[YamaChii] Of Blankets and Sweet Nothingness
Title: Of Blankets and Sweet Nothingness
Author: Ai no Messeji
Pairing: YamaChii
Genre: Fluff, Romance
Summary: Chinen is not alone anymore, right? Yamada is with him afterall.
…
During the fall season, most especially through the nights where in the breeze is being cold and unfriendly.
Chinen Yuri would often wake up due to the cold and look for the warmest thing he could find. Most of the time, he would wrap his arms around his lover's body and cuddle close until he feels safe and warm again.
But today, it was different.
Because when night came along and he couldn’t sleep, Chinen Yuri’s small hands, as usual and out of pure instinct, grazed the side where his lover, Yamada Ryosuke, would often sleep at. But when he did so-emptiness-no one was there. And he panicked, because somehow that certain kind of sudden loss, it made Chinen feel very, very lonely and alone. The small boy really did hate it when people leave him behind.
...without a word, without a sound, without a trace, what more without even any consideration of waking him up to say goodbye…
And it hurts, because the mere thought of being unwanted or being too much of an annoyance and a burden to anyone is scaring him a whole lot. Yet the thing that scares Chinen more is the thought of Yamada Ryosuke getting tired of him and finally realizing that he is only a waste of his time.
Chinen’s eyes watered at the thought. Yamada is the most important thing in his life and if ever, if Yamada is the one who’ll leave him. It would ruin him and break him until there is nothing left of him. And maybe by that time, when that thing ever happens, the only thing that can be saved from him would be the broken pieces of a person once called, Chinen Yuri.
"Chinen Yuri wa dare?"
“…Y-Yama…” Chinen whimpered as he wrapped himself inside his favorite blanket, crying his eyes out.
It was an old habit of his that whenever he is sad. He will pull comfort to the things that are precious to him. For example, right now. Chinen’s most precious thing is Yamada’s gift, which is a cozy blanket. So, all the strength he needs. All the positive things he could relish in his mind. He’ll pull it through with the use of the most treasured item in his life.
Although, so it seems that fate wasn’t on his side tonight, because the reassurance of comfort from the most precious item in his life, it didn't have an effect. It did fail miserably… and he did not know why. He did think and was positive enough that his favorite blanket will make him feel better. Since it was Yamada’s gift for him and all, but… when his nose got in contact with the scent of his lover on the blanket. Chinen felt lonelier and it did hurt him more.
Because… even though he is cocooned inside his favorite blanket. He is still feeling the emptiness and loneliness of the night. Simply because the blanket is a special item given by Yamada and whatever that blanket holds-the memories, the tears and the pain. It will burrow only more sorrow. It will only bring nothing more but unwanted feelings, because just the mere thought of being alone and not having someone by his side-more so Yamada. It makes Chinen feel scared and unshielded by the things that are surrounding him.
Especially the feeling he hides, the feelings in his heart... because if it goes out- his emotions. He might not know how to come back to who he was before, because his emotions are his enemy. And more so because the thing that scares him the most is the feeling of being eaten alive by his own fears and insecurities without anyone catching and reassuring him that he'll be fine... that he'll be alright.
And that feeling…that gruesome feeling…it is crushing his soul. It is breaking him apart.
Because with such mere thought, it makes him feel that everything that existed in the world hates him. He is feeling as if no one loves him. And with those fears embossed in his mind, the only thing that Chinen could do is hug his knees closer to his chest, like a little pupa, and cry his heart out... just cry his heart out.
I'm alone… I'm alone…I’m alone...
“R-Ryo…s-suke” Chinen muffles out into the darkness as he succumbs into his fears, while burying his face more into his knees as he cries again and again and again.
And somehow…it is so heartbreaking seeing the strong Chinen Yuri like this.
So fragile... so defenseless....
Though, as Chinen weeps within the darkness of his room, he didn’t notice someone coming in and walking towards him. He didn’t even feel the extra weight on the bed. The only thing Chinen felt was those big and warm hands that suddenly wrapped themselves protectively along his slender waist. Pulling him closer, reassuring him, and soothing him with words of comfort and love, telling him that everything is alright now, telling him that all will be fine.
“Yuri, I’m here, shhh, I’m here…”
Yamada's strong voice echoed inside the room as he continues on to whisper sweet nothingness into his lover’s ears, soothing him, coaxing and begging endlessly for his little squirrel to stop crying, because it hurts him more. It breaks him more inside.
"...I'm sorry, Yuri. Don't cry anymore,” a whisper of guilt, because after all Yamada is sorry, really.
He really did feel guilty for leaving out of the blue and not telling his little love where he is going. However he has his reasons. He has his purpose. He really just didn’t have the heart to bother his little one while he sleeps. Chinen looked so tired that day and Yamada just didn’t want to wake up someone from such sweet slumber, especially if it's his Chii.
"Yuri, don't cry. Shhh..."
Yamada kept on reassuring as he wipes the tears that kept on flowing down his little love's face. Because, the only thing that he could do right now is pull his lover closer to his chest and apologize and tell him that all is fine, since he is there already. That’s why there is no need for his Yuri to cry.
With the familiar warmth enveloping him, Chinen just buried himself deeper into Yamada's chest, inhaling his love’s scent and being thankful that his Yama-chan has saved him again. That his Yama-chan loves him still and is still there.
"I won't leave you Yuri, I promise." And with those reassuring words and with those simple acts of love and kindness, Chinen’s inner fears, all were pushed back inside the recesses of his mind. Finally, he could feel fuzzy and happy inside again.
“Ya-Yama-chan…?”
.
“I’m here, Chii,” Yamada whispered against Chinen’s ear, assuring the latter that he is there and never going anywhere. And by instinct, Chinen’s body, feeling safe and content that his Yamada is there, just followed the warmth of the older boy’s body heat as his small hands. They shyly wrapped themselves around Yamada’s neck, like a child seeking for a mother’s affection.
“Don’t cry anymore, okay? I’m here.” Yamada’s voice reassured for the last time, before his lips captured Chinen’s plump one’s as both of them share such sweet and very passionate kiss.
“… R-Ryo-chan,” a whimper of his lover’s name escaped Chinen’s lips after the kiss, and hearing such voice. Yamada just pulled Chinen again into a tight embrace, while the younger one. He just buried his head deeper into the crook of Yamada’s neck.
“I’m here. I won’t go anywhere but here with you.” And hearing those words, a smile slowly appeared on Chinen’s pretty face before he slowly fell asleep with Yamada’s arms wrapped protectively around his waist and Yamada’s heartbeat in synch with his.
After all, Chinen is not alone anymore, right?
Yamada is always with him.
“… mm, ‘ove… chu… R-ro…chan…” and those words made Yamada smile.
“I love you too, Chii. I love you too.”
...
Fin
Ai no Messeji: How was it? Is it any good? I think it’s not but since it’s YamaChii so I’ll go Banzai, ne~ Hope you guys enjoyed reading this? Comments and Criticisms are loved the most.