SVHSY # 28 Meant to Be
This book was so full of snarkability I just couldn't resist.
Let's start with the cover. It's Conner and the twin is Liz, I mean, who else would it be? I want to point out that the guy who is supposed to be Conner has crows feet. I mean, come on! These people are supposed to be seventeen. Maybe all of Conner's two weeks of hard drinking. Enough with the models, lets snark on the content of the book, shall we?
The A Plot
Conner is due to return home and Dizzy Lizzie, better known as "Diz" is all up in a tizzy over his return. The Saturday preceeding Conner Mc Emopants' return is a trying one for Diz and she's trying to distract herself by doing homework, specifically, creative writing. But, since she and Mr Mc Emopants began their torrid love affair in creative writing she can't concentrate. She decides to spend time with Jessica, who is hanging out with Jade Wu, who is gossiping with Jess about Evan, whom she is now dating after he's unsuccessfully tried dating both Wakefield twins. Jess notices that Diz is sad and asks what's wrong. She says that Conner is coming back and it's making her sad. Wah.
Jess asks her if she wants him back and LIz doesn't know, it's just all too complicated!
Over in rehab, Conner is getting ready to leave and he's feeling anxious about his return and he's especially feeling anxious about returning to the Dizmeister. He's also anxious because he's leaving someone behind... who could that be?
Liz has a diary entry about her possible reactions when she see's Conner again.
This is what it says:
"I'll cry"
"I'll run in the other direction
"I'll throw up" (Very nice Liz, you can be just like poor Stan)
"I won't be able to speak."
"I'll do a combination of all the above" Cute Liz/Diz,moving on.
Conner comes home, via bus, and his mom and Megan are there to pick him up even though he said he could take care of himself. They have a touching family moment and then they go home. Conner is still sad about Diz, so he goes up to his room and contemplates calling her, but he picks up the phone and calls Tia instead.
At home, in her little virgin cocoon, Liz can't sleep because she's thinking about Mr. Emo McAngstypants, and the phone rings and guess who it is, it's not Conner, it's Tia! Yippee. She says that Conner called her, and he's home and he'd be in school the next day. This sends Liz into a tailspin and she can't stop hyper focusing on the issue and she can't get back to sleep.
Conner has a stalker, Alanna Feldman, who met him in rehab and they had a torrid love affair, and she makes a to do list of what to do upon returning home from rehab, numbers 1, 5, & 7 are all "call Conner" obsessed much?
Speaking of obsessed, Liz is at school the next morning and she's tired because she stayed up all night obsessing over Conner when she bumps into Evan. Remember him? He dated both Wakefield twins, and if Steven were a chick and blond, I'm pretty sure he would have tried to date him too. Well as 1bruce1 readers will remember, he's shaken his Wakefield habit for Jade Wu. It turns out he's anxious about Conner's return too because of his brief romancing of Liz when Conner left for rehab. He wants to know if she plans to tell Conner about them. Liz says "I guess so," but Evan wants to be the one to break the news to him. But before he can say anything else, Diz spots EmoPants and runs away. Conner and Evan exchange bro talk in the hallway and he asks Evan if he'd been hanging out with Liz (I think they've been doing a little more than just "hanging out". I mean the minute Conner left, he took it as an opportunity to stick his tongue down her throat). He also proceeds to tell Conner what a "mess" she was when he left, but she "pulled herself together" (by making out with Evan at homecoming). Conner leaves and tells Evan thanks for telling him he was messed up. Evan feels sad again. Boo hoo.
Liz has a run in with Conner in the Oracle office when he's looking for Megan to tell her that he had to take his guitar to be tuned. He and Liz exchange a few tense sentences and then he leaves.
Oh, yeah Tia decides to throw Conner a welcome home party... more on that later.
That evening, the Sandborn/McEmopants are all sitting down to dinner when the phone rings, and it's Alanna calling for Conner, while he's having wet dreams about Liz. Megan answers and he tells her to tell Alanna- the psycho stalker that he's not there. His mom asks him who Alanna is and he blows her off by saying that she's in his classes or something like that.
The next day at school, Tia ambushes Evan and invites him to Conner's surprise party and then he invites Jade to go with him and she practically shits her pants with excitement. But she keeps a cool face for her new lover. At lunchtime, Evan finds Liz and tells her about the surprise party Tia is throwing, and she almost shits her pants in nervousness as they haven't told Conner about them yet. Jade comes over and marks Evan as her territory which makes Liz think she's jealous.
Alanna sends Conner an email, wanting to know how he is, what he's been doing....etc...etc. Conner sees Liz at lunch and he avoids her.... Maria visits Liz at work and they obsess about Conner some more.
Conner and Evan are hanging out at House of Java and Conner confesses to him about Alanna and he feels guilty about his affair with Liz, but Liz wanted to be the one to tell him.
Later, they all show up at Conner's house for the surprise party and again, Liz is nervous about seeing Conner. He comes in, everyone yells "surprise!" then Liz and Conner lock eyes and Liz wonders if she still wishes she was his girlfriend. Oh sigh! Later, Conner and Liz have an encounter in the kitchen. Conner stares at Liz and checks out the back of her neck ( is he thinking about giving her hickeys?). He tells her thanks, and she says she almost didn't come and he says he was thanking her for helping him ( when he was meeting his long lost daddy and getting drunk he heard Liz's voice beckoning him back home, before her tongue was down Evan's throat). Liz gets all emotional and says "I thought you hated me." then he says, "Liz, I could never hate you." They kiss, then Alanna- the psycho stalker and moment killer bursts in and sees them making out. That's the end of that plot till the next book.
The B Plot
Tia and Andy have no life and no boyfriends. They get an idea to audition for a TV show called Test Your Love about couples and how well they decide since they're bffs and they know each other just as well as any lover, to pretend to be a couple to win a trip to New York. They need something to focus on because they are relationshipless and they have no lives.
They go and audition, and beat out a bunch of other couples and get to go on the TV show. TIa meets a hot, sexy PA named Matt and it's been a while since she's gotten any so she flirts with him. It makes Andy mad because he doesn't want to blow their cover and loose the trip. She tries to keep it in her pants and she and Andy as a faux couple, advance to the next round and make it on the TV show. Andy says all the right things to impress producers and he ponders the fact that now that he's gay, he knows the right thing to say to a woman. I guess Andy's next TV gig will be as the Straight Guy Whisperer. Tia gets excited when they finally get on the TV show with two other couples and she kisses him, forgetting that he doesn't like that, because she's not a dude. Silly Tia! They go on the TV show and they win, and Tia shits her pants in excitement.
Later, Tia is off doing her business.... Andy runs into Matt and they chat he apologizes for a flirting comment he had made earlier. Andy just brushes it off. Then Matt says, it's unfortunate that Andy has a "girlfriend" because the two of them could have "hung out"... wink...wink. Just before he leaves he says to let him know if he and Tia ever break up. Andy tells Tia and that's the end of that stupid plot line.
The C Plot
I seriously care so little about this plot that I am going to make it as brief as possible. Ken dumped the psycho-sociopath of SVH, Melissa Fox. He calls her to tell her she should get back together with Will and she says something bitchy and hangs up. At school on Monday, Melissa sees Will in the hall and she thinks Ken may have been right. She goes to talk to him and he tells the bitch to fuck off... Well, not really, but he did, in so many words. Melissa is a sad panda. Boo hoo you dumb bitch. He also tells Will the same thing and he writes it off because, again, Melissa is a bitch.
Coach tells Ken since he is the captain of the team now, he needs to plan the big pep rally with the head cheerleader. Remember, Tia, the head cheerleader who is being Andy's beard for the day.
At cheerleading practice, Tia is missing, she's "sick" or some shit like that. Coach Laufield assigns Melissa to pep rally planning duties and she gets up on her high horse because she gets to plan the pep rally. Since she's planning the pep rally, she thinks this is a prime time to show Ken "what he's missing". What would he be missing, the two by four shoved up her ass? Ken doesn't want to plan the pep rally with Melissa and in fact, what he's missing is Maria, who does not have a two by four up her ass and is pleasant to be around. Even though they have broken up, Melissa does her sociopath thing and makes it seem like they're still together even though poor Ken would rather do something else. They agree to meet at House of Java to plan despite Ken's resistance.
Ken gets Will to go to the meeting under the guise that Tia will actually be the one there. He goes there, Melissa is there instead they plan it and there is that old feeling and that's the end of that crap.
Fin
Let's start with the cover. It's Conner and the twin is Liz, I mean, who else would it be? I want to point out that the guy who is supposed to be Conner has crows feet. I mean, come on! These people are supposed to be seventeen. Maybe all of Conner's two weeks of hard drinking. Enough with the models, lets snark on the content of the book, shall we?
The A Plot
Conner is due to return home and Dizzy Lizzie, better known as "Diz" is all up in a tizzy over his return. The Saturday preceeding Conner Mc Emopants' return is a trying one for Diz and she's trying to distract herself by doing homework, specifically, creative writing. But, since she and Mr Mc Emopants began their torrid love affair in creative writing she can't concentrate. She decides to spend time with Jessica, who is hanging out with Jade Wu, who is gossiping with Jess about Evan, whom she is now dating after he's unsuccessfully tried dating both Wakefield twins. Jess notices that Diz is sad and asks what's wrong. She says that Conner is coming back and it's making her sad. Wah.
Jess asks her if she wants him back and LIz doesn't know, it's just all too complicated!
Over in rehab, Conner is getting ready to leave and he's feeling anxious about his return and he's especially feeling anxious about returning to the Dizmeister. He's also anxious because he's leaving someone behind... who could that be?
Liz has a diary entry about her possible reactions when she see's Conner again.
This is what it says:
"I'll cry"
"I'll run in the other direction
"I'll throw up" (Very nice Liz, you can be just like poor Stan)
"I won't be able to speak."
"I'll do a combination of all the above" Cute Liz/Diz,moving on.
Conner comes home, via bus, and his mom and Megan are there to pick him up even though he said he could take care of himself. They have a touching family moment and then they go home. Conner is still sad about Diz, so he goes up to his room and contemplates calling her, but he picks up the phone and calls Tia instead.
At home, in her little virgin cocoon, Liz can't sleep because she's thinking about Mr. Emo McAngstypants, and the phone rings and guess who it is, it's not Conner, it's Tia! Yippee. She says that Conner called her, and he's home and he'd be in school the next day. This sends Liz into a tailspin and she can't stop hyper focusing on the issue and she can't get back to sleep.
Conner has a stalker, Alanna Feldman, who met him in rehab and they had a torrid love affair, and she makes a to do list of what to do upon returning home from rehab, numbers 1, 5, & 7 are all "call Conner" obsessed much?
Speaking of obsessed, Liz is at school the next morning and she's tired because she stayed up all night obsessing over Conner when she bumps into Evan. Remember him? He dated both Wakefield twins, and if Steven were a chick and blond, I'm pretty sure he would have tried to date him too. Well as 1bruce1 readers will remember, he's shaken his Wakefield habit for Jade Wu. It turns out he's anxious about Conner's return too because of his brief romancing of Liz when Conner left for rehab. He wants to know if she plans to tell Conner about them. Liz says "I guess so," but Evan wants to be the one to break the news to him. But before he can say anything else, Diz spots EmoPants and runs away. Conner and Evan exchange bro talk in the hallway and he asks Evan if he'd been hanging out with Liz (I think they've been doing a little more than just "hanging out". I mean the minute Conner left, he took it as an opportunity to stick his tongue down her throat). He also proceeds to tell Conner what a "mess" she was when he left, but she "pulled herself together" (by making out with Evan at homecoming). Conner leaves and tells Evan thanks for telling him he was messed up. Evan feels sad again. Boo hoo.
Liz has a run in with Conner in the Oracle office when he's looking for Megan to tell her that he had to take his guitar to be tuned. He and Liz exchange a few tense sentences and then he leaves.
Oh, yeah Tia decides to throw Conner a welcome home party... more on that later.
That evening, the Sandborn/McEmopants are all sitting down to dinner when the phone rings, and it's Alanna calling for Conner, while he's having wet dreams about Liz. Megan answers and he tells her to tell Alanna- the psycho stalker that he's not there. His mom asks him who Alanna is and he blows her off by saying that she's in his classes or something like that.
The next day at school, Tia ambushes Evan and invites him to Conner's surprise party and then he invites Jade to go with him and she practically shits her pants with excitement. But she keeps a cool face for her new lover. At lunchtime, Evan finds Liz and tells her about the surprise party Tia is throwing, and she almost shits her pants in nervousness as they haven't told Conner about them yet. Jade comes over and marks Evan as her territory which makes Liz think she's jealous.
Alanna sends Conner an email, wanting to know how he is, what he's been doing....etc...etc. Conner sees Liz at lunch and he avoids her.... Maria visits Liz at work and they obsess about Conner some more.
Conner and Evan are hanging out at House of Java and Conner confesses to him about Alanna and he feels guilty about his affair with Liz, but Liz wanted to be the one to tell him.
Later, they all show up at Conner's house for the surprise party and again, Liz is nervous about seeing Conner. He comes in, everyone yells "surprise!" then Liz and Conner lock eyes and Liz wonders if she still wishes she was his girlfriend. Oh sigh! Later, Conner and Liz have an encounter in the kitchen. Conner stares at Liz and checks out the back of her neck ( is he thinking about giving her hickeys?). He tells her thanks, and she says she almost didn't come and he says he was thanking her for helping him ( when he was meeting his long lost daddy and getting drunk he heard Liz's voice beckoning him back home, before her tongue was down Evan's throat). Liz gets all emotional and says "I thought you hated me." then he says, "Liz, I could never hate you." They kiss, then Alanna- the psycho stalker and moment killer bursts in and sees them making out. That's the end of that plot till the next book.
The B Plot
Tia and Andy have no life and no boyfriends. They get an idea to audition for a TV show called Test Your Love about couples and how well they decide since they're bffs and they know each other just as well as any lover, to pretend to be a couple to win a trip to New York. They need something to focus on because they are relationshipless and they have no lives.
They go and audition, and beat out a bunch of other couples and get to go on the TV show. TIa meets a hot, sexy PA named Matt and it's been a while since she's gotten any so she flirts with him. It makes Andy mad because he doesn't want to blow their cover and loose the trip. She tries to keep it in her pants and she and Andy as a faux couple, advance to the next round and make it on the TV show. Andy says all the right things to impress producers and he ponders the fact that now that he's gay, he knows the right thing to say to a woman. I guess Andy's next TV gig will be as the Straight Guy Whisperer. Tia gets excited when they finally get on the TV show with two other couples and she kisses him, forgetting that he doesn't like that, because she's not a dude. Silly Tia! They go on the TV show and they win, and Tia shits her pants in excitement.
Later, Tia is off doing her business.... Andy runs into Matt and they chat he apologizes for a flirting comment he had made earlier. Andy just brushes it off. Then Matt says, it's unfortunate that Andy has a "girlfriend" because the two of them could have "hung out"... wink...wink. Just before he leaves he says to let him know if he and Tia ever break up. Andy tells Tia and that's the end of that stupid plot line.
The C Plot
I seriously care so little about this plot that I am going to make it as brief as possible. Ken dumped the psycho-sociopath of SVH, Melissa Fox. He calls her to tell her she should get back together with Will and she says something bitchy and hangs up. At school on Monday, Melissa sees Will in the hall and she thinks Ken may have been right. She goes to talk to him and he tells the bitch to fuck off... Well, not really, but he did, in so many words. Melissa is a sad panda. Boo hoo you dumb bitch. He also tells Will the same thing and he writes it off because, again, Melissa is a bitch.
Coach tells Ken since he is the captain of the team now, he needs to plan the big pep rally with the head cheerleader. Remember, Tia, the head cheerleader who is being Andy's beard for the day.
At cheerleading practice, Tia is missing, she's "sick" or some shit like that. Coach Laufield assigns Melissa to pep rally planning duties and she gets up on her high horse because she gets to plan the pep rally. Since she's planning the pep rally, she thinks this is a prime time to show Ken "what he's missing". What would he be missing, the two by four shoved up her ass? Ken doesn't want to plan the pep rally with Melissa and in fact, what he's missing is Maria, who does not have a two by four up her ass and is pleasant to be around. Even though they have broken up, Melissa does her sociopath thing and makes it seem like they're still together even though poor Ken would rather do something else. They agree to meet at House of Java to plan despite Ken's resistance.
Ken gets Will to go to the meeting under the guise that Tia will actually be the one there. He goes there, Melissa is there instead they plan it and there is that old feeling and that's the end of that crap.
Fin