Sweet Valley High #136: Too Hot to Handle
Sweet Valley High #136: Too Hot to Handle
Yeah, that's the same image of Devon used on the cover of Earthquake. No expense spared in Sweet Valley High land.
We open in the kitchen where the WHAT THE FUCK? is happening. Lila is kissing Steven! Steven is kissing Lila! What the fuck?! Liz thinks, “It's like a scene from a horrible soap opera.” Or a horrible book series. Take your pick.
In Lila's POV, we learn she manages to forget her horrible situation while kissing Steven, because his arms are around her and making her feel secure or some such. Anyway, when the kiss ends it all comes flooding back and she starts to cry. She thinks that her parents have abandoned her and Steven is all she has.
Oh, Lila. I feel so sorry for her. Don't you just want to cuddle her and take her home with you?
Liz forces Jessica to go upstairs and talk. Jessica is really pissed off. She thinks friends dating brothers should be illegal and she is actually pissed at Lila. She complains “after all she's done” for Lila, that this is the thanks she gets. Oh, shut up Jessica, it's not always all about you. She wants to go downstairs and rip them apart. But Liz says they can't. Not because it's mean or none of their business but because Lila and Steven are both so “headstrong,” if they do that it'll make them want to be together more.
No one considers that Lila (and Steven, to a lesser degree) has just had really traumatic experience and might be clinging to whatever affection she can get while her weird parents are away on some island? Any port in a storm.
Anyway, later at the D.A.'s office, Steven thinks about Lila. He makes a list (essentially a pro and con list) about if she's guilty or not guilty. I love that he still thinks she set the fire and yet he's mackin' on her. The D.A., Joe, phones him and yells at him because Steven hasn't provided a motive for Lila setting the house on fire yet. He shouts that she is guilty (so much for that until proven so thing), and complains that Steven isn't doing good work. Joe thought Steven would be more “serious” about the internship. Jesus, Joe, maybe if you didn't have a just one college kid working on your top case, you'd get your desired results faster. All I'm saying.
In history class, Jessica notices a dreamy look on Lila's face and see she's doodling hearts on her notebook. She thinks she's going to throw up. Ditto. She attacks Lila after class and demands to know what is going on. Lila points out that Jessica didn't mind when Steven dated Cara, but now somehow it's a crime for friends to date brothers (Wakefield, 0; Fowler, 1). Jessica insists they are not similar at all, and starts pointing out all of Steven's bad habits. He wears socks with holes, he eats chili straight from the can, he has burping contests. Steven is gross. But we knew this already.
Lila says Steven is the only one who is there for her. Jessica is like “What about me? I took you shopping?” Lila says she doesn't need new clothes she needs to feel safe. (Wakefield, 0, Fowler, 2) Instead of crying “Oh Lila! I'm so sorry! You're clearly having such a hard time!” Jessica switches into sociopath mode and says they can't be friends while Lila is dating Steven. Way to abandon your best friend in her time of need, Jess.
That night, Steven and Lila snuggle at the pool house. He asks her to make a list of her enemies. This is the list: 1) Della, a maid she fired for trying on her clothes (who wouldn't want to try on Lila's clothes?!), 2) Greta, a cook Lila fired because her food was “ghastly”, 3) Joan Borden, the gold digger who almost married her father. Steven innocently asks if Joan might blame Lila for breaking up her and George for some reason. Lila proudly replies that she did break them up. Steven, naturally, is like “Holy shit, you're awesome, Lila Fowler.”
Lila also lists some students at SVH who are “jealous” of her (including Enid Rollins and Bruce Patman) and about half a dozen old boyfriends, which includes Bo and John Pfeifer (boo!) Steven asks if any of them would hurt her physically. Lila stiffens. She knows who has already tried to hurt her physically (hiss) but she doesn't want to talk about that with Steven now that they're getting snuggly.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why D.A. interns who are, for some reason, doing the job of a police investigator, are not supposed to get romantically involved with the victims. Seriously it's in the D.A. Interns Who Are, for Some Reason, Doing Police Work Handbook but the SVH D.A. is so crappy they never gave it to Steven.
Steven, sensing this might be important, pressures Lila to tell him what happened with John (growl!). She tells him and it is sad. If I do say so myself, my recap was funnier. Lila says she was all alone then, like she is now. And she cries, afraid of John still. I tear up a little too. Steven asks if John was ever arrested (good question, Steven!) and Lila says no (another job well done, SVH police) but he's a lonely outcast now. No one talks to him.
Steven thinks that might be one of those motive things!
After checking out the fired help and Joan Borden (she's in Spain, married to her second wealthy husband since dating George), Steven heads to Sweet Valley High and accosts Elizabeth for information about John (snarl!). Liz says he still works for the Oracle and he spends most of his time in the office there. When not working on the sports articles, he surfs “the Internet.” The Internet! But someone left Steven an incriminating “Web page”! it must be John (boo!) who printed the “Web page.” I mean, there are so few people on this strange “Internet.” Steven wants to snoop around the Oracle office and Liz agrees to let him in during a Big Mesa game John (hiss!) is covering.
Then Liz tells Steven that John is innocent until he's proven guilty (tell that to the DA, Liz). And she is annoyed that Steven is checking up on this lead. She heard the DA thinks Lila did it so she wants Steven to be more careful around Lila and stop wasting his time persecuting rapists when he could be persecuting harmless rich girls! She reminds him that Billie and he were perfect but Lila is a bitch. Steven shouts at her and storms off. I'm totally on Steven's side here. (In fact, I just finished giving Liz the finger, which is my very mature way of dealing with fictional characters who annoy me.)
The next day, Liz shows Steven around the Oracle office. Liz thinks that Steven's suspicions make her uncomfortable. Steven is violating John (hiss!)'s privacy. But then, sharing an office with a rapist doesn't seem to make her uncomfortable so who is she to judge? Steven notices that all the printouts are off-center, as was his “Web page.” And Liz says that's because there's something wrong with their printer. Steven is like “a-ha!” but his triumph is short-lived because when they turn around, John (ack!) is at the door glaring at them.
John (jeer!) tells Steven he can't go through his stuff without a search warrant. Again, not a law expert but I'm pretty sure if you leave your shit lying around in a public place, no one needs a search warrant to go through it. John says Lila is a bored, spoiled, rich girl and if Steven knows what's good for him, he'll stay away from her. Because she ruins everything.
To the contrary, jerkwad! After re-reading this series, I find a little Lila Fowler makes everything better, you asshole/arsonist/rapist. (I refrained from giving him the finger, are you proud?)
At the pool house, Lila is happy. She is starting to feel like herself again. She bought some china and linens and set a table for dinner. Steven comes bounding in for their dinner date all excited about his recent discovery. He shows Lila the “Web page” and another print out from the Oracle office. He tells her he found it on John's desk. Lila reels. She thinks about the night she was almost raped and then about the night she almost died in the fire. She starts to cry again. Steven assures her he's going to show this “evidence” to the D.A. tomorrow and it will all be over soon. They set a date to celebrate this weekend. (Steven sure is stupid. Obviously this print out points to John. But it's not open and shut. There are plenty of other people who could use that computer.)
Lila proudly shows Steven what she has prepared for dinner that night: cavier, pate and some fancy cheese stuff. Steven is not into it and says he'll try but jokes that if doesn't like it, he'll call Guido's for pizza. Lila is hurt by this attitude. She did all that work!!
Meanwhile, Liz is studying in her room but she is worried. She heard the venom in John (hate!)'s voice today when he spoke about Lila. So now she's worried about Steven. Yeah, Steven is the one he wants to rape and murder. She tells Jessica what happened. Jess says John is slime! RIGHT! But Liz is like, no, no. He said Lila ruins people's lives. And then she starts saying what if John didn't really try to rape Lila? She says Lila once shop lifted (in Sweet Valley Twins), and she lied about that counselor saying he tried to rape her. Liz thinks Lila set the fire because she lashes out at anyone who tries to help/love her. Jessica, once again making it all about her, decides that Lila is trying to “get back at her” by dating Steven.
But then, just as I'm about to give Jessica the finger too, she shakes her head and says no. She says Lila loves Fowler Crest and she loves all her clothes. She didn't start the fire. But, still, she doesn't want Lila dating Steven. So they decide they're going to keep Lila and Steven apart this weekend. Lila hates being neglected (especially when her parents are randomly away and her best friend won't speak to her because she's a bitch) and she'll freak out if she thinks Steven is ignoring her. Then Steven will see how crazy she is and they'll break up! The twins congratulate themselves on their great plan, which is totally perfect if you don't consider the fact that it might really give Lila a fucking mental breakdown.
I knew Jessica was a sociopath, but Liz, I think you got it too.
Steven goes to D.A. Joe and presents his precious “Web pages.” Joe understandably thinks this is crappy evidence. He thinks Lila printed it out herself. Then he tells Steven if he can't stay objective, he's going to take him off the case. What I want to know is why he ever put Steven on the case in the first place.
At lunch the next day, Lila gushes about Steven to all the girls. Jessica thinks Lila shouldn't be allowed to sit with them (at the cheerleader table) since Lila isn't a cheerleader. She thinks she was allowed before because Lila was her friend. But maybe she's friends with some of the other cheerleaders too, Jess, ever think of that? All the other girls like hearing about Lila and Steven. They're happy for her. I hate to point this out, Jessica, but Amy Sutton is being a better person than you right now. And she made Regina Morrow's heart explode.
Liz is on a date with Todd at the Dairi Burger. Jess shows up and announces that Lila is out to get her, just like Liz said. Jessica is pissed Lia dare be out with Todd when she was supposed to be keeping Steven away from Lila. Liz says Steven is working late at the D.A. office. He's staying away from Lila all on his own!
The next night, Lila waits for Steven at the pool house and worries about the case. She wants it all to be over soon. Lila actually went shopping for a nice dress and got spa treatments to get ready for the date. This cheers me because last book she was wearing jeans, so she seems to be getting back to her old self. Except Steven is late. She calls Casa Wakefield to inquire about his whereabouts and Jessica cruelly tells her that Steven went back to SVU and Billie the Girl. But Lila is too smart to fall for that. And soon Steven calls and says he's sorry he's late. He's called the restaurant to extend their reservation. But he needs her to come pick him up at Casa Wakefield. He can't find his keys. Steven apologizes for the mix up. He has a spare set of keys but those were missing too. How odd!
Steven tells Lila that the talk with D.A. Joe didn't go well. She correctly assumes she is still the number one suspect. He tells her he'll keep trying. Lila wants to know why he canceled their date yesterday (when he was working late). He tells her the D.A. thinks their relationship is compromising his objectivity. She gets huffy and says he's going to abandon her. “I'm used to being abandoned. It's the story of my life,” she says. Oh, Lila. He says he won't abandon her, but they have to be discreet. She doesn't like that either. She wants to know if he wants her to wear a bag over her head when they're out in public. Lila storms off to the ladies' room, upset.
Suddenly, something crashes through the window of the restaurant and the place is engulfed in flames. The sprinklers go off on all the diners. Steven, frantically, looks for Lila but cannot find her.
Lila is lost in the restaurant by herself and freaking out. She finally finds Steven and asks him what is going on. He tells her it was a fire. Someone threw a homemade bomb through the window.
Then the police approach them. They say they found some suspicious items in Lila's Lime Green Triumph (and, here I am going to ask where they got a search warrant for that?). They found stuff for making a bomb in her car. Of course, her car is a convertible so it wouldn't be very hard for someone to put it there. Also, kinda hard for her to throw a bomb into the restaurant from outside when she was inside. But whatever, the police don't care about that shit.
They arrest Lila. As they cuff her Lila thinks “I'm totally alone” and cries.
Steven watches the whole thing in his wet clothes and vows, silently, to help her. But then, like a jerk, he starts to wonder if Lila had enough time to get outside and throw the bomb when she went to the bathroom. He starts to think John Pfeifer (boo!) was right to warn him about her.
Dear Steven: You drove to the restaurant with Lila. Did you see fertilizer and bomb making material in the car then? No. Don't you find that kinda suspicious?
God, everyone in Sweet Valley is a moron.
Back to Devon and his cross-country Harley ride (which I can't imagine is really comfortable). He tells us in his POV that he's been doing math in his head to calculate his gas mileage and he's always right. He thinks doing math calms him down. Whatever, Devon, I don't care about your math skillz anymore than your dead parents did.
In the recap of the situation we learn his father, unnamed in the previous book, was James Allan Whitelaw III (ever notice how everyone pretentious in SV is the third of something? Devon's father, Bo, Peter Wilbourne... How do they all get to be the third if there is no second?) Anyway, I digress. Devon will get half of his $20 million trust fund now, if he finds a guardian, and the other half when he turns 21. Otherwise he just gets it all at 21. It doesn't seem that bad really. If he finds searching for a guardian so distasteful he could just get a job and wait it out. But, no, there are no jobs in Sweet Valley. We want our money free and easy.
He stops at a motel and demands a room to the nice counter lady. He's rude to her when she says check in isn't until later. And she totally tells him off which was awesome. So he apologizes but then she relents and gives in a lets him have a place to sleep for a few hours, which is not as awesome. He thinks she reminds him of his old Nanny (which is not condescending at all, poor little rich boy!). He loved his nanny. Except, then he bitterly reminds himself that she was paid to take care of him. And all anyone wants from him is his money. Ugh, Devon, you are so whiny.
He reminds us he's going to Las Vegas to find his Uncle Pete. Seems Uncle Pete was the black sheep of the family and the gossip mill suggests he was “a card shark, a loan shark and a shark with the ladies.” Devon's (stupid) reasoning for going to him is that he tried the people who were supposed to be nice already so now he hopes for better results from the assholes of the family. Oh, good planning, Devon. I hates him.
Devon arrives in Vegas and goes looking for Uncle Pete. His number is unpublished. He randomly asks people at bars and casinos if they know Pete Whitelaw and surprisingly, considering how many bars and casinos there are in Las Vegas, a lot of people do know him. They know him because he owes them money. At the Starscape casino, the floor manager takes Devon into his office after hearing he was asking about Pete. Turns out Pete is in the high roller room at this particular casino, and the manager actually takes him to him instead of just telling him to get lost.
Pete doesn't believe Devon is really his nephew, considering they've never met. So he quizzes him on family trivia. Turns out the noble story of how the family made its money during the Civil War (supplying abolitionists) is a total crock. They made their money bootlegging during Prohibition. I feel like Pete is only telling this story because there was never a 'Whitelaws of Sweet Valley' book. (Francine is cursing the loss of those royalty checks.)
Devon doesn't tell Pete about the money, but for some reason Pete decides to keep him around. First order of business? Get Devon a fake ID. He's only seventeen so he can't drink or gamble! I get the impression the ghost writer wants us to think this is terrible parenting and for us to be shocked, shocked! But honestly, I've seen the Sweet Valley parenting skills. Lila's family abandoned her to live on some remote island, while she's being attacked by a crazy arsonist (boo). In comparison, I think letting Devon try the penny slots is pretty darn acceptable.
Pete and Devon joke and generally get on fine, expect for the lying about why he's there and all. When Devon says he can't pay for a room, Pete says he wouldn't take Whitelaw money (but I'm sure he'd change his tune if it were $20 million) Anyway, a strange, beautiful woman shows up. She clearly knows Pete but Pete hustles Devon out of there. We are meant to be intrigued, which I can tell because the story then cuts back to Lila. Joke's on you, ghost writer, I don't really care at all! Ha!
Devon and Pete go to his apartment which is “swanky.” Pete makes a comment that, “Everywhere you look there's a mark just waiting to be made.” Devon wonders if Pete might be some kind of con-man. Gee, ya think?! No wonder Devon's parents never noticed he got good grades, he's busy being a complete moron outside of school.
Pete says he can't cheat the casinos but he can use the “calculator in his head” to beat average joes at card games. Devon is like “I have a calculator in my head too! Can I help make money to earn my way?!” I'm ready to smack him for being the single dumbest character in Sweet Valley High history (which includes Todd) when Pete says no, he doesn't want Devon doing that. But there is something else Devon can help him with! Pete then gives Devon the sob story about how he has everything he wants except a woman, Linda, who he wanted to marry. What a coincidence, but she was that woman they saw earlier. Pete says it was very painful to see her. Devon thinks he's uncle is actually a softie! He agrees to help Pete win Linda back.
The next morning, Devon wakes up and thinks he might soon start the paper work to make Pete his guardian. Riiiiight. At breakfast, he tells Pete he's going to try to enroll in the local high school. Pete doesn't think he needs that fancy book learnin'! He's smart enough already! Devon's ego is stroked. Someone recognizes how smart he is! Pete has a “gift” he wants to give to Linda. Devon volunteers to deliver it. See how smart he is?
Later, Devon plays craps with his new fake ID. (The ghostwriter tells us that Devon bought a book about casino games because he didn't want to “appear ignorant.” I nearly choke on my Pepsi.) He spots Linda playing the slots and heads after her. He follows her to another hotel. In the elevator together, he tries to think what to say when she asks why he's following her. He tries to give her the box, but she doesn't want it. Finally he convinces her to open it. It's a watch. She says money can't buy love and tells him to get lost.
Devon meets up with Pete and tells him what happened. He thinks Pete should send Linda poems and singing telegrams and romantic stuff saying he loves her. Pete thinks that's kid stuff, but agrees to consider sending flowers. They go to dinner. The place is packed. Devon says they'll never get a table. Pete asks if he wants to bet; they put money on it. Pete talks to the maitre d' saying he stopped in to see the owner. They get a good table. Pete then tells Devon he never met the owner or the maitre d' before. He conned them and he's very pleased with himself about it.
At Linda's hotel, Devon gets her roses. Notice I say Devon is buying her roses, not Pete. She likes the flowers but still doesn't like Pete. Then Devon gives her another gift. It's a diamond necklace. Both Linda and Devon are totally floored at how expensive it must be. Devon wonders how Pete paid for that. (Hmm. Let me think...)
I skipping ahead a bit on Devon because I find him really fucking boring. He and Pete eat dinner and talk. Dull. He and Pete play black jack with rich older woman with gaudy jewels (Mrs. Rumen) and her straight-laced daughter, Tina. Devon wins. The old lady hits on him. It's even duller. Devon delivers another gift, a bracelet, to Linda with a poem he wrote. He says Pete wrote it. Yawn.
Devon asks how Pete can afford the extravagant gifts he gives Linda. Gee, I don't know.
Next day, Devon goes shopping for presents for Linda. He doesn't think Linda likes the fancy jewels and wants to get her something romantic. He runs into Mrs. Rumen who bursts into tears. Her gaudy jewels were stolen! Imagine! Devon is shocked. I am not shocked and if you are shocked, there's something wrong with you (sorry). The police told the Rumens there has been a string of burglaries lately. Shocked again, aren't you?
Devon opens the gift he is to give to Linda that day. He recognizes it as belonging to Mrs. Rumen. He thinks that his uncle is buying “hot” merchandise from the thieves and doesn't know it. God, Devon, you are functionally retarded.
Linda likes the chocolates Devon bought for her but she wants to know what other “gift” Pete has for her. Devon realizes that Pete has been using him to pass stolen goods to Linda. She's the one fencing them. Linda tells Devon the cops were onto them, and she wanted to get out. But she has a crush on Pete, so all this poetry and flowers shit Devon has been doing has been keeping her in the game. Also, it's been keeping the cops off Pete. They both realize that Pete has been using them (surprise). Linda goes and gets all the stolen stuff and tells Devon to give it all back to Pete; she's getting the heck out of Vegas and Devon should do the same.
Devon goes back to Pete, gives him the stuff and says he's leaving. Oh and, like an idiot, no, he didn't call the cops. He also says Linda is leaving, at that, Pete is sad. He says he really does love her. Oh, sure. But he doesn't know where here “home” is so he has no idea where she's gone. He's mad at Devon for telling her that he wrote the poem, bought the flowers, etc. But still, he asks Devon to stay because they're “family.” Devon is like, whatever, dude. And leaves.
For the second time, I'd find his leaving the “family” member he chose to live with more satisfying if he hadn't took so damn long to realize what was up.
Yeah, that's the same image of Devon used on the cover of Earthquake. No expense spared in Sweet Valley High land.
We open in the kitchen where the WHAT THE FUCK? is happening. Lila is kissing Steven! Steven is kissing Lila! What the fuck?! Liz thinks, “It's like a scene from a horrible soap opera.” Or a horrible book series. Take your pick.
In Lila's POV, we learn she manages to forget her horrible situation while kissing Steven, because his arms are around her and making her feel secure or some such. Anyway, when the kiss ends it all comes flooding back and she starts to cry. She thinks that her parents have abandoned her and Steven is all she has.
Oh, Lila. I feel so sorry for her. Don't you just want to cuddle her and take her home with you?
Liz forces Jessica to go upstairs and talk. Jessica is really pissed off. She thinks friends dating brothers should be illegal and she is actually pissed at Lila. She complains “after all she's done” for Lila, that this is the thanks she gets. Oh, shut up Jessica, it's not always all about you. She wants to go downstairs and rip them apart. But Liz says they can't. Not because it's mean or none of their business but because Lila and Steven are both so “headstrong,” if they do that it'll make them want to be together more.
No one considers that Lila (and Steven, to a lesser degree) has just had really traumatic experience and might be clinging to whatever affection she can get while her weird parents are away on some island? Any port in a storm.
Anyway, later at the D.A.'s office, Steven thinks about Lila. He makes a list (essentially a pro and con list) about if she's guilty or not guilty. I love that he still thinks she set the fire and yet he's mackin' on her. The D.A., Joe, phones him and yells at him because Steven hasn't provided a motive for Lila setting the house on fire yet. He shouts that she is guilty (so much for that until proven so thing), and complains that Steven isn't doing good work. Joe thought Steven would be more “serious” about the internship. Jesus, Joe, maybe if you didn't have a just one college kid working on your top case, you'd get your desired results faster. All I'm saying.
In history class, Jessica notices a dreamy look on Lila's face and see she's doodling hearts on her notebook. She thinks she's going to throw up. Ditto. She attacks Lila after class and demands to know what is going on. Lila points out that Jessica didn't mind when Steven dated Cara, but now somehow it's a crime for friends to date brothers (Wakefield, 0; Fowler, 1). Jessica insists they are not similar at all, and starts pointing out all of Steven's bad habits. He wears socks with holes, he eats chili straight from the can, he has burping contests. Steven is gross. But we knew this already.
Lila says Steven is the only one who is there for her. Jessica is like “What about me? I took you shopping?” Lila says she doesn't need new clothes she needs to feel safe. (Wakefield, 0, Fowler, 2) Instead of crying “Oh Lila! I'm so sorry! You're clearly having such a hard time!” Jessica switches into sociopath mode and says they can't be friends while Lila is dating Steven. Way to abandon your best friend in her time of need, Jess.
That night, Steven and Lila snuggle at the pool house. He asks her to make a list of her enemies. This is the list: 1) Della, a maid she fired for trying on her clothes (who wouldn't want to try on Lila's clothes?!), 2) Greta, a cook Lila fired because her food was “ghastly”, 3) Joan Borden, the gold digger who almost married her father. Steven innocently asks if Joan might blame Lila for breaking up her and George for some reason. Lila proudly replies that she did break them up. Steven, naturally, is like “Holy shit, you're awesome, Lila Fowler.”
Lila also lists some students at SVH who are “jealous” of her (including Enid Rollins and Bruce Patman) and about half a dozen old boyfriends, which includes Bo and John Pfeifer (boo!) Steven asks if any of them would hurt her physically. Lila stiffens. She knows who has already tried to hurt her physically (hiss) but she doesn't want to talk about that with Steven now that they're getting snuggly.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why D.A. interns who are, for some reason, doing the job of a police investigator, are not supposed to get romantically involved with the victims. Seriously it's in the D.A. Interns Who Are, for Some Reason, Doing Police Work Handbook but the SVH D.A. is so crappy they never gave it to Steven.
Steven, sensing this might be important, pressures Lila to tell him what happened with John (growl!). She tells him and it is sad. If I do say so myself, my recap was funnier. Lila says she was all alone then, like she is now. And she cries, afraid of John still. I tear up a little too. Steven asks if John was ever arrested (good question, Steven!) and Lila says no (another job well done, SVH police) but he's a lonely outcast now. No one talks to him.
Steven thinks that might be one of those motive things!
After checking out the fired help and Joan Borden (she's in Spain, married to her second wealthy husband since dating George), Steven heads to Sweet Valley High and accosts Elizabeth for information about John (snarl!). Liz says he still works for the Oracle and he spends most of his time in the office there. When not working on the sports articles, he surfs “the Internet.” The Internet! But someone left Steven an incriminating “Web page”! it must be John (boo!) who printed the “Web page.” I mean, there are so few people on this strange “Internet.” Steven wants to snoop around the Oracle office and Liz agrees to let him in during a Big Mesa game John (hiss!) is covering.
Then Liz tells Steven that John is innocent until he's proven guilty (tell that to the DA, Liz). And she is annoyed that Steven is checking up on this lead. She heard the DA thinks Lila did it so she wants Steven to be more careful around Lila and stop wasting his time persecuting rapists when he could be persecuting harmless rich girls! She reminds him that Billie and he were perfect but Lila is a bitch. Steven shouts at her and storms off. I'm totally on Steven's side here. (In fact, I just finished giving Liz the finger, which is my very mature way of dealing with fictional characters who annoy me.)
The next day, Liz shows Steven around the Oracle office. Liz thinks that Steven's suspicions make her uncomfortable. Steven is violating John (hiss!)'s privacy. But then, sharing an office with a rapist doesn't seem to make her uncomfortable so who is she to judge? Steven notices that all the printouts are off-center, as was his “Web page.” And Liz says that's because there's something wrong with their printer. Steven is like “a-ha!” but his triumph is short-lived because when they turn around, John (ack!) is at the door glaring at them.
John (jeer!) tells Steven he can't go through his stuff without a search warrant. Again, not a law expert but I'm pretty sure if you leave your shit lying around in a public place, no one needs a search warrant to go through it. John says Lila is a bored, spoiled, rich girl and if Steven knows what's good for him, he'll stay away from her. Because she ruins everything.
To the contrary, jerkwad! After re-reading this series, I find a little Lila Fowler makes everything better, you asshole/arsonist/rapist. (I refrained from giving him the finger, are you proud?)
At the pool house, Lila is happy. She is starting to feel like herself again. She bought some china and linens and set a table for dinner. Steven comes bounding in for their dinner date all excited about his recent discovery. He shows Lila the “Web page” and another print out from the Oracle office. He tells her he found it on John's desk. Lila reels. She thinks about the night she was almost raped and then about the night she almost died in the fire. She starts to cry again. Steven assures her he's going to show this “evidence” to the D.A. tomorrow and it will all be over soon. They set a date to celebrate this weekend. (Steven sure is stupid. Obviously this print out points to John. But it's not open and shut. There are plenty of other people who could use that computer.)
Lila proudly shows Steven what she has prepared for dinner that night: cavier, pate and some fancy cheese stuff. Steven is not into it and says he'll try but jokes that if doesn't like it, he'll call Guido's for pizza. Lila is hurt by this attitude. She did all that work!!
Meanwhile, Liz is studying in her room but she is worried. She heard the venom in John (hate!)'s voice today when he spoke about Lila. So now she's worried about Steven. Yeah, Steven is the one he wants to rape and murder. She tells Jessica what happened. Jess says John is slime! RIGHT! But Liz is like, no, no. He said Lila ruins people's lives. And then she starts saying what if John didn't really try to rape Lila? She says Lila once shop lifted (in Sweet Valley Twins), and she lied about that counselor saying he tried to rape her. Liz thinks Lila set the fire because she lashes out at anyone who tries to help/love her. Jessica, once again making it all about her, decides that Lila is trying to “get back at her” by dating Steven.
But then, just as I'm about to give Jessica the finger too, she shakes her head and says no. She says Lila loves Fowler Crest and she loves all her clothes. She didn't start the fire. But, still, she doesn't want Lila dating Steven. So they decide they're going to keep Lila and Steven apart this weekend. Lila hates being neglected (especially when her parents are randomly away and her best friend won't speak to her because she's a bitch) and she'll freak out if she thinks Steven is ignoring her. Then Steven will see how crazy she is and they'll break up! The twins congratulate themselves on their great plan, which is totally perfect if you don't consider the fact that it might really give Lila a fucking mental breakdown.
I knew Jessica was a sociopath, but Liz, I think you got it too.
Steven goes to D.A. Joe and presents his precious “Web pages.” Joe understandably thinks this is crappy evidence. He thinks Lila printed it out herself. Then he tells Steven if he can't stay objective, he's going to take him off the case. What I want to know is why he ever put Steven on the case in the first place.
At lunch the next day, Lila gushes about Steven to all the girls. Jessica thinks Lila shouldn't be allowed to sit with them (at the cheerleader table) since Lila isn't a cheerleader. She thinks she was allowed before because Lila was her friend. But maybe she's friends with some of the other cheerleaders too, Jess, ever think of that? All the other girls like hearing about Lila and Steven. They're happy for her. I hate to point this out, Jessica, but Amy Sutton is being a better person than you right now. And she made Regina Morrow's heart explode.
Liz is on a date with Todd at the Dairi Burger. Jess shows up and announces that Lila is out to get her, just like Liz said. Jessica is pissed Lia dare be out with Todd when she was supposed to be keeping Steven away from Lila. Liz says Steven is working late at the D.A. office. He's staying away from Lila all on his own!
The next night, Lila waits for Steven at the pool house and worries about the case. She wants it all to be over soon. Lila actually went shopping for a nice dress and got spa treatments to get ready for the date. This cheers me because last book she was wearing jeans, so she seems to be getting back to her old self. Except Steven is late. She calls Casa Wakefield to inquire about his whereabouts and Jessica cruelly tells her that Steven went back to SVU and Billie the Girl. But Lila is too smart to fall for that. And soon Steven calls and says he's sorry he's late. He's called the restaurant to extend their reservation. But he needs her to come pick him up at Casa Wakefield. He can't find his keys. Steven apologizes for the mix up. He has a spare set of keys but those were missing too. How odd!
Steven tells Lila that the talk with D.A. Joe didn't go well. She correctly assumes she is still the number one suspect. He tells her he'll keep trying. Lila wants to know why he canceled their date yesterday (when he was working late). He tells her the D.A. thinks their relationship is compromising his objectivity. She gets huffy and says he's going to abandon her. “I'm used to being abandoned. It's the story of my life,” she says. Oh, Lila. He says he won't abandon her, but they have to be discreet. She doesn't like that either. She wants to know if he wants her to wear a bag over her head when they're out in public. Lila storms off to the ladies' room, upset.
Suddenly, something crashes through the window of the restaurant and the place is engulfed in flames. The sprinklers go off on all the diners. Steven, frantically, looks for Lila but cannot find her.
Lila is lost in the restaurant by herself and freaking out. She finally finds Steven and asks him what is going on. He tells her it was a fire. Someone threw a homemade bomb through the window.
Then the police approach them. They say they found some suspicious items in Lila's Lime Green Triumph (and, here I am going to ask where they got a search warrant for that?). They found stuff for making a bomb in her car. Of course, her car is a convertible so it wouldn't be very hard for someone to put it there. Also, kinda hard for her to throw a bomb into the restaurant from outside when she was inside. But whatever, the police don't care about that shit.
They arrest Lila. As they cuff her Lila thinks “I'm totally alone” and cries.
Steven watches the whole thing in his wet clothes and vows, silently, to help her. But then, like a jerk, he starts to wonder if Lila had enough time to get outside and throw the bomb when she went to the bathroom. He starts to think John Pfeifer (boo!) was right to warn him about her.
Dear Steven: You drove to the restaurant with Lila. Did you see fertilizer and bomb making material in the car then? No. Don't you find that kinda suspicious?
God, everyone in Sweet Valley is a moron.
Back to Devon and his cross-country Harley ride (which I can't imagine is really comfortable). He tells us in his POV that he's been doing math in his head to calculate his gas mileage and he's always right. He thinks doing math calms him down. Whatever, Devon, I don't care about your math skillz anymore than your dead parents did.
In the recap of the situation we learn his father, unnamed in the previous book, was James Allan Whitelaw III (ever notice how everyone pretentious in SV is the third of something? Devon's father, Bo, Peter Wilbourne... How do they all get to be the third if there is no second?) Anyway, I digress. Devon will get half of his $20 million trust fund now, if he finds a guardian, and the other half when he turns 21. Otherwise he just gets it all at 21. It doesn't seem that bad really. If he finds searching for a guardian so distasteful he could just get a job and wait it out. But, no, there are no jobs in Sweet Valley. We want our money free and easy.
He stops at a motel and demands a room to the nice counter lady. He's rude to her when she says check in isn't until later. And she totally tells him off which was awesome. So he apologizes but then she relents and gives in a lets him have a place to sleep for a few hours, which is not as awesome. He thinks she reminds him of his old Nanny (which is not condescending at all, poor little rich boy!). He loved his nanny. Except, then he bitterly reminds himself that she was paid to take care of him. And all anyone wants from him is his money. Ugh, Devon, you are so whiny.
He reminds us he's going to Las Vegas to find his Uncle Pete. Seems Uncle Pete was the black sheep of the family and the gossip mill suggests he was “a card shark, a loan shark and a shark with the ladies.” Devon's (stupid) reasoning for going to him is that he tried the people who were supposed to be nice already so now he hopes for better results from the assholes of the family. Oh, good planning, Devon. I hates him.
Devon arrives in Vegas and goes looking for Uncle Pete. His number is unpublished. He randomly asks people at bars and casinos if they know Pete Whitelaw and surprisingly, considering how many bars and casinos there are in Las Vegas, a lot of people do know him. They know him because he owes them money. At the Starscape casino, the floor manager takes Devon into his office after hearing he was asking about Pete. Turns out Pete is in the high roller room at this particular casino, and the manager actually takes him to him instead of just telling him to get lost.
Pete doesn't believe Devon is really his nephew, considering they've never met. So he quizzes him on family trivia. Turns out the noble story of how the family made its money during the Civil War (supplying abolitionists) is a total crock. They made their money bootlegging during Prohibition. I feel like Pete is only telling this story because there was never a 'Whitelaws of Sweet Valley' book. (Francine is cursing the loss of those royalty checks.)
Devon doesn't tell Pete about the money, but for some reason Pete decides to keep him around. First order of business? Get Devon a fake ID. He's only seventeen so he can't drink or gamble! I get the impression the ghost writer wants us to think this is terrible parenting and for us to be shocked, shocked! But honestly, I've seen the Sweet Valley parenting skills. Lila's family abandoned her to live on some remote island, while she's being attacked by a crazy arsonist (boo). In comparison, I think letting Devon try the penny slots is pretty darn acceptable.
Pete and Devon joke and generally get on fine, expect for the lying about why he's there and all. When Devon says he can't pay for a room, Pete says he wouldn't take Whitelaw money (but I'm sure he'd change his tune if it were $20 million) Anyway, a strange, beautiful woman shows up. She clearly knows Pete but Pete hustles Devon out of there. We are meant to be intrigued, which I can tell because the story then cuts back to Lila. Joke's on you, ghost writer, I don't really care at all! Ha!
Devon and Pete go to his apartment which is “swanky.” Pete makes a comment that, “Everywhere you look there's a mark just waiting to be made.” Devon wonders if Pete might be some kind of con-man. Gee, ya think?! No wonder Devon's parents never noticed he got good grades, he's busy being a complete moron outside of school.
Pete says he can't cheat the casinos but he can use the “calculator in his head” to beat average joes at card games. Devon is like “I have a calculator in my head too! Can I help make money to earn my way?!” I'm ready to smack him for being the single dumbest character in Sweet Valley High history (which includes Todd) when Pete says no, he doesn't want Devon doing that. But there is something else Devon can help him with! Pete then gives Devon the sob story about how he has everything he wants except a woman, Linda, who he wanted to marry. What a coincidence, but she was that woman they saw earlier. Pete says it was very painful to see her. Devon thinks he's uncle is actually a softie! He agrees to help Pete win Linda back.
The next morning, Devon wakes up and thinks he might soon start the paper work to make Pete his guardian. Riiiiight. At breakfast, he tells Pete he's going to try to enroll in the local high school. Pete doesn't think he needs that fancy book learnin'! He's smart enough already! Devon's ego is stroked. Someone recognizes how smart he is! Pete has a “gift” he wants to give to Linda. Devon volunteers to deliver it. See how smart he is?
Later, Devon plays craps with his new fake ID. (The ghostwriter tells us that Devon bought a book about casino games because he didn't want to “appear ignorant.” I nearly choke on my Pepsi.) He spots Linda playing the slots and heads after her. He follows her to another hotel. In the elevator together, he tries to think what to say when she asks why he's following her. He tries to give her the box, but she doesn't want it. Finally he convinces her to open it. It's a watch. She says money can't buy love and tells him to get lost.
Devon meets up with Pete and tells him what happened. He thinks Pete should send Linda poems and singing telegrams and romantic stuff saying he loves her. Pete thinks that's kid stuff, but agrees to consider sending flowers. They go to dinner. The place is packed. Devon says they'll never get a table. Pete asks if he wants to bet; they put money on it. Pete talks to the maitre d' saying he stopped in to see the owner. They get a good table. Pete then tells Devon he never met the owner or the maitre d' before. He conned them and he's very pleased with himself about it.
At Linda's hotel, Devon gets her roses. Notice I say Devon is buying her roses, not Pete. She likes the flowers but still doesn't like Pete. Then Devon gives her another gift. It's a diamond necklace. Both Linda and Devon are totally floored at how expensive it must be. Devon wonders how Pete paid for that. (Hmm. Let me think...)
I skipping ahead a bit on Devon because I find him really fucking boring. He and Pete eat dinner and talk. Dull. He and Pete play black jack with rich older woman with gaudy jewels (Mrs. Rumen) and her straight-laced daughter, Tina. Devon wins. The old lady hits on him. It's even duller. Devon delivers another gift, a bracelet, to Linda with a poem he wrote. He says Pete wrote it. Yawn.
Devon asks how Pete can afford the extravagant gifts he gives Linda. Gee, I don't know.
Next day, Devon goes shopping for presents for Linda. He doesn't think Linda likes the fancy jewels and wants to get her something romantic. He runs into Mrs. Rumen who bursts into tears. Her gaudy jewels were stolen! Imagine! Devon is shocked. I am not shocked and if you are shocked, there's something wrong with you (sorry). The police told the Rumens there has been a string of burglaries lately. Shocked again, aren't you?
Devon opens the gift he is to give to Linda that day. He recognizes it as belonging to Mrs. Rumen. He thinks that his uncle is buying “hot” merchandise from the thieves and doesn't know it. God, Devon, you are functionally retarded.
Linda likes the chocolates Devon bought for her but she wants to know what other “gift” Pete has for her. Devon realizes that Pete has been using him to pass stolen goods to Linda. She's the one fencing them. Linda tells Devon the cops were onto them, and she wanted to get out. But she has a crush on Pete, so all this poetry and flowers shit Devon has been doing has been keeping her in the game. Also, it's been keeping the cops off Pete. They both realize that Pete has been using them (surprise). Linda goes and gets all the stolen stuff and tells Devon to give it all back to Pete; she's getting the heck out of Vegas and Devon should do the same.
Devon goes back to Pete, gives him the stuff and says he's leaving. Oh and, like an idiot, no, he didn't call the cops. He also says Linda is leaving, at that, Pete is sad. He says he really does love her. Oh, sure. But he doesn't know where here “home” is so he has no idea where she's gone. He's mad at Devon for telling her that he wrote the poem, bought the flowers, etc. But still, he asks Devon to stay because they're “family.” Devon is like, whatever, dude. And leaves.
For the second time, I'd find his leaving the “family” member he chose to live with more satisfying if he hadn't took so damn long to realize what was up.