one-shot;
Smile
Author: Jordan [insane-pyro-grl]
Rating: Pg-13 for language
Disclaimer: Don't know. Don't own. Don't sue.
Summary: A stream of consciousness piece from Ville's point of view about just how he feels about the skateboarder whom he loves. He knows he loves him, but yet, he can't ignore that nagging at the back of his brain that says he shouldn't.
Notes: This poked at me until I wrote it in my very boring Japan class today.
Smile
Your blue eyes haunt me in my dreams, even though I know they shouldn’t. They’re so clear to me; they’re so blue it’s like looking into tide pools at the Oceanside. Sometimes they’re rimmed with red when I know you’ve been smoking something a little more than cigarettes. One look from your too blue eyes and I’m smiling. Can’t you see what you do to me?
I know I should be over you by now, but one look, one smile, one phrase from you makes me fall all over again. It’s the way you make me smile that’s addicting. How you’ll do just about anything to make me happy, no matter what it takes. Whether you’re making a stupid joke or buying me beer after beer, you know how little it takes for you to make me laugh and smile.
It’s that thing we have between the two of us, the way we can be saying so little to one another, but really we’re speaking volumes to each other with just a few words. I love that about us. All the things you do only leads me to believe that there's something more between us, even though I know there isn’t. Just friends, always just friends.
But I can’t help these feelings. I can’t help the way my stomach flips over in knots when we’re alone together, even though we’re just talking about stupid shit that doesn’t matter. Or the way I felt when I thought I ruined everything between us by drunkenly texting you that Saturday night. Even if it was just a hello and a ‘I’m really drunk and you’re going to find this hilarious tomorrow’ or at least that’s what I thought I wrote, but apparently it was just gibberish which you could barely make out except for the word drunk - you got that part.
I can’t help but smile when we flirt back and forth for hours, as my friends just laugh and wink to me, making perverted jokes about skateboards - they see it too. Why can’t you see what’s between us? Just open those blue eyes a bit wider, sweetheart, and you might see it too. But maybe you’re just refusing to see it. Maybe you just don’t want to see what we could be.
Why can’t I just get over you? Especially after what you said that night. Those five words that killed me to hear. How I’m like a brother to you. But I don’t want to be your brother, I want to be your lover, your confidant, your man, your anything-more-than-a-brother, hell, I just want to be yours.
Everyone told me I should just forget you - forget everything I ever felt for you and just be your friend. And I’m trying to do that, but it’s just so fucking hard to erase the slate clean so quickly. Plus, every time we seem to talk, you do everything in your power to make me smile and laugh.
Just make up your fucking mind already - brother or something more? The choice is up to you - just don’t keep me dangling for much longer or it’s going to hurt me even more in the long run, and I don’t think I’m ready for that heartbreak.
But I can’t help but feel that spark between us and the butterflies in my stomach when my name passes through your lips as you poke fun at me in some way that makes me pout for a split-second before we smile and laugh once again. You just know what makes me tick, and you use that to your full advantage, don’t you? I’ve tried quitting you cold turkey like cigarettes, but it’s just no use - I just keep going back to you like a moron.
You know what, fuck it. Maybe I’m just not ready to be over you. Maybe this is fate telling me that something could happen in the future between us. Maybe it’s that look in your bright eyes as you smile when you look at me. Maybe I’m just setting myself up for heartbreak, I’m not sure. But what I do know is that feeling of happiness I feel when I’m around you. Fuck, I’m pathetic.
But it’s that way when you jokingly tell me you hate me, how I retaliate and say, “No, you know you love me!” and that look on your face with a sly smile when you reply, “Something like that.” You know exactly how to make me smile. When I’m down, you know exactly how to bring me up with a few words and that brilliant smile of yours. Maybe you’re exactly what I need. If not as something else, but maybe just as a friend for now, until it turns into something else. I’m not giving up on this. On you. On us.
Because, right now, you seem to be the only person who can make me smile and laugh without even trying. And I love you for that. More than you’ll ever know, sweetheart.
Author: Jordan [insane-pyro-grl]
Rating: Pg-13 for language
Disclaimer: Don't know. Don't own. Don't sue.
Summary: A stream of consciousness piece from Ville's point of view about just how he feels about the skateboarder whom he loves. He knows he loves him, but yet, he can't ignore that nagging at the back of his brain that says he shouldn't.
Notes: This poked at me until I wrote it in my very boring Japan class today.
Smile
Your blue eyes haunt me in my dreams, even though I know they shouldn’t. They’re so clear to me; they’re so blue it’s like looking into tide pools at the Oceanside. Sometimes they’re rimmed with red when I know you’ve been smoking something a little more than cigarettes. One look from your too blue eyes and I’m smiling. Can’t you see what you do to me?
I know I should be over you by now, but one look, one smile, one phrase from you makes me fall all over again. It’s the way you make me smile that’s addicting. How you’ll do just about anything to make me happy, no matter what it takes. Whether you’re making a stupid joke or buying me beer after beer, you know how little it takes for you to make me laugh and smile.
It’s that thing we have between the two of us, the way we can be saying so little to one another, but really we’re speaking volumes to each other with just a few words. I love that about us. All the things you do only leads me to believe that there's something more between us, even though I know there isn’t. Just friends, always just friends.
But I can’t help these feelings. I can’t help the way my stomach flips over in knots when we’re alone together, even though we’re just talking about stupid shit that doesn’t matter. Or the way I felt when I thought I ruined everything between us by drunkenly texting you that Saturday night. Even if it was just a hello and a ‘I’m really drunk and you’re going to find this hilarious tomorrow’ or at least that’s what I thought I wrote, but apparently it was just gibberish which you could barely make out except for the word drunk - you got that part.
I can’t help but smile when we flirt back and forth for hours, as my friends just laugh and wink to me, making perverted jokes about skateboards - they see it too. Why can’t you see what’s between us? Just open those blue eyes a bit wider, sweetheart, and you might see it too. But maybe you’re just refusing to see it. Maybe you just don’t want to see what we could be.
Why can’t I just get over you? Especially after what you said that night. Those five words that killed me to hear. How I’m like a brother to you. But I don’t want to be your brother, I want to be your lover, your confidant, your man, your anything-more-than-a-brother, hell, I just want to be yours.
Everyone told me I should just forget you - forget everything I ever felt for you and just be your friend. And I’m trying to do that, but it’s just so fucking hard to erase the slate clean so quickly. Plus, every time we seem to talk, you do everything in your power to make me smile and laugh.
Just make up your fucking mind already - brother or something more? The choice is up to you - just don’t keep me dangling for much longer or it’s going to hurt me even more in the long run, and I don’t think I’m ready for that heartbreak.
But I can’t help but feel that spark between us and the butterflies in my stomach when my name passes through your lips as you poke fun at me in some way that makes me pout for a split-second before we smile and laugh once again. You just know what makes me tick, and you use that to your full advantage, don’t you? I’ve tried quitting you cold turkey like cigarettes, but it’s just no use - I just keep going back to you like a moron.
You know what, fuck it. Maybe I’m just not ready to be over you. Maybe this is fate telling me that something could happen in the future between us. Maybe it’s that look in your bright eyes as you smile when you look at me. Maybe I’m just setting myself up for heartbreak, I’m not sure. But what I do know is that feeling of happiness I feel when I’m around you. Fuck, I’m pathetic.
But it’s that way when you jokingly tell me you hate me, how I retaliate and say, “No, you know you love me!” and that look on your face with a sly smile when you reply, “Something like that.” You know exactly how to make me smile. When I’m down, you know exactly how to bring me up with a few words and that brilliant smile of yours. Maybe you’re exactly what I need. If not as something else, but maybe just as a friend for now, until it turns into something else. I’m not giving up on this. On you. On us.
Because, right now, you seem to be the only person who can make me smile and laugh without even trying. And I love you for that. More than you’ll ever know, sweetheart.