Today's Incoming Freshmen
Want to feel old? Consider that this year’s incoming freshmen were born 18 years ago! And you probably felt old then, too!
Almost all of them use computers!
...and they know how to fix them, too! Be very afraid!
They think of Nine Inch Nails as “oldies rock”!
They don’t remember when Michael Jackson was black!
They don’t remember when “energy crisis” meant you forgot to eat a good breakfast!
They’re going to school more to get an education than to chug-a-lug, panty raid and do the twist!
They don’t remember a time before airplanes!
To them, the Spanish-American war is just a footnote in the history books!
A significant percentage have talked back to their parents!
They think Freud is passe!
They have never tried Stoughton’s Curative Elixir or Biddy Gripewell’s cure for warts!
They don’t remember a time before Silly Putty!
Most have never worked 60-hour workweeks during their teenage years!
They have never listened to Gallagher and Sheen!
They don’t remember a time before electricity!
To them, the Haymarket Affair is just a footnote in the history books!
They have never been to a public flogging!
A significant percentage believe it is OK for ladies to wear slacks instead of skirts!
They have never played Whist!
They have never called in sick with potato famine!
They have never worried about being scalped by injuns!
...in fact, they think it is politically incorrect even to bring up the subject!
They have never used a Quill pen!
To them, the Dutch Tulipmania is just a footnote in the history books!
They don’t remember a time before the compass!
You know that famous person you always admired, the one who died last year? They never heard of that person!
They think the Black Plague is a heavy metal band!
A significant percentage have dated without a chaperone!
They have never been press-ganged into His Majesty’s navy!
They have never been forced to turn over a percentage of their crops to the landlord!
To them, the War of Jenkins' Ear is just a footnote in the history books!
They take the sun-centered Universe theory for granted!
They don’t remember a time before the alphabet!
They have never witnessed Christians being thrown to the lions!
They don’t remember when Orgg Who Hit Two Rocks Together was just hitting one rock with a stick!
They don’t remember a time before opposable thumbs!
To them, the Big Bang is just a footnote in the history books!
Almost all of them use computers!
...and they know how to fix them, too! Be very afraid!
They think of Nine Inch Nails as “oldies rock”!
They don’t remember when Michael Jackson was black!
They don’t remember when “energy crisis” meant you forgot to eat a good breakfast!
They’re going to school more to get an education than to chug-a-lug, panty raid and do the twist!
They don’t remember a time before airplanes!
To them, the Spanish-American war is just a footnote in the history books!
A significant percentage have talked back to their parents!
They think Freud is passe!
They have never tried Stoughton’s Curative Elixir or Biddy Gripewell’s cure for warts!
They don’t remember a time before Silly Putty!
Most have never worked 60-hour workweeks during their teenage years!
They have never listened to Gallagher and Sheen!
They don’t remember a time before electricity!
To them, the Haymarket Affair is just a footnote in the history books!
They have never been to a public flogging!
A significant percentage believe it is OK for ladies to wear slacks instead of skirts!
They have never played Whist!
They have never called in sick with potato famine!
They have never worried about being scalped by injuns!
...in fact, they think it is politically incorrect even to bring up the subject!
They have never used a Quill pen!
To them, the Dutch Tulipmania is just a footnote in the history books!
They don’t remember a time before the compass!
You know that famous person you always admired, the one who died last year? They never heard of that person!
They think the Black Plague is a heavy metal band!
A significant percentage have dated without a chaperone!
They have never been press-ganged into His Majesty’s navy!
They have never been forced to turn over a percentage of their crops to the landlord!
To them, the War of Jenkins' Ear is just a footnote in the history books!
They take the sun-centered Universe theory for granted!
They don’t remember a time before the alphabet!
They have never witnessed Christians being thrown to the lions!
They don’t remember when Orgg Who Hit Two Rocks Together was just hitting one rock with a stick!
They don’t remember a time before opposable thumbs!
To them, the Big Bang is just a footnote in the history books!