Super-Freak-Update!
Seriously....Wow! Shit. This was fun. I went nuts this morning. 15-21, like I promised. ALLLL 7 chapters in one post.
Oh, but, guys! Don't forget to look at my last post about the "Driver's Lisence Challenge" (if you missed it or anything....)
End of a Friendship or Beginning of a Relationship
Disclaimer - I'm sure you have it memorized like I do. Come on, sayt with me, "You can't own a person!"
Notes - Well...Ch 15! Yay! *claps*
~*~*~*~
[Bam's P.O.V.]
Now here's a completely insane thought: Ville and I drove all the way to New York from my breakdown point in complete silence. He was just sitting there, watching me, never saying a word. And I just continued to drive. I didn't want to say much of anything until we got somewhere. Mostly because I didn't want to break again. I don't like that shit. And I really didn't like Ville seeing it all earlier, either. I'd cut the breakdown short because I realized how absolutely stupid it was to be crying over something that I caused myself.
We've been in the snail-slow traffic of New York for an hour and a half now. God, I hate this place. Why did I pick New York? If it was possible, I would kick my own ass just for that. I'm getting bored. And right now, me getting bored is not good. If I'm bored, then my thoughts are going to drift. And if that happens...I don't want to think about that. I was tapping my thumbs on the steering wheel to a beat in my head. It was one of Ville's songs. But which one? .....My mind was too far gone to know.
After being in that superslow traffic for what seemed like a century, we were finally able to move the car, thus find a hotel to stay in for the night. Which hotel it was, I have no idea. That really didn't matter to much much. I just pulled into the parkinglot of the first hotel I saw that didn't have annoying, blinding blinking lights on the sign.
You can not imagine how glad I was to find they really did have rooms avaliable. I don't think I couldn't have taken much more of the snail-traffic. I got the two of us a room booked for two weeks. Maybe by then we can have some things sorted out. The woman behind the counter gave me a weird look. "What?" I almost snapped at her.
"Nothing," She muttered, typing something into her computer. "Here's your key. Twelfth floor up, room eight-forty-two." She smiled a little as she handed the key to me.
I muttered a thanks and we left. Now was more waiting. Damn elevators. When it finally reached us and we stepped into the empty compartment, Ville looked over at me. He had a sort of...odd look on his face. "What?" I asked.
"Had to go with it, didn't you?"
"Huh?" Ok, now I'm just confused.
"The room on the twelfth floor."
"Oh." I smirked. "Yeah. Sorry...I forgot."
"You're wonderful. Wonderful friend and even better boyfriend. But you can't remember small details for shit, can you?"
"Nope." I laughed, more at myself than him.
"And if it were a small detail, I wouldn't really care. But the fact that I'm almost deathly afraid of heights doesn't seem to be what one would call a...small...detail."
"Man...how the hell do you fly?"
"White-knuckle grip on the chair with my eyes closed tight as possible."
"Right...but...nevermind," I shook my head. Damn, this guy was fucking amusing.
When the elevator doors opened, as we stepped off, I heard Ville mutter something that sounded an awful lot like "Bastard."
"Hey!" He should know to never
a.) Call me something like that
when
b.) He's walking in front of me
I ran after him and, had he been facing me, it would have probably been cosidered a pounce. And from that point, down to our room, I was on his back. Probably a good thing our room wasn't too far down, I figure.
When we got to the door of the room, Ville actually managed to force me to get off of him. "You're a damn lot heavier than you look, you know that?"
"I bet you're damn well light as a feather," I said, opening the door.
"That what you think?" He followed me inside.
"Yeah, that's exactly what I think."
"Well....you'll just have to find out sometime, won't you?" He asked with a grin.
I laughed and shook my head. Man. Why did I fall for insane Finnish guy? I walked over and fell quite ungracefully....to the edge of the bed and down to the floor. "Sonuva bitch!" As I got up, I heard Ville laughing. Kicking his ass. "Shut the fuck up!" Or not.
"You completely missed the bed. How in the hell did you manage that?"
I sighed and threw him a half-glare, now actually laying on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. Damn thing. I'm gonna kill it later. The bed. Not the ceiling. The ceiling hasn't done anything to me. Yet.
Ville shook his head and laid down next to me on his front, propping himself up with an arm, chin in his hand. He was just...watching me. He'd done that a lot today. It's kind of unnerving to have that happen to you. I don't like people watching me for no reason for nearly the entire damn day. And that's practically all he's done since we left the breakdown point. Having Ville Valo lying next to you in a bed in some hotel that you don't even know the name up is actually pretty damn uncomfortable. I looked over at him, "What?"
He shook his head, "Nothing."
"You've been doing this all day, Ville. What the hell is it?"
"Doing what? And...nothing."
"You've just been....watching me all day." I said, not sure how else to really put it, sitting up a little now.
"So?"
"So...I don't like it when people stare at me. Don't you think I get enough of that from stupid little teenyboppers all over the place?" I snapped. Then I realize how I'd said it. I sighed and fell back onto the pillows. "God, Ville...how many times have I done that today?" I sighed again.
"Twice."
I lifted my head to look at him, "What?"
"Twice. You've accidentally snapped at me twice today."
"Oh...."
"Bam, it's all right. Honestly, if you hadn't seemed affected by any of this at all today, I'd have to go find you a fucking shrink."
"You think I need a shrink?"
"Yeah, I think you do."
I grabbed a pillow from behind me and threw it at him, "Shut up!"
Silence took over and all's well that fucking ends well, right? Yeah, sure.
~*~*~
As we were laying there, side by side in the hotel bed, I'm wondering about things. The way everyone has taken everythin;, us running away and...just everything over the last few days. My thoughts were just starting in on Ryan's fake reaction when I was interrupted by a pair of soft lips covering mine. I smiled against Ville's lips and gently kissed him back.
Ville crawled over and stradled me, never breaking the kiss in the process. He leaned back, pulling away teasingly. He grinned down at me.
He earned only a small smile from me, but that didn't seem to phase him as he leaned down and kised me again. I couldn't help leaning up into the kiss. My body worked of its own accord; I have no concious control when I'm around Ville. After a moment, though, I tried to break the kiss. "Ville..."
"Mmm.." He shook his head and kissed me again.
"No, Ville.."
And again, he just started kissing me.
I pushed on Ville's shoulders a little, "Ville--"
"Kiss now....talk later..." He muttered, his accent extremely heavy. He leaned back in, but I put my hands on either side of his head to stop him.
"Ville. Stop." I said quietly.
He sat back, letting my hands fall as he moved, and frowned slightly as he looked at me. "What's wrong, Bam?" He asked, clearly trying to study me. His bright green eyes were piercing through me.
I shifted slightly under his uncomfortable gaze. "I was....just thinking and..." I licked my lips.
"And what, love?" He asked quietly, brushing a piece of hair out of my face.
"I'm wondering...if I can really do this...."
"What...what do you mean?" His voice faltered slightly.
"Just...with the way everyone's taken everything and...Ville....I can't loose everything I have with my family over a realtionship."
"Well..." He looked like he was trying to force back some kind of expression that was threatening to spill over his face. "What do you suppose we should do?" His accent was getting thick again.
"I...I don't know." I said before letting out a breath and staring up at the ceiling. "I just don't know, Ville..."
Ville nodded and stood up on the bed, turning and jumping down to the floor. He walked over and sat in a chair, slipping his shoes on and pulling on his coat.
I sat up, a frown on my face. "Where..where are you going?"
"Out." He said casually. Ville walked over to the small table in the 'living room' area of the room and picked up his pack of cigarettes and grabbing the ever-present beanie before heading towards the door.
"Where?" I repeated.
"Out." Ville said sharply before leaving the room, promptly slamming the door.
I let out something that was like a mix between a sigh and a scoff as I fell back against the bed. How did I get myself into such fucked up situations? I have no clue. But I think now would be a great time to learn how to fix a few of them...
~*~*~*~
Notes - I know! I'm a bitch with that! This whole story is just damn angst-ridden, isn't it? *shrug*
Drop a line!
Later days,
~PFB~
Ch 16.....
End of a Friendship, or Beginning of a Relationship?
Disclaimer - I've decided you can't really OWN a person. So. I don't own people. Because it's impossible. Or I would own LOTS of people. But I don't. Because can't. So I don't.
Notes - Chapter ??! wheeee!
~*~*~*~
[Ville's P.O.V.]
Where am I going? What does he even care? He 'doesn't think he can do this'. What the hell is that? I know...I know that family's important. But...at least give them time. We weren't exactly trying flaunt our relationship in their faces. April didn't have much of a problem with doing that for us, but they just found out! How else are they all supposed to react? Finding out your son or best friend is gay and has been in a gay-realtionship for three months and not said a word about it wouldn't exactly be that easy to take in. And, sure, we probably...really shouldn't have taken off like we did, but we were acting in the moment. Same as April did when she walked in on us.
I waited impatiently for the elevator, tapping my foot as I waited. I wanted a cigarette but I couldn't do that until I got out of the fucking hotel. Can't get out if the elevator isn't there to take me to the lobby and the exit. Finally! Damn elevator took ages. I stepped on and found some woman and her little girl standing there. Just my luck, they're going to the lobby as well. Yay.
Annoying little girl you've there miss. That's what I would have loved to say, but instead, it came out a bit more like: "Lovely little girl you've got there, miss." I even managed to force a small smile into my features.
The woman, maybe twenty-three, twenty-four years old, turned to me, smiled. "Isn't she?" Then came realization and I wished I'd never opened my mouth. "Oh...oh my God, are you..."
Don't, woman. Just...don't. I'm not in the mood for yelling and jumping and screaming and...autographs or...anything else you may come up with. I really was hoping that she wouldn't come up with anything at all, but, my luck, she did.
"You are. The...the lead singer of HIM....aren't you?"
I nodded silently, hoping she might just stop there.
She didn't. No, of course not. I'm a fucking celebrity. People just don't know when to stop. Oh, I'm really regretting having that room on the top floor now.
"Would you mind...oh. I don't have anything for you to sign..."
Thank God.
"But...but I do have a camera. Would you...would you mind?" She asked.
Yes, I would. I'm really not in the mood to deal with you and your five year old daughter. But what did I say? "No, of course not." A false smile plastered on my face the entire time. I don't have time for a fucking photoshoot, woman! I'm in a fight with my boyfriend! At least she had the nerve to be skeptical.
She took the camera out and handed it to her daughter. "Honey....you know how to use the camera...can you take a picture?"
What five year old needs to know how to use a camera? I have no idea, but the woman made to stand over by me. I couldn't exactly just...stand there. That would be too plain of a picture. So, I draped an arm about her shoulders and smiled for the camera-ridden five year old. The picture was snapped and I released her.
She stepped back and took the camera from the young girl. She looked up at me and smiled, a little guilt written across her face. "I know...that I must be really annoying about now, but...there's something that I'd love to get an answer to."
I leaned against the cool metal wall of the elevator. Why I continued to converse with this woman, I'm really not sure at all. "And what might that be..."
"Amy. If that's what you're looking for. Anyway...um...I've heard several rumors...ok a lot of rumors about you being in a relationship with..." She trailed off.
I felt something flash across my face, but the feeling was only registered after the emotion was gone from my face. "With?"
".......Bam Margera..." Amy said hesitantly. "I just...I wanted to know if it was true is all. I mean, you don't have to answer or anything, I just...thought I could...ask..." She flashed a nervous smile.
"Don't worry about it." I said calmly. "And...to your question..." I sighed, "I really don't know any more." Really regretting that room we booked. Even more than before. I swear, the lobby to this hotel does not exist!
"What do you...No, I'm sorry. I'm getting too personal."
"No...you're not. You're really not." I smiled a little, genuine this time. "This sounds odd, even in my head, but...are you..alone with her?" I asked, making a vague gesture towards the girl.
Amy glanced at her daughter. "No...no, my husband's down on the second floor. I was...upstairs...visiting a friend..um...why?"
I reached over and slapped the button for the elevator to stop on the second floor. Yes, I know. Prolonging my already never-ending trek to the lobby. But I had an idea. "Drop her off with him. If he's the jealous type, tell him you're going out with your friend. If he's not...feel free to tell him you're going out with a celebrity."
"Wha--what?"
"I want to go out with you. Tonight. Couple of places I've heard about around here." What the hell am I doing? Sure, I know I'm bisexual, but damn! She's married! And has a kid! And...what the fuck was I thinking? I'm still not sure about that.
"Are you...me? I mean, are you sure? I'm just..." She seemed to be searching for the right word.
"Normal. Which is precisely why I want to go out with you and not some...fancy shmuck. And...we'll probably not be going to any place too amazing, as I really don't want a whole lot of run-ins. You wouldn't happen to...mind any of this, would you?" I asked, my brain making a small appearance.
"No, no, of course not. Not at all." She smiled.
"Great. Because...I want to talk to someone....Someone I don't know anything about, who doesn't know anything about me--"
"Well, I do know..."
"Nothing deeply personal. Which is exactly what I need tonight. Someone who I can talk to...and, yes, to answer any unasked questions thus far, I could talk to a bartender, but...they're so over rated. They don't listen to a word you say. They just nod and agree with almost everything you say. Which isn't good, because you could...not want them to agree. And...Oh, you do drink don't you? Because if you don't, this is going to be terribly awkward." I rambled on and on. I think I was talking for as long as the elevator was going on for. And that's a damn long time.
"Yeah. I drink. Not very often, but occasionally."
We reached the second floor and as Amy and her daughter got off, I followed her. May as well prove to her husband she really is going out with me, huh? Don't want to get her in trouble with him. That wouldn't be good.
Amy opened the hotel door with her room key and beckoned me to come in over her shoulder. "Mike, honey, I have something I need to tell you about tonight."
Who I assumed was most likely Mike came to meet us just inside the room. "What is...wow....hologram or is he real?"
I actually bit back a laugh at that. Hologram? Honestly!
"No, honey. He's not a hologram. It's Ville Valo."
"Wow. What are the chances that we'd even be at the same hotel, huh?"
"Yes. Now, honey...oh, honey, don't stare. It's rude." Amy stepped into his view. "Now, I need you to watch Melissa. I'm going to have a drink with him."
"Wow. Ok....um...have a..nice time. And, uh, don't screw around. You may be having a drink or two with a celebrity, but you're still my wife." He grinned at her.
"Oh, Mike," She slapped him on the arm, "Shut up!" She laughed.
"Mommy...I wanna come!"
Amy knealt down to her daughter's level. "No, honey you can't."
"Why not?" Melissa pouted.
"Because you're only this many," She held up five fingers, "And...to go where we're going...you have to be this many." She flashed both hands at her daughter twice and ended with a single finger in the air.
The child's eyes widened, "Wooow."
"Yeah. You still have sixteen more years, honey." She flashed ten fingers, then six. Amy kissed her daughter on the cheek and stood up.
"Wow. Daddy that's a long time!" She said as her father picked her up.
"Yes it is." He ruffled her hair and muttered a, "Thank, God."
"I'll see you in a little while, baby." Amy said to Melissa, "And you too." She winked at Mike.
And with that we finally left the damn hotel room and, believe it or not, we actually managed to make it to the fucking lobby. I was honestly amazed at that. We really did make it to floor-level. Thank, God! Now, off for my 'Spill my life story to a total stranger night'....
~*~*~*~
Notes - Ok, then. That was slightly odd, even as I wrote it. But...meh. Whatever. I'm kind of getting an idea here....not sure if I'll go with it or not, but...we'll see, I guess.
*dies* OMG! I just realized something. You know how things have been flipping back and forth from Bam & Ville's points of view? I'll have to break that next chapter! *dies again* NOOOOO! lol!!!!
Drop a line!
Later days,
~PFB~
and 17
End of a Friendship or Beginning of a Relationship
Disclaimer - I'm sure you have it memorized like I do. Come on, sayt with me, "You can't own a person!"
Notes - Well...Ch 17 is here! Scaring myself, here. Honestly....
~*~*~*~
[Ville's P.O.V.]
I'm sitting here at this bar with the girl I met in the elevator. Talking to her. I wish it was just talk, but it was more serious than that. I was telling her about everything lately; about Bam, his family, and even my walking out like I had. God, I hope she's not the type to blab shit to the media. Ahh, they probably wouldn't believe her anyway. I guess it's needless to say, I might have been a little tipsy. When I'm tipsy, I ramble. Sorry, Amy. "...And, I just walked out. Didn't say anything, just walked out..."
Amy's eyes were widened slightly. "Wow. That's...that's some serious shit."
The cursing seemed odd coming from her. She didn't strike me as the type to curse much. "Yeah...I've really fucked things up about now." I sighed and banged my head on the table a few times.
Amy blinked, "Ville...Ville...Willa Wallo!"
"Hey," I looked up at her, "Don't...all right?"
"Well, I had to stop you somehow." She said, "Now, do you want to know what I think you should do?"
"Try and fix things?" I said, stating the blindingly obvious. That happens when I'm tipsy too...
"Well, yeah, but...I have a way you could go about it."
I looked up at her and just knew that the look in my eyes was absolutely desparate. "Anything. I'll listen to anything and everything you've got."
"Go back to the hotel. Go back to your room. Apologize for walking out so suddenly." Amy paused for a moment before a small smirk played on her lips.
"Why are you smirking?" I asked cautiously.
"After all of that come the fun part."
Woman, I'm only half-here. Explain yourself! "What?"
"Makeup sex." She laughed at some reaction of mind that I couldn't see
But I felt it. The heat spreading across my cheeks. Not so much because I found what she'd said embarrassing, but more because she'd said it and I really don't know her. At all.
"So...what do you say?" She asked with a small smile, "Like my idea?"
"It's a great idea. I...thank you. Thank you. Honestly...." I rambled as I stood up. I took my wallet out of my back pocket and grabbed a wad of bills--a few fifties at least--and handed it to Amy. "Take it."
"What? No. I can't do that!" She said, clearly shocked.
"Trust me, darling. I can spare it." I said, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before leaving th bar.
~*~*~*~
Notes - Well, I think that's having a close run-in for shortest chapter of this fic so far. *shrug* Oh, well. Evil lava lamps that cann't track your position as long as you're not completely still will be greatly appreciated. Any color would be fine. (..........long story short: A fic I have over on ff.net. There's....a nineteen year old with ADD, skipped mediaction, and crazy shit involved. .....anyway...) lol!
Drop a line!
Later days,
~PFB~
Ch 18.......
End of a Friendship or Beginning of a Relationship
Disclaimer - I'm sure you have it memorized like I do. Come on, sayt with me, "You can't own a person!"
Notes - Well...Ch 18 is here! WHEEEE! Read now, dammit. *laughs* lol
~*~*~*~
[Bam's P.O.V.]
I've been laying here for the past hour or two wondering when, or even if Ville will come back. Just as I started to think about what had happened earlier, regretting what I'd said, the hotel room door opened. When I looked up, I saw Ville standing in the doorway, a look I'm not quite familiar with in his eyes. "Ville..." I don't even know if I actually vocally said his name or if I just mouthed it, but I did hear him.
Two words filled with such emotion that it actually scared me. There was sincerity and even a certain desparation in his voice. "I'm sorry..." The words were whispered and I barely heard him, but I did manage it. And then I was thrown into a set of confusion.
What? What the hell did he have to be sorry about? If anyone should be apologizing, is should be me! I'm the one that pissed him off and made him leave earlier. I'm the one that made like I couldn't go on with a relationship I haven't even been in for a week yet! I frowned, "For what?"
My asking that almost seemed to depress him. I didn't like that at all, but watched as he slowly walked over to the bed and fell to his knees at the end of it. "I'm sorry..." He said again. This time he sounded like he was on the verge of tears. He bent his head downwards so I wouldn't be able to witness the tears falling.
I didn't understand anything at that moment. I didn't know what he was sorry for. I didn't know why he was silently crying. I didn't understand why I wasn't apologizing for earlier. I didn't understand anything at all. "Ville...what...what is this all about? What are you sorry for? Why...why are you crying?"
Ville looked up at me, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Everything....for...putting you in this whole situation. For...everything with your parents right now. For...I don't know. Just...everything. For falling in love with you and...just...for existing, I guess."
God, no. No, no, fucking no! "What? Ville...sorry for existing? That's a little harsh, don't you think?" No! Dammit! That's not what I meant to say! That sounded too sarcastic! I was going for sympathetic and denying what he'd said. I'm so fucking bad with words.
That sent him into an absolute reel. "Obviously...you don't need me. I'm the one that messed everything up. Until three days ago, you had a perfectly good life. Good relationship with your parents and everything. And I fucked that up. That's...that's why I left in the first place. It wasn't because of what you said. It's because I realized the reason you couldn't do this. It's because I screwed your life up. So...I thought that if I left, that might solve everything. But thten I realized I couldn't even do that. Because I've let myself fall too deep into this...And I can't think about what my life would be like without you in it. Even just as a friend. I fell too deep....I just...I fell too deep, Bam..."
Oh, God, no. That couldn't be it. I can't believe he's held all that in for this long. I never could have done that. "Oh, God, Ville...no. You're makin' me cry here, but...I can't believe you really thought...or do you still...think that?"
Ville nodded, "Yeah, I do. I do still believe that. Because it's true! I'm the problem." He choked on a sob.
I was sitting up now, shaking my head, "No, no. You are not the problem...a problem...anything to do with a problem...that's not you, Ville. It's far from you."
"What am I then?" He challenged me suddenly, "If I'm not the problem, what am I?"
He thought he'd had me at that. Some challenge, Valo. "You're the solution."
~*~*~*~
Notes - Damn the angst. I just can't stop it. It's over-ridden this fic. It's angsted this fic to death. Yet, I still go on. YAY! LOL! *dies* >_<
Drop a line!
Later days,
~PFB~
and 19......
nd of a Friendship or Beginning of a Relationship
Disclaimer - I'm sure you have it memorized like I do. Come on, sayt with me, "You can't own a person!"
Notes - Well...Ch 19 is here! WHEEEE! Read now, dammit. *laughs* lol
~*~*~*~
[Ville's P.O.V.]
"You're the solution." He says.
I'm not. He's lying. That's not true. I'm the fucking problem. It's all my fault. This whole fucking past three days is my fault. I just caused one catasrophe after another. And he's denying every single bit of it. Liar. "But...you don't need me."
Bam looked hurt that I would have said that. "That's not true."
"Yes it is." I'm determined to change your mind, Margera. And when I'm determined, there's no backing down. You damn well be ready for it.
He shook his head, "No. It's not." He took my wrist, pulling me down to layi with him, "I do need you. Right here. Next to me." He said, brushing a piece of hair out of my eyes.
"Really?" I asked, starting to fall for it all over again.
He nodded, "Yeah...."
No. No! I can't do this. I can't fall for this all over again. I'll only end up fucking things up somehow. I've already screwed things up enough. I don't need to do it anymore. "How?" I just couldn't bring myself to really believe him.
"Ville...I...I love you." He said softly, looking me dead in the eyes as he said it.
It was with that, I lost it. Any shred of sanity I had left was gone now. I sat up, shaking my head furiously. "No. No. No! You can't. You can't. That's impossible!" Fucking impossible! You hear me? It's fucking impossible!
Bam was sitting up again, shaking his head. "No, it's not. And I do."
I shook my head even more furiously than before. "No. No....How? I fucked your life up, Bam! How could you love someone who does that? You shouldn't love me." I felt the tears coming back. I tried to keep them at bay by biting down on my lower lip. Hard. But it didn't work, so I gave up on that pretty quickly.
Bam took me by the shoulders and shook me a bit harsher than I would have expected. With everything going on right now, I almost expected him to reach up and smack me. And if I were him, I would have. But he didn't. He just took one hand and firmly held my chin in place, forcing me to look at him. Forcing me to make him watch the tears run down my face. "Ville...I don't know what happened to make you go nuts like this...but you've got to realize...I really do love you. I do. Every word of it is true."
I freed myself of his grip and backed up from him a little. Shaking my head again, "No...no...you can't. You just...you can't." I made a futile attempt to wipe the tears away. The ones that were gone were only replaced with fresh ones seconds later. "I...I....I don't want you to!"
It was in that instant that Bam fell free of any readable emotion. He was doing that thing again where he was completely silent and absolutely still. I can't stand that. It annoys the hell out of me.
After a moment, realization of exactly what I had said took over. Just when I thought the tears had calmed down, the gates opened again. This time, I drew my knees towards me and cried into my folded arms. "That's not...it's not what I meant...not what I meant to say...I didn't mean it...that's not what I meant...I didn't....I wasn't..." I let the tears fall and the sobs shake my body freely. I just knew that was it. This was over before it had even begun. And what makes it worse? I was the one that wanted it so bad....and I'm the one that caused it's end.
~*~*~*~
Notes - Ah-ho! I am SUCH a bitch! Look at that ending! Look at that CHAPTER! Holy, shit! I should be shot! *shrug* Oh, well!
Drop a line!
Later days,
~PFB~
and 20......omg.......
End of a Friendship or Beginning of a Relationship
Disclaimer - I'm sure you have it memorized like I do. Come on, sayt with me, "You can't own a person!"
Notes - Well...Ch 20 is here! WHEEEE! Read, dammit. *laughs* lol
~*~*~*~
[Bam's P.O.V.]
I couldn't believe everything I was hearing from Ville right now. He doesn't want me to love him? Before he even doubled-back, I knew that wasn't true. But that didn't makeit any better. It still hurt. I was biting down really hard on my lower lip to keep my tears from spilling. It didn't work. They came anyway.
Now he was sittng there, knees drawn, arms folded on top of them, head down, crying. He kept repeating the same thing over and over and over. Tellng me, o rmaybe himself, that he hadn't meant to say that he didn't want me to love him. It wasn't what he wanted to say.
Tears still strreaming down my own cheeks, I crawled over to him and hade him lift his head a little and look up at me. "I love you, Ville. And...I don't think there's anything you could do to ever make me stop loving you."
"Something...there's got to be something...." He muttered.
"Ville...I don't understand this. Why are you so upset over this?" I asked quietly. I always thought people were supposed to have good reactions over someone else telling you they loved you. .........Guess I was wrong.............
"I don't know. I just...I don't..." He coughed a couple of times due to choking on his tears.
I bit down on my lip again. thst time, not to keep from crying, but out of a sort of nervous habit I'd picked up from Ville. I didn't know what to say. I never have been very good with things like this. Comforting is Ville's area, not mine.
"I think..." Ville was the one that finally broke the silence that had eveloped us, "Part of the reason...is because I've wanted this for so long and finally managed to convince myself that it would never happen that now....now that it really is happening, I just...I don't know how to handle it." After a moment, I heard him mutter something in Finnish and then a clear, "God, that sounds so stupid."
I couldn't see why he would say that. "No, Ville. It's not stupid. It...It actually makes a lot of sense."
He looked up at me, a few strands of hair covering his eyes. "Really?" He asked hopefully.
I smiled a little. "Yeah."
~*~*~*~
Notes - shortest. chapter. EVER. In the HISTORY of short chapters. Meh. Whatever.
Drop a line!
Later days,
~PFB~
Ch 21....does this post EVER end? No. It's eternal!
End of a Friendship or Beginning of a Relationship
Disclaimer - I'm sure you have it memorized like I do. Come on, sayt with me, "You can't own a person!"
Notes - Well...Ch 21! *dies* OMG! This is fucking scary, man! WHEEEE! Read, dammit. *laughs* lol
~*~*~*~
[Ville's P.O.V.]
I was falling for his lies again. But I couldn't stop myself. He sounded so sincere and he looked o....I don't know how to describe it, but something about the tone of his voice and that indescribable look in his eyes made me break out of whatever you wanted to call the state I was in.
For the first time in what seemed like years, I smiled. I moved over to sit right in front of him. I linked our fingers togethera nd looked into his beaufiful blue eyes as I spoke. "Sorry...for all of that. I...I just....thi sisn't what I thought it would be." I said quietly.
I waited for him to say something. He would say something, wouldn't he? He had to. He couldn't......not have some kind of reation to that. .....Right?
Bam had what I thought was the absolute cutest look on his face that I had ever seen. His grinned and, unlinked one of our hands, he ruffled my hair and pulled me down on top of him as he fell back onto the bed. "Thank, God. I have a feeling, with the way you sing about romance....man, that'd be one damn depressing relationship."
I rolled my eyes, "Yeah. You're a class-one romantic yourself, Bam." I made a noise that was a cross between a laugh and a scoff.
"And you know you love me for it."
"I love you for lots of reasons, but your un-romantic half...not part of it, sweetheart." I kissed him on he forehead.
"Oh, come on. That's so not true!"
"Yes, it is." I laughed.
"No. It's not." He said very seriously. After a moment he pointed at me and, in this really bad, fake American-Chinese accent, he said, "Liar! You lie to me!"
The accent in itself was funny. But that joined with the accusing finger and the look on his face was just too much. I think I almost died laughing. I don't know if it's so much to that particular extreme, but I know it was damn funny. "Don't do that again." I said, after my laughter had died down.
"Why not?"
"You'll kill me next time."
"To test fate....or not to test fate. That is the question!"
I grinned. This is a lot better than what we'd been going through lately. This was the Bam I knew; the one that had made me fall for him. I kissed him gently on the lips.
Bam pouted a little (and looked beyond adorable doing it). "Not fair. Don't tease."
"It wasn't meant to tease you."
"Anything you do that involves your lips attaching to mine and then disappearing is teasing, darling." He said the last word in a half-sarcastic manner.
I put on a faux offended look. "Are you mocking me?"
"Maybe."
"Whesugtut!"
He blinked up at me. "What the fuck?"
"A language I made up once." I grinned, "It means....something along the lines of 'how dare you'."
"You're telling me you speak three fucking languages? Finnish, English, and Villeish?"
I laughed, "Yes. But I'm not very fluent Villeish." I said.
Bam looked at me strangely, "How is that? You made the language up!"
I shrugged, "I didn't make up the whole language. Just random words and phrases, really. Ever want to say fuck you in Villeish....Funach." I nodded.
"Nice. I like that one."
I shook my head, "Knew you would."
"Now...I have to ask...where the hell were you...when you left earlier?"
I sighed and fell to my side, landing on the bed. "The never-ending elevator from hell. Met a gal and her daughter there. Took her to a bar, got slightly tipsy, yammered on about random shit forever, and...well..it's her fault I came back here. You should thank her tomorrow." I nodded.
"Right." He sounded slightly confused.
"Oh! I have a question for you."
"Right, shoot. Not me, just the question."
I rolled my eyes, "Why the hell would a five year old need to know how to use a digital camera?"
Bam blinked up at me, confused. "What?"
"The girl. She had her daughter take a picture of us. Her daughter's five years old! Why the hell would a five year need to know how to use a digital camera?"
"Why the hell are you asking me?"
"Because....I know that you've secretly got a digital-camera-operating five year old around somewhere." I winked at him.
"Riiiight." Bam agreed, though he actually still managed to sound confused.
I kissed him lightly on the lips again. This time, it was meant to tease, as I pulled back slowly.
"Mmm...not fair. Don't tease."
I shrugged, "All right...."
~*~*~*~
Notes - Muwaha. I'm such a bitch. Look at the end, just there! Buuuttt...take into consideration you got chapters 15-21 today. And I wrote 1, 16, half of 20 and all of 21 today. So.....yeah. Be happy you got a 7-chapter update. LOL!
Drop a line!
Later days,
~PFB~
Ok, so the post did end. Damn. Oh, well.
If you have any ideas or anything in here that you want to seeeee....I'm up for having ideas tossed at me..
By the way, Whesugtut & Funach are words my FRIEND AND I made up. Please don't steal them....*grin*
Later days,
~PFB~ [Psssttt....at least one someone take the Driver's Lisence Challenge? *bats eyelashes* pwease? *grin*]
Oh, but, guys! Don't forget to look at my last post about the "Driver's Lisence Challenge" (if you missed it or anything....)
End of a Friendship or Beginning of a Relationship
Disclaimer - I'm sure you have it memorized like I do. Come on, sayt with me, "You can't own a person!"
Notes - Well...Ch 15! Yay! *claps*
~*~*~*~
[Bam's P.O.V.]
Now here's a completely insane thought: Ville and I drove all the way to New York from my breakdown point in complete silence. He was just sitting there, watching me, never saying a word. And I just continued to drive. I didn't want to say much of anything until we got somewhere. Mostly because I didn't want to break again. I don't like that shit. And I really didn't like Ville seeing it all earlier, either. I'd cut the breakdown short because I realized how absolutely stupid it was to be crying over something that I caused myself.
We've been in the snail-slow traffic of New York for an hour and a half now. God, I hate this place. Why did I pick New York? If it was possible, I would kick my own ass just for that. I'm getting bored. And right now, me getting bored is not good. If I'm bored, then my thoughts are going to drift. And if that happens...I don't want to think about that. I was tapping my thumbs on the steering wheel to a beat in my head. It was one of Ville's songs. But which one? .....My mind was too far gone to know.
After being in that superslow traffic for what seemed like a century, we were finally able to move the car, thus find a hotel to stay in for the night. Which hotel it was, I have no idea. That really didn't matter to much much. I just pulled into the parkinglot of the first hotel I saw that didn't have annoying, blinding blinking lights on the sign.
You can not imagine how glad I was to find they really did have rooms avaliable. I don't think I couldn't have taken much more of the snail-traffic. I got the two of us a room booked for two weeks. Maybe by then we can have some things sorted out. The woman behind the counter gave me a weird look. "What?" I almost snapped at her.
"Nothing," She muttered, typing something into her computer. "Here's your key. Twelfth floor up, room eight-forty-two." She smiled a little as she handed the key to me.
I muttered a thanks and we left. Now was more waiting. Damn elevators. When it finally reached us and we stepped into the empty compartment, Ville looked over at me. He had a sort of...odd look on his face. "What?" I asked.
"Had to go with it, didn't you?"
"Huh?" Ok, now I'm just confused.
"The room on the twelfth floor."
"Oh." I smirked. "Yeah. Sorry...I forgot."
"You're wonderful. Wonderful friend and even better boyfriend. But you can't remember small details for shit, can you?"
"Nope." I laughed, more at myself than him.
"And if it were a small detail, I wouldn't really care. But the fact that I'm almost deathly afraid of heights doesn't seem to be what one would call a...small...detail."
"Man...how the hell do you fly?"
"White-knuckle grip on the chair with my eyes closed tight as possible."
"Right...but...nevermind," I shook my head. Damn, this guy was fucking amusing.
When the elevator doors opened, as we stepped off, I heard Ville mutter something that sounded an awful lot like "Bastard."
"Hey!" He should know to never
a.) Call me something like that
when
b.) He's walking in front of me
I ran after him and, had he been facing me, it would have probably been cosidered a pounce. And from that point, down to our room, I was on his back. Probably a good thing our room wasn't too far down, I figure.
When we got to the door of the room, Ville actually managed to force me to get off of him. "You're a damn lot heavier than you look, you know that?"
"I bet you're damn well light as a feather," I said, opening the door.
"That what you think?" He followed me inside.
"Yeah, that's exactly what I think."
"Well....you'll just have to find out sometime, won't you?" He asked with a grin.
I laughed and shook my head. Man. Why did I fall for insane Finnish guy? I walked over and fell quite ungracefully....to the edge of the bed and down to the floor. "Sonuva bitch!" As I got up, I heard Ville laughing. Kicking his ass. "Shut the fuck up!" Or not.
"You completely missed the bed. How in the hell did you manage that?"
I sighed and threw him a half-glare, now actually laying on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. Damn thing. I'm gonna kill it later. The bed. Not the ceiling. The ceiling hasn't done anything to me. Yet.
Ville shook his head and laid down next to me on his front, propping himself up with an arm, chin in his hand. He was just...watching me. He'd done that a lot today. It's kind of unnerving to have that happen to you. I don't like people watching me for no reason for nearly the entire damn day. And that's practically all he's done since we left the breakdown point. Having Ville Valo lying next to you in a bed in some hotel that you don't even know the name up is actually pretty damn uncomfortable. I looked over at him, "What?"
He shook his head, "Nothing."
"You've been doing this all day, Ville. What the hell is it?"
"Doing what? And...nothing."
"You've just been....watching me all day." I said, not sure how else to really put it, sitting up a little now.
"So?"
"So...I don't like it when people stare at me. Don't you think I get enough of that from stupid little teenyboppers all over the place?" I snapped. Then I realize how I'd said it. I sighed and fell back onto the pillows. "God, Ville...how many times have I done that today?" I sighed again.
"Twice."
I lifted my head to look at him, "What?"
"Twice. You've accidentally snapped at me twice today."
"Oh...."
"Bam, it's all right. Honestly, if you hadn't seemed affected by any of this at all today, I'd have to go find you a fucking shrink."
"You think I need a shrink?"
"Yeah, I think you do."
I grabbed a pillow from behind me and threw it at him, "Shut up!"
Silence took over and all's well that fucking ends well, right? Yeah, sure.
~*~*~
As we were laying there, side by side in the hotel bed, I'm wondering about things. The way everyone has taken everythin;, us running away and...just everything over the last few days. My thoughts were just starting in on Ryan's fake reaction when I was interrupted by a pair of soft lips covering mine. I smiled against Ville's lips and gently kissed him back.
Ville crawled over and stradled me, never breaking the kiss in the process. He leaned back, pulling away teasingly. He grinned down at me.
He earned only a small smile from me, but that didn't seem to phase him as he leaned down and kised me again. I couldn't help leaning up into the kiss. My body worked of its own accord; I have no concious control when I'm around Ville. After a moment, though, I tried to break the kiss. "Ville..."
"Mmm.." He shook his head and kissed me again.
"No, Ville.."
And again, he just started kissing me.
I pushed on Ville's shoulders a little, "Ville--"
"Kiss now....talk later..." He muttered, his accent extremely heavy. He leaned back in, but I put my hands on either side of his head to stop him.
"Ville. Stop." I said quietly.
He sat back, letting my hands fall as he moved, and frowned slightly as he looked at me. "What's wrong, Bam?" He asked, clearly trying to study me. His bright green eyes were piercing through me.
I shifted slightly under his uncomfortable gaze. "I was....just thinking and..." I licked my lips.
"And what, love?" He asked quietly, brushing a piece of hair out of my face.
"I'm wondering...if I can really do this...."
"What...what do you mean?" His voice faltered slightly.
"Just...with the way everyone's taken everything and...Ville....I can't loose everything I have with my family over a realtionship."
"Well..." He looked like he was trying to force back some kind of expression that was threatening to spill over his face. "What do you suppose we should do?" His accent was getting thick again.
"I...I don't know." I said before letting out a breath and staring up at the ceiling. "I just don't know, Ville..."
Ville nodded and stood up on the bed, turning and jumping down to the floor. He walked over and sat in a chair, slipping his shoes on and pulling on his coat.
I sat up, a frown on my face. "Where..where are you going?"
"Out." He said casually. Ville walked over to the small table in the 'living room' area of the room and picked up his pack of cigarettes and grabbing the ever-present beanie before heading towards the door.
"Where?" I repeated.
"Out." Ville said sharply before leaving the room, promptly slamming the door.
I let out something that was like a mix between a sigh and a scoff as I fell back against the bed. How did I get myself into such fucked up situations? I have no clue. But I think now would be a great time to learn how to fix a few of them...
~*~*~*~
Notes - I know! I'm a bitch with that! This whole story is just damn angst-ridden, isn't it? *shrug*
Drop a line!
Later days,
~PFB~
Ch 16.....
End of a Friendship, or Beginning of a Relationship?
Disclaimer - I've decided you can't really OWN a person. So. I don't own people. Because it's impossible. Or I would own LOTS of people. But I don't. Because can't. So I don't.
Notes - Chapter ??! wheeee!
~*~*~*~
[Ville's P.O.V.]
Where am I going? What does he even care? He 'doesn't think he can do this'. What the hell is that? I know...I know that family's important. But...at least give them time. We weren't exactly trying flaunt our relationship in their faces. April didn't have much of a problem with doing that for us, but they just found out! How else are they all supposed to react? Finding out your son or best friend is gay and has been in a gay-realtionship for three months and not said a word about it wouldn't exactly be that easy to take in. And, sure, we probably...really shouldn't have taken off like we did, but we were acting in the moment. Same as April did when she walked in on us.
I waited impatiently for the elevator, tapping my foot as I waited. I wanted a cigarette but I couldn't do that until I got out of the fucking hotel. Can't get out if the elevator isn't there to take me to the lobby and the exit. Finally! Damn elevator took ages. I stepped on and found some woman and her little girl standing there. Just my luck, they're going to the lobby as well. Yay.
Annoying little girl you've there miss. That's what I would have loved to say, but instead, it came out a bit more like: "Lovely little girl you've got there, miss." I even managed to force a small smile into my features.
The woman, maybe twenty-three, twenty-four years old, turned to me, smiled. "Isn't she?" Then came realization and I wished I'd never opened my mouth. "Oh...oh my God, are you..."
Don't, woman. Just...don't. I'm not in the mood for yelling and jumping and screaming and...autographs or...anything else you may come up with. I really was hoping that she wouldn't come up with anything at all, but, my luck, she did.
"You are. The...the lead singer of HIM....aren't you?"
I nodded silently, hoping she might just stop there.
She didn't. No, of course not. I'm a fucking celebrity. People just don't know when to stop. Oh, I'm really regretting having that room on the top floor now.
"Would you mind...oh. I don't have anything for you to sign..."
Thank God.
"But...but I do have a camera. Would you...would you mind?" She asked.
Yes, I would. I'm really not in the mood to deal with you and your five year old daughter. But what did I say? "No, of course not." A false smile plastered on my face the entire time. I don't have time for a fucking photoshoot, woman! I'm in a fight with my boyfriend! At least she had the nerve to be skeptical.
She took the camera out and handed it to her daughter. "Honey....you know how to use the camera...can you take a picture?"
What five year old needs to know how to use a camera? I have no idea, but the woman made to stand over by me. I couldn't exactly just...stand there. That would be too plain of a picture. So, I draped an arm about her shoulders and smiled for the camera-ridden five year old. The picture was snapped and I released her.
She stepped back and took the camera from the young girl. She looked up at me and smiled, a little guilt written across her face. "I know...that I must be really annoying about now, but...there's something that I'd love to get an answer to."
I leaned against the cool metal wall of the elevator. Why I continued to converse with this woman, I'm really not sure at all. "And what might that be..."
"Amy. If that's what you're looking for. Anyway...um...I've heard several rumors...ok a lot of rumors about you being in a relationship with..." She trailed off.
I felt something flash across my face, but the feeling was only registered after the emotion was gone from my face. "With?"
".......Bam Margera..." Amy said hesitantly. "I just...I wanted to know if it was true is all. I mean, you don't have to answer or anything, I just...thought I could...ask..." She flashed a nervous smile.
"Don't worry about it." I said calmly. "And...to your question..." I sighed, "I really don't know any more." Really regretting that room we booked. Even more than before. I swear, the lobby to this hotel does not exist!
"What do you...No, I'm sorry. I'm getting too personal."
"No...you're not. You're really not." I smiled a little, genuine this time. "This sounds odd, even in my head, but...are you..alone with her?" I asked, making a vague gesture towards the girl.
Amy glanced at her daughter. "No...no, my husband's down on the second floor. I was...upstairs...visiting a friend..um...why?"
I reached over and slapped the button for the elevator to stop on the second floor. Yes, I know. Prolonging my already never-ending trek to the lobby. But I had an idea. "Drop her off with him. If he's the jealous type, tell him you're going out with your friend. If he's not...feel free to tell him you're going out with a celebrity."
"Wha--what?"
"I want to go out with you. Tonight. Couple of places I've heard about around here." What the hell am I doing? Sure, I know I'm bisexual, but damn! She's married! And has a kid! And...what the fuck was I thinking? I'm still not sure about that.
"Are you...me? I mean, are you sure? I'm just..." She seemed to be searching for the right word.
"Normal. Which is precisely why I want to go out with you and not some...fancy shmuck. And...we'll probably not be going to any place too amazing, as I really don't want a whole lot of run-ins. You wouldn't happen to...mind any of this, would you?" I asked, my brain making a small appearance.
"No, no, of course not. Not at all." She smiled.
"Great. Because...I want to talk to someone....Someone I don't know anything about, who doesn't know anything about me--"
"Well, I do know..."
"Nothing deeply personal. Which is exactly what I need tonight. Someone who I can talk to...and, yes, to answer any unasked questions thus far, I could talk to a bartender, but...they're so over rated. They don't listen to a word you say. They just nod and agree with almost everything you say. Which isn't good, because you could...not want them to agree. And...Oh, you do drink don't you? Because if you don't, this is going to be terribly awkward." I rambled on and on. I think I was talking for as long as the elevator was going on for. And that's a damn long time.
"Yeah. I drink. Not very often, but occasionally."
We reached the second floor and as Amy and her daughter got off, I followed her. May as well prove to her husband she really is going out with me, huh? Don't want to get her in trouble with him. That wouldn't be good.
Amy opened the hotel door with her room key and beckoned me to come in over her shoulder. "Mike, honey, I have something I need to tell you about tonight."
Who I assumed was most likely Mike came to meet us just inside the room. "What is...wow....hologram or is he real?"
I actually bit back a laugh at that. Hologram? Honestly!
"No, honey. He's not a hologram. It's Ville Valo."
"Wow. What are the chances that we'd even be at the same hotel, huh?"
"Yes. Now, honey...oh, honey, don't stare. It's rude." Amy stepped into his view. "Now, I need you to watch Melissa. I'm going to have a drink with him."
"Wow. Ok....um...have a..nice time. And, uh, don't screw around. You may be having a drink or two with a celebrity, but you're still my wife." He grinned at her.
"Oh, Mike," She slapped him on the arm, "Shut up!" She laughed.
"Mommy...I wanna come!"
Amy knealt down to her daughter's level. "No, honey you can't."
"Why not?" Melissa pouted.
"Because you're only this many," She held up five fingers, "And...to go where we're going...you have to be this many." She flashed both hands at her daughter twice and ended with a single finger in the air.
The child's eyes widened, "Wooow."
"Yeah. You still have sixteen more years, honey." She flashed ten fingers, then six. Amy kissed her daughter on the cheek and stood up.
"Wow. Daddy that's a long time!" She said as her father picked her up.
"Yes it is." He ruffled her hair and muttered a, "Thank, God."
"I'll see you in a little while, baby." Amy said to Melissa, "And you too." She winked at Mike.
And with that we finally left the damn hotel room and, believe it or not, we actually managed to make it to the fucking lobby. I was honestly amazed at that. We really did make it to floor-level. Thank, God! Now, off for my 'Spill my life story to a total stranger night'....
~*~*~*~
Notes - Ok, then. That was slightly odd, even as I wrote it. But...meh. Whatever. I'm kind of getting an idea here....not sure if I'll go with it or not, but...we'll see, I guess.
*dies* OMG! I just realized something. You know how things have been flipping back and forth from Bam & Ville's points of view? I'll have to break that next chapter! *dies again* NOOOOO! lol!!!!
Drop a line!
Later days,
~PFB~
and 17
End of a Friendship or Beginning of a Relationship
Disclaimer - I'm sure you have it memorized like I do. Come on, sayt with me, "You can't own a person!"
Notes - Well...Ch 17 is here! Scaring myself, here. Honestly....
~*~*~*~
[Ville's P.O.V.]
I'm sitting here at this bar with the girl I met in the elevator. Talking to her. I wish it was just talk, but it was more serious than that. I was telling her about everything lately; about Bam, his family, and even my walking out like I had. God, I hope she's not the type to blab shit to the media. Ahh, they probably wouldn't believe her anyway. I guess it's needless to say, I might have been a little tipsy. When I'm tipsy, I ramble. Sorry, Amy. "...And, I just walked out. Didn't say anything, just walked out..."
Amy's eyes were widened slightly. "Wow. That's...that's some serious shit."
The cursing seemed odd coming from her. She didn't strike me as the type to curse much. "Yeah...I've really fucked things up about now." I sighed and banged my head on the table a few times.
Amy blinked, "Ville...Ville...Willa Wallo!"
"Hey," I looked up at her, "Don't...all right?"
"Well, I had to stop you somehow." She said, "Now, do you want to know what I think you should do?"
"Try and fix things?" I said, stating the blindingly obvious. That happens when I'm tipsy too...
"Well, yeah, but...I have a way you could go about it."
I looked up at her and just knew that the look in my eyes was absolutely desparate. "Anything. I'll listen to anything and everything you've got."
"Go back to the hotel. Go back to your room. Apologize for walking out so suddenly." Amy paused for a moment before a small smirk played on her lips.
"Why are you smirking?" I asked cautiously.
"After all of that come the fun part."
Woman, I'm only half-here. Explain yourself! "What?"
"Makeup sex." She laughed at some reaction of mind that I couldn't see
But I felt it. The heat spreading across my cheeks. Not so much because I found what she'd said embarrassing, but more because she'd said it and I really don't know her. At all.
"So...what do you say?" She asked with a small smile, "Like my idea?"
"It's a great idea. I...thank you. Thank you. Honestly...." I rambled as I stood up. I took my wallet out of my back pocket and grabbed a wad of bills--a few fifties at least--and handed it to Amy. "Take it."
"What? No. I can't do that!" She said, clearly shocked.
"Trust me, darling. I can spare it." I said, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before leaving th bar.
~*~*~*~
Notes - Well, I think that's having a close run-in for shortest chapter of this fic so far. *shrug* Oh, well. Evil lava lamps that cann't track your position as long as you're not completely still will be greatly appreciated. Any color would be fine. (..........long story short: A fic I have over on ff.net. There's....a nineteen year old with ADD, skipped mediaction, and crazy shit involved. .....anyway...) lol!
Drop a line!
Later days,
~PFB~
Ch 18.......
End of a Friendship or Beginning of a Relationship
Disclaimer - I'm sure you have it memorized like I do. Come on, sayt with me, "You can't own a person!"
Notes - Well...Ch 18 is here! WHEEEE! Read now, dammit. *laughs* lol
~*~*~*~
[Bam's P.O.V.]
I've been laying here for the past hour or two wondering when, or even if Ville will come back. Just as I started to think about what had happened earlier, regretting what I'd said, the hotel room door opened. When I looked up, I saw Ville standing in the doorway, a look I'm not quite familiar with in his eyes. "Ville..." I don't even know if I actually vocally said his name or if I just mouthed it, but I did hear him.
Two words filled with such emotion that it actually scared me. There was sincerity and even a certain desparation in his voice. "I'm sorry..." The words were whispered and I barely heard him, but I did manage it. And then I was thrown into a set of confusion.
What? What the hell did he have to be sorry about? If anyone should be apologizing, is should be me! I'm the one that pissed him off and made him leave earlier. I'm the one that made like I couldn't go on with a relationship I haven't even been in for a week yet! I frowned, "For what?"
My asking that almost seemed to depress him. I didn't like that at all, but watched as he slowly walked over to the bed and fell to his knees at the end of it. "I'm sorry..." He said again. This time he sounded like he was on the verge of tears. He bent his head downwards so I wouldn't be able to witness the tears falling.
I didn't understand anything at that moment. I didn't know what he was sorry for. I didn't know why he was silently crying. I didn't understand why I wasn't apologizing for earlier. I didn't understand anything at all. "Ville...what...what is this all about? What are you sorry for? Why...why are you crying?"
Ville looked up at me, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Everything....for...putting you in this whole situation. For...everything with your parents right now. For...I don't know. Just...everything. For falling in love with you and...just...for existing, I guess."
God, no. No, no, fucking no! "What? Ville...sorry for existing? That's a little harsh, don't you think?" No! Dammit! That's not what I meant to say! That sounded too sarcastic! I was going for sympathetic and denying what he'd said. I'm so fucking bad with words.
That sent him into an absolute reel. "Obviously...you don't need me. I'm the one that messed everything up. Until three days ago, you had a perfectly good life. Good relationship with your parents and everything. And I fucked that up. That's...that's why I left in the first place. It wasn't because of what you said. It's because I realized the reason you couldn't do this. It's because I screwed your life up. So...I thought that if I left, that might solve everything. But thten I realized I couldn't even do that. Because I've let myself fall too deep into this...And I can't think about what my life would be like without you in it. Even just as a friend. I fell too deep....I just...I fell too deep, Bam..."
Oh, God, no. That couldn't be it. I can't believe he's held all that in for this long. I never could have done that. "Oh, God, Ville...no. You're makin' me cry here, but...I can't believe you really thought...or do you still...think that?"
Ville nodded, "Yeah, I do. I do still believe that. Because it's true! I'm the problem." He choked on a sob.
I was sitting up now, shaking my head, "No, no. You are not the problem...a problem...anything to do with a problem...that's not you, Ville. It's far from you."
"What am I then?" He challenged me suddenly, "If I'm not the problem, what am I?"
He thought he'd had me at that. Some challenge, Valo. "You're the solution."
~*~*~*~
Notes - Damn the angst. I just can't stop it. It's over-ridden this fic. It's angsted this fic to death. Yet, I still go on. YAY! LOL! *dies* >_<
Drop a line!
Later days,
~PFB~
and 19......
nd of a Friendship or Beginning of a Relationship
Disclaimer - I'm sure you have it memorized like I do. Come on, sayt with me, "You can't own a person!"
Notes - Well...Ch 19 is here! WHEEEE! Read now, dammit. *laughs* lol
~*~*~*~
[Ville's P.O.V.]
"You're the solution." He says.
I'm not. He's lying. That's not true. I'm the fucking problem. It's all my fault. This whole fucking past three days is my fault. I just caused one catasrophe after another. And he's denying every single bit of it. Liar. "But...you don't need me."
Bam looked hurt that I would have said that. "That's not true."
"Yes it is." I'm determined to change your mind, Margera. And when I'm determined, there's no backing down. You damn well be ready for it.
He shook his head, "No. It's not." He took my wrist, pulling me down to layi with him, "I do need you. Right here. Next to me." He said, brushing a piece of hair out of my eyes.
"Really?" I asked, starting to fall for it all over again.
He nodded, "Yeah...."
No. No! I can't do this. I can't fall for this all over again. I'll only end up fucking things up somehow. I've already screwed things up enough. I don't need to do it anymore. "How?" I just couldn't bring myself to really believe him.
"Ville...I...I love you." He said softly, looking me dead in the eyes as he said it.
It was with that, I lost it. Any shred of sanity I had left was gone now. I sat up, shaking my head furiously. "No. No. No! You can't. You can't. That's impossible!" Fucking impossible! You hear me? It's fucking impossible!
Bam was sitting up again, shaking his head. "No, it's not. And I do."
I shook my head even more furiously than before. "No. No....How? I fucked your life up, Bam! How could you love someone who does that? You shouldn't love me." I felt the tears coming back. I tried to keep them at bay by biting down on my lower lip. Hard. But it didn't work, so I gave up on that pretty quickly.
Bam took me by the shoulders and shook me a bit harsher than I would have expected. With everything going on right now, I almost expected him to reach up and smack me. And if I were him, I would have. But he didn't. He just took one hand and firmly held my chin in place, forcing me to look at him. Forcing me to make him watch the tears run down my face. "Ville...I don't know what happened to make you go nuts like this...but you've got to realize...I really do love you. I do. Every word of it is true."
I freed myself of his grip and backed up from him a little. Shaking my head again, "No...no...you can't. You just...you can't." I made a futile attempt to wipe the tears away. The ones that were gone were only replaced with fresh ones seconds later. "I...I....I don't want you to!"
It was in that instant that Bam fell free of any readable emotion. He was doing that thing again where he was completely silent and absolutely still. I can't stand that. It annoys the hell out of me.
After a moment, realization of exactly what I had said took over. Just when I thought the tears had calmed down, the gates opened again. This time, I drew my knees towards me and cried into my folded arms. "That's not...it's not what I meant...not what I meant to say...I didn't mean it...that's not what I meant...I didn't....I wasn't..." I let the tears fall and the sobs shake my body freely. I just knew that was it. This was over before it had even begun. And what makes it worse? I was the one that wanted it so bad....and I'm the one that caused it's end.
~*~*~*~
Notes - Ah-ho! I am SUCH a bitch! Look at that ending! Look at that CHAPTER! Holy, shit! I should be shot! *shrug* Oh, well!
Drop a line!
Later days,
~PFB~
and 20......omg.......
End of a Friendship or Beginning of a Relationship
Disclaimer - I'm sure you have it memorized like I do. Come on, sayt with me, "You can't own a person!"
Notes - Well...Ch 20 is here! WHEEEE! Read, dammit. *laughs* lol
~*~*~*~
[Bam's P.O.V.]
I couldn't believe everything I was hearing from Ville right now. He doesn't want me to love him? Before he even doubled-back, I knew that wasn't true. But that didn't makeit any better. It still hurt. I was biting down really hard on my lower lip to keep my tears from spilling. It didn't work. They came anyway.
Now he was sittng there, knees drawn, arms folded on top of them, head down, crying. He kept repeating the same thing over and over and over. Tellng me, o rmaybe himself, that he hadn't meant to say that he didn't want me to love him. It wasn't what he wanted to say.
Tears still strreaming down my own cheeks, I crawled over to him and hade him lift his head a little and look up at me. "I love you, Ville. And...I don't think there's anything you could do to ever make me stop loving you."
"Something...there's got to be something...." He muttered.
"Ville...I don't understand this. Why are you so upset over this?" I asked quietly. I always thought people were supposed to have good reactions over someone else telling you they loved you. .........Guess I was wrong.............
"I don't know. I just...I don't..." He coughed a couple of times due to choking on his tears.
I bit down on my lip again. thst time, not to keep from crying, but out of a sort of nervous habit I'd picked up from Ville. I didn't know what to say. I never have been very good with things like this. Comforting is Ville's area, not mine.
"I think..." Ville was the one that finally broke the silence that had eveloped us, "Part of the reason...is because I've wanted this for so long and finally managed to convince myself that it would never happen that now....now that it really is happening, I just...I don't know how to handle it." After a moment, I heard him mutter something in Finnish and then a clear, "God, that sounds so stupid."
I couldn't see why he would say that. "No, Ville. It's not stupid. It...It actually makes a lot of sense."
He looked up at me, a few strands of hair covering his eyes. "Really?" He asked hopefully.
I smiled a little. "Yeah."
~*~*~*~
Notes - shortest. chapter. EVER. In the HISTORY of short chapters. Meh. Whatever.
Drop a line!
Later days,
~PFB~
Ch 21....does this post EVER end? No. It's eternal!
End of a Friendship or Beginning of a Relationship
Disclaimer - I'm sure you have it memorized like I do. Come on, sayt with me, "You can't own a person!"
Notes - Well...Ch 21! *dies* OMG! This is fucking scary, man! WHEEEE! Read, dammit. *laughs* lol
~*~*~*~
[Ville's P.O.V.]
I was falling for his lies again. But I couldn't stop myself. He sounded so sincere and he looked o....I don't know how to describe it, but something about the tone of his voice and that indescribable look in his eyes made me break out of whatever you wanted to call the state I was in.
For the first time in what seemed like years, I smiled. I moved over to sit right in front of him. I linked our fingers togethera nd looked into his beaufiful blue eyes as I spoke. "Sorry...for all of that. I...I just....thi sisn't what I thought it would be." I said quietly.
I waited for him to say something. He would say something, wouldn't he? He had to. He couldn't......not have some kind of reation to that. .....Right?
Bam had what I thought was the absolute cutest look on his face that I had ever seen. His grinned and, unlinked one of our hands, he ruffled my hair and pulled me down on top of him as he fell back onto the bed. "Thank, God. I have a feeling, with the way you sing about romance....man, that'd be one damn depressing relationship."
I rolled my eyes, "Yeah. You're a class-one romantic yourself, Bam." I made a noise that was a cross between a laugh and a scoff.
"And you know you love me for it."
"I love you for lots of reasons, but your un-romantic half...not part of it, sweetheart." I kissed him on he forehead.
"Oh, come on. That's so not true!"
"Yes, it is." I laughed.
"No. It's not." He said very seriously. After a moment he pointed at me and, in this really bad, fake American-Chinese accent, he said, "Liar! You lie to me!"
The accent in itself was funny. But that joined with the accusing finger and the look on his face was just too much. I think I almost died laughing. I don't know if it's so much to that particular extreme, but I know it was damn funny. "Don't do that again." I said, after my laughter had died down.
"Why not?"
"You'll kill me next time."
"To test fate....or not to test fate. That is the question!"
I grinned. This is a lot better than what we'd been going through lately. This was the Bam I knew; the one that had made me fall for him. I kissed him gently on the lips.
Bam pouted a little (and looked beyond adorable doing it). "Not fair. Don't tease."
"It wasn't meant to tease you."
"Anything you do that involves your lips attaching to mine and then disappearing is teasing, darling." He said the last word in a half-sarcastic manner.
I put on a faux offended look. "Are you mocking me?"
"Maybe."
"Whesugtut!"
He blinked up at me. "What the fuck?"
"A language I made up once." I grinned, "It means....something along the lines of 'how dare you'."
"You're telling me you speak three fucking languages? Finnish, English, and Villeish?"
I laughed, "Yes. But I'm not very fluent Villeish." I said.
Bam looked at me strangely, "How is that? You made the language up!"
I shrugged, "I didn't make up the whole language. Just random words and phrases, really. Ever want to say fuck you in Villeish....Funach." I nodded.
"Nice. I like that one."
I shook my head, "Knew you would."
"Now...I have to ask...where the hell were you...when you left earlier?"
I sighed and fell to my side, landing on the bed. "The never-ending elevator from hell. Met a gal and her daughter there. Took her to a bar, got slightly tipsy, yammered on about random shit forever, and...well..it's her fault I came back here. You should thank her tomorrow." I nodded.
"Right." He sounded slightly confused.
"Oh! I have a question for you."
"Right, shoot. Not me, just the question."
I rolled my eyes, "Why the hell would a five year old need to know how to use a digital camera?"
Bam blinked up at me, confused. "What?"
"The girl. She had her daughter take a picture of us. Her daughter's five years old! Why the hell would a five year need to know how to use a digital camera?"
"Why the hell are you asking me?"
"Because....I know that you've secretly got a digital-camera-operating five year old around somewhere." I winked at him.
"Riiiight." Bam agreed, though he actually still managed to sound confused.
I kissed him lightly on the lips again. This time, it was meant to tease, as I pulled back slowly.
"Mmm...not fair. Don't tease."
I shrugged, "All right...."
~*~*~*~
Notes - Muwaha. I'm such a bitch. Look at the end, just there! Buuuttt...take into consideration you got chapters 15-21 today. And I wrote 1, 16, half of 20 and all of 21 today. So.....yeah. Be happy you got a 7-chapter update. LOL!
Drop a line!
Later days,
~PFB~
Ok, so the post did end. Damn. Oh, well.
If you have any ideas or anything in here that you want to seeeee....I'm up for having ideas tossed at me..
By the way, Whesugtut & Funach are words my FRIEND AND I made up. Please don't steal them....*grin*
Later days,
~PFB~ [Psssttt....at least one someone take the Driver's Lisence Challenge? *bats eyelashes* pwease? *grin*]