Sweet Valley High #134: Happily Ever After
Ok, here we are, without further ado, the final book in the Chateau d' Amour Collection...
Angst! Drama! Tears! Horses! You name it, this book has it.
Cover:
Ritey oh, the cover. Laurent & Liz, prancing around in a field. Just to settle any doubts, they are NOT getting married, not even a quick one (though I'm sure in RL they would have plenty of quick ones but, moving on). The grass is super green, isn't it. Damn pixelated covers! And Laurent looks fugly! And sappy. Eww, least Todd Punch is somewhat manly, sometimes. I am liking her dress though. Least she's ditched the matching barrettes and clothing thing. although it's probably a white hair bobble she has in somewhere (tradition is oh so important to those of, ahem, noble breeding, doncha know).
First two recaps can be found here and here, for those who, like me, forget what the fuck has happened in these arcs (although I should be able to guess by now, with the originality possessed by the ghostwriters in these books - how many sexy boyfriends has Jessica had now? And Elizabeth affairs?).
We left our brave heroines locked up in a mouldy old dungeon, accused of stealing the Countess' family heirloom and shamelessly displaying it at the tableau (like even Jessica would be that thick)! They are already fighting, as Liz is moaning about how it wasn't her idea to come to France, it was all Jessica's fault (very true) and we get a plot summary so far. Despite being locked up and accused of theft, Jessica still manages to accuse Liz of being a boyfriend stealer (of Laurent from Antonia), because Liz dares to suggest Jacques is the real thief. Liz cries and we get a nice, standardised twin description (yawn). Jessica thinks about how Liz should have prevented this by saving her as usual; 'sometimes she even thought her sister liked to swoop in and save the day.' Of course she does, Jessica, how else would she get her kicks? Rereading her poetry entries? Liz tries to break the chains off the wall (???) whereas Jessica tries a much more patented Wakefield trick and flirts with the wizened old guard who's outside. She tells him he has muscly arms, but unfortunately he doesn't fall for it and her eyelash batting just doesn't work. So, they pin their hopes on Laurent for rescue, even though Laurent at this time is dancing round the ballroom with Antonia. He's thinking wistfully of Liz, and how beautiful she is. How about some thoughts of rescue, big guy. He does think about how he should go and see her, but instead all he can do is dance with the bitch and fantasise about a life with Elizabeth. He somehow manages to deposit Antonia with the Countess, in the end, and tries to rush off to find his beloved.
Meanwhile, Laurent's siblings have been busy. While he was playing the dutiful son, they've snuck down to the dungeons to attempt rescue. The mean old guard won't let them in to see the twins, however, so Claudine pretends to have a splinter, and when the guard turns round they push him into his chair and tie him up with a rope, and put a sock in his mouth. It's bad that three children have more balls than one so called prince. Anyways, the kids steal the keys to the cell, and open the door. They urge the twins to escape, even though this will make them look more guilty than before, and they decide to find Jacques to clear their names. Still in their ragged old clothes, they make their way across the Chateau lawn and run into the surrounding woods. However, they stop to rest, as they don't think they're being followed and Liz gets a bee on her bonnet completely about running away because Laurent will think badly of her (like he's done SO much for you up 'til now, Liz) and she guilt trips Jessica into going back to the Chateau by reminding her of all the things she's done for her over the years. Classic examples include competing in Jessica's colour wars at camp, and the day at school in All Night Long. Jessica threatens murder if they get caught, and they go back. Between Liz and Laurent, maybe they could grow a ball between them! Jess moans all the way back (I don't blame her) about going back for some 'drippy prince' (she's got the measure of him alright) and Liz accuses Jessica of nagging. Pot and kettle black I think. Anyway, so they go and peer into the ballroom windows (stupidly) and see Laurent whirling Antonia around the floor. Liz cries, as expected (and thinks about scratching Antonia's eyes out - may the best girl win). The children turn up like bad pennies again and Claudine rushes off whilst Pierre dances with Liz round the lawn. Jessica and Manon join in. Honestly, isn't someone supposed to be looking after the kids as the twins are supposedly locked up. I guess that's Royal parenting for you!
Laurent wants to leave the ballroom, but he can't escape because of all the media attention on him, plus his dad will kill him if he does. Oh, grow a pair, Laurent! So, he dejectedly shuffles back to Antonia, thinking about, how, someday, when he has grown a pair, he will be free, free I tell you, to do what he pleases with Elizabeth firmly clamped to his side! Claudine goes and tells Laurent that Liz is waiting for him outside. Laurent then tells Antonia that Manon has been sick and he has to go and clean up (honestly, what are servants for, eh) so Antonia reluctantly lets him go (little does she know that scummy American is waiting outside - bad move, Ant).
Jacques and Louis are at supper. Louis is berating Jacques for not bringing the emerald back to pay off their shady client, but he won't listen to Jacques' declaration of love for Jessica. Jacques gives up and thinks how much Jessica will hate him if she ever found out the truth. Well, too late Jacky old boy, she knows and, believe me, she's not going to be happy with you when she finds you!
Liz is getting all lighthearted over dancing with Pierre - basically, she's perving on a 6 year old because he reminds of Laurent. The the real Laurent appears and she dumps Pierre for him. Laurent then proceeds to dance Liz around the lawn (guess that's the cover pic) despite the fact they are right in front of the ballroom windows, Jessica and the kids are there AND the twins are on the run! Afterwards, Laurent tells Liz he knows they didn't steal the emerald, but he is still going to have to marry Antonia. Just as things start to get mushy, who appears but the battleship herself, the Countess, and screams for the guards. Jessica grabs Liz and they run into the forest again but not before Laurent pleads with her to come back. Bless. In the forest, regardless of the fact the twins are definitely being followed this time, Liz tells Jess all about the strong connection between her and Prince Charming, and how he does love her, really! Enough to let you go and let the guards chase you then Liz. Even Todd would have swung a punch! Anyway so they continue to walk through the woods, determined to get to town and find Jacky boy, so he can clear their names. However, Liz chooses an opportune moment to twist her ankle. She refuses to walk any further and Jess decides to make a camp for the night. So, like sitting ducks, they build a shelter from twigs and curl up together to sit the night out.
Meanwhile, Laurent is being forced to listen to the Countess' indignant ravings about the twins.She accuses Laurent of setting the twins free, and then threatens to whip the younger children when she learns it was them. Laurent decides enough is enough, especially when he learns Antonia is waiting for him at the ball, and he refuses to go back. Instead, he finally grows a pubic hair (just one, mind you) and tells his father, "Father, you are so anxious for me to be a man. But I will never be a man if I don't act now. I'm sorry but I'm going to find the twins." Then he takes Pardallion and gallops off into the night. Yay. I can even spot a chest hair!
Jacques has decided to return to the Chateau as he can't sleep. He feels something is wrong with Jessica. Is he a doppelganger in disguise? That twin intuition again mayhap? He decides to steal a horse and ride there. He is having perverted thoughts about Jessica being so grateful for his heroic rescuing of her from whatever danger she may be in, she'll give him the emerald back, even though he might suggest a tussle for it first, wink wink nudge nudge. Nice. Then he sees a rider on a large white horse heading his way, who is of course Laurent. He recognises him, and stops him, hoping to get some information on the twins whereabouts. Laurent doesn't know who Jacques is, of course, and quite freely tells him that the twins were accused of theft and thrown into the dungeon, escaped and ran off into the forest, never to be seen again (or not yet, anyway). He wonders briefly why Jacques turns so pale, but then Jacques offers to help search for them, and Laurent gratefully accepts. Jacques knows he has to somehow lose Laurent though, so he won't find out about the the emerald's true thief, so he suggests Laurent go back to the Chateau in case they've gone back for some insane reason, while he searches the woods. So, off Laurent goes, and Jacques sets off into the woods.
At dawn, Liz wakes up and sees her ankle has swollen up. Where's The Ultimate Guide to Hiking when you need it, eh! Elizabeth starts whining, and Jessica acts as the responsible and resourceful twin (which we all know she is really, anyway, with the amount of times she's saved Liz's arse from REAL danger - here, here, here and here spring to mind) and she makes Liz a cane out of a few sticks to lean on. They manage to (slowly) make their way to the drawbridge, which is unguarded, and go into town. Jessica declares war on Jacques and determines to find him and kick his ass from here to next year, but Liz then has a go at her about trusting a stranger (ERM, hello, Elizabeth. Do the names Prince Laurent, John Marin, and Luke Shephard mean anything to you?) and they bicker, then have a tender making up moment. I don't know why I added that except to get a snark in about Liz's previous love history, and I'm sure I missed a LOT of names from that list! Anyway, so they go round all the local inns asking for a Jacques Landeau (how many local inns are there going to be in a small town anyway?) but to no avail. As they go to leave one inn, who should appear in the doorway but the man himself. Jessica for some reason refuses to be hugged by him, I wonder why, and demands an explanation. Aww, shucks, I was hoping for some fisticuffs! Jacques finally admits to the twins that his name isn't Landeau and he isn't the son of a Duke, which finally seems to register in Jessica's brain and she gets all horrified. Jacques tries to avoid a scene and takes them both up his room (oh-er) where Jessica feels like scratching his eyes out or something. However, he orders breakfast, which mollifies both twins for a while, and wins Liz over by talking about Laurent, and when he says he felt Jessica was in danger, she softens up as well. Gee, they're forgiving aren't they. Being locked up, having no food, having to run away (on a twisted ankle) and sleep in a forest, and he's forgiven on the basis of breakfast and conversation. Sigh!! Anyhoo, Jacques tells them his real last name is Savant and he and Louis are jewel thieves professional! Jess gets a bit of her spark back and goes for him, but he holds her until she gives up, and tells them a sob story about how his father used to be a greengrocer and his mother was a seamstress, who had rich clients. However, she became ill, and none of her so called friends would help pay for the treatment. She died, Louis became bitter (and poor) and resolved to be a Robin Hood type figure, stealing from those who had too much (and keeping it for himself). He asks for the twins' forgiveness, as it is the only way of life he has known for a long time, and says he has already decided that he will set his father up somewhere nice to live out his old age, and work an honest living from now on. The emerald was like the last theft. Hah, yeah, right. Once a thief, always a thief! Jacques then says he will give himself up for the twins' sake, and at that Jessica forgives him. He then goes to get the diamond necklace stolen from Antonia. Liz cries as she realises how lucky she is to have two loving parents (bless - wasn't that way a few books ago, was it). Jacques then bursts back in, saying Louis has done a runner with the necklace to pay off their debt. Jessica instantly wants to run out of the country, back to Sweet Valley with Jacques as well, as without the necklace they have no evidence, but Liz stops her with sensible reasons like no money or clothes. Always a good point. They then leave the inn to go back to the Chateau to declare their innocence, and Jacques' guilt.
Laurent, in the meantime, went back to the Chateau and, upon finding the twins weren't there, went to bed. He has his priorities straight all right. His parents summon him to their chambers, and Prince Nicolas tells him upon no account are the twins innocent and he was right in not trusting those darned Americans! Laurent sticks up for Elizabeth and lays the blame on Jessica, saying Liz just may have been oblivious to the fact her sister stole the emerald. Oooh, burn! Liz would hang him for that, if she knew. His parents won't accept that, however, and Prince Nicolas gets even more angry because the Countess is threatening to cause a scandal if the twins aren't caught soon. Laurent stands firm (I see a second hair emerging), and declares their - no, wait, Elizabeth's innocence in the matter. However, Nicolas blackmails him into marrying Antonia by saying he will ensure the Countess does not prosecute the twins as long as Laurent marries her daughter, and all Laurent's new found hairs shrivel up and die as he agrees. Ha, if only he knew the twins can sort themselves out, thank you very much! Even though he tries to justify it as he is throwing away his life to save Elizabeth, I'm not buying it. He's a prince he could just free her again. It's really because the Countess is some big shot politician and everyone's worried she'll cause some sort of war if he refuses. But anyway, Laurent gets all emo and thinks about how noble he's being in giving up his life to save hers. Then he realises they haven't actually been found yet!!! Noooo! However, this doesn't stop him giving Antonia an engagement ring and preparing to announce their betrothal to the world at a press conference. All for honour and duty. Oh joy! So he goes to the conference and announces their impending marriage, when who should come limping out of the woods but Liz, Jess and Jacques. You mean they made Liz walk on her supposed nearly broken ankle? Nice one!
The whole crowd turns and stares. Liz thinks they are telling the world about the twins' so called guilt, but then it becomes apparent that, no, the world does not revolve around them, and Laurent is in fact engaged to Antonia. Antonia then lifts up her engagement ring and wiggles it around in a clear 'I won, you bitch' gesture. Heh, handbags at dawn! Liz doesn't understand why he Laurent has thrown their love away for a life with Antonia. Jacques strides to the podium and declares the twins' innocence and his part in the matter. The guards drag him away as Jessica runs screaming to the stage. The Countess is annoyed because it turns out it wasn't those pesky Americans after all. Jacques is taken to the dungeon and locked in, where he sits on his cot and cries. Back outside, Laurent is also annoyed, because it now means he is engaged to Antonia for no reason, and it's too humiliating to back out now. Idiot male! He watches Liz limp off into the Chateau and mopes about being stuck with Antonia. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT THEN YOU SPINELESS WIMP!! Laurent has to attend a betrothal dinner, and as Antonia's whining in his ear becomes more persistent, he makes up his mind not to marry her. He goes and tells his parents he does not love Antonia, and won't marry her, they are plenty mad, but then when he throws the fact that Prince Nicolas married Catherine for love, he has to soften. Nicolas apologises to Laurent for trying to force him into marriage, and says he hopes the Countess will not be too angry. However, the battleaxe has been listening at the door, and bursts in shouting. Nicolas tells her to get lost, and she huffs out, stating the matter is by no means resolved. Yay, Laurent has at least one chest hair back.
Jess goes and has a shower and visits Jacques in the dungeon. She tries to persuade him to incriminate Louis to get a lighter sentence, but Jacques refuses and says he will serve life in prison if only to protect his dad.
The next morning, Liz is resting in her room. Pierre comes in and says how he wants her to marry Laurent, as he hates Antonia. They are interrupted by the Countess, who comes in and firstly apologises for accusing the twins. Say what! She then tells Liz about Laurent's choice to absolve the engagement to Antonia, and the reason why he agreed to it in the first place. She implies that, if Laurent doesn't marry Antonia, it will mean bad blood between the two governments, and how bad it would be to be the cause of an international incident, such as a trade war. If Laurent's 'distraction' were to be removed, he would then marry Antonia and all this unpleasantness could be avoided. The Countess leaves and Liz decides that she needs to flee the country so Laurent will marry Antonia. She gets Gaston, the chauffeur, to take her to the train station, and boards the next train back to the airport. Poor Liz, I wonder how much the weight of the world actually does weigh!
Laurent, oblivious to this, is practising asking Liz to marry him. Marry him? Christ, I understood why he wanted to get out of marrying the witch but why on earth is he rushing in feet first into another marriage to a girl he's known all of, what, three weeks! Pierre rushes in and tells him of the Countess' threat to cause an international incident, and how Liz has ran away. Laurent runs to the stables and grabs Pardallion (can he not drive?) and rides to the station in an attempt to get Liz to come back. Liz is looking out of the train window when she sees a rider coming up the line. She has time to think, 'what kind of idiot would ride a horse up next to a train,' before she clocks that it's Laurent. He shouts, "I love you, Elizabeth," through the window, still galloping alongside the train (must be a bloody slow train) and suddenly he jumps from the horse through the (open?) door and demands the train be stopped. He goes to Liz and they kiss in front of everyone (get a room) and then he gets on one knee and proposes!!!!!! She doesn't give an answer, and he leads her off the train and back to Pardallion (who hasn't escaped or anything, very conveniently) and they go back to the Chateau.
Meanwhile, Jessica's been busy. She puts the children to bed for their nap, and heads down into the dungeon to visit Jacques. She throws some am drams at the guard about how she's never going to see Jacques again, and pleads to be let into the cell. He eventually agrees, and opens it. She throws herself at the guard, knocking him off balance, and Jacques makes a run for it. However, he gets caught by two other guards, who throw him back into jail and tell Jessica if they ever see her down there again, they will lock her up, too. Way to go, Jess! She goes to Laurent to plead for Jacques' release, and he tells her he's got his hands tied - it's bad enough Liz nearly ran away and the Countess has threatened international war, let alone letting a petty thief out of jail. Jess is all like, "OMG Liz RAN AWAY!!" because she's been so wrapped up in herself she didn't even notice and Laurent says if there is any way to help Jacques, he will.
Liz is imagining her new life as the Princess Elizabeth, thinking of all the plusses - the travel, the language, the love - but then it occurs to her that, if she fulfilled her dream of being a writer, everyone would buy her books because she was famous (just how big is this kingdom, anyway), not because she was any good. Well, I hate to break it to you, Liz, but 1bruce1 has decided you're crap anyway so at least this way you might make some money. She grabs her diary and rereads through it, her hopes and fears and dreams and of course her true lurve for Todd (and Jeffrey. And Luke. And Joey. And...ahem, anyway). Then of course her twinniness with Jess kicks in as well and she doesn't know what to do!
During the night, Louis sneaks into the Chateau and wakes Laurent up. He has come to swap places with Jacques, and set him free. He tells Laurent the story about the wife and the clients and how she died and he became a bitter thief. Laurent takes pity on him, and decides he doesn't want either Louis or Jacques to rot in a prison cell. Then it occurs to him that the perfect revenge upon the Countess would be if they both disappeared, and she couldn't prosecute anyone for the thefts. He tells Louis, and gives him some money, and Louis gives the diamond necklace back. They go to the dungeon, Laurent distracts the guard while Louis vows to Jacques to never steal again and they sneak out. Jacques leaves a letter for Jessica and kisses it, and they leave forever. How fucking unbelievable is the last paragraph (let alone the entire plot but anyway). As if the Prince would do that! Arghh!!
Jessica wakes up the next morning all happy to go and see Jacques, even if she has to force her way past the guards. However, the cell in empty and unguarded. She reads the note, which is soppy and starts with, 'I will always love you,' and determies to keep the note for the rest of her life in memory of her one true love (of many). Meanwhile, the Countess causes holy hell when she realises Jacques has escaped, and severely pisses Prince Nicolas off when she suggests he and Laurent are liars.He then tells her to leave the Chateau as soon as possible, much to her outrage, and she actually says it's a good thing their royal houses aren't to be joined after all. Yay. So the horrible old hag packs up and leaves, taking the witch with her.
Laurent and Liz go for a walk along the shore, and she turns his marriage proposal down, stating that she couldn't leave her life in Sweet Valley behind, not to mention Jessica. I hope Jessica appreciates it (I bet she doesn't). Laurent is less than amused - after all the trouble he went to - but she refuses to budge and he has to accept it. They declare eternal love and friendship, and kiss passionately before the chapter ends.
We now rejoin the twins on their journey home. Liz is all mopey thinking of Laurent and what she's leaving behind (more fool her) and then she gets all emo about Todd as well. Jessica confesses about the burnt letter, all the way back in book one, and, instead of getting angry, Liz bursts into tears. She then justifies Jessica doing it by saying if she hadn't, she wouldn't have allowed herself to love Laurent, and Jess is off the hook again. Sigh!! The we skip to the Sweet Valley beach, where Todd and Lizzie are yet again walking along hand in hand. Yes, they;re back together folks! Who didn't see that one coming. Hands up, now! Haha, turns out that Prince Laurent breaking his engagement to Antonia was all over the news in Cali, but nobody knows who the mystery girl was. Liz doesn't let on (yet another secret for the closet - what a basis to build a relationship on) and just says she doesn't know anything about it. They kiss and Liz feels truly back at home. At Casa Wakefield, Jess is alone and thinking about Jacques - knowing that, someday, they'll meet again.
The End!