(no subject)
so here's what it comes down to. I wish he'd either get it over with and fuck some other girl or tell me the truth that he already has so i can convince myself once and for all that there is absolutely no chance what so ever of anything more than what is ever happening ever. EVER. I know this. I'm actually ok with this. We all know that i am doomed to have the worst love life ever. by which i mean i'm doomed to have none at all. like i said, this is ok, it ups my siblings chances of finding that whole "one true" thing.
so, here's how my current life's storyline could go, with several spins:
Grim's Fairytale: Girl meets boy, boy kisses girl, boy and girl mutually decide they like each other, date for a while, are happy with few complications, asside from the occational ogre kidnapping, etc. girl dies of heartache while waiting for boy to save her, boy dances a jig and starts dating the slutty bar maid from the tavern.
Disney Masterpiece: boy meets girl, girl charms boy with her wit and humor. Boy kisses girl, girl blushes, boy and girl become close, girl does something stupid, boy gets mad, girl cries, boy feels bad, boy kisses girl, the end.
Zombie Movie: Boy meets girl at local diner, girl goes nakie swimming with boy. boy kisses girl, girl gives the best she has (entirely) boy gets attacked by slutty zombie girls, becomes slutty zombie himself, attacks Girl, girl dies, zombie boy gets it on with the slutty zombie girls.
Movie movie: boy meets girl, girl gives into the part of her brain she knows she should never listen to, boy and girl kiss, boy and girl fuck, boy and girl hang out alot, boy pushes girl away, girl finally gets sick of it and gives up, boy later realises that he gave up something worth caring about.
Indie Movie (aka the true story of my life):
Boy meets girl in local diner, girl is wild and fun, boy kisses girl in lake, boy and girl hang out alot, girl falls for boy, boy thinks girl's not pretty enough to date, but is ok to fuck since she gives good head, girl gets frustrated and gives up on boy, boy does something sweet, girl gives boy another chance for this "friends with benifits" thing, boy does well for like... a week. girl does all sorts of nice things for boy, boy shows as little appreciation as he possibly can without pushing girl to beat the shit out of him, girl gives up again, girl flirts with other boys, boy sees, boy comes home and treats girl like she wants to be treated, girl thinks "maybe he finally gets it." girl was wrong. boy half backs out of plans boy and girl already made and girl took time off of work for, boy will forget to call girl and girl will be hurt and feel unwanted, and then forget about it because she's too easily forgiving and girl and boy will fuck again and boy will fuck another girl and girl will hurt but deal with it because that's been the deal since the begining, right? and then eventually girl will move to another state and always hope in the back of her mind that boy misses her, but boy wont miss her, because boy will be with something prettier and better.
end scene: girl walking down a hospital coridor in a white lab coat fade into boy smoking a ciggarette in bed with some pretty girl.
i guess what i'm getting at is this: I'm not stupid and i harbor no false dilusions. nothing will come of this but friendship and some occational sex. when he finds another girl, i know i'm out the door, and it's ok. it sucks, and it hurts, but it's ok, because i always said i never wanted this to ruin our friendship, and it still holds true. it just sucks so much worse because four of my favorite people live together and i'm going to be forgotten. we only want what we cant have, right? well, it's not justin that i want. it's just to be included, and maybe missed when i'm gone.
I think by january i'll have enough money to move to boston. I doubt anyone will give a shit if i dissapear.
so, here's how my current life's storyline could go, with several spins:
Grim's Fairytale: Girl meets boy, boy kisses girl, boy and girl mutually decide they like each other, date for a while, are happy with few complications, asside from the occational ogre kidnapping, etc. girl dies of heartache while waiting for boy to save her, boy dances a jig and starts dating the slutty bar maid from the tavern.
Disney Masterpiece: boy meets girl, girl charms boy with her wit and humor. Boy kisses girl, girl blushes, boy and girl become close, girl does something stupid, boy gets mad, girl cries, boy feels bad, boy kisses girl, the end.
Zombie Movie: Boy meets girl at local diner, girl goes nakie swimming with boy. boy kisses girl, girl gives the best she has (entirely) boy gets attacked by slutty zombie girls, becomes slutty zombie himself, attacks Girl, girl dies, zombie boy gets it on with the slutty zombie girls.
Movie movie: boy meets girl, girl gives into the part of her brain she knows she should never listen to, boy and girl kiss, boy and girl fuck, boy and girl hang out alot, boy pushes girl away, girl finally gets sick of it and gives up, boy later realises that he gave up something worth caring about.
Indie Movie (aka the true story of my life):
Boy meets girl in local diner, girl is wild and fun, boy kisses girl in lake, boy and girl hang out alot, girl falls for boy, boy thinks girl's not pretty enough to date, but is ok to fuck since she gives good head, girl gets frustrated and gives up on boy, boy does something sweet, girl gives boy another chance for this "friends with benifits" thing, boy does well for like... a week. girl does all sorts of nice things for boy, boy shows as little appreciation as he possibly can without pushing girl to beat the shit out of him, girl gives up again, girl flirts with other boys, boy sees, boy comes home and treats girl like she wants to be treated, girl thinks "maybe he finally gets it." girl was wrong. boy half backs out of plans boy and girl already made and girl took time off of work for, boy will forget to call girl and girl will be hurt and feel unwanted, and then forget about it because she's too easily forgiving and girl and boy will fuck again and boy will fuck another girl and girl will hurt but deal with it because that's been the deal since the begining, right? and then eventually girl will move to another state and always hope in the back of her mind that boy misses her, but boy wont miss her, because boy will be with something prettier and better.
end scene: girl walking down a hospital coridor in a white lab coat fade into boy smoking a ciggarette in bed with some pretty girl.
i guess what i'm getting at is this: I'm not stupid and i harbor no false dilusions. nothing will come of this but friendship and some occational sex. when he finds another girl, i know i'm out the door, and it's ok. it sucks, and it hurts, but it's ok, because i always said i never wanted this to ruin our friendship, and it still holds true. it just sucks so much worse because four of my favorite people live together and i'm going to be forgotten. we only want what we cant have, right? well, it's not justin that i want. it's just to be included, and maybe missed when i'm gone.
I think by january i'll have enough money to move to boston. I doubt anyone will give a shit if i dissapear.