[ShigeTego fic] Signs (Chp4. Just Say)
Title: Signs (chp4. Just say)
Pairing: ShigeTego
Genre: Romance
Author: ai_happy4lucky
Disclaimer: Not me, yess?
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It’s a sign. All we need is a sign. And it’s everywhere.
A/N: This is the last chapter for this title…So enjoy reading it and don’t forget the comment, k? :)
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Signs
Author: ai_happy4lucky
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4. Just Say
Do you know where your heart is?
Do you think you can find it?
Heart.
We were all born with it weren’t we? It’s quite a small and fragile thing and surprisingly flexible. It bends to your own will at the same time it bends upon the will of others. It holds all sorts of emotions capable of great deeds and at the same time incomprehensible madness. What the heart is really meant for pretty much depends on who holds the heart actually.
It doesn’t sound like a small thing now does it? It’s so fragile.
I have one too at least I had one.
I didn’t realize it because I have been long since never felt like I have again. My heart doesn’t belong to me, I gave it all to my job right after I accepted it. But it’s not like I didn’t have any emotions, despite all image and many kind of change, I still have emotions to feels.
My heart, it used to be empty. But not after I felt a foreign sensation that I never felt once in my life.
And my world turned upside down.
Love, is it, what people called it.
Do you know where your love is? Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong but nothing's turned out how you want it
Love…It comes in varying degrees and meanings, doesn’t it?
Take example this one.
It was a time long back there. And there’s a boy in front of me, trembling. He was a terrible boy, stupid and naive. And now, after few sobs, he began to cry. I was there, but unmoving and silent, just stood like a statue in front of the crying figure.
I could spot the tiny drops of tears trickling down the floor as he grieved. With his back faced towards me I had a strange nagging urge to make him face me. And I called out his name.
“Tegoshi.”
He was a beautiful disaster.
Despite tears on his face, which value nothing but everything to me…
He was breathtakingly beautiful.
There was a spark as I felt those deep brown eyes gaze into my dark brown ones.
It was those deep brown eyes that kept overflowing with tears that made a distasteful thug on my heart making a voice echo in my head. Then we talk for maybe long time, time doesn’t matter when we kept talking. We share each other, he told me his dream, a high one, I never thought of this boy to be that ambitious. But still, he, who naïve and doesn’t know anything can dreaming of something so high was…Stupid and simply wonderful. As I stare into those deep brown eyes, I heard echo inside of me and voice bargain me something that never occurred to me…
Well, after all, all I need is the air I breathe and,
A place to rest my head
I’ve changed.
I feel like I, too, wanted to have a dream. Dream to be chase to.
If I could knew what I want then maybe…
I’d know what I want to do and what I’m supposed to do…
Little by little, I’m attached to him and I realize that I don’t have strength to run away or escape. But still, despite that nuisance thing, I didn’t really mind.
I knew it the moment I snap on my bandmates just because he had disappoint guy I cared so much. I rarely had gone mad on anybody, even my friends or my family. Then I ran to get him. His face was buried in his knees and his arms were wrapped around himself, and he was shaking. He looked up at me and tears began to spill out.
Does he even know that I will gladly turn the ocean upside down just to make him stop cry?
And why I always see him cry when anybody doesn’t?
It’s not even funny. It’s a bad joke.
I remembered I was in studio, rehearse something before shows. It was when I realized ladder behind him shaking uncontrollably, cannot press the boxes’ weight on the top any longer. Then like what I calculate, it falls rather sudden, with he below it. I took my time to push him, but in exchange, the ladder knocked my body instead. I started losing focus and about to let the unconsciousness claims me.
“SHIGE!!”
I felt so detached to my body that it felt strange. I could hardly move my limbs and my vision was turning blur.
“SHIGE!!”
I’ve been hearing that voice echoing all the time. As much as I like listening to the sound of my name being screamed at the top of his lungs, I’d pretty much prefer seeing his deep brown eyes and possibly, a smile.
“Shige!!”
I felt numb after my consciousness gets my body again. I was wake up and Ryo felt like knocking the living daylights out of me because he thought I was complaining. I was laughing like because for some strange reason I felt really good.
Then I felt Tegoshi’s loving fist and although it really hurts…
I felt really good.
*****
He woke up from his dream. He blinked and tried to recall when he started dreaming to begin with. His mind was pretty hazy with all the thoughts that ran through his mind and it took him a while to analyze where he was.
Although the weather is nice and bright his eyes were spared by the shade brought about by the willow tree hovering above him. He could hear the nearby river flowing just a few inches away from him. He then remembered that he came to this serene area a meters away from the city just to seek refuge every once in a while. As his fingers twitched he was reminded of the book he was clutching on his chest. There’s just one thing he can’t remember though…
He should be having grass for his pillow.
Since when did grass become so soft?
Gales of laughter filled the air, “I’m sorry I disturbed you didn’t I?”
I was lying on the lap of the boy who filled my thoughts.
I blinked but I couldn’t move, “Wha-what??”
He shook off my confusion with laughter and stared at me, “Did you sleep well?” His hair was slowly growing back now and I nodded in reply. I just watched as the wind played with his hair and I stayed that way for a good number of minutes. Now if only the ground could split open and swallow me whole! What in hell’s name am I doing?!
“How long have you been coming to this place, Shige?”
Ah, there goes the beautiful ringing of my name with his voice, “Quite some time now. Pretty neat refuge huh?”
“It’s a really nice spot.”
I mentally slapped myself. What’s going on here? This isn’t another dream isn’t it? ‘Cause if it is…
Then can you let me sleep a little while longer?
“Is there something wrong?”
“Nothing, it’s just I thought a library is the only place where ‘Shige’ can be ‘Shige’.”
I raised a brow, “What do you mean?”
He stared down at me momentarily then stared up at the sky, “I get the strange feeling that there’s distance that you’ve set between us.”
Always the sensitive one…I took a deep breath and I felt strangely uneasy.
“Is it hard?”
“What is?”
“Being…Being an idol?”
Ladies and Gentlemen finally someone popped me the question…
Unconsciously I waited for someone to ask me this and mentally ‘No’ would come out from my mouth like I’ve rehearsed it for hundred times. Now that someone finally asked me the question my mentally rehearsed reply which has been playing over and over sudden came to ruins.
I tried to find the right words hoping I wouldn’t have to explain myself further, “It’s something different entirely. There are some things that just can’t be”
Silence enveloped us and for a mind numbing moment he finally nodded, “I see.”
I laughed, “What? No follow-up questions?”
He smiled, “Maybe next time, I think I’ve asked enough. I do have one favor though.”
“Which is?” I asked, curious.
“Do you mind if we stay like this for a while?”
It took a while for me to register what he just said. I was actually expecting him to extract an oath from me which makes me tell the truth and nothing but the truth. I won’t deny the fact that I like the position we’re in.
Damn it. I’m doomed am I not?
“I don’t if you don’t.”
Then he smiled, “Thank you.”
Then after a short silence, I asked, “Why?”
He knew what I meant and smiled, “You needed a place to rest your head don’t you?”
Holy God I really am doomed am I not?? It’s like he knew what inside my mind when I was sleeping just now. How came that supposed to be?
But still, with throwing all thought, I closed my eyes in pleasure. Breathe his familiar scent above me, I relaxing myself, “How long can we stay like this then?”
He tapped a finger on his chin, “Hmm…As long as I could still feel my legs.”
We laughed and we had a moment of silence.
If I told him everything, I wonder how he would take it.
Wait, am I even going to tell him?
One’s thing for sure though: He won’t ask me to choose between being an idol and staying with him or being another different but not staying with him.
See, I’m just like a child who didn’t know what kind of people he wanted to be. Child who still looking for something, search for something that maybe beyond his reach. Dream, perhaps.
But if I finally found what I’m looking for…Maybe that I’ll be doing something I want but not something that I’m supposed to do. Maybe I can finally find the answers piece by piece. I think if someday doubtlessly it fulfilled, that would be great. Time isn’t in my control but I believe I’ll have plenty of that. I want to take my time and make sure I wouldn’t waste time regretting on anything.
Starting now…
Well, I think I’ll need someone to watch over me until I get there. If I’d gone down in that place and I’d opened my eyes, I think that find him with that smile would be great…
“Say, Tegoshi…”
“Hm?”
I spoke four words that felt like they were waiting to be said all my life.
His eyes twinkled as they widened.
I'm starting to regret what I did. Stupid Shige. I know exactly that after I say this our relation won’t be the same as always. If it’s rejecting, he’ll perhaps keep distance with me, or ignoring me, but I know one thing sure is: he’ll feel uneasy around me. But again, this is a gamble.
The suspense is killing you?
Well imagine what its doing to me right now.
But he smiled and bent down...
Whispering words like I was meant to hear all my life...
“I do”
A/N: Last chapter? :) More comment