(no subject)
I so very badly need a hug. I need someone, who isn't my awful fucking wife, to acknowledge me.
To see me. I need someone to know me. To recognize me. And remind me of what I need to know.
These people have all been chased out of my life or forcibly cut off.
Why the fuck is my life at this point now? Why the fuck is it so hard? Why am I so fucked up? Why do I not learn? Why can I not stop lying? Why can I not be faithful? Why can I not keep promises?
What the fuck exactly did I incarnate here to learn? Love? Of what? Futile human bullshit?
I'm so scrambled and chaotic. I'm spinning and I can't stop.
I'm going to crash and burn. And no one will see or care.
And I will be forgotten as easily as last week. Life goes on, and it's not fair. Not everyone gets a happy ending. I never figured it out, and it's too late for me now.
I give up and give in.
I don't care anymore. I don't want this life anymore. And I've found a simple way out.
I just need helium and a bag. To the store it is.
If someone's soul dies inside their husk of personality, does it make a sound if no one else is around? Let's find out.