(no subject)
well. life has a way of... life-ing that leaves me pretty unprepared for it.
aaron kicked me to the curb a couple of weeks ago. three days after he told me he missed me and a few weeks after he'd broken down during a conversation (where he tried to break up with me... guess i should have seen this one coming) and found us a place to live. and made a number of promises he has since broken. the dumping happened a week before i was supposed to see him again. i was thinking how we'd made it and blah blah blah. he was a real condescending asshole on the phone. i don't know what made him change his mind so fast and i never will, but i suspect his mother was involved in changing his mind somewhat. and i also suspect that he just realized he wasn't ready for this, even though he assured me he was.
i was very upset, obviously, but i'm not as upset now as i was. i had a dream last night about him, where i was doing the dumping. because it hurts to be treated like this, but i wasn't entirely surprised, either. there have been a lot of signs that he's not mature enough for this (mainly that he bought a new car and makes a decent salary, but is still living at home... and his mom cooks for him...), and i don't feel like describing it in detail, but he hasn't been a good boyfriend for a number of reasons. not since we started the distance thing. it's obvious to me that he's going to fuck his life up by letting his mom run things, and that he wants to party and get laid by strangers more than he wants to be in a stable relationship. i am not a kid anymore, and i don't want to date someone who hurts people while he's trying to figure out his shit. i'm still angry, but i figure life will be more of a reality check for him than anything i could possibly do at this point.
so each day i'm trying to accept whatever emotions i have. the main one is disappointment. he changed when he went back home, and i have to keep reminding myself that i wasn't a pushover for trying to make things work. then of course there's the whole "i'm single again and nobody will ever love me" thing, but i think it's going to be easier for me this time.
so now i'm temporarily living with my mom. i have mixed feelings about this, because i judged him so much for living at home. but i got myself into a bit of a financial bind. he promised me we would make it together. and, well, i thought my life was going to go very differently. i was in the process of moving when the dumping happened. so i'm not entirely sure what the next step is going to be, but i don't want to be alone yet.
so i got a job at a bakery where i used to work, and i start today. i really liked that job, so that makes me happy. i've been writing the hell out of my thesis, and i'm aiming to defend on november 25th-ish. soon i'm going to pick up another part-time job, because i need to get myself out of this shit storm i'm in. and the best way to do that is to remind myself that i can, and that i am a functioning adult without aaron hanging around.
so things could be better, but they could also be much worse. i'm going to do my best to solve the problems at the root of all this, so that hopefully i can really be OK as a single lady. and if a man does come along again, maybe i'll have enough confidence to recognize if he's shitty.
aaron kicked me to the curb a couple of weeks ago. three days after he told me he missed me and a few weeks after he'd broken down during a conversation (where he tried to break up with me... guess i should have seen this one coming) and found us a place to live. and made a number of promises he has since broken. the dumping happened a week before i was supposed to see him again. i was thinking how we'd made it and blah blah blah. he was a real condescending asshole on the phone. i don't know what made him change his mind so fast and i never will, but i suspect his mother was involved in changing his mind somewhat. and i also suspect that he just realized he wasn't ready for this, even though he assured me he was.
i was very upset, obviously, but i'm not as upset now as i was. i had a dream last night about him, where i was doing the dumping. because it hurts to be treated like this, but i wasn't entirely surprised, either. there have been a lot of signs that he's not mature enough for this (mainly that he bought a new car and makes a decent salary, but is still living at home... and his mom cooks for him...), and i don't feel like describing it in detail, but he hasn't been a good boyfriend for a number of reasons. not since we started the distance thing. it's obvious to me that he's going to fuck his life up by letting his mom run things, and that he wants to party and get laid by strangers more than he wants to be in a stable relationship. i am not a kid anymore, and i don't want to date someone who hurts people while he's trying to figure out his shit. i'm still angry, but i figure life will be more of a reality check for him than anything i could possibly do at this point.
so each day i'm trying to accept whatever emotions i have. the main one is disappointment. he changed when he went back home, and i have to keep reminding myself that i wasn't a pushover for trying to make things work. then of course there's the whole "i'm single again and nobody will ever love me" thing, but i think it's going to be easier for me this time.
so now i'm temporarily living with my mom. i have mixed feelings about this, because i judged him so much for living at home. but i got myself into a bit of a financial bind. he promised me we would make it together. and, well, i thought my life was going to go very differently. i was in the process of moving when the dumping happened. so i'm not entirely sure what the next step is going to be, but i don't want to be alone yet.
so i got a job at a bakery where i used to work, and i start today. i really liked that job, so that makes me happy. i've been writing the hell out of my thesis, and i'm aiming to defend on november 25th-ish. soon i'm going to pick up another part-time job, because i need to get myself out of this shit storm i'm in. and the best way to do that is to remind myself that i can, and that i am a functioning adult without aaron hanging around.
so things could be better, but they could also be much worse. i'm going to do my best to solve the problems at the root of all this, so that hopefully i can really be OK as a single lady. and if a man does come along again, maybe i'll have enough confidence to recognize if he's shitty.