But WAIT, there's MORE!
Tokyo Sports has reported a case of 'inevitable rebellion' from two of Johnny's most notorious idols.
Ohno Satoshi, Nishikido Ryo, you stand trial before the paparazzi and your fans here today charged with the crime of gettin' loose. How do you plead?
In the streets with the dubious flickering neon signs, where restless souls come and go, Tokyo...Roppongi. The event takes place at 'S', a soba restaurant on the edge of the mighty Roppongi intersection. [I suddenly feel like I'm writing a crime novel. What the hell, let's roll with it, but a soba stall?] - It's zero o'clock in the morning, and the scene of two audacious, arrogant young men getting loose begins to unfold.
"Kya, kya!" A strange voice calls out. It's him, he who is overtaking senior's SMAP, he who boasts tremendous popularity...It's Arashi's notorious leader, Ohno Satoshi. There beside him sits a colleague, a man accustomed to assuming new roles and acting when he sees fit, the man who hails from NEWS and Kanjani8, the figure is Nishikido Ryo. They're causing an uproar, acting like children of 4 or 5 and screaming like monkeys in a zoo wanting bananas - 'Kii kii!' they cry! [LOL WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS] - Time passes by. They're probably drinking. Perhaps there's some unwholesome talk of women rising between them...
Then, at that very same store, someone working in TV who just happens to be passing by and was not tipped off or stalking at all, turns their head at just the right moment...and is struck with horror! The blood drains from their face and cold sweat breaks out! Terror! Fear! Run for your lives! Heart beating wildly, the TV lackey makes a desperate bolt to save themselves from a certain and gruesome death at the hands of those wild young men.
"They were annoyingly loud," the lackey smiles bitterly, leafing through hundred dollar bills while whinging like a bitch. A man sitting opposite with a tape recorder on the desk nods sympathetically, and offers a box of tissues. "Even though he's an idol, Ohno is nearly 30. He truly has not an ounce of integrity."
Back at the soba shop, shit just got real. A middle-aged man with anger management issues finally explodes. "Shut the hell up! Someone shut them the hell up!" he screams out of nowhere. Around the store there's confusion, and the man, just having finished counting to ten and still feeling like whuppin ass, storms towards Ohno. Someone's gotta do it, and he's just the man.
Ohno doesn't miss a beat though. He's on his feet in a flash, roaring "You shut the fuck up!" meeting the motherfucker half way with fists clenched. For just a moment they stare at each other, blood curdling and eyes seeing red before Ohno snarls, raising his fist up - "Yo soldier!" a voice cuts in.
The voice from the soba shop shocks Ohno to stillness and he blinks twice before his eyes widen as if realizing just now what was about to happen. "Sorry," he mutters, hastily dipping his head in a superficial bow to the man before obediently returning to his seat, as if he wasn't just about to pound some fuckers head into the pavement.
The end.
BWAHAHAHA, I'm sorry if I just ruined your gossip by writing it like that, but the first line, "In the streets with the dubious flickering neon signs, where restless souls come and go, Tokyo...Roppongi" is actually how it's written in Japanese and it cracked me up so bad I just had to keep it up. Most dramatic gossip article I have ever read, lol.
I'd like to point out here that I used a bit of artistic licence (well obviously), but Ohno did not actually raise his fist. There was no journalist at a desk, the TV lackey did not run in fear of their lives or count hundred dollar bills, and the man may or may not have had anger management issues. Everything else is for shiz. Even all that monkey talk, the eye widening at the end, was all written in the original.
God damn Ryo just got even cooler, and Ohno just found himself a place in my 'troubled idol' loving heart.
There is also a bit of Ohno/Ryo bashing at the end of the article [the TV person telling Ohno to do his job properly, whinge whinge], and more blaming Jin. Let it go people, let it go. It's only funny when we do it.
And I srsly need a 'lets get loose' macro/icon.
Ohno Satoshi, Nishikido Ryo, you stand trial before the paparazzi and your fans here today charged with the crime of gettin' loose. How do you plead?
In the streets with the dubious flickering neon signs, where restless souls come and go, Tokyo...Roppongi. The event takes place at 'S', a soba restaurant on the edge of the mighty Roppongi intersection. [I suddenly feel like I'm writing a crime novel. What the hell, let's roll with it, but a soba stall?] - It's zero o'clock in the morning, and the scene of two audacious, arrogant young men getting loose begins to unfold.
"Kya, kya!" A strange voice calls out. It's him, he who is overtaking senior's SMAP, he who boasts tremendous popularity...It's Arashi's notorious leader, Ohno Satoshi. There beside him sits a colleague, a man accustomed to assuming new roles and acting when he sees fit, the man who hails from NEWS and Kanjani8, the figure is Nishikido Ryo. They're causing an uproar, acting like children of 4 or 5 and screaming like monkeys in a zoo wanting bananas - 'Kii kii!' they cry! [LOL WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS] - Time passes by. They're probably drinking. Perhaps there's some unwholesome talk of women rising between them...
Then, at that very same store, someone working in TV who just happens to be passing by and was not tipped off or stalking at all, turns their head at just the right moment...and is struck with horror! The blood drains from their face and cold sweat breaks out! Terror! Fear! Run for your lives! Heart beating wildly, the TV lackey makes a desperate bolt to save themselves from a certain and gruesome death at the hands of those wild young men.
"They were annoyingly loud," the lackey smiles bitterly, leafing through hundred dollar bills while whinging like a bitch. A man sitting opposite with a tape recorder on the desk nods sympathetically, and offers a box of tissues. "Even though he's an idol, Ohno is nearly 30. He truly has not an ounce of integrity."
Back at the soba shop, shit just got real. A middle-aged man with anger management issues finally explodes. "Shut the hell up! Someone shut them the hell up!" he screams out of nowhere. Around the store there's confusion, and the man, just having finished counting to ten and still feeling like whuppin ass, storms towards Ohno. Someone's gotta do it, and he's just the man.
Ohno doesn't miss a beat though. He's on his feet in a flash, roaring "You shut the fuck up!" meeting the motherfucker half way with fists clenched. For just a moment they stare at each other, blood curdling and eyes seeing red before Ohno snarls, raising his fist up - "Yo soldier!" a voice cuts in.
The voice from the soba shop shocks Ohno to stillness and he blinks twice before his eyes widen as if realizing just now what was about to happen. "Sorry," he mutters, hastily dipping his head in a superficial bow to the man before obediently returning to his seat, as if he wasn't just about to pound some fuckers head into the pavement.
The end.
BWAHAHAHA, I'm sorry if I just ruined your gossip by writing it like that, but the first line, "In the streets with the dubious flickering neon signs, where restless souls come and go, Tokyo...Roppongi" is actually how it's written in Japanese and it cracked me up so bad I just had to keep it up. Most dramatic gossip article I have ever read, lol.
I'd like to point out here that I used a bit of artistic licence (well obviously), but Ohno did not actually raise his fist. There was no journalist at a desk, the TV lackey did not run in fear of their lives or count hundred dollar bills, and the man may or may not have had anger management issues. Everything else is for shiz. Even all that monkey talk, the eye widening at the end, was all written in the original.
God damn Ryo just got even cooler, and Ohno just found himself a place in my 'troubled idol' loving heart.
There is also a bit of Ohno/Ryo bashing at the end of the article [the TV person telling Ohno to do his job properly, whinge whinge], and more blaming Jin. Let it go people, let it go. It's only funny when we do it.
And I srsly need a 'lets get loose' macro/icon.