(no subject)
I forgot to do a summary and stuff for this story (I always forget), so I'll try and put in some now.
Title: Three's a Crowd (I know, not very imaginative)
Author: Melanie (mel_b666)
Disclaimer: *sings disclaimer song* "This is my diclaimer song/So everybody sing along/Ville owns himself/Bam does too/So read up folks/And please dont sue!"
Summary: From the moment Ville and Bam set eyes on her they were in love, but Ville had some secrets of his own. Can a love triangle ever work out without hurt?
Damn, that was boring. Don't think I'll be typing that again.
Chapter Three
~Ville~
The tears were running fast now, but Bam wasn’t wiping them away anymore. A sob broke out, and then I broke down completely. I expected him to be disgusted, I expected him to leave me with my head buried in my hands, sobbing and crying for the rest of my life. He should at least have been freaked out or something, I was freaked out, that’s for sure.
Instead I felt him wrap his arms around me comfortingly.
“Don’t cry,” he said quietly, “I hate watching you cry.”
~Bam~
I may have looked calm on the outside, but I was freaking out on the inside. How did this happen? When? Why? This had to be a dream, it just had to! I’d seen Ville with girls! I’d almost walked in on him fucking one! In fact, that had happened quite a few times. So, what was he trying to tell me? No, there had been a mistake, he hadn’t admitted it, and I was just jumping to conclusions as usual…
And he was crying. I’d made him cry! Oh God, I’d made him cry! I hadn’t meant to. I didn’t know I could do that. I’d never seen him cry before, but suddenly he looked so helpless that I just had to take him into my arms, “feelings” or no “feelings”. His sobs quietened and I felt his arms wrap themselves around me. It reminded me of the way I’d acted with Alice, in a way, this quiet desperation and the only cure was to find a safe place. My safe place had been Alice’s arms, and right now Ville was leaning in towards me and sobbing into my chest. It looked as though he had found his safe place - me.
“Shh,” was all I could think to say and, “It’s okay.”
His cries shook both our bodies as he clung to me, and I started to feel a little uncomfortable, but I felt too sorry for him to let that really affect the way I reacted. My hand came up to his hair on reflex and I started to stroke it to calm him. It worked a little, and soon he wasn’t sobbing anymore, but he still clung to me.
I rocked him gently, acting purely on instinct and hoping that I was doing this right. I was still utterly confused, but right now I just wanted to make my best friend feel better
“There,” I said softly, “I told you it would be okay.”
His tear-stained face turned to me and he said, “Thank you.”
I wiped some of the tears from his face and replied, “It’s alright. You’d do the same for me, right?”
He nodded and sat up. He took a few deep breaths and wiped is face.
“Oh Bam, I’ve been an idiot, I’m sorry.”
“I’ve been a bigger idiot.” I replied, “I’m the one who should be sorry.”
“Can we forget this happened?” he asked.
“If that’s what you want.”
He nodded, “Yes, that’s what I want.”
Good, I thought to myself, it was getting too complicated anyway.
“I suppose I should be congratulating you.” he said, offering me a hand.
“What for?”
“For getting yourself quite possibly the hottest woman in Helsinki.”
I grinned and shook his hand.
“No hard feelings?”
“None whatsoever.”
You’re a terrible liar, Ville, but I’ll let it go for now, because that’s what you want.
“Maybe we should get some sleep, Bam.” Ville suggested.
“Yeah, you’re right. Do you want me to crash on the sofa?”
“Um… I think it would be better if I slept on the sofa tonight.”
“Oh… right, okay.”
~Ville~
I dreamt about him. I dreamt about them both, but mainly him. We were on the set of the Sacrament video, back in that beautiful castle in Prague and we were on the balcony, looking out on the stars.
“It’s beautiful.” Bam whispered, “Everything, it’s all so beautiful. We’re so lucky to be able to see all this.”
“I know.” I said, wrapping my arms around him from behind, “I’m so glad I’ve got you to share it with, sweetheart. You’re the most beautiful thing here.”
He smiled and turned to me, before wrapping his arms around me.
“Not as beautiful as you, Walla Walo.” he said, and he leaned forward to gently press his lips against mine.
I pressed back, and then I was kissing back, kissing and kissing him as he clung to me and stroked the side of my cheek with his thumb. I brought my hand through his hair lovingly and then he pulled away.
“I love you.” he whispered.
“I love you too.” I replied, “More than you could ever imagine.”
“Marry me, Ville.”
And then I woke up. Just like that. It always happens, doesn’t it? You’re having a great dream and then you wake up at the best part.
So that was it, wasn’t it? The dream had confirmed it. My feelings for Bam were… more than that of friendship. I wanted him. I did, I wanted him more than I had wanted anything else lately, or perhaps ever. I wanted him so much my body physically ached for him. It just felt… so right, that dream, the way he had fitted into my arms perfectly…
Just as Alice had fitted into his arms. They, too, are perfect for each other. And God, I can’t hate her because she’s beautiful. She’s not some foolish girl I could dismiss as a slut, despite the fact that she and Bam have made love already. I can’t hate her because she has a sadness in her life that made her do it. She’s far too experienced and intelligent to just go off with the first English-speaking man she meets like that without a proper reason. I can see it in those hazel eyes of hers. She needs something that perhaps only Bam can give her.
So where does that leave me?
I think I love them both.
I sighed and sat up, cringing at the pain in my neck. I’d slept on many a sofa, but the ones that hurt most were usually the more expensive “designer” sofas. Give me an old fashioned, cushioned couch any time, instead of these new, square-looking, sharp leather things. It was day, and glancing at the clock on the VCR I discovered that it was quite early in the morning, although it could have been any time, really. I don’t know a single person whose VCR is set to the right time.
I decided to take a shower. The events of last night had left me feeling slightly dirty and used, though I wasn’t too sure why. All I knew was that I wanted those memories to go away, and so the best idea would be to wash them away. There wasn’t much else to try at the moment.
I heard Bam stir as I tiptoed to the en-suite, trying furiously to block the mental images from my mind. I chanced a glance at the bed and had to stop. It was just too perfect. Bam lay turned slightly to the side in the bed, resting his cheek on one of his hands. His bare chest rose and sank gently as he took those kind of dreamy breaths that come just as you are beginning to wake up. His eyelashes flickered and the sky blue eyes beneath caught the light for a moment. He smiled, not quite fully awake yet, and I wondered what sort of dream would make him smile like that.
Not one about me, I suppose.
~Bam~
That dream had been… weird. It had started off kind of normal, I guess. Alice and I were in a bar and we’d been drinking. She had started to tell me about her ex, David, when the door had burst open and Ville had appeared. His clothes were all torn up and his make-up was streaked as though he’d been crying. For some reason, he seemed twice his normal height, standing in that doorway, and even more impressive than usual. His green eyes were wild, staring about the room until they fixed on Alice and I.
He called my name, and his voice boomed. It had a strange harshness to it that I had never heard before.
“Ville, are you okay?” I’d asked, but my voice sounded faraway and distant.
“Bam, you have to leave her!” he called, “She doesn’t want you! She wants to kill you!”
“What are you talking about?”
“He’s right.” Alice had said, and she was pulling a knife from her bag now, “I had been planning this all along.”
“Why?” I’d asked.
“She doesn’t love you.” Ville had said, and then he sneered, “She’s all mine, Brandon.”
Alice had brought the knife down into my back, and I woke up.
No, wait, there had been something else after it, something nice, I think. Yes, I’d smiled… Ville had been there? I couldn’t remember. The image of Alice with tha knife was too vivid.
Not a fun dream. I thought to myself, and I could hear the shower in the en-suite. Ville must have been in there. Poor Ville. I nearly fucked things up for us last night. He was so messed-up. I wonder what’s wrong with him, anyway?
Glancing down, I noticed that my phone was lying switched-off beside the bed. I had used the hotel phone to call Ville last night. I picked it up and switched it on, only to be told that I had a voicemail message waiting for me.
“Hey Bam, it’s me, Alice. I’m never too good at these thing, darling, so I’ll be as brief as possible. Last night was… incredible. I can’t thank you enough. It was just what I’ve been needing all this time. How is your friend, Ville? Did he come back? I’ve been so worried, honestly, I’ve been sitting here waiting to hear what happened between you two. You seem like such close friends…”
Close… huh. Don’t know just how close we are at the moment.
“… Well, I thought I’d stay in town for a while, and I don’t want you to feel forgotten or abandoned. You see, I’m not used to this all happening so fast, and for a moment I almost forgot and booked a flight to Spain! No, I’m holding back on the travelling for now, my love.
“If you like, I’ll be in a cute little café tomorrow, or today, depending on when you get this. I’ll give you the details in a minute, but I’d just love it if you could join me. I’ll be honest, I can’t stop thinking about you lately. You have the most beautiful eyes. Please call me back and let me know how things went with Ville, he seems like a good man…”
She gave the address of the café and I smiled. I knew exactly where it was. Just hearing her voice again made me shiver a little. I’d never heard someone speak like that outside the movies, unless you count Ville. Actually, Alice and Ville had a lot of things in common, probably a lot more than they realised.
I slipped out of bed and pressed the “call back” button. I counted rings. Three before she picked up. She was really into me.
“Hey...” I said, not really sure whether or not I was allowed to call her “baby” or if she was too cultured for that.
“Hello, blue eyes. I was wondering when you would call me.”
I smiled, “I just got your voicemail.”
She scoffed, “Oh, I’m terrible at leaving messages, I always end up saying things I don’t mean, or saying something wrongly. That little beep makes me nervous.”
She was gorgeous. Oh God, I could tell just how gorgeous she was from the sound of her voice. I could picture her in those long gloves, smoking one of those really fancy cigarettes on a stick, dressed in that figure-hugging black dress. She was like something straight out of an old movie, like a classier Marilyn Monroe or something.
Alright, let’s not screw this up.
“Are you still going to the café today?”
“Yes, I am. Will you be there? Should I put on my best dress?”
“You mean that wasn’t your best dress last night?”
“Oh God no, that was just something for travelling in.”
“You don’t need to get too dressed up for me, you know.”
“Oh, but I want to. You make me want to be beautiful.”
“You don’t need a fancy dress for that. I guess I’ll meet you there, then?”
“I suppose. Oh, and will you bring dear Ville?”
“Er… I wasn’t really planning on it.”
“I just wanted to apologise for last night.”
“Oh, uh… good point. Well, uh… goodbye.”
“Goodbye, darling.”
I hung up and smacked the phone off my head. Argh! Why did I have to screw it up, right at the end when I went into “uhh… er… umm…” mode? Why, why?
“You’ll knock yourself out if you keep doing that.” a deep voice said from the doorway.
Ville had emerged, fully dressed and in a cloud of steam from the bathroom. How did he always manage to pull off the “I didn’t bother too much about what I was wearing today, but I still look extremely cool and sophisticated” look? How did he do it? I had to concentrate on every single thing I wore even to look half as good as that.
“Who was that, anyway? The lady-friend?” he asked.
I nodded, “Oh, and she wants to meet you today.”
“We’ve already met… er… twice.” he said, looking awkward but also smirking slightly.
“No, I mean properly. She wants to say sorry and stuff.”
“Oh…”
“Yeah. I mean, you don’t have to come if you don’t want to, we just figured…”
“Oh no, I’ll come.” he replied, “If that’s alright, I mean.”
“What? Yeah, that’s fine.” I said, and we both stared at each other awkwardly for a few moments before I added, “I think I’ll go take a shower now.”
“Alright, you do that.”
“Alright, I will.”
“The water’s quite hot.”
“Thank you.”
“Right… well.”
“Er… right. I’ll just be taking a shower now.”
“Oh, don’t let me get in your way.”
“Er… yeah.”
We passed each other rather awkwardly as I pulled out the nearest set of clothes I could find and began working on making myself look half-decent.
~Ville~
She wants to meet me… again. Can I do this? Argh, it’s been so weird. This isn’t liking meeting any of Bam’s other girlfriends, this time my own feelings are involved. I want both of them, but can have neither of them. I don’t think I’ve ever been involved in anything so complicated and confusing in my entire life.
Bam took a disturbingly long time to get ready. I supposed it was just nerves, seeing as how this was his first official date with Alice. A little voice in my head - the nasty one that laughed when small children or clowns fell over - pointed out that it was usually the first date, then a few more dates and then sex, but I decided to ignore it, as I normally did whenever it decided to be vindictive.
Eventually I decided to check up on him, and after knocking very carefully, I found him standing in front of the mirror with an eyeliner pencil, staring at himself questioningly and then raising a shaking hand to his eye every now and then, only to let it drop out of sheer nerves.
“Do you need a hand?” I asked.
He nodded, “How do you do it?”
“Do what? Put on eyeliner? You’ve done it loads of times!”
“No, I mean, how do you get it to look so good?”
I hoped he didn’t notice me blush.
“You just put it around your eyes.” I pointed out, “It’s not rocket-science.”
“I don’t mean just the eyeliner, I mean all of it, your shirts, your pants, everything. How do you do it? I look like shit most of the time.” he said, attempting to apply eyeliner again.
“No you don’t,” I said softly, taking the pencil from his hand, “here, stay still.”
After a few minutes of “stay still, or this’ll be in your eye” “ow!” “well, I warned you” we were just about ready to go. Bam kept fidgeting as I pulled on a coat and patted the inside pocket to check that I had a packet of cigarettes and my lighter there, and he looked so nervous when I closed the door behind us that I had to tell him to calm down.
“I can’t help it,” he said, scratching his head, a little habit I’d noticed he had picked up when he was nervous, “you know what she’s like, Ville. I didn’t even think I’d be doing this.”
“Well, if you keep fidgeting like that you won’t have her for much longer. Sit on your hands when you get there or something.” I warned him.
It wasn’t far from our hotel to the café, but we had to stop off a couple of times on the way for Bam to calm down and take a few deep breaths. I’d never seen him so flustered in my entire life. It was kind of cute, really, but I had to stop thinking like that. That sort of thinking would get me into trouble. It was only when I stopped thinking about how adorable Bam looked when he was fidgeting and muttering to himself that I found myself thinking about Alice again. I could picture her clearly, the first time she had stepped into the bar, the way the draught of the closing door had caught her hair for a moment, the way those deep, dark eyes had scanned the room for a moment, before resting on me briefly, then turning to Bam… They had rested on me first…
She had chosen Bam. Why? I couldn’t say. I’m not trying to sound arrogant, because Bam is an extremely good-looking person, almost perfect in fact, but he just didn’t seem her style. Her style were men in business suits who did real business, like working in the Stock Exchange, though I had no idea how any of that worked. It was all numbers to me. Yes, that was her kind of man, the kind of man who owned a private helicopter just for the Hell of it, the kind of man who bought expensive champagne and had a butler. Bam… wasn’t that man. No, Bam was a skateboarder who was half-famous for his skateboarding, and half-famous for the fact that he had no regards for personal safety whatsoever and so was perfect for cheap, if extremely amusing, entertainment.
Well, what about me? What had I to offer Alice? Nothing. A career of touring and constantly being away from home. I would never have time to give her the love she deserved, nor the money. Yes, I wasn’t poor, that was for sure, but the kind of man I pictured her with earned far more than me because, let’s face it, I might be worth quite a lot due to our wonderful fans, but once the big guys have taken their “share” the band aren’t left with very much at all.
So, that meant that Alice wasn’t someone who loved for material possessions, so what? It still didn’t fit. Bam wasn’t exactly the sophisticated gentleman I had in mind. He wasn’t exactly rude, and he was always polite to women, he had morals, yes, but that was it. He was a little kid trapped in a man’s body, everyone knew that. That’s what everyone loved about Bam, Hell, that’s what I loved about Bam. Is that what Alice loved about him, too?
My thoughts were cut short as Bam tugged my arm and pulled me to a sudden stop.
“What?” I hissed.
“We’re here,” he said, pointing to the café right in front of us, “I can’t do this, let’s go back…”
He turned to go, but I grabbed him by he collar. The café wasn’t so much a café as a small restaurant. Even from the outside I could tell that it was expensive, and probably more clean than anywhere I’d eaten in my entire life. You could probably eat of the toilet seats without having to worry about germs… if you were that way inclined.
“You can’t leave now! We’ve only just got here, and she’ll be waiting for you!”
“I can’t do it!” Bam whined, “I’m scared, what if she hates me?”
“Bam, you’re acting like a little kid,” and I love it, I thought to myself, “why should she hate you?”
“What if she was drunk last night?”
“She didn’t look drunk to me.”
There was an awkward silence (mainly because neither of us really wanted to go into any sort of detail about last night) in which Bam stopped struggling and stared at the front of the café. He took several deep breaths and closed his eyes for a second.
“Good, just breathe. We’re going in now, alright?”
“Alright” he agreed quietly.
I pushed the door open and shoved Bam inside, before stepping into the warmth and tranquil atmosphere of the café myself. Alice was sat at the farthest table from the door, and she waved at us through the haze of smoke and chatter. I felt like an intruder, suddenly. This was supposed to be their first date, why was I here? Well, Alice had asked for me to be here, but it didn’t make sense.
Maybe I should just get the apology then clear off and leave them to it.
The strange feeling in my stomach came back as I thought this. Leaving them to it would mean that I would have time to brood on their relationship, something I would probably be spending a lot of time doing from then on, it seemed. It was also something I’d rather not be spending my holiday doing. Oh, this had all turned out so wrong!
Bam must have bumped into every table between the door and the table at which Alice sat by the time we actually reached her. I was sure he was in more pain than he was letting on, some of those corners had been really sharp. He must have been so nervous, the poor thing, he always gets clumsy when he’s nervous.
“So, er… hello.” he said, standing rather awkwardly in front of Alice.
She stood and wrapped her arms around him. I turned away as he returned the hug. I couldn’t deal with this. I had to get out of here.
“And you’ve brought Ville,” she stated, causing me to turn back to her.
She offered me her hand and I decided, as I usually do, that I’d cover up my nervousness by trying to be as suave as possible. Sometimes it worked, other times it didn’t, but there are worse ways to cover up nervousness. Fortunately this time it paid off, as she smiled and chuckled softly as I kissed her hand, which made my nerves fade slightly. I think when I looked up into her eyes, I caught a glimpse of the game plan she had in mind, and that relaxed me. I was used to this game, I played it all the time with girls. It had no real name, but if it did it would probably be called “be more charming than them and throw them off balance as much as possible”, or perhaps something more catchy, but to that effect. I knew she was an experienced player, but so was I.
Bam scuttled round to sit beside her and I took the seat furthest from the couple. I had to suppress a laugh as Bam started fidgeting, then looked down at his hands as though noticing them for a first time, and bit his lip. He seemed to remember my advice, because he shifted slightly in his seat and I was sure he was sitting on them. Alice looked mildly amused at this as she lit up a cigarette. I followed suit.
So this is what we’re doing, then. Alright, I can handle this.
I found my eyes being drawn to that little point on her neck that I craved so much, that little patch of skin that Bam had caressed and kissed several hours ago. Trying not to think of her like that only made things worse, and I swear I saw the corner of her mouth twitch as I shifted a little in my seat and cleared my throat.
Dammit Valo, you can do better than this.
“So…” Bam said, his eyes darting from me to his, well, lover I suppose, and back again as though he was watching a tennis match.
Alice turned her attention to Bam and her entire posture changed. She became more relaxed, and her expression was softer, more loving.
“I’m so glad you could come, dear Bam, I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” she turned back to me, “both of you.”
I wasn’t sure what was happening now. Were we still playing the game? It had all got a bit... confusing.
~Bam~
I had never been more confused or nervous in my entire life. What were they doing? Ville and Alice seemed to know something I didn’t. Was this some kind of joke or something? I don’t think I was imagining it - there was something going on between the two of them, it was so tense I could almost taste it. They were both acting strangely, as though they were playing some kind of game that I didn’t know the rules to. Not for the first time, they reminded me of a pair of big cats, sizing each other up. I think if they really had been big cats, both of their backs would be up, or maybe it was subtler than that. Ville had a strange look on his face, the kind of face I only saw him wear when he was playing chess with Burton.
Damn, I couldn’t stop fidgeting! I had to do something to keep myself occupied. Too bad I didn’t smoke like Ville or Alice or I would have joined them. My eyes were beginning to sting a bit, actually, I wasn’t used to having so much smoke blown in my face at once, but I said nothing.
Now what was going on? Alice had looked at me, and suddenly the look on Ville’s face had changed. She had changed, too. She seemed to relax a little, and then my Alice was back, the one I loved and found so beautiful that it almost hurt to look at her. She was like something from a story, I’d never seen anyone like her. My mixture of feelings confused me, she confused me, but I think I liked it. I liked not knowing what she was thinking or what I really felt. I liked trying to figure out what was going on in that perfect head of hers. She was smart, as smart as Ville, probably, and I felt a little out of place. I know I’m not smart, it’s a fact of life, I’ve never needed to be, but suddenly I felt as though I wasn’t good enough for her, and I vowed that if she didn’t ditch me, I’d get smarter somehow. I’d read and learn. I’d read those annoying books Ville was always talking about. Yeah…
“Bam and I,” she said, and I felt a warmth on my leg, which almost made me jump, “are both extremely sorry for any… misunderstandings that might have happened last night, aren’t we?”
I nodded, unable to concentrate properly with that hand on my leg. I wanted so much to groan, but this was neither the time nor the place, so I had to make do with biting my lip and nodding.
Ville nodded and looked away, taking a deep drag of his cigarette. He looked uncomfortable, as though he wanted to leave, but I didn’t want him to go. I suddenly felt so out of my depth that it scared me. I wanted him to stay and tell me how to treat a woman like this. I wanted to watch him and the way he acted around her. I wanted to learn from him, because he was so like her, but he was my friend and so I could ask him questions without having to feel uncomfortable, but I couldn’t do that with Alice, not yet, and I was worried that I would disappoint her.
“Bam, relax,” she whispered out of the corner of her mouth, “just be yourself.”
That relaxed me. A lot.
Then Ville spoke, “Look, I shouldn’t be here. Thanks for the invite but I’ve really got to go…”
“Where?” I blurted, mentally clinging to his arm.
“Umm… well, I suppose I should phone my family and tell them I’m back now and…”
“Do you have to leave now?” Alice asked.
“Er… well…” Ville said, struggling for an excuse, “I suppose not.”
He sat back down and took another drag at his cigarette. I brought my hand to Alice’s on my knee and chanced letting them touch. She took hold of my hand and gave it an affectionate squeeze and I felt a surge of feeling towards her. I loved her. I still loved her. How could I have felt so awkward around her? She was perfect and I didn’t need to put on a false face for her.
There was a moment’s silence. It was broken by Alice.
“Are you wearing eyeliner?” she asked me.
My heart sank. I’d forgotten that that really only worked for “chicks”, “Uhm, yeah.”
She laughed, “It suits you. Do you wear that a lot?”
I didn’t want her thinking I was weird, but then, I couldn’t lie in front of Ville, so I decided to shift the blame, “Ville got me into it.”
~Ville~
Oh, don’t worry about it, Bam. Just blame me. I’m not that bothered, really, but I need to get away from here. This mixture of feelings is worse than watching one of those trippy movies Migé likes.
That’s when the conversation began. It started off with how I’d gotten into eyeliner in the first place (back in my good old high school days with my old band B.L.O.O.D. ugh, I’m embarrassed just thinking about it) and it then moved onto my career, and the fact that I was a rockstar, and where did I tour? Had we sold a lot of albums? Then the conversation shifted to Alice’s life, her family, how she was never happy in one place for long, places she’d visited, people she’d met…
I found myself relaxing and even becoming interested. The fact that Bam and Alice were an unofficial couple was a mere technicality to me, because I came to realise that what had seemed like a cold exterior was really just Alice’s way of testing me, and I seemed to have passed her test. She opened up to us, told us a lot about herself and revealed an astonishing intellect. She had seen things and places that I had only dreamed of. She had met other famous people, too, people far more famous than a pro skater and a rock star. Most of all, she had experienced the world. She turned out to be older than both Bam and I, but that didn’t bother any of us, least of all her. She told us how she’d been with older men, and had only been disappointed in their lack of energy and how they seemed to have lost the ability to have fun.
“That’s the most important thing in life,” she said, waving her cigarette so that the smoke mingled and twirled into the smoke of my cigarette (for a moment I was sure it formed a heart shape, but Bam turned his head and it faded away), “to have fun. Most people tend to forget that after a while.”
It was true. She had really got me thinking. Lately I had been too stressed to really do much thinking, other than the necessary amount for song-writing, but this was a different kind of thinking. Somewhere along the way I had lost sight of that fact, too. I’d forgotten that some things are more important in life than work, and perhaps even love, and that was fun. When was the last time I’d had fun? How many years? Wasn’t that why I’d befriended Bam in the first place, to try and get some fun back into my life? Perhaps that’s why she had chosen Bam. Bam had never forgotten the importance of fun, that was for sure.
I found that I wanted to listen to her forever. She had so many interesting stories to tell, and they were tasteful, too. Most, if not all, of my stories usually started off with “we were drunk beyond belief”, but her stories always started with “I was visiting Prague” or “I was just passing through Egypt when…”. She was a miracle, and she had both Bam and I entranced.
I think that’s when I realised that Alice wasn’t just going to be one of Bam’s lovers, no. Alice had become our friend, so that if even she and Bam did break up, we would still speak to each other. A deep respect had grown for her in me, and I began to realise something else - if Alice and Bam could somehow be merged into one being, that person would be the love of my life.
It hurt, thinking like that.
Title: Three's a Crowd (I know, not very imaginative)
Author: Melanie (mel_b666)
Disclaimer: *sings disclaimer song* "This is my diclaimer song/So everybody sing along/Ville owns himself/Bam does too/So read up folks/And please dont sue!"
Summary: From the moment Ville and Bam set eyes on her they were in love, but Ville had some secrets of his own. Can a love triangle ever work out without hurt?
Damn, that was boring. Don't think I'll be typing that again.
Chapter Three
~Ville~
The tears were running fast now, but Bam wasn’t wiping them away anymore. A sob broke out, and then I broke down completely. I expected him to be disgusted, I expected him to leave me with my head buried in my hands, sobbing and crying for the rest of my life. He should at least have been freaked out or something, I was freaked out, that’s for sure.
Instead I felt him wrap his arms around me comfortingly.
“Don’t cry,” he said quietly, “I hate watching you cry.”
~Bam~
I may have looked calm on the outside, but I was freaking out on the inside. How did this happen? When? Why? This had to be a dream, it just had to! I’d seen Ville with girls! I’d almost walked in on him fucking one! In fact, that had happened quite a few times. So, what was he trying to tell me? No, there had been a mistake, he hadn’t admitted it, and I was just jumping to conclusions as usual…
And he was crying. I’d made him cry! Oh God, I’d made him cry! I hadn’t meant to. I didn’t know I could do that. I’d never seen him cry before, but suddenly he looked so helpless that I just had to take him into my arms, “feelings” or no “feelings”. His sobs quietened and I felt his arms wrap themselves around me. It reminded me of the way I’d acted with Alice, in a way, this quiet desperation and the only cure was to find a safe place. My safe place had been Alice’s arms, and right now Ville was leaning in towards me and sobbing into my chest. It looked as though he had found his safe place - me.
“Shh,” was all I could think to say and, “It’s okay.”
His cries shook both our bodies as he clung to me, and I started to feel a little uncomfortable, but I felt too sorry for him to let that really affect the way I reacted. My hand came up to his hair on reflex and I started to stroke it to calm him. It worked a little, and soon he wasn’t sobbing anymore, but he still clung to me.
I rocked him gently, acting purely on instinct and hoping that I was doing this right. I was still utterly confused, but right now I just wanted to make my best friend feel better
“There,” I said softly, “I told you it would be okay.”
His tear-stained face turned to me and he said, “Thank you.”
I wiped some of the tears from his face and replied, “It’s alright. You’d do the same for me, right?”
He nodded and sat up. He took a few deep breaths and wiped is face.
“Oh Bam, I’ve been an idiot, I’m sorry.”
“I’ve been a bigger idiot.” I replied, “I’m the one who should be sorry.”
“Can we forget this happened?” he asked.
“If that’s what you want.”
He nodded, “Yes, that’s what I want.”
Good, I thought to myself, it was getting too complicated anyway.
“I suppose I should be congratulating you.” he said, offering me a hand.
“What for?”
“For getting yourself quite possibly the hottest woman in Helsinki.”
I grinned and shook his hand.
“No hard feelings?”
“None whatsoever.”
You’re a terrible liar, Ville, but I’ll let it go for now, because that’s what you want.
“Maybe we should get some sleep, Bam.” Ville suggested.
“Yeah, you’re right. Do you want me to crash on the sofa?”
“Um… I think it would be better if I slept on the sofa tonight.”
“Oh… right, okay.”
~Ville~
I dreamt about him. I dreamt about them both, but mainly him. We were on the set of the Sacrament video, back in that beautiful castle in Prague and we were on the balcony, looking out on the stars.
“It’s beautiful.” Bam whispered, “Everything, it’s all so beautiful. We’re so lucky to be able to see all this.”
“I know.” I said, wrapping my arms around him from behind, “I’m so glad I’ve got you to share it with, sweetheart. You’re the most beautiful thing here.”
He smiled and turned to me, before wrapping his arms around me.
“Not as beautiful as you, Walla Walo.” he said, and he leaned forward to gently press his lips against mine.
I pressed back, and then I was kissing back, kissing and kissing him as he clung to me and stroked the side of my cheek with his thumb. I brought my hand through his hair lovingly and then he pulled away.
“I love you.” he whispered.
“I love you too.” I replied, “More than you could ever imagine.”
“Marry me, Ville.”
And then I woke up. Just like that. It always happens, doesn’t it? You’re having a great dream and then you wake up at the best part.
So that was it, wasn’t it? The dream had confirmed it. My feelings for Bam were… more than that of friendship. I wanted him. I did, I wanted him more than I had wanted anything else lately, or perhaps ever. I wanted him so much my body physically ached for him. It just felt… so right, that dream, the way he had fitted into my arms perfectly…
Just as Alice had fitted into his arms. They, too, are perfect for each other. And God, I can’t hate her because she’s beautiful. She’s not some foolish girl I could dismiss as a slut, despite the fact that she and Bam have made love already. I can’t hate her because she has a sadness in her life that made her do it. She’s far too experienced and intelligent to just go off with the first English-speaking man she meets like that without a proper reason. I can see it in those hazel eyes of hers. She needs something that perhaps only Bam can give her.
So where does that leave me?
I think I love them both.
I sighed and sat up, cringing at the pain in my neck. I’d slept on many a sofa, but the ones that hurt most were usually the more expensive “designer” sofas. Give me an old fashioned, cushioned couch any time, instead of these new, square-looking, sharp leather things. It was day, and glancing at the clock on the VCR I discovered that it was quite early in the morning, although it could have been any time, really. I don’t know a single person whose VCR is set to the right time.
I decided to take a shower. The events of last night had left me feeling slightly dirty and used, though I wasn’t too sure why. All I knew was that I wanted those memories to go away, and so the best idea would be to wash them away. There wasn’t much else to try at the moment.
I heard Bam stir as I tiptoed to the en-suite, trying furiously to block the mental images from my mind. I chanced a glance at the bed and had to stop. It was just too perfect. Bam lay turned slightly to the side in the bed, resting his cheek on one of his hands. His bare chest rose and sank gently as he took those kind of dreamy breaths that come just as you are beginning to wake up. His eyelashes flickered and the sky blue eyes beneath caught the light for a moment. He smiled, not quite fully awake yet, and I wondered what sort of dream would make him smile like that.
Not one about me, I suppose.
~Bam~
That dream had been… weird. It had started off kind of normal, I guess. Alice and I were in a bar and we’d been drinking. She had started to tell me about her ex, David, when the door had burst open and Ville had appeared. His clothes were all torn up and his make-up was streaked as though he’d been crying. For some reason, he seemed twice his normal height, standing in that doorway, and even more impressive than usual. His green eyes were wild, staring about the room until they fixed on Alice and I.
He called my name, and his voice boomed. It had a strange harshness to it that I had never heard before.
“Ville, are you okay?” I’d asked, but my voice sounded faraway and distant.
“Bam, you have to leave her!” he called, “She doesn’t want you! She wants to kill you!”
“What are you talking about?”
“He’s right.” Alice had said, and she was pulling a knife from her bag now, “I had been planning this all along.”
“Why?” I’d asked.
“She doesn’t love you.” Ville had said, and then he sneered, “She’s all mine, Brandon.”
Alice had brought the knife down into my back, and I woke up.
No, wait, there had been something else after it, something nice, I think. Yes, I’d smiled… Ville had been there? I couldn’t remember. The image of Alice with tha knife was too vivid.
Not a fun dream. I thought to myself, and I could hear the shower in the en-suite. Ville must have been in there. Poor Ville. I nearly fucked things up for us last night. He was so messed-up. I wonder what’s wrong with him, anyway?
Glancing down, I noticed that my phone was lying switched-off beside the bed. I had used the hotel phone to call Ville last night. I picked it up and switched it on, only to be told that I had a voicemail message waiting for me.
“Hey Bam, it’s me, Alice. I’m never too good at these thing, darling, so I’ll be as brief as possible. Last night was… incredible. I can’t thank you enough. It was just what I’ve been needing all this time. How is your friend, Ville? Did he come back? I’ve been so worried, honestly, I’ve been sitting here waiting to hear what happened between you two. You seem like such close friends…”
Close… huh. Don’t know just how close we are at the moment.
“… Well, I thought I’d stay in town for a while, and I don’t want you to feel forgotten or abandoned. You see, I’m not used to this all happening so fast, and for a moment I almost forgot and booked a flight to Spain! No, I’m holding back on the travelling for now, my love.
“If you like, I’ll be in a cute little café tomorrow, or today, depending on when you get this. I’ll give you the details in a minute, but I’d just love it if you could join me. I’ll be honest, I can’t stop thinking about you lately. You have the most beautiful eyes. Please call me back and let me know how things went with Ville, he seems like a good man…”
She gave the address of the café and I smiled. I knew exactly where it was. Just hearing her voice again made me shiver a little. I’d never heard someone speak like that outside the movies, unless you count Ville. Actually, Alice and Ville had a lot of things in common, probably a lot more than they realised.
I slipped out of bed and pressed the “call back” button. I counted rings. Three before she picked up. She was really into me.
“Hey...” I said, not really sure whether or not I was allowed to call her “baby” or if she was too cultured for that.
“Hello, blue eyes. I was wondering when you would call me.”
I smiled, “I just got your voicemail.”
She scoffed, “Oh, I’m terrible at leaving messages, I always end up saying things I don’t mean, or saying something wrongly. That little beep makes me nervous.”
She was gorgeous. Oh God, I could tell just how gorgeous she was from the sound of her voice. I could picture her in those long gloves, smoking one of those really fancy cigarettes on a stick, dressed in that figure-hugging black dress. She was like something straight out of an old movie, like a classier Marilyn Monroe or something.
Alright, let’s not screw this up.
“Are you still going to the café today?”
“Yes, I am. Will you be there? Should I put on my best dress?”
“You mean that wasn’t your best dress last night?”
“Oh God no, that was just something for travelling in.”
“You don’t need to get too dressed up for me, you know.”
“Oh, but I want to. You make me want to be beautiful.”
“You don’t need a fancy dress for that. I guess I’ll meet you there, then?”
“I suppose. Oh, and will you bring dear Ville?”
“Er… I wasn’t really planning on it.”
“I just wanted to apologise for last night.”
“Oh, uh… good point. Well, uh… goodbye.”
“Goodbye, darling.”
I hung up and smacked the phone off my head. Argh! Why did I have to screw it up, right at the end when I went into “uhh… er… umm…” mode? Why, why?
“You’ll knock yourself out if you keep doing that.” a deep voice said from the doorway.
Ville had emerged, fully dressed and in a cloud of steam from the bathroom. How did he always manage to pull off the “I didn’t bother too much about what I was wearing today, but I still look extremely cool and sophisticated” look? How did he do it? I had to concentrate on every single thing I wore even to look half as good as that.
“Who was that, anyway? The lady-friend?” he asked.
I nodded, “Oh, and she wants to meet you today.”
“We’ve already met… er… twice.” he said, looking awkward but also smirking slightly.
“No, I mean properly. She wants to say sorry and stuff.”
“Oh…”
“Yeah. I mean, you don’t have to come if you don’t want to, we just figured…”
“Oh no, I’ll come.” he replied, “If that’s alright, I mean.”
“What? Yeah, that’s fine.” I said, and we both stared at each other awkwardly for a few moments before I added, “I think I’ll go take a shower now.”
“Alright, you do that.”
“Alright, I will.”
“The water’s quite hot.”
“Thank you.”
“Right… well.”
“Er… right. I’ll just be taking a shower now.”
“Oh, don’t let me get in your way.”
“Er… yeah.”
We passed each other rather awkwardly as I pulled out the nearest set of clothes I could find and began working on making myself look half-decent.
~Ville~
She wants to meet me… again. Can I do this? Argh, it’s been so weird. This isn’t liking meeting any of Bam’s other girlfriends, this time my own feelings are involved. I want both of them, but can have neither of them. I don’t think I’ve ever been involved in anything so complicated and confusing in my entire life.
Bam took a disturbingly long time to get ready. I supposed it was just nerves, seeing as how this was his first official date with Alice. A little voice in my head - the nasty one that laughed when small children or clowns fell over - pointed out that it was usually the first date, then a few more dates and then sex, but I decided to ignore it, as I normally did whenever it decided to be vindictive.
Eventually I decided to check up on him, and after knocking very carefully, I found him standing in front of the mirror with an eyeliner pencil, staring at himself questioningly and then raising a shaking hand to his eye every now and then, only to let it drop out of sheer nerves.
“Do you need a hand?” I asked.
He nodded, “How do you do it?”
“Do what? Put on eyeliner? You’ve done it loads of times!”
“No, I mean, how do you get it to look so good?”
I hoped he didn’t notice me blush.
“You just put it around your eyes.” I pointed out, “It’s not rocket-science.”
“I don’t mean just the eyeliner, I mean all of it, your shirts, your pants, everything. How do you do it? I look like shit most of the time.” he said, attempting to apply eyeliner again.
“No you don’t,” I said softly, taking the pencil from his hand, “here, stay still.”
After a few minutes of “stay still, or this’ll be in your eye” “ow!” “well, I warned you” we were just about ready to go. Bam kept fidgeting as I pulled on a coat and patted the inside pocket to check that I had a packet of cigarettes and my lighter there, and he looked so nervous when I closed the door behind us that I had to tell him to calm down.
“I can’t help it,” he said, scratching his head, a little habit I’d noticed he had picked up when he was nervous, “you know what she’s like, Ville. I didn’t even think I’d be doing this.”
“Well, if you keep fidgeting like that you won’t have her for much longer. Sit on your hands when you get there or something.” I warned him.
It wasn’t far from our hotel to the café, but we had to stop off a couple of times on the way for Bam to calm down and take a few deep breaths. I’d never seen him so flustered in my entire life. It was kind of cute, really, but I had to stop thinking like that. That sort of thinking would get me into trouble. It was only when I stopped thinking about how adorable Bam looked when he was fidgeting and muttering to himself that I found myself thinking about Alice again. I could picture her clearly, the first time she had stepped into the bar, the way the draught of the closing door had caught her hair for a moment, the way those deep, dark eyes had scanned the room for a moment, before resting on me briefly, then turning to Bam… They had rested on me first…
She had chosen Bam. Why? I couldn’t say. I’m not trying to sound arrogant, because Bam is an extremely good-looking person, almost perfect in fact, but he just didn’t seem her style. Her style were men in business suits who did real business, like working in the Stock Exchange, though I had no idea how any of that worked. It was all numbers to me. Yes, that was her kind of man, the kind of man who owned a private helicopter just for the Hell of it, the kind of man who bought expensive champagne and had a butler. Bam… wasn’t that man. No, Bam was a skateboarder who was half-famous for his skateboarding, and half-famous for the fact that he had no regards for personal safety whatsoever and so was perfect for cheap, if extremely amusing, entertainment.
Well, what about me? What had I to offer Alice? Nothing. A career of touring and constantly being away from home. I would never have time to give her the love she deserved, nor the money. Yes, I wasn’t poor, that was for sure, but the kind of man I pictured her with earned far more than me because, let’s face it, I might be worth quite a lot due to our wonderful fans, but once the big guys have taken their “share” the band aren’t left with very much at all.
So, that meant that Alice wasn’t someone who loved for material possessions, so what? It still didn’t fit. Bam wasn’t exactly the sophisticated gentleman I had in mind. He wasn’t exactly rude, and he was always polite to women, he had morals, yes, but that was it. He was a little kid trapped in a man’s body, everyone knew that. That’s what everyone loved about Bam, Hell, that’s what I loved about Bam. Is that what Alice loved about him, too?
My thoughts were cut short as Bam tugged my arm and pulled me to a sudden stop.
“What?” I hissed.
“We’re here,” he said, pointing to the café right in front of us, “I can’t do this, let’s go back…”
He turned to go, but I grabbed him by he collar. The café wasn’t so much a café as a small restaurant. Even from the outside I could tell that it was expensive, and probably more clean than anywhere I’d eaten in my entire life. You could probably eat of the toilet seats without having to worry about germs… if you were that way inclined.
“You can’t leave now! We’ve only just got here, and she’ll be waiting for you!”
“I can’t do it!” Bam whined, “I’m scared, what if she hates me?”
“Bam, you’re acting like a little kid,” and I love it, I thought to myself, “why should she hate you?”
“What if she was drunk last night?”
“She didn’t look drunk to me.”
There was an awkward silence (mainly because neither of us really wanted to go into any sort of detail about last night) in which Bam stopped struggling and stared at the front of the café. He took several deep breaths and closed his eyes for a second.
“Good, just breathe. We’re going in now, alright?”
“Alright” he agreed quietly.
I pushed the door open and shoved Bam inside, before stepping into the warmth and tranquil atmosphere of the café myself. Alice was sat at the farthest table from the door, and she waved at us through the haze of smoke and chatter. I felt like an intruder, suddenly. This was supposed to be their first date, why was I here? Well, Alice had asked for me to be here, but it didn’t make sense.
Maybe I should just get the apology then clear off and leave them to it.
The strange feeling in my stomach came back as I thought this. Leaving them to it would mean that I would have time to brood on their relationship, something I would probably be spending a lot of time doing from then on, it seemed. It was also something I’d rather not be spending my holiday doing. Oh, this had all turned out so wrong!
Bam must have bumped into every table between the door and the table at which Alice sat by the time we actually reached her. I was sure he was in more pain than he was letting on, some of those corners had been really sharp. He must have been so nervous, the poor thing, he always gets clumsy when he’s nervous.
“So, er… hello.” he said, standing rather awkwardly in front of Alice.
She stood and wrapped her arms around him. I turned away as he returned the hug. I couldn’t deal with this. I had to get out of here.
“And you’ve brought Ville,” she stated, causing me to turn back to her.
She offered me her hand and I decided, as I usually do, that I’d cover up my nervousness by trying to be as suave as possible. Sometimes it worked, other times it didn’t, but there are worse ways to cover up nervousness. Fortunately this time it paid off, as she smiled and chuckled softly as I kissed her hand, which made my nerves fade slightly. I think when I looked up into her eyes, I caught a glimpse of the game plan she had in mind, and that relaxed me. I was used to this game, I played it all the time with girls. It had no real name, but if it did it would probably be called “be more charming than them and throw them off balance as much as possible”, or perhaps something more catchy, but to that effect. I knew she was an experienced player, but so was I.
Bam scuttled round to sit beside her and I took the seat furthest from the couple. I had to suppress a laugh as Bam started fidgeting, then looked down at his hands as though noticing them for a first time, and bit his lip. He seemed to remember my advice, because he shifted slightly in his seat and I was sure he was sitting on them. Alice looked mildly amused at this as she lit up a cigarette. I followed suit.
So this is what we’re doing, then. Alright, I can handle this.
I found my eyes being drawn to that little point on her neck that I craved so much, that little patch of skin that Bam had caressed and kissed several hours ago. Trying not to think of her like that only made things worse, and I swear I saw the corner of her mouth twitch as I shifted a little in my seat and cleared my throat.
Dammit Valo, you can do better than this.
“So…” Bam said, his eyes darting from me to his, well, lover I suppose, and back again as though he was watching a tennis match.
Alice turned her attention to Bam and her entire posture changed. She became more relaxed, and her expression was softer, more loving.
“I’m so glad you could come, dear Bam, I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” she turned back to me, “both of you.”
I wasn’t sure what was happening now. Were we still playing the game? It had all got a bit... confusing.
~Bam~
I had never been more confused or nervous in my entire life. What were they doing? Ville and Alice seemed to know something I didn’t. Was this some kind of joke or something? I don’t think I was imagining it - there was something going on between the two of them, it was so tense I could almost taste it. They were both acting strangely, as though they were playing some kind of game that I didn’t know the rules to. Not for the first time, they reminded me of a pair of big cats, sizing each other up. I think if they really had been big cats, both of their backs would be up, or maybe it was subtler than that. Ville had a strange look on his face, the kind of face I only saw him wear when he was playing chess with Burton.
Damn, I couldn’t stop fidgeting! I had to do something to keep myself occupied. Too bad I didn’t smoke like Ville or Alice or I would have joined them. My eyes were beginning to sting a bit, actually, I wasn’t used to having so much smoke blown in my face at once, but I said nothing.
Now what was going on? Alice had looked at me, and suddenly the look on Ville’s face had changed. She had changed, too. She seemed to relax a little, and then my Alice was back, the one I loved and found so beautiful that it almost hurt to look at her. She was like something from a story, I’d never seen anyone like her. My mixture of feelings confused me, she confused me, but I think I liked it. I liked not knowing what she was thinking or what I really felt. I liked trying to figure out what was going on in that perfect head of hers. She was smart, as smart as Ville, probably, and I felt a little out of place. I know I’m not smart, it’s a fact of life, I’ve never needed to be, but suddenly I felt as though I wasn’t good enough for her, and I vowed that if she didn’t ditch me, I’d get smarter somehow. I’d read and learn. I’d read those annoying books Ville was always talking about. Yeah…
“Bam and I,” she said, and I felt a warmth on my leg, which almost made me jump, “are both extremely sorry for any… misunderstandings that might have happened last night, aren’t we?”
I nodded, unable to concentrate properly with that hand on my leg. I wanted so much to groan, but this was neither the time nor the place, so I had to make do with biting my lip and nodding.
Ville nodded and looked away, taking a deep drag of his cigarette. He looked uncomfortable, as though he wanted to leave, but I didn’t want him to go. I suddenly felt so out of my depth that it scared me. I wanted him to stay and tell me how to treat a woman like this. I wanted to watch him and the way he acted around her. I wanted to learn from him, because he was so like her, but he was my friend and so I could ask him questions without having to feel uncomfortable, but I couldn’t do that with Alice, not yet, and I was worried that I would disappoint her.
“Bam, relax,” she whispered out of the corner of her mouth, “just be yourself.”
That relaxed me. A lot.
Then Ville spoke, “Look, I shouldn’t be here. Thanks for the invite but I’ve really got to go…”
“Where?” I blurted, mentally clinging to his arm.
“Umm… well, I suppose I should phone my family and tell them I’m back now and…”
“Do you have to leave now?” Alice asked.
“Er… well…” Ville said, struggling for an excuse, “I suppose not.”
He sat back down and took another drag at his cigarette. I brought my hand to Alice’s on my knee and chanced letting them touch. She took hold of my hand and gave it an affectionate squeeze and I felt a surge of feeling towards her. I loved her. I still loved her. How could I have felt so awkward around her? She was perfect and I didn’t need to put on a false face for her.
There was a moment’s silence. It was broken by Alice.
“Are you wearing eyeliner?” she asked me.
My heart sank. I’d forgotten that that really only worked for “chicks”, “Uhm, yeah.”
She laughed, “It suits you. Do you wear that a lot?”
I didn’t want her thinking I was weird, but then, I couldn’t lie in front of Ville, so I decided to shift the blame, “Ville got me into it.”
~Ville~
Oh, don’t worry about it, Bam. Just blame me. I’m not that bothered, really, but I need to get away from here. This mixture of feelings is worse than watching one of those trippy movies Migé likes.
That’s when the conversation began. It started off with how I’d gotten into eyeliner in the first place (back in my good old high school days with my old band B.L.O.O.D. ugh, I’m embarrassed just thinking about it) and it then moved onto my career, and the fact that I was a rockstar, and where did I tour? Had we sold a lot of albums? Then the conversation shifted to Alice’s life, her family, how she was never happy in one place for long, places she’d visited, people she’d met…
I found myself relaxing and even becoming interested. The fact that Bam and Alice were an unofficial couple was a mere technicality to me, because I came to realise that what had seemed like a cold exterior was really just Alice’s way of testing me, and I seemed to have passed her test. She opened up to us, told us a lot about herself and revealed an astonishing intellect. She had seen things and places that I had only dreamed of. She had met other famous people, too, people far more famous than a pro skater and a rock star. Most of all, she had experienced the world. She turned out to be older than both Bam and I, but that didn’t bother any of us, least of all her. She told us how she’d been with older men, and had only been disappointed in their lack of energy and how they seemed to have lost the ability to have fun.
“That’s the most important thing in life,” she said, waving her cigarette so that the smoke mingled and twirled into the smoke of my cigarette (for a moment I was sure it formed a heart shape, but Bam turned his head and it faded away), “to have fun. Most people tend to forget that after a while.”
It was true. She had really got me thinking. Lately I had been too stressed to really do much thinking, other than the necessary amount for song-writing, but this was a different kind of thinking. Somewhere along the way I had lost sight of that fact, too. I’d forgotten that some things are more important in life than work, and perhaps even love, and that was fun. When was the last time I’d had fun? How many years? Wasn’t that why I’d befriended Bam in the first place, to try and get some fun back into my life? Perhaps that’s why she had chosen Bam. Bam had never forgotten the importance of fun, that was for sure.
I found that I wanted to listen to her forever. She had so many interesting stories to tell, and they were tasteful, too. Most, if not all, of my stories usually started off with “we were drunk beyond belief”, but her stories always started with “I was visiting Prague” or “I was just passing through Egypt when…”. She was a miracle, and she had both Bam and I entranced.
I think that’s when I realised that Alice wasn’t just going to be one of Bam’s lovers, no. Alice had become our friend, so that if even she and Bam did break up, we would still speak to each other. A deep respect had grown for her in me, and I began to realise something else - if Alice and Bam could somehow be merged into one being, that person would be the love of my life.
It hurt, thinking like that.