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I am so tired.
I am so overwhelmed.
So angry.
So frustrated.
And I wonder why the fuck I'm still here. No one listens. People don't really care. They say "let me know if you need anything," knowing you will never ask so it's safe to say that since it will never impact them.
I've done everything now for five months. For five months it's been that ( Read more... )
Did you get your miracle? What ended up being the problem? Incredibly relieved to hear he didn't have the C-bomb in any case. And so glad you're all safe so far from the plague. Who knew we'd have a real life PLAGUE in our lifetimes? We're living through a moment in history!
The whole freakin' world is relieved and grateful that Joe and Kamala won. We were all holding our collective breath and BEGGING Georgia to flip. Thank FUCK it did. I dont think Joe will bring the change that you guys (and the world) so desperately needs, but I do think four years of peaceful healing and competent leadership will be good. Once that's done, give Kamala the reigns and let her make change. I think everyone will be ready for it by then. We're heading into a new era, baby! I am actually pleasantly shocked that Cheeto didn't do anything worse when he lost than challenge the result. I honestly expected a fucking civil war. I know there were a lot of boneheads out protesting a "rigged" vote (HA), but at least from this side of the world there appears to have been minimal violence. Proud boys didn't actually kill anyone. I hope? But it looks like he's just being difficult and playing golf instead of actually actively burning the place down to be king of the ashes. I'm shocked, but SO RELIEVED.
I lost a few friends too. Bizarre how Australians can be so proudly pro-trump when we live somewhere with accessible healthcare and many of the awful "socialist" things the republicans claim to hate. But Australians are stupid and more than a little bit racist, so maybe they just liked that he gave some of them license to be awful to black people. That said, my parents (Catholic and quite conservative and vote conservatively in Australia) were on the fence about him for the longest time. Despite the fact that their son is married to a man and my dad himself is an immigrant. But they did come around eventually. Once Cheeto started tear gassing the Portland moms (sucks that it took white women having to get involved for them to give a shit, but here we are) and the BLM stuff started to kick off in Sydney, both of them dropped their "Oh but he's doing good for the economy" line almost immediately.
Good riddance. Hope you guys can prosecute him. Doubt you'll manage to though because the moment he's out of office, he'll be on his private jet to a tax haven somewhere where he cant be dragged back to the states kicking and screaming. But I live in hope. ;)
It's been such a weird, weird year. Can't believe B is 21! Oh my god. I WAS 21 not that long ago! 20 when I met my HUSBAND (HA. so weird to say that. who wouldda thunk it.). From what you said about him years ago, he was a freakishly brilliant and incredibly resilient kid, so I'm sure the disruptive year wont have gotten to him much. Tell me about this girlfriend! Good drama? Or typical "Young, dumb, full of come" drama that 21 year olds tend to get themselves into?
I've missed you too. This weird year has kind of made me want to start writing again. In the age of social media (which I still stubbornly avoid.), where people just share a dumb photo, nobody writes anymore. I kind of miss it. Glad to see you around too! Hope Christmas was lovely and you have a safe, happy and healthy 2021. It's gotta be better than 2020! It's all upwards from here! <3
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We have been safe, so far, from the plague. I'm amazed, considering my work cannot be done remotely ... well, mine can, the rest of the office, not so much. And we have gone out and done stuff, but never unmasked and I wash my hands like I was an ER nurse. Fingers crossed!
What we think happened with Rich is that he had some form of pneumonia for a while (I called it, no one listened, which pissed me off) and anemia, and when they FINALLY did a full scan, they found some swollen lymph nodes, which led them to fear cancer. The pneumonia cough was so bad, he broke one rib and fractured another, so he was down for the count. He couldn't help with the pets, carry groceries, garbage, anything, so it was all on me - Brynn helped when he was home, but this was before March 2020. And his iron level was so low that the oncologist was ready to hospitalize him. They couldn't biopsy the lymph nodes, but did a bone marrow biopsy and blood tests, which revealed no cancer markers, thank fuck. But his first iron transfusion sent him into anaphylactic shock and he nearly died right in front of me.
I do not recommend witnessing that, by the way. I totally dissociated (not unusual for panicky folk like me) and when I came to, the nurses were sitting on the floor in the hall with me, rubbing my arms while they stabilized Rich in the ER. Apparently, they didn't know if they should take me down too, cause I was ice cold and my eyes were blank. I think that was pretty much the last straw for me. And then, COVID.
Oh God, COVID. So much bullshit at my job. So many lines. So little toilet paper, pasta or flour.
You pretty much nailed my feelings about Joe and Kamala too. I think you're exactly right about how it will shake out. As for Cheeto, his followers and the white supremacists that follow him? He's ... I don't even have words, Adrian, for how vile I feel he is. I was afraid of the same thing, and to be honest, until Joe has his hand on that Bible on 1/20. I will be living in apprehension. You do have to hand it to Trump, though, and this relates to ways you speak about Aussies and even your own family's thoughts ... he knew his audience. He basically said, to every fragile white male, their fake-boobed, bleach-blonde, leather-skinned wives and drunken stoner kids who have AR 15s, "Hey, I know you hated having a poised, successful, literate, intelligent black man telling you what to do. And damned if we need another fucking Clinton in office ... you need ME. I'm just like you!"
Like fuck he is, but people believed an old white millionaire (more like a hundredaire, as it turns out), a cheater, a fraud with an icy, heartless trophy wife, actually cared about them. What bullshit. I'm glad your parents eventually saw him for what he is - a diapered despot, who cannot tell the truth to save his life and a petty toddler who has Twitter. POS. I would love to think he's gonna rot in jail, but given that he just pardoned actual murders, I doubt the idea of justice is alive and well in the US, unless your idea of justice is shaming anyone not exactly like you. I could go on, but I'll spare you any more of my rage.
*breathe* (Second comment, this one is too long!)
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Hungover Darcy (who can still be trusted - mostly - to drink a reasonable amount of alcohol without having a breakdown or spiraling headfirst into something darker) cant handle the smell of coffee today. So tea it is.
What are you doing work-wise these days? I remember a time where you were considering radiography or nursing? But I might be way off. Glad that you guys were minimally affected and could keep working (mostly). Sucks that people got shittier though. We had the same toilet paper, flour, pasta etc shortages too. Just goes to show that humans panic under pressure. And turn into selfish assholes sometimes. And that if there is ever an actual zombie apocalypse, we're screwed.
Holy fuck. As relieved as I am it turned out not to be cancer, it may as well have been from the stress it sounds like it caused you guys. Jesus H Christ. Never heard of anyone having an allergic reaction to an iron transfusion. How fucking terrifying! Definitely adding "anaphylactic shock" to my list of things I'd rather not see my partner experience. INCREDIBLY relieved to hear he's okay these days. And that it happened pre-covid.
Fuck covid. We've been very lucky here, comparatively. But damn I am so over it. It's changed the whole world and I don't think for the better. People are paranoid, selfish and all the anti-vaxers have come out of the woodwork. Our whole society seemed like it stopped trusting science somewhere in about 2008, and we didn't notice until now, when it was suddenly crucial that we did.
I think I'm cautiously optimistic about 2021. Covid won't be done and dusted for another year, I dont think (at least the Australian borders wont open until then.), but at least Cheeto will be gone. He was good at marketing, I will give him that. Dont understand how smart, educated people voted for him though. Not every trump fan is a hillbilly with three teeth. If they were, at least it would be easier to write them off as idiots. It's when smart, "regular" people who vote for him, it really makes me worry about the world.
I think we all did a lot of learning in 2020. Particularly those of us who are white, middle class (and male). Grappling with the whole "Oh, I have privilege" because I'm a white Australian man was educational. I've never had a bad interaction with a police officer in my life. Being queer and having experienced certain shitty life events has occasionally made life more challenging than it might have otherwise been, but not in the same way that being a POC would. Being a part of one minority (ie, being a man married to a man) doesn't make me qualified to speak on the discriminatory experiences of others. Which I guess I learned in 2020. haha. Better late than never I suppose. Just wish all fragile white men would do a bit of the same learnin'.
Lay all your rage on me baby! I miss your rage! It's justified rage!
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Ah, work. Well, the last time I spoke with you I was doing CNA work and was thinking about radiology. But between watching my patients spiral downward due to Alzheimers and getting injured on the job when a very, very large lady deliberately fell on me, knowing that I would catch her and she'd get attention, and ripped my shoulder up. I've been working at a driving school for three years now. I do not teach the little shits how to drive, but I run the office these days. C19 screwed us up royally during the shutdown, changed all the rules, and then it was 6 months of the worst parental attitudes you could imagine. When the world is falling to shit, be enraged cause your 15 year old hasn't started driver's ed yet. Take your rage at the world out on the person who answers the phone and can't change said world, and make them want to strangle you through the phone. It sent my direct supervisor over the edge and he had a mental break, leaving me in charge. I fucking roped that pony, helped hire a new person and became a boss bitch. Literally. I take no shit, and people have learned that.
Rich's ordeal was a pretty rough one. I had a lot of moments when I didn't know what to do, so I just put my head down and pushed through. People would say "What can I do?" and mean it, but all I could say was "nothing." I mean, come make my dog not be psychotic. Come do my laundry, lug my groceries up from the car, go to work for me. You know? But I can live without him seeing the bright light ever again. It was the single most terrifying moment of my life.
I named 2020 the year that everyone showed their true colors. Because they did. You were able to see who was a truly horrible person, no masks, no hiding. You saw who was ignorant, who was a cult follower, who didn't care about people. You also saw who was a good person. I've never watched a ticker of electoral votes in my life, but I refreshed that fucker every 5 minutes, and every time Joe went up, I sighed. I screamed at Georgia and Pennsylvania to get their shit together. It was kind of brutal, actually, watching the battle rage on, and Cheeto still isn't done. Is it wrong to wish a Big Mac heart attack on someone? It is, right?
Privilege is a hard thing to understand fully and address; I think everyone in 2020 had a struggle with it. The fragility of the white male was fully exposed these past few years, and it's been shocking to me, cause many of the worst offenders are my generation and just below. I'm sickened by these people and assholes like the Proud Boys? Give me a bat with barbed wire and let me into their "rallies." They wouldn't walk away from those. You talk about rage, I have it. But thoughtful people like yourself did examine their parts in the cultural structure and think about their place in it and how to move forward. I'm not surprised; you've been a smart, kind, thoughtful loving person all your life, and yes, I'm sure of this. I'm certainly the better person for being able to know you!
Brynn went to a couple BLM protests in Portland (the Maine one, not the war-zone Portland Oregon) and thank God, they were peaceful. His gf was a POC, who oddly was not on board with him being part of the BLM movement. Honestly, Tam was not a great match for him and he was trying to patch a sinking ship with duct tape most of the time with her. Still, first love and all. He speaks to me a lot about this (and everything else) and I'm proud of his perspectives - he's a much smarter person than either Rich or I and the fact that he wants others to learn and grow from history and current events is going to make him a fantastic teacher.
All I can think of is Indiana Jones in the classroom with the girls in the front row. :D
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Nurses deserve medals. And very large glasses of wine. Every nurse I have ever met has been utterly incredible (even the cranky ones). Can't understate the respect I have for nurses, but absolutely understand why you got out of it. Must be a really hard thing to watch people deteriorate. and fuck getting injured at work. That's the worst. Hope you're okay in spite of being crash tackled by a deranged whale. Sounds like you well and truly roped that pony ;) lollll. Proud of you MB, you boss bitch. Glad you're getting the respect at work you deserve <3
Ah, the old "what can I do?". People can be so, so kind, but so clueless. And it's not their fault either. In hindsight it's kind of sweet that people want to be able to lessen the burden when you're stressed/hurting/afraid/etc, but maybe we all need to collectively sit down and write a "how to actually be helpful to sad people" handbook. Honestly, for me, most of it would have been filling up my freezer so I was actually eating properly. But groceries and laundry and walk the dog do come pretty close. Hope you had a few people turn up to do your laundry and make you a few casseroles. <3
Hope Rich doesn't see that bright light for a loooooong time. Not until he's old and decrepit, thankyou. How are you two doing anyway? I see that you're back together (for years now), after a split? I went and re-read a bunch of messages from like 8 years ago and gosh there was a lot going on. Hope it's all calmed down and you guys are good.
Definitely agree with the "2020 true colours" sentiment. 100%. Couldn't have put it better. Made it so clear which people were assholes flying under the radar the whole time. In a way, I'm sort of glad the veil has been lifted and those people can't hide in plain sight anymore. Equally glad that the good, kind, sensible people came out of the woodwork too. Glad we as a society are finally appreciating the amazing work that nurses, doctors, hospital cleaners, aged care workers, preschool teachers, supermarket workers, posties etc etc do. We need to pay them better (okay maybe not the doctors), but some recognition is a good start.
I watched that election ticker too. It was the most bizarre week and a half of our lives. I follow Aus politics fairly closely, but I have never followed a foreign election as closely as I did this time. I think maybe it's because whatever happens in the states is going to have a really profound impact on Aus. Maybe not Finland (it's too busy being european...), but it will (and has) impact enormously on Australia. Trump emboldened our racist whackjobs. To the point where one went and killed dozens of muslims in a mosque in Christchurch NZ (remember that?). Impacts on our foreign (esp trade) policies enormously too. I am SO relieved that Biden won. China isn't backing down any time soon (and Aus will suffer economically because we stupidly put all of our export-eggs in one china-shaped basket), but at least we're not going to be forced to choose between America and China and risk getting nuked by the other one. AH world politics. Complicated. Joe might be more of the same "washington establishment", but at least he's a nice person, is a skilled, dignified diplomat and can negotiate. And he surrounded himself with smart people. Who knows, the world might actually get some action on climate change outta this!
I hope cheeto chokes on his big mac. Actually no. I hope he ACTUALLY gets covid (totally didn't have it before. just a sham to avoid a debate.), feels like shit for months and months, then gets prosecuted and thrown into jail by the state of New York for tax evasion. THEN has his massive big mac heart attack. Can't go until he's received a bit of justice. Gotta prove his guilt in the court of law so that he doesn't become a martyr to his whackjob fans.
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If nothing else comes out of cheeto's reign of terror, I'm glad that BLM did. It's awful that it got to the point that it did (when these injustices have been going on for years and years), but I'm glad it finally broke and 2020 forced us comfy white kids to actually recognise that something is wrong. D and I went to a rally protest solidarity thing in Sydney. It felt kind of weird, because I have friends who are police officers and on the whole, NSW Police are very well educated (they have degrees), well selected (big psych test to get in.) and community policing is a thing. (don't even get me started on gun legislation here. If you're a cop, the only time you're allowed to point a gun at someone is if they point a gun or a knife at you first.). But if black/brown/indigenous people say that they have issues with police regulation, then I believe them and support them. It was weird. I dont think Australia needs to defund or abolish the police - kind of a dumb idea tbh - but if we're calling for better education, better selection, tighter regulation and tougher consequences for the bad apples, then yeah, I'm all for it. Peaceful, socially distanced march and everyone was masked. But it felt like the right thing to do.
Proud boys can go to hell. I'd be right there beside you MB with the barbed wire. I am so incredibly grateful that we dont really have them here. Guns arent legal and Australians have a general distrust of religion, so super religions conservatives with rifles probably aren't going to organise here. We have enough hateful ignorant fuckwits, but i dont think they're quite as organised. But on a happier note, did you see what gay twitter did to the proud boys hashtag? Reclaimed it and posted all these pictures of proudly gay men doing adorable things. Made my little queer heart SO happy. Gorgeous. Fuck you proud boys. sideways with a hammer.
B's gf sounds like she might have just been a bit immature. Too young to understand the importance of social justice, or too sheltered to realise that it might apply to her? I'm sure she was a sweetheart, but it sounds like a good thing that the young fella let that ship sink. A better one will come along. Someone who will love him and challenge him. I love that he can talk to you about love and life and all the important stuff though. I never really could with my mum, so he's incredibly lucky to have you. You are such a damn good mama Candi. That boy has turned out fantastic because of you. I absolutely agree that he'll make a WICKED teacher.
mmmmm Indiana Jones.
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Brynn is a great person - I'm super proud of him. He had a rocky few years, no lie, and I lost a lot of sleep over him, but he pulled out of it, and despite some disappointments, he's kicking ass in college. Dean's List every semester, 3.8 GPA, and yeah, he's handsome.
This was a couple of years ago at Gardens Aglow, and this is him this summer with the former gf.
There was nothing wrong with Tam, except that they were long-distance; we live in Maine, she lives in Texas and Illinois, and that she was emotionally too young for him. She's 19 or 20, he's 21, he could easily date a 25 year old. And because she's young, she was either too clingy or distant, and he felt he did all the emotional lifting in the relationship, so they got together in March, broke up before Thanksgiving. But every night, he'd come out to cook dinner (at 11 PM, cause he's a freak that way) and complain about her. Typical teen bs. And he found out the OTHER girl of his dreams, his high school crush, voted Trump cause her dad told her Biden would take all their money, and after he asked her if she or her dad made $400,000 a year and she said no, he decided she was pretty, but dumb.
Kid has priorities. He also said to let you know that if you and Darcy decide to visit New New England, he'll throw a state dinner and reception for you, complete with pictures. :D
Dogs, mortgages and all, huh? You two are so domestic. <3 I'm sorry C19 scrapped Darcy's position, but I have faith things will rebound. I'm happy your job wasn't as affected. Rich's wasn't either, but my place shut down for three months and has been hell since June. During that time I've become the senior staff and now office manager, but I came close to leaving cause people were so terrible. Customer service bites.
Christmas was odd. No family, as both Rich's mum and my parents are elderly and terrified of the plague. Exchange of gifts in a parking lot. On the upside, we cooked our first Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners in our 26 year history. The animals (one dog, the little love of my life and one snarky asshole cat) were happy with the scraps. But it was still a good time; wine and board games - I actually kicked both Rich and Brynn's asses in Spongebob Monopoly, so there's that.
Pet tax:
This is Fox. Sprite is camera-shy, and an asshole. Did I mention that?
Happy New Year to you both, love you immensely!
<3 MB
You don't even know how happy it makes me to see you. You sound so Adrian, and you know what I mean by that. I'm happy that you're happy.
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I was a dumbass at 21. I wish I'd had even half the maturity and wisdom at 21 that B does. I'm still a dumbass, but perhaps not so loud about it now. D gets dressed faster these days. But after the year we've had, honestly, neither of us have really gone anywhere that required dressing up. I taught for nearly three months in my pyjamas on a computer screen.
Oh Candi, you should be so proud of him. I think kids are supposed to make you lose a bit of sleep. So thrilled he turned out awesome (always knew he would). Besides being a clever little cookie (well, big cookie. Kid is tall!) he's obviously turned into a very level-headed, hard-working young man with a good head on his shoulders. He looks super cute with the gf, but totally understand the distance and the differing levels of maturity being an issue. Good riddance to pretty dumb trump girl. Hopefully she goes off to college, meets some more open minded people and comes good.
Looking forward to the state banquet. Haven't worn a tux in years, but I'm sure I can figure something out.
Oh so domestic. Life's really normal. Even in spite of covid-19. It's nice. We complain about council rates and the day the rubbish needs to go out and who has to take doggo to the vet. Less complaining about fragile mental states and life being unfair. C19 hasn't been that bad to be honest. We've been lucky. Who knew that my decision six-ish years ago to go back to uni and teach would have saved us. If I was still working in theatre, we'd be FUCKED, because live gigs fell off a cliff back in March. I know so many theatre people who have been out of work since then. So we were very lucky that I fell off that ladder and wanted a career change. So I guess C19 put things in perspective for us. D quite homesick (we try to go back to Finland to see his fam every year, and obvs couldn't do it in 2020, and probably not in 2021 either), but he's okay. Never been one to mope. Staying busy and creative is just such a vital part of his personality. He's always had a few strings to the bow anyway, so he'll figure something out.
Your odd christmas sounds kind of nice. Despite the awkward parking lot present swap. It's weird times we're living in. I guess I would be terrified too if I was a 80+ and American. Have they started vaccinating en masse yet? How did your turkey turn out? We just had my mum and dad and their new partners. Christmas here these days is always kind of weird. I think my parents do it for my sake, and I do it for their sake. None of us really want to sit around and make small talk. Mum always cries. I used to get so screamingly drunk that I'd argue with her. Don't do that anymore, but the tension is still there. Much prefer Finnish Christmases with D's fam.
We have two rescue greyhounds called Bonnie and Clyde. They're not very bright, but they're very sweet. And need far less exercise and space than you'd expect (which is really good for Sydney town-house dwellers like us.) Give little Fox a pat from us! and Sprite!
Kick 2021 in the ass! So great seeing you around.
<3 BB
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His romantic travails are pretty standard, but since he was a loner (not by choice, except now he realizes ways he could have connected with others) some of these "firsts" came late for him and he has complained often that there is no boyfriend handbook, and just cause he's 20, then 21, doesn't mean he's had 40 relationships and understands people now. He wants to go back and kick his teenage self's ass, and while I get that, I'm always the one saying "You're too hard on yourself and others. Your bar for people is incredibly high and be aware not everyone will reach it." My other standard saying for him is "There can be many "ones," before "The one." That's how you figure out what you want, don't want, can't tolerate, will love. Love is often a random chance game."
He sighs at me a lot, but he listens. His favorite phrase for his pink-and-white haired mom is "Oh Mom." It applies to every single scenario. If I'm watching anime and shipping all the characters? "Oh Mom." If I threaten to throttle a driver at work? "Oh Mom." It's a sigh of great fondness, so I kind of live for it. Also, the state banquet can be casual dress - the President For Life and Part Time Despot will probably be wearing workout pants and a tank top, so ... also, shoes are optional.
I can just hear you bickering about trash and rates; I'm thankful that's all we're fighting about these days too. 2016-2020 was hard for us as we are a split political household. One of us hated Hillary Clinton and would have voted for Satan over her (and did). One of us saw bullshit and voted Clinton. 4 years of warfare, until even 202o made Rich wince. In 2020, the blue carried the household, but if I never hear of Cheeto again for eternity, it won't be long enough.
People are getting vaccinated here, yes, with the predictable American fuckery, cause we are dumb. DUMB. Literally the stupidest country in history. Front line first, elderly, etc. I'll get it when I can, but others are far ahead of me.
Christmas is ... yeah. Lots of complicated feelings, and I'm sorry that your family gatherings get tense; there's so much emotion there and then you add new spouses and their baggage, and your parent's past and I imagine it gets hairy. You said you quit drinking a while ago, and so you don't drunkenly have a go with your mom - better that way, huh?
I can imagine D. gets homesick, and I hope this finally lifts this year so he can see them easier. His little niece has to be 10, 12 now maybe? I'm not good at math. But you always loved his family, so that's such a help, honestly. I love my niece, but my MIL and SIL will always be a little tainted for me due to all their past bullshit. But contact is limited these days, and I really don't miss them.
Greyhounds! They sound perfect. Why do they need to be smart? <3 I've heard they're lovely animals, so I'm happy you rescued them. My idiots are also rescues; Fox is a part chihuahua and part Shiba Inu mutt, who is attached to my hip. Literally. Sprite is a ... cat. Pure white with green eyes, pink nose, and entitled attitude. Plus a fun eating disorder, just to keep things interesting.
I hope you keep in touch, here or via email or whatever. I'm still candipants@ymail.com (I can't change it now, too many people have laughed at me for it, so I'm candipants till the death) You've honestly brightened my life since you posted. Love to you and D. <3
MB.
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20 didn't feel young when I was 20, but looking back at it, holy shit 20 is YOUNG. You're still a kid at 20, except that the world encourages you to drive, date and drink. Hope he doesn't beat himself up about his "firsts" taking a little while. Probably better that way. Less time spent with shitty superficial people just trying to have sex and more time on connecting with people properly. Honestly, If I could go back and re-do 16-21, I would totally do it differently. There is indeed no boyfriend handbook. God, what I wouldn't have given for one of those. I also dont think setting the bar high is a bad thing. He'll hopefully avoid a lot of pain and frustration if he filters out the shitheads early. I wish all 21 year olds had that kind of foresight. I certainly didn't. Agree that there can be many "ones" before "the one". Love is luck and timing as much as it is anything. But knowing yourself helps. He's a smart cookie for not going and just shoving his dick into the first person who smiles at him like stupid baby Adrian used to do.
"Oh mom". I can just hear it. A sigh of exasperated fondness. <3 He's a great kid MB. You did so good.
Tank top and workout pants? D will be delighted.
Oh boy do we bicker about trash and rates. He also shoves the used tea towels in the bottom drawer with the clean ones instead of just hanging them on the oven door like a normal person and IT DRIVES ME MAD. Somewhere along the way I have turned into a suburban wife and am very particular about the way the dishwasher should be stacked. Cool baby Adrian would think adult Adrian was SUCH a lame-ass dork. Glad you guys are only fighting about dumb stuff these days too. Must have been pretty awful. I guess I can understand why people didn't like Clinton, but I don't understand how they didn't see through Cheeto's bullshit. So glad you guys have officially gone blue and Rich saw some sense. And that B has a conscience and by the sounds of things, would rather eat a handful of broken glass than vote republican.
Nah you guys arent dumb. You have the same proportion of dumb people that we do. But your population is bigger and you're louder, so it seems like more. Dumb fucks objecting to vaccination here too. But I think (hope?) that most of us are so eager to get off this godforsaken ISLAND that we'll put up with the jab. They're rolling out vaccinations in April here, so a bit more time to wait. Hopefully by this time next year things will start getting back to normal.
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Christmas will always be complicated. Not bad, exactly, just slightly uncomfortable. The new spouses aren't the issue really. They're both really great people who understand (or at least respect) the emotional baggage that comes with each of my parents. And are exceptionally patient with it. They treat me like an adult, not like a volatile teenager, so it's all good. Really great people. If the divorce had just been a normal "this isnt working anymore" divorce instead of one that was caused by loss, then it'd be great. It just feels like having lunch with acquaintances, not family. But it's fine. It's nice to see them, Darcy is charming and it's not that bad anymore. Mum sniffles quietly now instead of sobbing and screaming while I sob and scream back. haha. So my quitting drinking has been good for me, but probably also very good for her. ;) I used to wish I could comfort her, but I've long since come to the conclusion that just because I can try doesn't mean she will let me. Ultimately I think that's what ended the marriage too. Dad tried to be a comfort, to connect, but she wouldn't (couldn't? I dont know.) let him. Can't be responsible for the way someone else feels when I'm doing all I can. So had to let that one go a bit. Hard, continues to be hard, because she's my mum and I do love her, but we're also adults who need to get on with life. For the sake of my own mental health, I just couldn't keep carrying around her grief as well as my own. She never forgave me for going back to Finland after Kelly died and I know that we've said some hurtful things to each other over the years that neither of us will really forgive. It's unlikely that D or I will have kiddos, so I know there's a bit of grief that she'll never get grandchildren. But it is what it is. I love her, she loves me in her funny way, and we do the best we can. Phew that turned a little dark didnt it? Sorry about that.
Darcy's funny. He's been a permanent resident here for years now and is contemplating applying for Australian citizenship. He has embraced Australia to the point of saying "Sydney", when someone asks him where he's from. He'll never lose his accent, can't tan to save himself but he seems to consider Australia home in a way that I never managed to make Finland my home. If his family and friends could just magically teleport down here to the bottom of the world, I think he wouldn't care if he got to see Nordic snow ever again. It's them that he misses more than anything. Govt has made it clear that it probably wont be until late 2021 that they'll relax border restrictions though, but we'll see what happens. Planning a big trip for 2022 either way.
Little niece (Aine) is turning 9 this year. She actually has a little brother these days too.
Hanna (D's sister) met a fella (at work. She's a police officer. So is he.), got married and had a little boy in 2019. Last time we went back to Helsinki was to see them. They're all doing really well and she turned into a pretty excellent mum. D's mum is doing really well too. Strangely, his family seem so much less complicated than mine.
I do remember you saying that your MIL and SIL were the banes of your existence. Sad to hear they're still being dickbags, but hoping that 2020 has mellowed them a bit too.
I'll pop in here from time to time. I get the notifications to my email. adriancallaghan88@gmail.com (cant remember how many variations of emails I've had over the years. apparently adrian_the_dork@hotmail.com doesn't want to let me in anymore. Been a while.)
Love you to bits and glad you're kicking ass.
<3 <3 <3 BB
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