Today
Not starting the day great. Wish I had somewhere else to be. So tired of feeling unwelcome and uncared about. About 10 days before I'm in the streets. Don't see options or opportunities. Keep getting rejected for job applications. Fuck! I'm trying and nothing seems to be working. I don't know what to do. Other than keep trying. No money. I literally have about 35 cents to my name. Trip to Memphis on the 30th. Dunno if I'll even be able to go. Noone to talk to about anything. Just feel alone and hopeless. Can't consider suicide anymore. Brandon will need help with his impending cub and I WILL be here for that. Dammit. Everything is so frustrating.
Joseph really isn't helpful at this time. He thinks I'm using him and I'm just trying to survive. Selfish. Whatever. I'm not welcome where he is and that is stressful. He doesn't care. I can handle more stress as far as he's concerned. He doesn't understand that I am stressed to capacity already. Selfish. I just hope I don't develop another peptic ulcer. I don't have insurance or money this time to handle that. Not that it would matter.
I don't know what to do. Being poor. Destitute really. And not having options really blows. My idea to start a soap company was stupid. I haven't gotten anywhere with it. Not one sale. Because postage is a killer. Fuck. Seems like everything I try circles back to defeat itself. I want to drink. But, I don't have any money to get booze. Or even to go anywhere to drink other people's booze. Argh! I'm tired of being blamed for everything under the Sun. It's bullshit.
Anyway, I'm going to try to actually do something today. Hmm.
Joseph really isn't helpful at this time. He thinks I'm using him and I'm just trying to survive. Selfish. Whatever. I'm not welcome where he is and that is stressful. He doesn't care. I can handle more stress as far as he's concerned. He doesn't understand that I am stressed to capacity already. Selfish. I just hope I don't develop another peptic ulcer. I don't have insurance or money this time to handle that. Not that it would matter.
I don't know what to do. Being poor. Destitute really. And not having options really blows. My idea to start a soap company was stupid. I haven't gotten anywhere with it. Not one sale. Because postage is a killer. Fuck. Seems like everything I try circles back to defeat itself. I want to drink. But, I don't have any money to get booze. Or even to go anywhere to drink other people's booze. Argh! I'm tired of being blamed for everything under the Sun. It's bullshit.
Anyway, I'm going to try to actually do something today. Hmm.