annoyed within limits
Sometimes, I get slightly annoyed when I ask friends out and they make it difficult for me: (in order of decreasing annoyance)
E.g.1. They say, "call me out when you are free leh!" When I do, they invariably say they are not free for reasons big and small. Then I wonder, if they have so many things to be busy with, why bother asking people to call them out? (Or perhaps because they ask others to call them out all the time, and people do, so they are left with little time for me.) Another angle is, why can't they ask me out for a change, when I repeatedly ask them out and repeatedly get refused. Worse, after repeated refusals and that they sense your annoyance, they may suggest meeting you at some timeslots that are convenient only for themselves, smack in the middle of a work-week or a work-day, reserving their prime time slots for other more deserving things/ other more deserving folks.
E.g.2. They say, "we'll arrange to do [whatever thing] this week." Then no news is heard. When I take the initiative to arrange to do [the whatever thing], they are invariably not free and will not suggest an alternative occasion, even if I try a few times for alternative occasions. So I'm left wondering, how enthusiastic are they about doing [the whatever thing] and to what extent they mean what they say? Most of the time, these tend to be the same people who would not tell you in the first instance they already have another appointment, but would tell you other reasons like they don't enjoy [the whatever thing] etc. They are just indirect (or perhaps even dishonest) people.
E.g.3. They don't say anything. I ask them out myself. But they invariably ask, "who is going?" Now, it becomes very difficult for me to always have to report to people whom I ask out. You see, I'm not a popular person with lots of party friends. So, it is actually hard for me to get people to go out with me. So, I literally have to approach persons after persons whenever I want to do something that I enjoy. I don't have a ready invitation list. I am not a member of any cliques, so to speak. I make up the list as I go along. If for every person I think of asking, I have to check with all other people if it is ok, then I have an almost unsolvable problem. I am really finding it very tedious to simply want to do something I enjoy.
Despite the above case examples, I tell myself that I shall not become a hermit and do all things I enjoy alone. I believe in engagement with the world out there. I also believe subjective perceptions that others induce in me cannot be the basis for wise decisions. But frankly, it is sometimes very hard and very trying, not being endowed with a killer look or a killer personality with swarms of bees to pick and flies to swap. (Actually, picking bees and swapping flies are probably just as unenviable.)
My conclusion after a round of unconstructive thoughts like the above is invariably, these friends are just not my buddies, by virtue of definition. There are just many many people out there who do not think like me, who do not function like me and who do not understand my efforts. And they are all right because I am nothing special to them. I cannot influence how they act. I cannot ask them to act or react the way I find easy for me. (*Incidentally, this provides a good reason to rejoice when eventually two people find each other special and make some demands on as well as accommodate each other.)
I can only forgo the unconstructive emotions and get on with the next thing to do. Life is a directed line segment. Don't need to twist it too much. Suffice to twist it when it had to be, and let go when it is time. Today I met all three case examples for three people I asked simulaneously to simply watch a movie. (Hey, how difficult can watching a movie be eh? Very difficult for certain losers like me...) By the time I got the third reply, I am all worn out and I cannot deal with asking another person lest I meet another blow. It is a little too much to internalize at one go. Hence I am spitting them out here. :)
E.g.1. They say, "call me out when you are free leh!" When I do, they invariably say they are not free for reasons big and small. Then I wonder, if they have so many things to be busy with, why bother asking people to call them out? (Or perhaps because they ask others to call them out all the time, and people do, so they are left with little time for me.) Another angle is, why can't they ask me out for a change, when I repeatedly ask them out and repeatedly get refused. Worse, after repeated refusals and that they sense your annoyance, they may suggest meeting you at some timeslots that are convenient only for themselves, smack in the middle of a work-week or a work-day, reserving their prime time slots for other more deserving things/ other more deserving folks.
E.g.2. They say, "we'll arrange to do [whatever thing] this week." Then no news is heard. When I take the initiative to arrange to do [the whatever thing], they are invariably not free and will not suggest an alternative occasion, even if I try a few times for alternative occasions. So I'm left wondering, how enthusiastic are they about doing [the whatever thing] and to what extent they mean what they say? Most of the time, these tend to be the same people who would not tell you in the first instance they already have another appointment, but would tell you other reasons like they don't enjoy [the whatever thing] etc. They are just indirect (or perhaps even dishonest) people.
E.g.3. They don't say anything. I ask them out myself. But they invariably ask, "who is going?" Now, it becomes very difficult for me to always have to report to people whom I ask out. You see, I'm not a popular person with lots of party friends. So, it is actually hard for me to get people to go out with me. So, I literally have to approach persons after persons whenever I want to do something that I enjoy. I don't have a ready invitation list. I am not a member of any cliques, so to speak. I make up the list as I go along. If for every person I think of asking, I have to check with all other people if it is ok, then I have an almost unsolvable problem. I am really finding it very tedious to simply want to do something I enjoy.
Despite the above case examples, I tell myself that I shall not become a hermit and do all things I enjoy alone. I believe in engagement with the world out there. I also believe subjective perceptions that others induce in me cannot be the basis for wise decisions. But frankly, it is sometimes very hard and very trying, not being endowed with a killer look or a killer personality with swarms of bees to pick and flies to swap. (Actually, picking bees and swapping flies are probably just as unenviable.)
My conclusion after a round of unconstructive thoughts like the above is invariably, these friends are just not my buddies, by virtue of definition. There are just many many people out there who do not think like me, who do not function like me and who do not understand my efforts. And they are all right because I am nothing special to them. I cannot influence how they act. I cannot ask them to act or react the way I find easy for me. (*Incidentally, this provides a good reason to rejoice when eventually two people find each other special and make some demands on as well as accommodate each other.)
I can only forgo the unconstructive emotions and get on with the next thing to do. Life is a directed line segment. Don't need to twist it too much. Suffice to twist it when it had to be, and let go when it is time. Today I met all three case examples for three people I asked simulaneously to simply watch a movie. (Hey, how difficult can watching a movie be eh? Very difficult for certain losers like me...) By the time I got the third reply, I am all worn out and I cannot deal with asking another person lest I meet another blow. It is a little too much to internalize at one go. Hence I am spitting them out here. :)