(no subject)
Title: Tearing Apart
Author:
slasher48/
bad_bad_books
Rating: Nothing yet..so still like R for swearing
Pairing: Two words. Vam community.
Disclaimer: *sobs* I don't fucking own them, dude! *goes to be emo in corner with razorblade*
Ah, the long awaited next chapter :) Hope it's to your satisfaction
First Chapter
I'm about to apologize for darkening the mood when he announces we've arrived, looking away from me and getting out so he can get my luggage out of the car. He tosses the four bags in the living room and runs around the house, screaming, "I'm back, motherfuckers!"
I start to chuckle as various members of the Cky crew come out of rooms in the house.
Ape speaks first. "Do you always have to be so loud, Bam?"
Bam ignores her in favor of jumping on Ryan Dunn's back when he comes out of the pirate bar. "What's up, cocksucker, you miss me?" Ryan laughs, doing circles until Bam gets too dizzy to stay on and falls on the floor.
Novak comes downstairs, thankfully wearing shorts, and attacks me in a hug. "What up, Ville?"
Dico is chasing Raab around with a toy horsehead-on-stick contraption that makes me glad I'm not American. "Hiya, Ville," he says in one of his many strange voices before he and Raab have left the room again, Raab running away from him screaming.
I step over to help Bam up and slump onto the couch, pulling another cigarette out of my pocket and lighting up. The jet lag hasn't hit me yet, but I know it will soon. Bam plops beside me, but before I can open my mouth to say anything, he plucks my brand new cig out of my mouth and smashes it to pieces in the ashtray.
My eyebrows shoot up as I glare at him. "What the fuck was that for?"
He shrugs. "You've beens smoking too damn many fags, dude, just lookin' out."
I know he's right, but that doesn't stop me from standing up and getting out of the house quickly, going to sit on the skate ramp behind his house and lighting another cigarette. Fuck if he's gonna tell me what to do. I'm halfway through the cig when it's pulled forcefully from my lips and smashed into the grass by a black Adio. I stand to my full height, eyes flashing, backing him into the side of the ramp until our bodies are practically touching. No one wastes a damn good fag on my watch.
"I can't fucking believe you did that," I mutter angrily, pushing him back as far as he can go. His eyes widen, and for a second I see a rare flash of fear before the famous Bam Margera bravado is back and he's pushing me back.
"I'm fucking sick of you trying to kill yourself, Vil. I'm just trying to be a good friend, chill."
I can't stop the words that come out of my mouth, as much as I want to. Damn my impulsive nature to hell. "You're too fucking stupid to have good intentions, Bammie, so next time you think you ought to do something like this shit, just let it go."
For a long moment, all I can hear are our breaths. He's so shocked I don't even think he knows what to say to me. Then, without warning, he turns and storms away. Not a word, not a fucking look, just turns and leaves.
I walk into the house in time to hear his bedroom door slam upstairs. Fuck, I've really done it now. Goddamn nicotine addiction. Not fucking worth losing a friend like Bam over, but try telling that to my fucked up brain.
I walk up the steps far enough where no one can see me and sit down heavily, subconsciously ignoring my need for a cigarette to soothe my stress to appease Bam. Doubt he cares anymore, though. When Bam doesn't even fucking look at you, let alone take a swing at you, after you've pissed him off this bad, you know you screwed shit up bad.
Why, though? Why the fuck would he get so pissed? I mean, people call him stupid all the time, he never finds it a big fucking deal.
SHIT...Oh shit oh shit oh shit. I can faintly remember a time when Bammie and I were drunk off our asses, drunk enough that the impenetrable fortress Bam has built around his 'feelings', made stronger by pranks and laughter and doing whatever the fuck he wants, cracked a bit. He was so fucking plastered, when I called him a dumbass he nearly fucking took my eye out with his fist, he was so pissed. Bam never loses control that way.
The conversation is fuzzy, but I remember the last part of it, after he finally broke and explained to me why the hell it fucked him up so bad when I called him stupid.
:"I'm glad that at least one person realizes that I'm not stupid, I just act that way."
"Bammie, I'm sorry I ever called you stupid. I promise you'll never hear it from me again. I know how smart you are, darling, and I never wanna make you feel like I just did." :
My hand automatically comes up to smash into my forehead. God, I'm such an idiot sometimes. No, not a fucking n'idiot, an IDIOT. A n'idiot is an affectionate term he uses for me when I'm having a not so smart day. An idiot is what I'm calling myself for hurting my goddamn best friend over something as stupid as a cigarette.
I stand up shakily and make my way to his door, rapping on it a few times with my fist. "Go the fuck away," he screams. Wait, are those tears I hear? Oh, he has no chance of me leaving now.
"No," I mutter as I push open the door. Holy fuck, I was right. Bam, my Bam is crying, fat, wet salty tears rolling down his cheeks as he stares blankly at the wall next to me, laying on his bed in the middle of a fucking ramp. I have to clench my fists because the sight of him makes me want to just pull him into my arms and whisper to him how much I'm sorry, how much I love him. Doubt he'd like that too much, though.
"What the fuck do you want?" This is the closest to heartbroken I've ever heard him sound, and God, it sucks listening to that type of pain from the person you love most in the world, knowing that you're the cunt who caused it.
What the hell do you say to that anyway? I know what I want, I want to pull him into my lap and hold him 'til the end of time, cuddling him so he hopefully gets how sorry I am. But, can't tell him that.
So I go with the next best thing, at least in my eyes, anyway. I mean, hell, how do you think straight when your best friend and secret crush is bawling in front of you because of your stupid ass?
"I want to apologize, Bam. I'm really sorry, I know you were just trying to help. I was an asshole and I hate myself for making you cry."
He sniffs angrily at the word cry, but he can't really deny it, with the saccharine saltwater still running down his face." I thought you weren't like them."
I sit on his bed, not moving closer to him than three feet away. "Like who, Bammie?"
He sits and faces me, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his chin on his arms. "Like them. Like the motherfuckers who don't give a shit about my feelings and just fuck with my image like I'm some kind of fucking retard who only gets off on destroying things and hurting people, like I have no real compassion or intelligence or anything. I thought you knew me better than that, but obviously I was wrong."
"Aw, Bam, I don't think that." I reach out to touch him, but stop with a hateful glare from him.
"Bullfuckingshit you liar. You just fucking said it."
Well, I can't really deny that. I did kinda say he was all those things with what I said."But-"
He cuts me off. "You know what, dude, leave me the fuck alone. Go feed Novak your lies or something and he'll tell me later. I can't fucking be around you right now without wanting to tell you to go back to Helsinki and don't fucking ever come back."
"Maybe I should, though." I say, crossing my arms as I stand up. What can I say? I can be just as stubborn as Bam Fucking Margera when I want to.
He sighs. "Get out, Ville, please. You know I don't fucking wanna say that shit to you, I wouldn't mean it, just leave me alone so I can think and shit."
I nod. "Alright, I'll go talk to Lifepartner and he'll fill you in later. And for what it's worth, BamBam, whether you believe me or not, I love you."
He shakes his head, waving at me to leave. "I know, I just don't feel like it right now."
The door closes behind me and I go find Nudie. I meant what I fucking said, I want Bam to hear every word of my apology later, which means Dreamseller's gotta hear the shit first.
***********************************************************************************************************
Ah, the long awaited next chapter :) Hope it's to your satisfaction...comments are love, sweeties, comments are love :D
Author:
slasher48/
bad_bad_books
Rating: Nothing yet..so still like R for swearing
Pairing: Two words. Vam community.
Disclaimer: *sobs* I don't fucking own them, dude! *goes to be emo in corner with razorblade*
Ah, the long awaited next chapter :) Hope it's to your satisfaction
First Chapter
I'm about to apologize for darkening the mood when he announces we've arrived, looking away from me and getting out so he can get my luggage out of the car. He tosses the four bags in the living room and runs around the house, screaming, "I'm back, motherfuckers!"
I start to chuckle as various members of the Cky crew come out of rooms in the house.
Ape speaks first. "Do you always have to be so loud, Bam?"
Bam ignores her in favor of jumping on Ryan Dunn's back when he comes out of the pirate bar. "What's up, cocksucker, you miss me?" Ryan laughs, doing circles until Bam gets too dizzy to stay on and falls on the floor.
Novak comes downstairs, thankfully wearing shorts, and attacks me in a hug. "What up, Ville?"
Dico is chasing Raab around with a toy horsehead-on-stick contraption that makes me glad I'm not American. "Hiya, Ville," he says in one of his many strange voices before he and Raab have left the room again, Raab running away from him screaming.
I step over to help Bam up and slump onto the couch, pulling another cigarette out of my pocket and lighting up. The jet lag hasn't hit me yet, but I know it will soon. Bam plops beside me, but before I can open my mouth to say anything, he plucks my brand new cig out of my mouth and smashes it to pieces in the ashtray.
My eyebrows shoot up as I glare at him. "What the fuck was that for?"
He shrugs. "You've beens smoking too damn many fags, dude, just lookin' out."
I know he's right, but that doesn't stop me from standing up and getting out of the house quickly, going to sit on the skate ramp behind his house and lighting another cigarette. Fuck if he's gonna tell me what to do. I'm halfway through the cig when it's pulled forcefully from my lips and smashed into the grass by a black Adio. I stand to my full height, eyes flashing, backing him into the side of the ramp until our bodies are practically touching. No one wastes a damn good fag on my watch.
"I can't fucking believe you did that," I mutter angrily, pushing him back as far as he can go. His eyes widen, and for a second I see a rare flash of fear before the famous Bam Margera bravado is back and he's pushing me back.
"I'm fucking sick of you trying to kill yourself, Vil. I'm just trying to be a good friend, chill."
I can't stop the words that come out of my mouth, as much as I want to. Damn my impulsive nature to hell. "You're too fucking stupid to have good intentions, Bammie, so next time you think you ought to do something like this shit, just let it go."
For a long moment, all I can hear are our breaths. He's so shocked I don't even think he knows what to say to me. Then, without warning, he turns and storms away. Not a word, not a fucking look, just turns and leaves.
I walk into the house in time to hear his bedroom door slam upstairs. Fuck, I've really done it now. Goddamn nicotine addiction. Not fucking worth losing a friend like Bam over, but try telling that to my fucked up brain.
I walk up the steps far enough where no one can see me and sit down heavily, subconsciously ignoring my need for a cigarette to soothe my stress to appease Bam. Doubt he cares anymore, though. When Bam doesn't even fucking look at you, let alone take a swing at you, after you've pissed him off this bad, you know you screwed shit up bad.
Why, though? Why the fuck would he get so pissed? I mean, people call him stupid all the time, he never finds it a big fucking deal.
SHIT...Oh shit oh shit oh shit. I can faintly remember a time when Bammie and I were drunk off our asses, drunk enough that the impenetrable fortress Bam has built around his 'feelings', made stronger by pranks and laughter and doing whatever the fuck he wants, cracked a bit. He was so fucking plastered, when I called him a dumbass he nearly fucking took my eye out with his fist, he was so pissed. Bam never loses control that way.
The conversation is fuzzy, but I remember the last part of it, after he finally broke and explained to me why the hell it fucked him up so bad when I called him stupid.
:"I'm glad that at least one person realizes that I'm not stupid, I just act that way."
"Bammie, I'm sorry I ever called you stupid. I promise you'll never hear it from me again. I know how smart you are, darling, and I never wanna make you feel like I just did." :
My hand automatically comes up to smash into my forehead. God, I'm such an idiot sometimes. No, not a fucking n'idiot, an IDIOT. A n'idiot is an affectionate term he uses for me when I'm having a not so smart day. An idiot is what I'm calling myself for hurting my goddamn best friend over something as stupid as a cigarette.
I stand up shakily and make my way to his door, rapping on it a few times with my fist. "Go the fuck away," he screams. Wait, are those tears I hear? Oh, he has no chance of me leaving now.
"No," I mutter as I push open the door. Holy fuck, I was right. Bam, my Bam is crying, fat, wet salty tears rolling down his cheeks as he stares blankly at the wall next to me, laying on his bed in the middle of a fucking ramp. I have to clench my fists because the sight of him makes me want to just pull him into my arms and whisper to him how much I'm sorry, how much I love him. Doubt he'd like that too much, though.
"What the fuck do you want?" This is the closest to heartbroken I've ever heard him sound, and God, it sucks listening to that type of pain from the person you love most in the world, knowing that you're the cunt who caused it.
What the hell do you say to that anyway? I know what I want, I want to pull him into my lap and hold him 'til the end of time, cuddling him so he hopefully gets how sorry I am. But, can't tell him that.
So I go with the next best thing, at least in my eyes, anyway. I mean, hell, how do you think straight when your best friend and secret crush is bawling in front of you because of your stupid ass?
"I want to apologize, Bam. I'm really sorry, I know you were just trying to help. I was an asshole and I hate myself for making you cry."
He sniffs angrily at the word cry, but he can't really deny it, with the saccharine saltwater still running down his face." I thought you weren't like them."
I sit on his bed, not moving closer to him than three feet away. "Like who, Bammie?"
He sits and faces me, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his chin on his arms. "Like them. Like the motherfuckers who don't give a shit about my feelings and just fuck with my image like I'm some kind of fucking retard who only gets off on destroying things and hurting people, like I have no real compassion or intelligence or anything. I thought you knew me better than that, but obviously I was wrong."
"Aw, Bam, I don't think that." I reach out to touch him, but stop with a hateful glare from him.
"Bullfuckingshit you liar. You just fucking said it."
Well, I can't really deny that. I did kinda say he was all those things with what I said."But-"
He cuts me off. "You know what, dude, leave me the fuck alone. Go feed Novak your lies or something and he'll tell me later. I can't fucking be around you right now without wanting to tell you to go back to Helsinki and don't fucking ever come back."
"Maybe I should, though." I say, crossing my arms as I stand up. What can I say? I can be just as stubborn as Bam Fucking Margera when I want to.
He sighs. "Get out, Ville, please. You know I don't fucking wanna say that shit to you, I wouldn't mean it, just leave me alone so I can think and shit."
I nod. "Alright, I'll go talk to Lifepartner and he'll fill you in later. And for what it's worth, BamBam, whether you believe me or not, I love you."
He shakes his head, waving at me to leave. "I know, I just don't feel like it right now."
The door closes behind me and I go find Nudie. I meant what I fucking said, I want Bam to hear every word of my apology later, which means Dreamseller's gotta hear the shit first.
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Ah, the long awaited next chapter :) Hope it's to your satisfaction...comments are love, sweeties, comments are love :D