Oneshot - The Situation
I'm lost.
I left her finally. This was where the torture was meant to end. Why didn't it Bam?
Why am I hurting from a new relationship already?
You set these boundaries, telling me you weren't sure what sort of relationship we were going to have.
I could deal with not knowing if we were lovers or fuck buddies, but I can't deal with it when you fluctuate between the two.
Just fucking decide, Bam.
At the start you complimented me and boosted my low self-esteem, you were damn good at it too, showering each other in kisses and cuddles and then thanking me for it afterwards. I was in bliss. No pressure, nothing.
Then your jackass, childish moods started because I wanted to repair my friendship with Jonna because I still felt unbelievably guilty for leaving her even though she was no good for me.
You wouldn't understand that because we're not all as ruthless as you when it comes to leaving woman and considering their feelings.
Still we got over it and carried on with our relationship, because that's what it was. I didn't care when you said that you didn't want to commit and start all that 'loving shit' again. I dealt with that and this is me, the romantic cunt who makes a living out of falling in love.
We carried on and we got sexual pretty quickly, it was expected with you but it was good nonetheless. We never went the full way for a while though because you respected me as a friend as well as a lover.
At least that's what I thought until we ended up getting to do the deed. Again it was great, some of the best sex I'd had with either a guy or a girl. I think even your experienced self believed we had a connection.
That's where the problems started though weren’t it? When you realised that you finally got what you wanted out of me you didn't need to thank me anymore and we were definitely just fuck buddies so we didn't need to kiss and cuddle all the time either.
So we fucked, a lot, everywhere, every time. Then you visited me when I was sick, I'd warned you that you wouldn't be getting sex this once but you still came around and asked for it. Then the ridiculous part; you refused to speak to me when I tried in vain to stick to my morals that I used to believed were so deeply implanted within me. You spent an entire hour on the stairs in silence until I lost control of my verbal actions, then you left. Probably fucked the first thing you found on the way out the door.
Needless to say I fucked you the next day.
When did I really lose my morals?
This turbulence continued until you persuaded me into agreeing it was too destructive to carry on. It was always destructive you made sure of that from the start. I dealt with that.
Now I sit here wondering, really was it too destructive or was it just a coincidence that two days later you've found another girl, except now you want to be serious. Missy is her name; she seems a nice girl.
I didn't want to be just the person to take the edge off the boredom while you found someone to love, yet look what happened.
I'm left sitting here waiting for them random phone calls, reminding me how much of a good friend I am when I give you relationship advice, as if our connection never even existed.
You think we can just return to normal as if all we are is just the best of friends. Well open your fucking eyes, because I deprecate and you can't even see it.
Every time I see or hear you I remember not so long again when you had me pinned to your front door, savagely undressing me, moaning my name so loud just at the contact. Then dragging me up to your lair where you went so rough you have me on verge of orgasm each time I think about it.
It's the next part that confuses me though. When an hour later we were in the same situation, going slowly, staring into each other’s eyes smiling and holding each other so tightly anyone would believe the world depended on the grip we had on one another.
So am I really dealing with it?
Am I really the independent man I thought I was?
If I could answer yes to this then I don't think I'd be sitting here now in hope that the next time you call me, bitching about Missy, that it will be to say you only went to her because you became too scared of what we had.
Am I stupid for believing this?
Am I just naive?
I don't know anymore, Bam.
I left her finally. This was where the torture was meant to end. Why didn't it Bam?
Why am I hurting from a new relationship already?
You set these boundaries, telling me you weren't sure what sort of relationship we were going to have.
I could deal with not knowing if we were lovers or fuck buddies, but I can't deal with it when you fluctuate between the two.
Just fucking decide, Bam.
At the start you complimented me and boosted my low self-esteem, you were damn good at it too, showering each other in kisses and cuddles and then thanking me for it afterwards. I was in bliss. No pressure, nothing.
Then your jackass, childish moods started because I wanted to repair my friendship with Jonna because I still felt unbelievably guilty for leaving her even though she was no good for me.
You wouldn't understand that because we're not all as ruthless as you when it comes to leaving woman and considering their feelings.
Still we got over it and carried on with our relationship, because that's what it was. I didn't care when you said that you didn't want to commit and start all that 'loving shit' again. I dealt with that and this is me, the romantic cunt who makes a living out of falling in love.
We carried on and we got sexual pretty quickly, it was expected with you but it was good nonetheless. We never went the full way for a while though because you respected me as a friend as well as a lover.
At least that's what I thought until we ended up getting to do the deed. Again it was great, some of the best sex I'd had with either a guy or a girl. I think even your experienced self believed we had a connection.
That's where the problems started though weren’t it? When you realised that you finally got what you wanted out of me you didn't need to thank me anymore and we were definitely just fuck buddies so we didn't need to kiss and cuddle all the time either.
So we fucked, a lot, everywhere, every time. Then you visited me when I was sick, I'd warned you that you wouldn't be getting sex this once but you still came around and asked for it. Then the ridiculous part; you refused to speak to me when I tried in vain to stick to my morals that I used to believed were so deeply implanted within me. You spent an entire hour on the stairs in silence until I lost control of my verbal actions, then you left. Probably fucked the first thing you found on the way out the door.
Needless to say I fucked you the next day.
When did I really lose my morals?
This turbulence continued until you persuaded me into agreeing it was too destructive to carry on. It was always destructive you made sure of that from the start. I dealt with that.
Now I sit here wondering, really was it too destructive or was it just a coincidence that two days later you've found another girl, except now you want to be serious. Missy is her name; she seems a nice girl.
I didn't want to be just the person to take the edge off the boredom while you found someone to love, yet look what happened.
I'm left sitting here waiting for them random phone calls, reminding me how much of a good friend I am when I give you relationship advice, as if our connection never even existed.
You think we can just return to normal as if all we are is just the best of friends. Well open your fucking eyes, because I deprecate and you can't even see it.
Every time I see or hear you I remember not so long again when you had me pinned to your front door, savagely undressing me, moaning my name so loud just at the contact. Then dragging me up to your lair where you went so rough you have me on verge of orgasm each time I think about it.
It's the next part that confuses me though. When an hour later we were in the same situation, going slowly, staring into each other’s eyes smiling and holding each other so tightly anyone would believe the world depended on the grip we had on one another.
So am I really dealing with it?
Am I really the independent man I thought I was?
If I could answer yes to this then I don't think I'd be sitting here now in hope that the next time you call me, bitching about Missy, that it will be to say you only went to her because you became too scared of what we had.
Am I stupid for believing this?
Am I just naive?
I don't know anymore, Bam.