(no subject)
My brain is so messed up.
I am always changing my mind, feeling so many different emotions.
I do not understand.
I never thought this would be me.
For having so many people around me...I feel completly alone.
"I hate the phone, but I wish you'd call."
"I lost my way when I lost you."
There are those times when you go through a situation and everyone around you trys to tell you how everything is going to work out, and they are so positive. Its not that you want to hear the alternative but sometimes I wish everyone would shut up. Even the people who have gone through what Im going through, it is still different. I literally feel like every part of being died...like its on vacation. I fight everyday to put a smile on and be tough, be the Emily people expect me to be. For 5 minutes I want to be weak. I want someone to give me permission to cry and not have to be brave.
There are good moments in everyday. A moment when a song gives me hope, and my prayers give me peace and for a second my laughs are real and I feel like everything is going to one day be good again. I just wish there were more moments like this, they are few and far between and you just have to hold on tight with everything you have. I have to keep fighting because I am tough and I am brave. For once though I wish someone could crawl inside my mind and see how much I hurt.
Next week could change everything. Im in the long haul.
I am always changing my mind, feeling so many different emotions.
I do not understand.
I never thought this would be me.
For having so many people around me...I feel completly alone.
"I hate the phone, but I wish you'd call."
"I lost my way when I lost you."
There are those times when you go through a situation and everyone around you trys to tell you how everything is going to work out, and they are so positive. Its not that you want to hear the alternative but sometimes I wish everyone would shut up. Even the people who have gone through what Im going through, it is still different. I literally feel like every part of being died...like its on vacation. I fight everyday to put a smile on and be tough, be the Emily people expect me to be. For 5 minutes I want to be weak. I want someone to give me permission to cry and not have to be brave.
There are good moments in everyday. A moment when a song gives me hope, and my prayers give me peace and for a second my laughs are real and I feel like everything is going to one day be good again. I just wish there were more moments like this, they are few and far between and you just have to hold on tight with everything you have. I have to keep fighting because I am tough and I am brave. For once though I wish someone could crawl inside my mind and see how much I hurt.
Next week could change everything. Im in the long haul.