Another computer lab entry, but this one is needed
Hey all, I know that lately I have been going through a lot of changes and I am well aware that some of you are concerned about me, worried about me, angry at me etc. etc. I am sorry to have done any of that to you. The reason for the change is that I have been dealing with issues from my past, and I have been dealing with my two sides. The side that you all know is that of zypher. He is the strong, confident, indestrucible, fun, hyper energetic, craziness that you all know. He has been a source of outer strength, as well as a means to create an outer appearance in order for people to accept me, and to stop causing me hurt and pain. Unfortunately that is not the real me. There are very few that know this, and now I feel the need to let you all know, the true inner self. The real me is nothing like the outer me. In all out reality I am a rather quiet introverted person. Throughout my whole life I have been fighting off some form of depression, though without help it sometimes can become quite the burden. For those that have helped me I thank you.
As for the radical change lately, it is because lately I have been getting a combination of problems. One being that I am stressed over school work, jobs, graduation, the future, relationship issues, basically everything that is imaginable. Another factor that has lead to this change is that like every year I have grown to be quite anti-social. Ever since I was a young child, I have had a strong dislike for people, but out of need, I can normally hide this strong dislike. Though every year around the spring/ end of school I have typically let it get to me, mainly because I grow tried of creating the image that everyone sees, and long to be myself. Lastly, I have been really depressed over the past few days, it is not my typical depression, it is more of an un-fillable emptiness. I have no clue what is causing me to feel empty inside, but it gets to be quite depressing. With all three of those factors coming together you get the me that has been around a lot lately. I have had a couple actual breakdowns in the past couple of days, and hopefully this will help end the breakdowns because I am not one that enjoys breaking down and crying at very random times. I am sorry to any that I have worried or caused to be concerned about me.
Now that this is out, understand that I will be true to myself, and that things may not be wrong, because I am not as happy-go-lucky hyper spaz as I normally am. Earlier I was considering just disappearing forever, but I decided that filling everyone in on this major truth about who I really am would be a better outlet of my depression/ emptiness. This is who I am, and this is who you will all get. Do not get me wrong, there is a fun side to me, it is just not as crazy or hyper spaz as I let on. For me there will be no more hiding. That's all I've got...
As for the radical change lately, it is because lately I have been getting a combination of problems. One being that I am stressed over school work, jobs, graduation, the future, relationship issues, basically everything that is imaginable. Another factor that has lead to this change is that like every year I have grown to be quite anti-social. Ever since I was a young child, I have had a strong dislike for people, but out of need, I can normally hide this strong dislike. Though every year around the spring/ end of school I have typically let it get to me, mainly because I grow tried of creating the image that everyone sees, and long to be myself. Lastly, I have been really depressed over the past few days, it is not my typical depression, it is more of an un-fillable emptiness. I have no clue what is causing me to feel empty inside, but it gets to be quite depressing. With all three of those factors coming together you get the me that has been around a lot lately. I have had a couple actual breakdowns in the past couple of days, and hopefully this will help end the breakdowns because I am not one that enjoys breaking down and crying at very random times. I am sorry to any that I have worried or caused to be concerned about me.
Now that this is out, understand that I will be true to myself, and that things may not be wrong, because I am not as happy-go-lucky hyper spaz as I normally am. Earlier I was considering just disappearing forever, but I decided that filling everyone in on this major truth about who I really am would be a better outlet of my depression/ emptiness. This is who I am, and this is who you will all get. Do not get me wrong, there is a fun side to me, it is just not as crazy or hyper spaz as I let on. For me there will be no more hiding. That's all I've got...