Suju-Attack of the underwear thief (of underwear and porn-two completely unrelated subjects)
Title: Attack of the underwear thief (of underwear and porn-two completely unrelated subjects)
Characters: ALL 15!
Rating: G
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 1817 words
A/N: I got this inspiration after watching ‘Happy Family’ with Suju M! And watching Eunhyuk’s horribly insane neatness in one show which I chanced upon on youtube! Unfortunately I forgot the name :/
And for my beloved i_am_downstairs who has abandoned me for another country.
“That’s it. Who stole my underwear again!” shouts an infuriated Kangin as he storms through the dorm in a rampage, waving a pair of blue boxers as though trying to make a point.
Eeteuk seems to be the only one that hears him. He tries to be helpful and offers to lend him his favorite pair of purple silk shorts-as though that would be sufficient to quell his rage-but finds them missing as well, and soon, his voice join the lone chorus of Kangin in the demands that their underwear be returned to them.
Shindong pops out of the kitchen with a jar of nutella in one hand and a metal spoon, suddenly alerted by the situation and decides to add his two cents worth, shouting information throughout the dorm such that everyone can hear him. “A man cannot be without his underwear. It is like his mojo. Once it’s gone, its gone.”
“Hyung~ mine are gone too!!!” squeals Lee Donghae as he runs out of his room, pants-less, with a single white towel wrapped around his waist, followed closely behind by Eunhyuk who wouldn’t miss seeing Donghae pants-less for the world.
“You can borrow mine”, quips Kim Kibum as he lounges on the couch in nonchalance, proceeding to stand up and unbuckle his shorts for good measure, only to be stopped by Eunhyuk who insists that Donghae borrows his instead.
Yesung and Ryeowook are however, once again engaged in their own idle conversation about each others favorite boxers, and Ryeowook loudly asserts that he much prefers Yesung in the green and white stripped boxers than his tighty-whities.
“HEY EVERONE! I BOUGHT FOOD!”
The door to the dormitory bursts open to the commotion, to reveal one Henry Lau, who has assumed a jumping jack position with a large plastic bag of food in one hand, and a cheerful grin spread across his face.
His poise is disrupted by Zhou Mi as he follows closely behind, who the moment sees Kyuhyun, pushes through Henry like a battering ram. “KYUUUUUUU~” and leaps onto Kyuhyun, latching himself like a koala onto his back, his legs linked around Kyuhyun’s waist.
Sungmin shoots Zhou Mi a disapproving look from across the dorm where his room is. He resigns himself to helping Shindong get the food from Henry who is frozen in disbelief in the starfish position that no one has acknowledge his presence, save for the two that have busied themselves with the food.
“Stupid boy, you don’t know how to make much of an entrance do you?” scoffs Heechul as he walks past the sickeningly sweet scene of Zhou Mi nuzzling his cheeks against Kyuhyun from the back.
He is distracted by Hankyung who shuffles quietly out of his room and tugs on his shirt, head hung sheepishly. “Hyung,” he hesitates awhile, as though afraid, “the red boxers you bought for me-they’re missing.”
An originally thought impossible feat, Heechul’s voice softens, under Hankyung’s downcast face and squeezes his hands tightly, “it’s okay Kyung, really, I’ll get you another pair,” but adds in a characteristic overtone, “and I’ll barbeque the ass of whoever took his shorts!”
Siwon rushes out at the exclamation and is met with Heechul’s death glare of accusation. He ignores Heechul and looks at Hankyung, eyes wide with concern, “what about the Calvin Klein underwear set I bought you last month! Are they gone too?”
“No! I’m wearing them now!” and Hankyung grins widely at Siwon who reciprocates, but immediately dulls his expression when he sees Heechul narrow his eyes at him, muttering something about how he should never have taken off the boxers that he bought.
Eunhyuk busies himself with a notepad and has somehow stuck a piece of paper across his chest with the words ‘underwear investigator’ scrawled on it. Eeteuk follows closely behind with the tag of ‘investigator no. 2’ plastered on his back, shifty eyes darting back and forth from under a baseball cap that he has pulled over his head and eyes.
Eunhyuk runs up to Henry, who has removed himself from the doorway and is now lounging on the couch, and pushes up his glasses, smacking his lips like how the intrepid detectives in movies do and asks, “are you Henry Lau, the underwear thief? When was the last time you stepped into the dormitory and do you have any eye-witnesses to prove your presence?”
Henry, hit by the sudden barrage of questions stutters a response, which is immediately criticized by Eunhyuk as signs of guilt.
Donghae swears he can hear an action soundtrack playing in the background to complement the mood, and sees that Eunhyuk has set up his white ipod with the speakers to provide suitable music.
“Oh shove off,” Eeteuk warns after turning down the music, and seats himself on the couch between Henry and Eunhyuk. “Look guys, the person who has been taking the underwear can only be one of us, unless he is the manager, which I highly doubt. So unless someone is going to come up and confess of his underwear, or most probably some kind of boxers fetish, I think we need to do some room raiding huh?”
“Yeah that’s right. And when I find out who you are I will own your ass,” adds Kangin scathingly somewhere in the background.
“I’ll be here with the food,” Shindong manages to choke out with a mouth full of food. “Search whatever you want but don’t go anywhere near my computer.”
“Fine. You guys can search my room first. Got nothin’ to hide.” Eeuteuk is the first to offer. He smiles delightfully when his underwear drawer is cleared of suspicion but turns a sickly shade of green upon the suggestion that the underwear thief would be smart enough to hide it elsewhere, and sees Eunhyuk totter over to his bedside drawer where his magazines of mature content are stashed.
“Oh what’s this?” states Eunhyuk too loudly, not like he does not know what it already is.
“Is that porn?” Zhou Mi’s eyes widen in shock and Siwon quickly uses a hand to cover his eyes over his glasses. Such a sight, which is considered the norm for the Korean members would be better off left unspoken of to the Chinese.
“You should keep such things where no one looks, honestly! What if one of those variety show people come over and do a surprise check on our room!” Siwon nags, his hands still clamped over Zhou Mi’s eyes.
“You should do like me and hide it under your bed or something,” says Eunhyuk smugly, his chin tilted upwards and his hands folded in a knot.
In a flurry of action, the members start to overturn Eunhyuk’s bed sheets and mattress to reveal three photo books, worn out from excessive browsing, thousand won notes (which Kibum immediately claimed as payment for lending money to Eunhyuk before), and an uneaten lollipop which Donghae wrestled with Sungmin for.
Also apart from the fact that Euhyuk had dumped whatever essentials he had under his bed, the rest of his room was pretty much perfectly packed. His books aligned without a single page out of place, his suits and skincare items stacked and arranged meticulously and categorically and his underwear color coded and coordinated such that it was impossible to miss it if Eunhyuk had taken the other member’s underwear for his own.
“Whoa Hyukkie, I didn’t peg you for the kind who would be so neat,” Donghae mumbles in awe. Heechul who mutters, “OCD” in passing, loud enough for everyone to hear, quickly dismisses the euphemism.
Well, that was before Kibum decided to be extra sure and turned over a few of Eunhyuk’s drawers to Eunhyuk whose mouth widens in horror at the new mess because Kibum was “just checking.”
After an hour of searching, all that was discovered from the member’s belongings were enough magazines to make a whole porno edition, mismatched pieces of clothing that would go very well in a radical fashion show, and a whole lot of underwear unrelated junk.
And by that night, the members had quickly forgotten about their underwear woes and resorted to borrowing from each other while Eunhyuk re-busied himself by tidying up his drawers (no pun intended).
Yesung returns to the dorm at ten that night to a harried Ryeowook who had not been informed of his absence. His hands were heavy with packs of beer and all the alcohol he could haul to satisfy Kibum and Kangin who leapt ahead of Ryeowook for the drinks, immediately popping cans and gulping down the contents.
Within half an hour, half the members had passed out, sound asleep at various areas in the dorm, drunk on alcohol.
Sungmin, who is still on his first can of beer, which is, by the way, half drunk, is already in a drowsy stupor and mumbling nonsense in all directions. His head has found a comfortable position on the leader’s lap while Eeteuk smiles stupidly to himself as he stares determinedly at a spot on the ceiling.
“Hyung, I didn’t mean to you know,” drawls Sungmin as he wiggles the empty beer can in Eeteuk’s face.
“Mmm?”
“Take the underwear I mean… They’re in the wash.”
“Oh that!” At this point, Eeteuk’s sobriety is questionable and neither of them really knows if the conversation will be remembered. “No worries, one can never have enough underwear any way.”
“I didn’t mean to… It was just… I had misplaced my pink boxers with the *hic* Hello Kitty and… I needed one that could give me enough…umm… confidence to dance for the concert…” Sungmin’s face had turned redder-not because of the alcohol-and had stopped waving the beer in the air.
But Eeteuk has fallen sound asleep, leaving a very confused Sungmin awake amidst the monotonous buzz that filled the night air. It’s source? The member’s snores (no it wasn’t some kind of cricket), which permeated the silence that was left behind by that strange and random revelation.
------------------------------------------------------
In the morning, the members find their underwear in their respective drawers, as though the entire incident had never occurred. Sungmin was rudely awakened by the shouts of joy and accusations of finger-pointing members still as confused as he was before.
He caught Eeteuk’s eye, and the leader grinned back surreptitiously. He mouthed an “Oh my god, thank you hyung!” and turned about as red as a DBSK balloon in embarrassment.
Kyuhyun decides to put up a tweet that day about the whole incident: “Seems like the members are in serious need of underwear management. Keke^^”
And over the next month, a hundred pairs of underwear, boxers, briefs, of all shapes and sizes from all over the world arrive at the doorstep of the Super Junior dormitory from their fans.
Eunhyuk swears he even saw a thong.
Characters: ALL 15!
Rating: G
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 1817 words
A/N: I got this inspiration after watching ‘Happy Family’ with Suju M! And watching Eunhyuk’s horribly insane neatness in one show which I chanced upon on youtube! Unfortunately I forgot the name :/
And for my beloved i_am_downstairs who has abandoned me for another country.
“That’s it. Who stole my underwear again!” shouts an infuriated Kangin as he storms through the dorm in a rampage, waving a pair of blue boxers as though trying to make a point.
Eeteuk seems to be the only one that hears him. He tries to be helpful and offers to lend him his favorite pair of purple silk shorts-as though that would be sufficient to quell his rage-but finds them missing as well, and soon, his voice join the lone chorus of Kangin in the demands that their underwear be returned to them.
Shindong pops out of the kitchen with a jar of nutella in one hand and a metal spoon, suddenly alerted by the situation and decides to add his two cents worth, shouting information throughout the dorm such that everyone can hear him. “A man cannot be without his underwear. It is like his mojo. Once it’s gone, its gone.”
“Hyung~ mine are gone too!!!” squeals Lee Donghae as he runs out of his room, pants-less, with a single white towel wrapped around his waist, followed closely behind by Eunhyuk who wouldn’t miss seeing Donghae pants-less for the world.
“You can borrow mine”, quips Kim Kibum as he lounges on the couch in nonchalance, proceeding to stand up and unbuckle his shorts for good measure, only to be stopped by Eunhyuk who insists that Donghae borrows his instead.
Yesung and Ryeowook are however, once again engaged in their own idle conversation about each others favorite boxers, and Ryeowook loudly asserts that he much prefers Yesung in the green and white stripped boxers than his tighty-whities.
“HEY EVERONE! I BOUGHT FOOD!”
The door to the dormitory bursts open to the commotion, to reveal one Henry Lau, who has assumed a jumping jack position with a large plastic bag of food in one hand, and a cheerful grin spread across his face.
His poise is disrupted by Zhou Mi as he follows closely behind, who the moment sees Kyuhyun, pushes through Henry like a battering ram. “KYUUUUUUU~” and leaps onto Kyuhyun, latching himself like a koala onto his back, his legs linked around Kyuhyun’s waist.
Sungmin shoots Zhou Mi a disapproving look from across the dorm where his room is. He resigns himself to helping Shindong get the food from Henry who is frozen in disbelief in the starfish position that no one has acknowledge his presence, save for the two that have busied themselves with the food.
“Stupid boy, you don’t know how to make much of an entrance do you?” scoffs Heechul as he walks past the sickeningly sweet scene of Zhou Mi nuzzling his cheeks against Kyuhyun from the back.
He is distracted by Hankyung who shuffles quietly out of his room and tugs on his shirt, head hung sheepishly. “Hyung,” he hesitates awhile, as though afraid, “the red boxers you bought for me-they’re missing.”
An originally thought impossible feat, Heechul’s voice softens, under Hankyung’s downcast face and squeezes his hands tightly, “it’s okay Kyung, really, I’ll get you another pair,” but adds in a characteristic overtone, “and I’ll barbeque the ass of whoever took his shorts!”
Siwon rushes out at the exclamation and is met with Heechul’s death glare of accusation. He ignores Heechul and looks at Hankyung, eyes wide with concern, “what about the Calvin Klein underwear set I bought you last month! Are they gone too?”
“No! I’m wearing them now!” and Hankyung grins widely at Siwon who reciprocates, but immediately dulls his expression when he sees Heechul narrow his eyes at him, muttering something about how he should never have taken off the boxers that he bought.
Eunhyuk busies himself with a notepad and has somehow stuck a piece of paper across his chest with the words ‘underwear investigator’ scrawled on it. Eeteuk follows closely behind with the tag of ‘investigator no. 2’ plastered on his back, shifty eyes darting back and forth from under a baseball cap that he has pulled over his head and eyes.
Eunhyuk runs up to Henry, who has removed himself from the doorway and is now lounging on the couch, and pushes up his glasses, smacking his lips like how the intrepid detectives in movies do and asks, “are you Henry Lau, the underwear thief? When was the last time you stepped into the dormitory and do you have any eye-witnesses to prove your presence?”
Henry, hit by the sudden barrage of questions stutters a response, which is immediately criticized by Eunhyuk as signs of guilt.
Donghae swears he can hear an action soundtrack playing in the background to complement the mood, and sees that Eunhyuk has set up his white ipod with the speakers to provide suitable music.
“Oh shove off,” Eeteuk warns after turning down the music, and seats himself on the couch between Henry and Eunhyuk. “Look guys, the person who has been taking the underwear can only be one of us, unless he is the manager, which I highly doubt. So unless someone is going to come up and confess of his underwear, or most probably some kind of boxers fetish, I think we need to do some room raiding huh?”
“Yeah that’s right. And when I find out who you are I will own your ass,” adds Kangin scathingly somewhere in the background.
“I’ll be here with the food,” Shindong manages to choke out with a mouth full of food. “Search whatever you want but don’t go anywhere near my computer.”
“Fine. You guys can search my room first. Got nothin’ to hide.” Eeuteuk is the first to offer. He smiles delightfully when his underwear drawer is cleared of suspicion but turns a sickly shade of green upon the suggestion that the underwear thief would be smart enough to hide it elsewhere, and sees Eunhyuk totter over to his bedside drawer where his magazines of mature content are stashed.
“Oh what’s this?” states Eunhyuk too loudly, not like he does not know what it already is.
“Is that porn?” Zhou Mi’s eyes widen in shock and Siwon quickly uses a hand to cover his eyes over his glasses. Such a sight, which is considered the norm for the Korean members would be better off left unspoken of to the Chinese.
“You should keep such things where no one looks, honestly! What if one of those variety show people come over and do a surprise check on our room!” Siwon nags, his hands still clamped over Zhou Mi’s eyes.
“You should do like me and hide it under your bed or something,” says Eunhyuk smugly, his chin tilted upwards and his hands folded in a knot.
In a flurry of action, the members start to overturn Eunhyuk’s bed sheets and mattress to reveal three photo books, worn out from excessive browsing, thousand won notes (which Kibum immediately claimed as payment for lending money to Eunhyuk before), and an uneaten lollipop which Donghae wrestled with Sungmin for.
Also apart from the fact that Euhyuk had dumped whatever essentials he had under his bed, the rest of his room was pretty much perfectly packed. His books aligned without a single page out of place, his suits and skincare items stacked and arranged meticulously and categorically and his underwear color coded and coordinated such that it was impossible to miss it if Eunhyuk had taken the other member’s underwear for his own.
“Whoa Hyukkie, I didn’t peg you for the kind who would be so neat,” Donghae mumbles in awe. Heechul who mutters, “OCD” in passing, loud enough for everyone to hear, quickly dismisses the euphemism.
Well, that was before Kibum decided to be extra sure and turned over a few of Eunhyuk’s drawers to Eunhyuk whose mouth widens in horror at the new mess because Kibum was “just checking.”
After an hour of searching, all that was discovered from the member’s belongings were enough magazines to make a whole porno edition, mismatched pieces of clothing that would go very well in a radical fashion show, and a whole lot of underwear unrelated junk.
And by that night, the members had quickly forgotten about their underwear woes and resorted to borrowing from each other while Eunhyuk re-busied himself by tidying up his drawers (no pun intended).
Yesung returns to the dorm at ten that night to a harried Ryeowook who had not been informed of his absence. His hands were heavy with packs of beer and all the alcohol he could haul to satisfy Kibum and Kangin who leapt ahead of Ryeowook for the drinks, immediately popping cans and gulping down the contents.
Within half an hour, half the members had passed out, sound asleep at various areas in the dorm, drunk on alcohol.
Sungmin, who is still on his first can of beer, which is, by the way, half drunk, is already in a drowsy stupor and mumbling nonsense in all directions. His head has found a comfortable position on the leader’s lap while Eeteuk smiles stupidly to himself as he stares determinedly at a spot on the ceiling.
“Hyung, I didn’t mean to you know,” drawls Sungmin as he wiggles the empty beer can in Eeteuk’s face.
“Mmm?”
“Take the underwear I mean… They’re in the wash.”
“Oh that!” At this point, Eeteuk’s sobriety is questionable and neither of them really knows if the conversation will be remembered. “No worries, one can never have enough underwear any way.”
“I didn’t mean to… It was just… I had misplaced my pink boxers with the *hic* Hello Kitty and… I needed one that could give me enough…umm… confidence to dance for the concert…” Sungmin’s face had turned redder-not because of the alcohol-and had stopped waving the beer in the air.
But Eeteuk has fallen sound asleep, leaving a very confused Sungmin awake amidst the monotonous buzz that filled the night air. It’s source? The member’s snores (no it wasn’t some kind of cricket), which permeated the silence that was left behind by that strange and random revelation.
------------------------------------------------------
In the morning, the members find their underwear in their respective drawers, as though the entire incident had never occurred. Sungmin was rudely awakened by the shouts of joy and accusations of finger-pointing members still as confused as he was before.
He caught Eeteuk’s eye, and the leader grinned back surreptitiously. He mouthed an “Oh my god, thank you hyung!” and turned about as red as a DBSK balloon in embarrassment.
Kyuhyun decides to put up a tweet that day about the whole incident: “Seems like the members are in serious need of underwear management. Keke^^”
And over the next month, a hundred pairs of underwear, boxers, briefs, of all shapes and sizes from all over the world arrive at the doorstep of the Super Junior dormitory from their fans.
Eunhyuk swears he even saw a thong.