(no subject)
(Scene starts: A woman in a business suit is sitting at a desk. She opens a letter, reads it, sighs, and puts it in a pile. She does this to another. On her third, she opens it, looks at it, and rolls her eyes.)
Woman: Oh, for crying out loud! Do they ever change?
(As she reads it, another voice comes in. It is the earnest and naive voice of a young girl. (i.e., the voice of the letter.)
Girl: Dear Miss Teen All-America Coed Princess Pageant Corporation, my name is Allison Baker, I’m sixteen, and I have recently become interested in you pageant. I have never been in a pageant before, and I would like to try yours. It sounds like it would be a lot of fun. If you could please send me some information, it would be very nice and helpful. I’m looking forward to possibly competing. Regards, Allison.
(Woman picks up a form, folds it quickly and efficiently, like she has done it many times. She seals it, writes an address, and puts it in an OUT box on her desk. Allison comes on, opens a letter, and the woman’s voice says the text. )
Woman: Dear Alison Baker, Thank you for applying! Our pageant is designed for teens of all ages, size and varied talents! The newly crowned Miss Teen All-America Coed Princess will have opportunities to appear with Miss All-American Coed Princess Washington and will have the joy of a lifetime with a paid trip for two to compete at the national level in Miss Teen All-America Coed Princess National Teen Pageant! Miss Teen All-America Coed Princess Pageant is the place for you to start! As you can see we are very excited to have you! Best of luck! ~ Kathy Hayes.
(Allison enters the room tentatively, not sure what to do. Kathy is not facing her and doesn’t notice Allison until she speaks. All of her statements come out as questions.)
Allison: Uh..Hi… I’m Allison Baker?…I…uh…sent in a letter about the pageant?
(Kathy turns around and smiles, sort of evilly.)
Kathy: Yes honey, so nice to finally meet you. I’m Kathy Hayes, the director of your state pageant.
Allison: Uh…
Kathy: Sit down, sit down. So, this is your first pageant? (Anxiously.) Right?
Allison: Yes… but I’m really looking forward to it.
Kathy: Good! Well, before we get all the paperwork done, I have to ask you a few questions.
Allison: Um, O.K.
Kathy: First of all, you’re older than fourteen and younger than eighteen?
Allison: Yes, I’m sixteen and-
Kathy: Second of all, have you ever been photographed or videotaped nude?
Allison: What?
Kathy: Have you?
Allison: Well, no-
Kathy: Great! And have you ever been married or pregnant?
Allison: No.
Kathy: Smashing! And you are a natural born female, right?
Allison: Um, I think so…
Kathy: Fantstic! We can proceed.
(Allison, who has momentarily lost her composure, takes a breath and smiles nervously.)
Allison: O.K.
Kathy: First of all, there are the initial fees. The first one is the sponsor fee. It pays for all of the judges, lighting, sound, theatre time, and of course the salaries of the little people like me. (Laughs) That one is $350.
Allison: Oh, I see.
Kathy: Next fee is the city title fee. This pays for your very own regional title, crown, and banner. This fee is $100.
Allison: That sounds… nice?
Kathy: And the last fee is for the pageant coach.
Allison: Do I have to have a coach?
Kathy: (Gives Allison a withering look.) That is $200 for the week of the pageant.
Allison: Oh wow. I didn’t realize pageantry would be so…
Kathy: So… what?
Allison: Pithy?
Kathy: Well, that’s all for the bottom line fees. Here, this is our “Getting Started” information and a copy of our contract.
(Allison looks over it quickly, but stops at something.)
Allison: “MTAACP is not responsible for any physical, mental, or emotional damages caused over the course of the pageant.” what does that mean?
Kathy: (Laughs nervously.) Oh, just a little precaution. Here, take this information and contract home, look it over, no need to rush… but have your answer as soon as possible.
(Kathy and Allison stand up and go to the door.)
Kathy: And remember, with our pageant “Every girl’s dream can come true!”
Allison: Uh, thank you?
Kathy: No honey, thank YOU!
(Allison exits and Kathy giggles maliciously. Another woman enters distractedly, looking through paper and Kathy drops all of her evil pretenses.)
Woman: Oh, Anita, has that girl, Allison, come by?
Kathy (Now Anita): Yes Kathy, I gave her some information and a copy of the contract.
Woman: Good. She seemed like such a nice girl.
Anita: Yes, Mrs. Hayes, she was nice.
(Kathy Hayes leaves and Anita sits at the desk. She picks up Allison’s letter and laughs.)
Anita: Oh yes, she was very nice.
(Blackout)
(The scene opens on Alison at her house talking to her mother)
Alison: I don’t know about this Mom. It seems a bit too phony.
Mom: Nonsense, honey. This is every girls dream to walk up there, to look beautiful and to win and be the most beautiful girl in America.
Alison: Mom, I’m not the most beautiful girl in America and you know it. (Joking) And I know that the girl who is more beautiful than me is entering.
Mom: (Doesn’t laugh) Nonsense honey, I know that you’ll win.
Alison: It costs a lot of money. You know how much it costs, right? Upwards of 600 dollars!
Mom: (Faltering a bit, but then quickly catches herself) Well, that’s a small price to pay to let the world see your beauty. We’ll just have to call your father and have him pick up the tab. I know he’ll do anything to make you feel beautiful.
Alison: Mom, I don’t really want to do it.
Mom: That’s just what you think now. You’ll thank me later.
(Alison begins to pout and sits down at the table to eat some chips)
Mom: (sing-songy) No no no. Chips are fattening, here let me make you a salad, or do you want a nice little yogurt?
Alison: (Begins to argue, then doesn’t) I’ll have a yogurt. Thanks Mom.
Mom: It’s nothing. Now just let me call your father. (Mom leaves the room, the lights dim on Alison, although she is still visable and the lights come up on Dad far away. She eats her yogurt throughout the scene and flips through a magazine)
Dad: (Picking up the phone) This is Richard. Yes, hello Julie. (Pause) Well, I’m doing just great, just working through some things. (Pause) No, I’m not seeing anyone right now. I’m still single. (Small pause) You got my latest alimony check, I assume… since you didn’t ever call me and ask for it. (pause) Good, I’m glad that you did. Now what do you want Julie? (pause) Julie you never call me unless you want something, normally it’s money, sometimes it’s advice and it’s never a date. Now, what do you want? (Pause) I see. And how much does it cost. (The lights dim on Richard and come up on Alison, although Richard is still talking animatedly. Julie find a model in the magazine and she starts to daydream. Her wildest dreams and nightmares coming true… in front of her, we see someone that Julie could conceivably look like walk in front of her, looking absolutely stunning. Julie just looks at her with wide eyes. At this point Julie makes up her mind that she wants to do it. This lights come up on Richard.)
Richard: Well, Julie, if Alison really wants it, I suppose that we can make it work out. (He hangs up. Julie walks back into the room.)
Alison: (This is hard for her, and it should make her mom’s indifference really hurt.) Mom, I’ve decided that I want to do it.
Julie: Of course you have, honey.
(Blackout)
Woman: Oh, for crying out loud! Do they ever change?
(As she reads it, another voice comes in. It is the earnest and naive voice of a young girl. (i.e., the voice of the letter.)
Girl: Dear Miss Teen All-America Coed Princess Pageant Corporation, my name is Allison Baker, I’m sixteen, and I have recently become interested in you pageant. I have never been in a pageant before, and I would like to try yours. It sounds like it would be a lot of fun. If you could please send me some information, it would be very nice and helpful. I’m looking forward to possibly competing. Regards, Allison.
(Woman picks up a form, folds it quickly and efficiently, like she has done it many times. She seals it, writes an address, and puts it in an OUT box on her desk. Allison comes on, opens a letter, and the woman’s voice says the text. )
Woman: Dear Alison Baker, Thank you for applying! Our pageant is designed for teens of all ages, size and varied talents! The newly crowned Miss Teen All-America Coed Princess will have opportunities to appear with Miss All-American Coed Princess Washington and will have the joy of a lifetime with a paid trip for two to compete at the national level in Miss Teen All-America Coed Princess National Teen Pageant! Miss Teen All-America Coed Princess Pageant is the place for you to start! As you can see we are very excited to have you! Best of luck! ~ Kathy Hayes.
(Allison enters the room tentatively, not sure what to do. Kathy is not facing her and doesn’t notice Allison until she speaks. All of her statements come out as questions.)
Allison: Uh..Hi… I’m Allison Baker?…I…uh…sent in a letter about the pageant?
(Kathy turns around and smiles, sort of evilly.)
Kathy: Yes honey, so nice to finally meet you. I’m Kathy Hayes, the director of your state pageant.
Allison: Uh…
Kathy: Sit down, sit down. So, this is your first pageant? (Anxiously.) Right?
Allison: Yes… but I’m really looking forward to it.
Kathy: Good! Well, before we get all the paperwork done, I have to ask you a few questions.
Allison: Um, O.K.
Kathy: First of all, you’re older than fourteen and younger than eighteen?
Allison: Yes, I’m sixteen and-
Kathy: Second of all, have you ever been photographed or videotaped nude?
Allison: What?
Kathy: Have you?
Allison: Well, no-
Kathy: Great! And have you ever been married or pregnant?
Allison: No.
Kathy: Smashing! And you are a natural born female, right?
Allison: Um, I think so…
Kathy: Fantstic! We can proceed.
(Allison, who has momentarily lost her composure, takes a breath and smiles nervously.)
Allison: O.K.
Kathy: First of all, there are the initial fees. The first one is the sponsor fee. It pays for all of the judges, lighting, sound, theatre time, and of course the salaries of the little people like me. (Laughs) That one is $350.
Allison: Oh, I see.
Kathy: Next fee is the city title fee. This pays for your very own regional title, crown, and banner. This fee is $100.
Allison: That sounds… nice?
Kathy: And the last fee is for the pageant coach.
Allison: Do I have to have a coach?
Kathy: (Gives Allison a withering look.) That is $200 for the week of the pageant.
Allison: Oh wow. I didn’t realize pageantry would be so…
Kathy: So… what?
Allison: Pithy?
Kathy: Well, that’s all for the bottom line fees. Here, this is our “Getting Started” information and a copy of our contract.
(Allison looks over it quickly, but stops at something.)
Allison: “MTAACP is not responsible for any physical, mental, or emotional damages caused over the course of the pageant.” what does that mean?
Kathy: (Laughs nervously.) Oh, just a little precaution. Here, take this information and contract home, look it over, no need to rush… but have your answer as soon as possible.
(Kathy and Allison stand up and go to the door.)
Kathy: And remember, with our pageant “Every girl’s dream can come true!”
Allison: Uh, thank you?
Kathy: No honey, thank YOU!
(Allison exits and Kathy giggles maliciously. Another woman enters distractedly, looking through paper and Kathy drops all of her evil pretenses.)
Woman: Oh, Anita, has that girl, Allison, come by?
Kathy (Now Anita): Yes Kathy, I gave her some information and a copy of the contract.
Woman: Good. She seemed like such a nice girl.
Anita: Yes, Mrs. Hayes, she was nice.
(Kathy Hayes leaves and Anita sits at the desk. She picks up Allison’s letter and laughs.)
Anita: Oh yes, she was very nice.
(Blackout)
(The scene opens on Alison at her house talking to her mother)
Alison: I don’t know about this Mom. It seems a bit too phony.
Mom: Nonsense, honey. This is every girls dream to walk up there, to look beautiful and to win and be the most beautiful girl in America.
Alison: Mom, I’m not the most beautiful girl in America and you know it. (Joking) And I know that the girl who is more beautiful than me is entering.
Mom: (Doesn’t laugh) Nonsense honey, I know that you’ll win.
Alison: It costs a lot of money. You know how much it costs, right? Upwards of 600 dollars!
Mom: (Faltering a bit, but then quickly catches herself) Well, that’s a small price to pay to let the world see your beauty. We’ll just have to call your father and have him pick up the tab. I know he’ll do anything to make you feel beautiful.
Alison: Mom, I don’t really want to do it.
Mom: That’s just what you think now. You’ll thank me later.
(Alison begins to pout and sits down at the table to eat some chips)
Mom: (sing-songy) No no no. Chips are fattening, here let me make you a salad, or do you want a nice little yogurt?
Alison: (Begins to argue, then doesn’t) I’ll have a yogurt. Thanks Mom.
Mom: It’s nothing. Now just let me call your father. (Mom leaves the room, the lights dim on Alison, although she is still visable and the lights come up on Dad far away. She eats her yogurt throughout the scene and flips through a magazine)
Dad: (Picking up the phone) This is Richard. Yes, hello Julie. (Pause) Well, I’m doing just great, just working through some things. (Pause) No, I’m not seeing anyone right now. I’m still single. (Small pause) You got my latest alimony check, I assume… since you didn’t ever call me and ask for it. (pause) Good, I’m glad that you did. Now what do you want Julie? (pause) Julie you never call me unless you want something, normally it’s money, sometimes it’s advice and it’s never a date. Now, what do you want? (Pause) I see. And how much does it cost. (The lights dim on Richard and come up on Alison, although Richard is still talking animatedly. Julie find a model in the magazine and she starts to daydream. Her wildest dreams and nightmares coming true… in front of her, we see someone that Julie could conceivably look like walk in front of her, looking absolutely stunning. Julie just looks at her with wide eyes. At this point Julie makes up her mind that she wants to do it. This lights come up on Richard.)
Richard: Well, Julie, if Alison really wants it, I suppose that we can make it work out. (He hangs up. Julie walks back into the room.)
Alison: (This is hard for her, and it should make her mom’s indifference really hurt.) Mom, I’ve decided that I want to do it.
Julie: Of course you have, honey.
(Blackout)