How Far This Will Go, I Do Not Know.

[vam_rabbit]

Title: Sleep That Reaches Half Way [One Shot]
Author: villianophelian
Rating: PG-14(swearing)
Pairing: Vam.
Summary: Bam doesn't come home and Ville worries.
Disclaimer: I do not own any famous people in this story.
Authors Notes: Criticism would be greatly appreciated. This is a little experiment to see how my writing is, since I haven't written anything but poems in a year. I wanted to create something that people could(hopefully) relate to


Bam,

I don't know what you were expecting. I can barely even look at the words I am writing, ashamed that they could be something selfish. Did you expect me to wait forever? Expect me to call first? Well it seems that somehow I am doing both things, without understanding what I did wrong. You could be a selfish person with immature qualities. And myself, an over emotional, over controlling wreck. Lets not be light with the issue, we know what we are. But will a child admit their weaknesses? Will a wreck calm down? Eventually, maybe. Obviously maybe isn't now because here I am, and there you are. We could be in the same bed right now, could be sharing our warmth. But my cold, clipped mind was set on scolding the child for being disobediant. To lay alone, crying in a bed only filled half way. I hope your sleep is decent.

-Ville

He tore the letter up, crumpling the peices and placing them shakingly into the waste basket. A few other papers were situated on top of those guilty strips, covering evidence of words he never wanted to say. Ville may have only been a few years older than Bam, but those years counted in ways he never wanted to think about. His lover, that curly haired brunette who could never part with his skateboard, (yet somehow found it easy to part with him) was gone. "I'll be back soon. I'll call you." he had said, smiling only how a carefree person could smile. But that call never came. As for 'soon', well, Ville found out that Bam's definition didn't quite match his own. Could it be that he had done something wrong? The way his skater sounded when he called... All low, no energy or even a smile coming in through the phone. A friend of Bam's, Dunn, maybe, had been in the background. "Are you two fighting?", always concerned for his best friend. Ville breathed in deep as he thought of all the things he could say when Bam returned.

"I know I have problems. I'm sorry that I'm such a hard person to have a relationship with. And... And you shouldn't be with someone like me. I... I'm breaking up with you. I know this will be hard, but... I know you don't want to deal with me anymore."

He sighed. 'Too dramatic.' Ville knew he wouldn't be able to finish that paragraph let alone get to "someone like me" without crying pathetically in front of Bam. Besides, he had seen Ville cry too often that he was used to it. Ville wondered if his love even cared about tears shed over him anymore. If he did, he sure didn't flinch when they came.

"You said that you would be back soon. You said you'd call! Jesus christ Bam! If you're not going to say things you mean than you can fuck off!"

'No, that's not going to work.' Ville combed back his raven hair with his fingers, eyes downcast in thought. He sure couldn't talk to Bam like that, they had enough arguments to last them for future weeks. So what would he say when the other half of him came home? Somewhere inside himself, Ville knew there would be a bit of everything; arguments, crying, and after the drama the possibility of sleeping in the same bed that night.

If only... If only he could figure out what he did wrong. Ville bit his nails as he contemplated possibilities. He raked over the past few days, the past month. He even went through the whole of their time together, taking peices out like they would fit into a puzzle. Then, an important memory hit him. It was the most recent one, the phone call to Bam itself.

"Are you coming home tonight?"
"I don't know..."
"...Oh... Well I'm going to bed."
"Now?"
"Yeah...But if you knock I'll hear."
"Oh..."
"Are you coming back?"
"No. I don't know."
"Well, you should have called earlier."
"..."
"Bye..."
"Bye."

What made this memory so important was the fact that it held nothing valuable at all. Bam had himself a bad day, and in all honesty so did Ville. They had only been living together for so long that it did get tiring being around one and only one person so often. 'Maybe it was just something simple all along' Ville thought. "Maybe... We just needed a break from eachother." But were things so bad they had to break up? No, he knew he could never do that either. He couldn't even sleep without his love in the bed beside him.

Bam,

I know that it's an unwritten and untold agreement between us to never complicate things. I also know, that by re-saying this to you I am endangering our simple future. But... I love you. I mean, I still love you. We'll work things out in the morning, and for the rest of our lives, I'm hoping. Come home, enkeli, please. Until you do, I guess I'll be in the sleep that reaches half way.

-Ville

Ville crumpled up the paper, shoving it underneath countless others written to his Bam. The lights then shut off and one solitude figure climbed into bed.

THE END.