oh, right. That.” Another calming breath. He absolutely positively refused to start sobbing again. “Well, nobody believed me. Not the cops, not anyone on campus. My own family didn’t even believe me. Well, I mean, they didn’t think I was lying - you met them, you know they’re not like that - but they were and still are convinced I fell and ‘got confused’. But I’m not confused. I know what happened! I didn’t imagine it! I swear!”
Kame turned to look up at Jin. “You believe me, right? I didn’t fall on accident or on purpose. I was pushed! Right? You believe me? P-p-please tell me you believe me…”
+++
Looking down into the depths of Kame’s brown eyes, open so wide with all that fear and desperation and nakedness, Jin lost the last bits of his anger. “Of course I believe you.”
And the Kame rolled onto his side again, sobbing all over Jin’s lap and shirt hem. He was trying to say something but with the crying, Jin was having a hard time understanding most of it. “No…believe…before…”
“Shh, it’s okay, Kazu-chan. It’s okay…”
“NO! It’s NOT OKAY! How do you keep yourself safe if nobody even believes you’re in danger?!”
And Jin didn’t have an answer to give him. At least the sudden angry outburst stopped the sobbing.
“I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep… And I couldn’t keep going there. Every whisper about me and my ‘attention seeking stories’ reminded me that somewhere among them was a person who wanted me dead! I was sure they’d try again. So… I just dropped out for the remainder of the semester and then I transferred here, where nobody knew who I was. And I locked everything away, buried it as deeply as I could because I wanted to start over.”
And once again Kame rolled onto his back to look up at Jin. “Then I met you and I knew I could be happy again, even without baseball. I just wanted to hold onto that. I didn’t want painful memories of the past to taint this wonderful thing I have in my present. Please, I’m so sorry I lied to you. I never meant to give you a reason to not trust me anymore.”
“Damn it, Kazu-chan, I still trust you. I just need to know now, before anything else is said. Are you hiding anything else? Have you lied about anything else?”
On the one hand, Jin didn’t like the drawn-out way Kame said, “I don’t make a habit of lying…” but on the other hand, it seemed like Kame really and truly was searching his memory instead of answering without thinking, just to make absolutely sure his next phrase was completely true. “No, I can’t think of anything else I lied about. Unless you count that thing I said to get you out of the dorm last term so I could set up that surprise for you…”
Chuckling, Jin asked, “You mean the ribbon?” He ruffled the younger’s hair affectionately.
“That would be the one.” Kame blushed, though it was barely noticeable after all the crying.
“Though how you got that ribbon tied around you like that all by yourself still confuses me, even if you did give me a demonstration later.”
“I only did that so you’d get to untie me again.”
“Have I ever told you, I love Creative Kazu?” Jin leaned down and kissed Kame.
But he just had to know. As he sat back up, Jin frowned, asking, “So, what’s the story with Ryo, then?”
“Not much to tell. We were in some classes together. We had common friends. Sometimes I helped him with his homework. I think… he said… something about restaurants. He wanted to get a business degree and then go to cooking school and open his own place? But I could be misremembering. I mean, we were friendly but not really all that close.”
“Well, I don’t like him.”
Kame shrugged. “He’s not so bad. He’s pretty harmless. It’s not his fault I freaked out. He just… I saw him and then everything hit at once. Not his fault.”
“I still don’t like him.”
“Hey, did he even say why he’s here?”
“Classes.” Looking down at Kame, “I really don’t like him. I don’t want you alone with him. I think he has a crush on you.”
Sitting up, Kame swung his leg over Jin’s lap to straddle him. “Oh, is that it? Don’t worry about him. If he had a crush I’m sure he would have said something before.” Kame put a hand on either side of Jin’s face and turned him to look eye to eye. Jin could see the utter honesty in those eyes. “Besides, I love only you, Jin.”
Finally smiling again, Jin murmured, “My Kazu-chan…” and pressed his lips against Kame’s. During that long, tender kiss, he rolled them over gently so he was on top of Kame and began unbuttoning the younger’s shirt. Jin kissed and licked lower and lower on Kame’s chest, drawing soft moans from his lips. He worked his way lower still, down to Kame’s belt line. Kame wound his fingers through Jin’s hair as Jin freed him from his pants. His back arched and he let out an impassioned cry as Jin took him into his mouth…
+++
As it turned out, everyone was now mad at Jin, though it escaped him how he was at fault for anything. It was Kame who didn’t tell them about someone trying to kill him. But, no, they were mad that Jin knew about the knee injury and the supposed ‘accident’ and never told them. The “but I’m his boyfriend so I should know more” excuse wasn’t gaining him any sympathy, either.
Also, someone had filled in Yamapi when he got back from the library and now Yamapi was mad at everyone for not calling him when Kame fainted. Oh, and by “everyone” he mostly meant, yet again, Jin.
That was bad enough, but what really worried him was the large amount of time Ryo was spending with the group. The only one it seemed to bother was Jin himself. He could barely stomach the way Ryo looked at his Kazu-chan. Jin complained to Kame, but after a while it started putting him in a bad mood and Kame would enter a “don’t you trust me” sulk any time Jin brought it back up.
Jin couldn’t believe he was the only one who noticed it. It wasn’t like Ryo was trying to disguise it, not even slightly. This wasn’t just his imagination, dammit!
Kame didn’t talk to him for three days after Jin finally said to him one night, “Oh, someone pushed you but this is all in my head?” Not a single word to him for three days. God, he felt like such an idiot for saying that. He shouldn’t have said it. He knew better. But Ryo was just getting under his skin.
No, Jin finally realized, that wasn’t good enough. That wasn’t an excuse. He needed to apologize to Kame. So after three days, he finally managed to corner Kame (quite literally since the younger left the room whenever he entered). “Please, Kazu, at least let me apologize before you go back to avoiding me.”
“I’m listening.”
“I shouldn’t have said that. I was way out of line.”
“Go on.”
Jin’s brilliant apology plan was falling apart. He really hadn’t thought it out, had he? Scratching the back of his head, he took his best guess. “Um… and I won’t. Again. Say it, that is. Because I’m sorry and it was wrong?”
Finally Kame rolled his eyes and sighed. “Baka… I should make you suffer for all my crying but I’m tired of fighting. But I don’t want to hear any more, okay? This kind of jealousy, it isn’t flattering on you and it exhausts me.”
Nodding happily, Jin said, “No more, I promise!” Then he grinned, leaning more into Kame. “We have a little time before we’re all leaving for karaoke… and it’s been three. Whole. Days.”
Giggling, Kame kissed him lightly and said, “You know we’re still in the common room, right? You’re such a horn dog.”
“Maybe I am…” and Jin pulled him away from the corner and towards the hall to their room. They kissed the whole way back to the room and barely stopped even to unlock the door.
Quickly pulling Jin’s shirt up over his head and discarding it on the floor of their room, Kame said, “But we have to make it quick. I’m supposed to meet Ryo in the library in half an hour.”
That stopped Jin cold. “What? Alone?”
“Yes, alone. I don’t see the problem. I promised him I’d…”
Jin shook his head stubbornly, “No, you call him and tell him you can’t make it.”
“God, you really don’t trust me after all, do you!” Jin felt a stinging pain on his cheek and was stunned to realize it was because Kame just slapped him. Hard. And then Kame had stormed out of the room before Jin could even register what was going on.
+++
Kame couldn’t believe he’d slapped Jin, no matter how much of a baka the other was being. He just got so mad. Jin was driving him crazy with the suffocating jealousy. And it was completely unfounded. Not once, not even during the three days Kame spent ignoring Jin, had Ryo hit on him. For all he knew, Ryo wasn’t even gay. Jin was acting completely paranoid. I mean, it would be different if anyone else also… but it was just Jin. Everyone else was fine with Ryo. Even Kame himself, though it had taken a bit to calm the panicked memory that returned every time he saw Ryo. But everything was fine now.
Still… maybe it wasn’t completely Jin’s fault. Kame had fainted just at the sight of Ryo that first day and that was bound to leave a bad impression. Still, Jin was taking it to pretty extreme levels.
Suddenly, there was a cold bottle touching his shoulder and cheek. Kame nearly jumped out of his skin. But it was only Ryo. “Geez, don’t sneak up on people like that!”
Ryo laughed. “Sorry. You just looked so serious. Boy troubles?”
“You could say that.” Kame took the bottle Ryo was holding out to him. “What is this stuff?”
“Blueberry pomegranate juice.” Ryo sat down in the seat next to Kame. “So… you understand this stuff?” he asked, gesturing at the text books on the table.
“Mostly.”
“Then let’s get to work. Don’t want to be too late to karaoke, do we?” But then Ryo’s smile faltered. “Oh, that is, if you still want to go with your boy troubles. You’re still going, right?”
“Probably.” And Kame opened his textbook, missing Jin already. He really shouldn’t have slapped him after all. When they were done, the very first thing Kame planned on doing was finding Jin and apologizing.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The story continues:
Fourth Cut ~True Selves~ A/N: I was able to end this exactly like I needed to in the exact place I needed to in order for the next cut to be what I want it to be. Woohoo!!! Next cut will be really exciting or eventful or whatever you wanna call it, by the way.
Anyone care to take a guess as to what happens LOL?