This will make a Hell of a fairy tale. Hopefully I'll survive to write it.

[zyryne]

I am not wrong to have boundaries. I am not wrong to expect respect. It isn't out of hand to want the person you're attracted to and to want to be around them a lot. That's like one of the most normal things I do.

I am emphatically stressed. I haven't had to deal with an addict in decades. And this time it's very floor seating, live and direct. Affecting and effecting my life. Negatively. I don't remember all the ways and means to deal with an addict. I thought that time of my life had passed. I hoped it had. But, apparently not. More's the pity, but oh well. I'm not a fan of who I'm being asked to be. And I am receiving very little, to no, benefit from this horseshit. I don't know what to do other than give care. Over extend myself trying to have someone give a fuck about me. I know philosophically that people care about me, but. I am wounded and broken and hurt. And it makes me bizarre. Too bad noone I've found has been as into dealing with that as I am. Which makes me feel like a fucking sucker dumbass.

Plus, I've shut down my feelings so hard that I don't have an active response to anything that happens to me anymore. I see nothing as a reason for panic. It'll turn out or it won't. Shrug.
I don't even know. I'm exhausted and sleep isn't in the cards for quite a few more hours. Feck.