some fucking triumph.
today was a total waste of about 21 hours of my life.
i went surfing with eddie&stevie&alex&chris but i didnt go to the show because my cello teacher was supposed to listen to me before i went into audition on monday. well, my ride never called.. i couldnt get a hold of her and when i tried to call him to get driections to drive myself, he didnt answer the line.
its not that big of a deal.. i would have just rather done something else with my day than wait around for him to call.
|||| i have also decided to abandon any sort of humanly attachment to my emotions whatsoever. i am not the type to have the sort of feeligns ive been thrown into and i dont think ive ever been this moved by a fucking epiphany-isk dream. i want the world to be made of fiction and i want my daily dose to be coated with some goddamn sugar.
i am not to be forced, coarced, or even guilted into holding on to something i think should be thrown six feet under with the rest of the world's lousy tulips. maybe its my fault that some things in my life can't be set to such a perfect scale, but i like to think that this is just some sleezy trick we all get fooled with every so often.
i want the emotionless. i want the apathetic. i want the blind. because i have become too ridiculous for my own self loathing. this should become very cold but i dont knwo why its just not possible. maybe some divine trace of sanctity so far uninspirable but still hopeful and standing waiting to fight some obtrusive battle. but not for now. perhaps more time is needed. tonight i may just need to rest.
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p.s. alex looks like a bro. always.
i went surfing with eddie&stevie&alex&chris but i didnt go to the show because my cello teacher was supposed to listen to me before i went into audition on monday. well, my ride never called.. i couldnt get a hold of her and when i tried to call him to get driections to drive myself, he didnt answer the line.
its not that big of a deal.. i would have just rather done something else with my day than wait around for him to call.
|||| i have also decided to abandon any sort of humanly attachment to my emotions whatsoever. i am not the type to have the sort of feeligns ive been thrown into and i dont think ive ever been this moved by a fucking epiphany-isk dream. i want the world to be made of fiction and i want my daily dose to be coated with some goddamn sugar.
i am not to be forced, coarced, or even guilted into holding on to something i think should be thrown six feet under with the rest of the world's lousy tulips. maybe its my fault that some things in my life can't be set to such a perfect scale, but i like to think that this is just some sleezy trick we all get fooled with every so often.
i want the emotionless. i want the apathetic. i want the blind. because i have become too ridiculous for my own self loathing. this should become very cold but i dont knwo why its just not possible. maybe some divine trace of sanctity so far uninspirable but still hopeful and standing waiting to fight some obtrusive battle. but not for now. perhaps more time is needed. tonight i may just need to rest.
=====================================
p.s. alex looks like a bro. always.