(no subject)
I haven't been updating. Its been so hard for me to write for so long. I've always journaled and emailed and the past few years I've been unable to. I write and stare at it, and edit it and then invariably my computer crashes and I lose it all and give up. And have pretty much given up trying. Like I can't piece together the thoughts in my brain and put them down. They just swirl around and around, and I feel so much, but aside from the pounding in my head, I can't express them. I have been locked in my head.
a lot of it is mike, and the pain, but there's other stuff too.
I've been trying to get healthy. Using methods that are not very understandable to most folk, but they're all rooted in research and homeopathy. I've been on a gradual change to the natural and getting the manmade and the toxins out, which is basically impossible, we live in a toxic world, full of pesticides and byproducts and we are just fucking idiots. I've given up milk, ice cream, cottage cheese, caffeine, but milk is in everything and its still consumed, and I'm supposed to stay away from sugar, wheat, animal products, which are still being consumed by me because well, I don't imagine I really have to explain that. And I definitely live in the wrong place (for many reasons) to be on a diet where I'm supposed to consume lots of fruits and vegetables because we don't have produce. We have wheat, and dairy and meat. (the best wheat in the world) Great.
I've been taking lots vitamins and supplements for a few months and have been on a cleanse for about a month. The cleanse is pretty incredible, and I think its been adding to the topsy turvy feelings. Not only is it physical, but its emotional. and spiritual. and so its pretty rough. But I am hopeful, for a new life, for changing myself, my situation. So. Here's to hoping.
a lot of it is mike, and the pain, but there's other stuff too.
I've been trying to get healthy. Using methods that are not very understandable to most folk, but they're all rooted in research and homeopathy. I've been on a gradual change to the natural and getting the manmade and the toxins out, which is basically impossible, we live in a toxic world, full of pesticides and byproducts and we are just fucking idiots. I've given up milk, ice cream, cottage cheese, caffeine, but milk is in everything and its still consumed, and I'm supposed to stay away from sugar, wheat, animal products, which are still being consumed by me because well, I don't imagine I really have to explain that. And I definitely live in the wrong place (for many reasons) to be on a diet where I'm supposed to consume lots of fruits and vegetables because we don't have produce. We have wheat, and dairy and meat. (the best wheat in the world) Great.
I've been taking lots vitamins and supplements for a few months and have been on a cleanse for about a month. The cleanse is pretty incredible, and I think its been adding to the topsy turvy feelings. Not only is it physical, but its emotional. and spiritual. and so its pretty rough. But I am hopeful, for a new life, for changing myself, my situation. So. Here's to hoping.