The last goodbye and one last cry.
I come back home today, and as I walk inside I see Mama on the terrace. She tells me Haizat already came to hand over some stuff. In fact, she said he came just a few seconds ago, and says I must've crossed paths with him on my way back. I stop to think for a bit, and am positively sure I did not see a grey Satria or silver Perdana. Yes, all the way back home I was wondering if he had already come, and was checking out cars on the opposite side of the road, just in case I could catch a glimpse of him driving past. Nothing.
I see a CD and a folded piece of paper with my name written on it, quickly grab it and head upstairs to my room.
I unfold the paper, and it turns out to be a letter he typed out. I shall not reveal the contents of the letter, but all I can say is it was enough to make me shed a few tears. *sigh*
Just as I finish reading the short letter, I hear the doorbell then Sha screams for me from downstairs. She said it was Haizat.
Confused, I wipe my tears and go downstairs.
As I open the front door, I see him standing there. I freeze for a moment, and become tongue tied.
He tells me he came with Idzham, Alif and Moe. He gestures to the car, and I wave at them.
He said he wanted to see me before he leaves.
I try my best to look pleased. In my head, I was saying he really didn't have to.
He asks me why I was crying.
In defense, I say I was not. (really, I wasn't crying anymoreee!)
He says he could see my tears.
Darn it. He always knows.
He asked me how I was doing.
I said "I'm fine laa". And now I wish I didn't add in the "laa" coz it implies that I was trying real hard to convince him that I was fine. And since I'm really fine, I didn't have to try so hard to convince him. Okay I don't know how many people will actually get what I'm saying here.
He asked how was Mama Papa, how was Sha.
I said they're fine too.
He mentions he bumped into Sha the other day.
I said she told me about that.
He said he already passed the CD.
I nod.
He asked if I got it, I nod again.
He said he received the money, and I apologize again for losing his thumbdrive.
He didn't seem too angry about it, like how I assumed he was last night.
He said he's going to have lunch at Kayu Manis, I nod and say okay.
He says goodbye and I wish him a safe trip back.
He walks out the gate, and without looking back, I head inside and close the door.
Once back in my room, I pop the CD entitled "Haizat & Zizi: A Story Untold" into my laptop.
Turns out to be a video he made.
It was a compilation of our pictures, and he cleverly arranged them to tell a story. From how we met, to when we got together, all the things we did, the places we went.. Then towards the end, comes the part when he had to leave to study in New Zealand. That was followed by the time he was in New Zealand. It went something like this:
Although he was away..
She never stopped thinking about him..
*picture of the I Miss You Bwaby =( cupcakes appear*
And although she never really knew..
He thought of her all the time too..
*picture of him alone in NZ appears*
And he kept her real close..
*picture of his pin-up board appears, displaying every single card I've ever made for him*
That was when I could not take it anymore, and couldn't stop crying. It just brought back all the memories of when he was in New Zealand.
The nights I spent sending him emails telling him about how my day went.
The times I would rush back from class just so I could talk to him before it was time for him to go to bed.
The time when we had this crazy idea of leaving our laptops on the whole night, just in case either one of us got lonely and wanted to talk.
The time he took me on a tour of his room via Skype.
The time I took him on a tour of my new room via Skype.
The times I felt sooo much closer to him thanks to Skype as well.
The times I would mail him cards, and wait with anticipation to see his reaction whenever he got them.
It would make his day, as well as mine.
The time I picked out a postcard in Sydney to send to him. (He received it when I was already back in Malaysia, but that's not the point.)
The times I would sit and imagine what he was up to, using whatever pictures he sent to me as visual support..
The times when we talked about things we would do and places we would go if I went to visit him in New Zealand...
Then came the break up part.
As God brought them together..
It was Him who drove them apart.
He never said this..
but he wants her to know that he is grateful to even had the chance..
to be apart of her life..
Thank you for everything z.
And that was it.
It was nice of him to make the video and all, coz it signifies that everything is cool now. But don't you think it's gonna be so much harder to forget someone who's being so nice? Wouldn't it be much easier to move on if he was a stupid b*st*rd? Huu.
I lay on my bed and all these thoughts and memories of us come flooding back. And I was back to how I was feeling three months ago when he wanted a break. And two months ago when I wanted to end things for good.
I stare at the ceiling, try to get some sleep in attempts to forget everything that just happened. It just doesn't work.
I don't know how long I was just lying there, probably about 3 hours. I manage to fall asleep after awhile.
They say time heals all wounds, and I'm starting to wonder how deep this wound is, coz it's obviously taking its own sweet time to heal. Blergh.
In a few hours time he'll be boarding a plane back to New Zealand. I kinda regret not saying much when he dropped by just now, coz who knows when the next time I see him will be.
But a big part of me is relieved that he is leaving.
And that this thing ended really well.
And yes, this will be my very last post about Haizat. I promise.
:-)
I see a CD and a folded piece of paper with my name written on it, quickly grab it and head upstairs to my room.
I unfold the paper, and it turns out to be a letter he typed out. I shall not reveal the contents of the letter, but all I can say is it was enough to make me shed a few tears. *sigh*
Just as I finish reading the short letter, I hear the doorbell then Sha screams for me from downstairs. She said it was Haizat.
Confused, I wipe my tears and go downstairs.
As I open the front door, I see him standing there. I freeze for a moment, and become tongue tied.
He tells me he came with Idzham, Alif and Moe. He gestures to the car, and I wave at them.
He said he wanted to see me before he leaves.
I try my best to look pleased. In my head, I was saying he really didn't have to.
He asks me why I was crying.
In defense, I say I was not. (really, I wasn't crying anymoreee!)
He says he could see my tears.
Darn it. He always knows.
He asked me how I was doing.
I said "I'm fine laa". And now I wish I didn't add in the "laa" coz it implies that I was trying real hard to convince him that I was fine. And since I'm really fine, I didn't have to try so hard to convince him. Okay I don't know how many people will actually get what I'm saying here.
He asked how was Mama Papa, how was Sha.
I said they're fine too.
He mentions he bumped into Sha the other day.
I said she told me about that.
He said he already passed the CD.
I nod.
He asked if I got it, I nod again.
He said he received the money, and I apologize again for losing his thumbdrive.
He didn't seem too angry about it, like how I assumed he was last night.
He said he's going to have lunch at Kayu Manis, I nod and say okay.
He says goodbye and I wish him a safe trip back.
He walks out the gate, and without looking back, I head inside and close the door.
Once back in my room, I pop the CD entitled "Haizat & Zizi: A Story Untold" into my laptop.
Turns out to be a video he made.
It was a compilation of our pictures, and he cleverly arranged them to tell a story. From how we met, to when we got together, all the things we did, the places we went.. Then towards the end, comes the part when he had to leave to study in New Zealand. That was followed by the time he was in New Zealand. It went something like this:
Although he was away..
She never stopped thinking about him..
*picture of the I Miss You Bwaby =( cupcakes appear*
And although she never really knew..
He thought of her all the time too..
*picture of him alone in NZ appears*
And he kept her real close..
*picture of his pin-up board appears, displaying every single card I've ever made for him*
That was when I could not take it anymore, and couldn't stop crying. It just brought back all the memories of when he was in New Zealand.
The nights I spent sending him emails telling him about how my day went.
The times I would rush back from class just so I could talk to him before it was time for him to go to bed.
The time when we had this crazy idea of leaving our laptops on the whole night, just in case either one of us got lonely and wanted to talk.
The time he took me on a tour of his room via Skype.
The time I took him on a tour of my new room via Skype.
The times I felt sooo much closer to him thanks to Skype as well.
The times I would mail him cards, and wait with anticipation to see his reaction whenever he got them.
It would make his day, as well as mine.
The time I picked out a postcard in Sydney to send to him. (He received it when I was already back in Malaysia, but that's not the point.)
The times I would sit and imagine what he was up to, using whatever pictures he sent to me as visual support..
The times when we talked about things we would do and places we would go if I went to visit him in New Zealand...
Then came the break up part.
As God brought them together..
It was Him who drove them apart.
He never said this..
but he wants her to know that he is grateful to even had the chance..
to be apart of her life..
Thank you for everything z.
And that was it.
It was nice of him to make the video and all, coz it signifies that everything is cool now. But don't you think it's gonna be so much harder to forget someone who's being so nice? Wouldn't it be much easier to move on if he was a stupid b*st*rd? Huu.
I lay on my bed and all these thoughts and memories of us come flooding back. And I was back to how I was feeling three months ago when he wanted a break. And two months ago when I wanted to end things for good.
I stare at the ceiling, try to get some sleep in attempts to forget everything that just happened. It just doesn't work.
I don't know how long I was just lying there, probably about 3 hours. I manage to fall asleep after awhile.
They say time heals all wounds, and I'm starting to wonder how deep this wound is, coz it's obviously taking its own sweet time to heal. Blergh.
In a few hours time he'll be boarding a plane back to New Zealand. I kinda regret not saying much when he dropped by just now, coz who knows when the next time I see him will be.
But a big part of me is relieved that he is leaving.
And that this thing ended really well.
And yes, this will be my very last post about Haizat. I promise.
:-)