I had to think awhile...
This year I had the worst Thanksgiving of my life. My world had been slowly collapsing around me (like a flan in a cupboard...) for the past year and a half, and all I had was Zack and his family. Then, after an extremely awkward Thanksgiving trying to pretend his family was mine, too, he ended our relationship as we lay next to each other in his childhood bed. Not trusting myself to make the hour and a half drive in my exhausted state, I had to sleep next to him, wake up the next day, and leave a day early while his family stared after me.
I spent the weekend wandering around our empty apartment in a robe his mom had given to me as a Christmas present the day before he dumped me. My “consolation robe,” as it has now been dubbed. As in, “Well, you weren’t good enough for my son, so how about a nice comfy robe? Almost as good as a hug!” Not that I think there was anything but kindness in her gift, of course - it’s just ironic hindsight talking.
That weekend was one of the hardest I have ever experienced. Everyone I knew was out of town, visiting their families. My cell phone needed to be recharged several times a day because I called Pennsylvania almost constantly, sobbing to my mom and my best friends, all home with people who loved them. I have never, ever felt so alone in my life.
For this reason, I realized I had to go home. The only person who I felt really, truly cared about me in LA had jettisoned me from his life. I had no money with which to find a new apartment, pay a deposit, start over in a city I hate. I ended up giving into a suspicion I had long held: that I should have started off in Philly in the first place, and that it had been an enormous lapse in judgment - albeit one I had needed to make - to just up and move to LA.
So here I am. Single, unemployed, back where I started - sitting on my mom’s living room couch waiting for my life to begin. I’m even talking to Sean almost as much as I was then, funnily enough. Of course now I’m fully mobile and actively pursuing every opportunity I can, but I am essentially starting over, a year and a half older and about a century wiser. LA knocked the shit out of me, but - and this is sick - as an actor, I am thankful for all the pain. My already deeply messed up emotional toolbox is even richer now. Hey, if I get hurt just a little more, I might even become a comedic actor!
In all seriousness, though, I am happy where I am now, optimistic about my future...glad to be home.
And Christmas is going to be way better than Thanksgiving.
I spent the weekend wandering around our empty apartment in a robe his mom had given to me as a Christmas present the day before he dumped me. My “consolation robe,” as it has now been dubbed. As in, “Well, you weren’t good enough for my son, so how about a nice comfy robe? Almost as good as a hug!” Not that I think there was anything but kindness in her gift, of course - it’s just ironic hindsight talking.
That weekend was one of the hardest I have ever experienced. Everyone I knew was out of town, visiting their families. My cell phone needed to be recharged several times a day because I called Pennsylvania almost constantly, sobbing to my mom and my best friends, all home with people who loved them. I have never, ever felt so alone in my life.
For this reason, I realized I had to go home. The only person who I felt really, truly cared about me in LA had jettisoned me from his life. I had no money with which to find a new apartment, pay a deposit, start over in a city I hate. I ended up giving into a suspicion I had long held: that I should have started off in Philly in the first place, and that it had been an enormous lapse in judgment - albeit one I had needed to make - to just up and move to LA.
So here I am. Single, unemployed, back where I started - sitting on my mom’s living room couch waiting for my life to begin. I’m even talking to Sean almost as much as I was then, funnily enough. Of course now I’m fully mobile and actively pursuing every opportunity I can, but I am essentially starting over, a year and a half older and about a century wiser. LA knocked the shit out of me, but - and this is sick - as an actor, I am thankful for all the pain. My already deeply messed up emotional toolbox is even richer now. Hey, if I get hurt just a little more, I might even become a comedic actor!
In all seriousness, though, I am happy where I am now, optimistic about my future...glad to be home.
And Christmas is going to be way better than Thanksgiving.