one-shot; SETTLE FOR SATIN
TITLE : SETTLE FOR SATIN
DESCRIPTION : angsty, i suppose. song-fic. not a deathfic!
AUTHOR : 003lastwords
PAIRING : vam <3
POV : ville
DISCLAIMER : i don't own the song or characters used in this story. i also don't own the picture below. but i do own the editing skillz on it. and i own my stupid ass ideas of course.
A/N : the title/song used in this story is by alkaline trio.
It’s not so much a storm, but a cloud that lives inside of me
I sit outside on the steps of Castle Bam, a cigarette between my lips. I take a long drag allowing the
smoke to fill my lungs and ease away the tension in my body. I pull it away from my lips and shake off
the ashes. I realize my hand is shaking as well as the rest of my body. The snow on the ground tells me
it is cold but I know that’s not why I’m trembling. I scan the scenery around me and wish my mind was
serene as my surroundings.
He doesn’t stir so easily these days, but when he wakes
He goes the distance in a marathon of days too long
Two days ago Bam invited to visit him at his castle. About two hours ago I set foot on American ground to
greet my favorite blue-eyed prankster. Two minutes ago Bam stopped screaming at me and I’d walked away
from him. Two months ago he had given a ring to his soon to be wife, Missy. It was about two minutes ago
that I found out about their engagement. Everything is put together in twos, I suppose. Everything except
for Bam and I.
Open containers that sing songs, "you’ll never dream again, but you can pray"
"So what plans do you have up your sleeve, Bammie? Why did you invite me here with such urgency?"
"Is it a crime? I wanted to hang out with your shitass, reunite drinking buddies, ya know?" A huge smile
spread across Bam’s face as he fetched two Budweiser cans from the fridge, handing one of them to me.
"I suppose," I said with a smile mirroring his on my face. I scrunched up my nose at his choice of beer
but accepted anyway. "It’s not like we’ve properly ‘hung out,’ as you put it, in months. With all the
touring and such, I’m glad to finally have a break." I took a sip of the harsh liquid and looked
thoughtfully at Bam, waiting for his next words.
I guess we only settle in to what we know
I guess we always settle in. And we know...
"I also have some news I couldn’t tell you on the phone. I wanted to tell you in person. I-" Bam took a
gulp of liquid courage and his eyes locked with mine, "I proposed to Missy. We’re engaged!"
"You’re getting... married?" It was probably one of the stupidest things I could have said at the given
moment but it felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach and knocked all the wind out of me. I
practically had to bend over to pick my gaping jaw up off of the floor.
"Yes," he continued, attentive and excited. He was looking at me but not seeing me, "Now that
you’re engaged as well maybe we can have a double wedding and host a bachelor party or do some of the
planning with each other and..." He rambled on as his words slurred together in my ears. I grabbed on to
the nearest grounded object to keep my balance. I felt like I was going to collapse or pass out at any
given second. My eyes were affixed on the floor. I couldn’t look at Bam. The noise, his rambling, finally
ceased.
"Aren’t you happy for me?" I stood in silence, my gaze still situated on the floor. "Ville?" He voiced my
name almost frantically. I could sense he wanted my approval desperately. "Are you okay? You don’t look
so good." I stood up straighter and my eyes drifted to Bam’s.
That there is a comfort in a world where darkness is the only thing we see
And cold is all we have to breathe
"Why do you think I proposed to Jonna?" Bam’s expression was now stern, serious, confused. Dark and
clouded. I couldn’t read his thoughts or how he felt.
"Because you are in love with her. Because you want to spend the rest of your life with her." His tone
was monotonous, yet questioning.
"Wrong." I must have suddenly sprouted four heads because that would be the only way to explain why Bam
looked at me in such a way. "Bam, I’m not in love with Jonna. She’s just a cover up because I’m in love
with a man. Love isn’t something I can control or stop. I’ve tried. And I’ve given up." Bam looked at me
and furrowed his brow.
"Oh. May I ask who?"
"What if I don’t want to tell you?"
"Then don’t."
"Do you care?"
"Of course."
"Do you want me to tell you?"
"Well if you don’t want to.."
"You."
"Me?!"
"Yes."
"You mean you’re.."
"Yes."
"Why didn’t you ever tell me?!"
"I figured it would ruin our friendship. You’re straight."
Bam closed the distance between us by approaching me and cupping my cheek roughly in his hand. Hurt
danced through the blue in his eyes.
"Why didn’t you ever fucking tell me?!" Bam shrieked.
"I told you."
"Why now?! I’m getting engaged, Ville!" He yelled this in my face as he let go of my cheek and walked
about looking extremely upset and distraught. He ran his hands through his brown locks. I swear he was on
the brim of enraged tears.
"If I’d known this-" He seemed to stop himself and let out a frustrated groan. "Why couldn’t you see?!"
His words were gentle but his tone was sharp, furious and cutting.
"See what?" Bam let out another frustrated sigh as if I was supposed to know what he was talking about,
as if I was supposed to know how to react.
"Why didn’t you tell me?!"
I didn’t know what he wanted me to say so I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want him screaming at me. I
shouldn’t have told him. Or I should have told him ages ago. I guess I picked the absolute worst moment.
Good job, Ville. Good fucking job. I almost patted myself on the back sarcastically as I walked
away from him.
And this concludes my journey to the doorstep of Castle Bam.
After Ville left the room, Bam collapsed in a chair at the kitchen table with his rough hands supporting
his head. "I love you." He whispered harshly to no one. He took his engagement ring and flung it across
the room. "I always have loved you. You shitass."
---
comments = never before seen footage of ville and bam doing it! in the shower. nakeddd! food for this starving artist.
A/N: if you know the song i used, you'll notice it's not finished. i was originally planning to write a second part to this story in which the last lyrics would fit in but decided against it since i liked how it ended. get it? got it? good.
<333.
DESCRIPTION : angsty, i suppose. song-fic. not a deathfic!
AUTHOR : 003lastwords
PAIRING : vam <3
POV : ville
DISCLAIMER : i don't own the song or characters used in this story. i also don't own the picture below. but i do own the editing skillz on it. and i own my stupid ass ideas of course.
A/N : the title/song used in this story is by alkaline trio.
It’s not so much a storm, but a cloud that lives inside of me
I sit outside on the steps of Castle Bam, a cigarette between my lips. I take a long drag allowing the
smoke to fill my lungs and ease away the tension in my body. I pull it away from my lips and shake off
the ashes. I realize my hand is shaking as well as the rest of my body. The snow on the ground tells me
it is cold but I know that’s not why I’m trembling. I scan the scenery around me and wish my mind was
serene as my surroundings.
He doesn’t stir so easily these days, but when he wakes
He goes the distance in a marathon of days too long
Two days ago Bam invited to visit him at his castle. About two hours ago I set foot on American ground to
greet my favorite blue-eyed prankster. Two minutes ago Bam stopped screaming at me and I’d walked away
from him. Two months ago he had given a ring to his soon to be wife, Missy. It was about two minutes ago
that I found out about their engagement. Everything is put together in twos, I suppose. Everything except
for Bam and I.
Open containers that sing songs, "you’ll never dream again, but you can pray"
"So what plans do you have up your sleeve, Bammie? Why did you invite me here with such urgency?"
"Is it a crime? I wanted to hang out with your shitass, reunite drinking buddies, ya know?" A huge smile
spread across Bam’s face as he fetched two Budweiser cans from the fridge, handing one of them to me.
"I suppose," I said with a smile mirroring his on my face. I scrunched up my nose at his choice of beer
but accepted anyway. "It’s not like we’ve properly ‘hung out,’ as you put it, in months. With all the
touring and such, I’m glad to finally have a break." I took a sip of the harsh liquid and looked
thoughtfully at Bam, waiting for his next words.
I guess we only settle in to what we know
I guess we always settle in. And we know...
"I also have some news I couldn’t tell you on the phone. I wanted to tell you in person. I-" Bam took a
gulp of liquid courage and his eyes locked with mine, "I proposed to Missy. We’re engaged!"
"You’re getting... married?" It was probably one of the stupidest things I could have said at the given
moment but it felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach and knocked all the wind out of me. I
practically had to bend over to pick my gaping jaw up off of the floor.
"Yes," he continued, attentive and excited. He was looking at me but not seeing me, "Now that
you’re engaged as well maybe we can have a double wedding and host a bachelor party or do some of the
planning with each other and..." He rambled on as his words slurred together in my ears. I grabbed on to
the nearest grounded object to keep my balance. I felt like I was going to collapse or pass out at any
given second. My eyes were affixed on the floor. I couldn’t look at Bam. The noise, his rambling, finally
ceased.
"Aren’t you happy for me?" I stood in silence, my gaze still situated on the floor. "Ville?" He voiced my
name almost frantically. I could sense he wanted my approval desperately. "Are you okay? You don’t look
so good." I stood up straighter and my eyes drifted to Bam’s.
That there is a comfort in a world where darkness is the only thing we see
And cold is all we have to breathe
"Why do you think I proposed to Jonna?" Bam’s expression was now stern, serious, confused. Dark and
clouded. I couldn’t read his thoughts or how he felt.
"Because you are in love with her. Because you want to spend the rest of your life with her." His tone
was monotonous, yet questioning.
"Wrong." I must have suddenly sprouted four heads because that would be the only way to explain why Bam
looked at me in such a way. "Bam, I’m not in love with Jonna. She’s just a cover up because I’m in love
with a man. Love isn’t something I can control or stop. I’ve tried. And I’ve given up." Bam looked at me
and furrowed his brow.
"Oh. May I ask who?"
"What if I don’t want to tell you?"
"Then don’t."
"Do you care?"
"Of course."
"Do you want me to tell you?"
"Well if you don’t want to.."
"You."
"Me?!"
"Yes."
"You mean you’re.."
"Yes."
"Why didn’t you ever tell me?!"
"I figured it would ruin our friendship. You’re straight."
Bam closed the distance between us by approaching me and cupping my cheek roughly in his hand. Hurt
danced through the blue in his eyes.
"Why didn’t you ever fucking tell me?!" Bam shrieked.
"I told you."
"Why now?! I’m getting engaged, Ville!" He yelled this in my face as he let go of my cheek and walked
about looking extremely upset and distraught. He ran his hands through his brown locks. I swear he was on
the brim of enraged tears.
"If I’d known this-" He seemed to stop himself and let out a frustrated groan. "Why couldn’t you see?!"
His words were gentle but his tone was sharp, furious and cutting.
"See what?" Bam let out another frustrated sigh as if I was supposed to know what he was talking about,
as if I was supposed to know how to react.
"Why didn’t you tell me?!"
I didn’t know what he wanted me to say so I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want him screaming at me. I
shouldn’t have told him. Or I should have told him ages ago. I guess I picked the absolute worst moment.
Good job, Ville. Good fucking job. I almost patted myself on the back sarcastically as I walked
away from him.
And this concludes my journey to the doorstep of Castle Bam.
After Ville left the room, Bam collapsed in a chair at the kitchen table with his rough hands supporting
his head. "I love you." He whispered harshly to no one. He took his engagement ring and flung it across
the room. "I always have loved you. You shitass."
---
comments = never before seen footage of ville and bam doing it! in the shower. nakeddd! food for this starving artist.
A/N: if you know the song i used, you'll notice it's not finished. i was originally planning to write a second part to this story in which the last lyrics would fit in but decided against it since i liked how it ended. get it? got it? good.
<333.