thinking of life more than necessary is just me being myself
"I don't know why but I like you", said N, a friend I just knew the past two and a half months.
We were on the bus yesterday and she was sitting alone when I asked her if I could take the seat beside her, to which she laughed, and said "Sure!". I then asked her if she actually wanted to reserve the seat for someone else, a friend, perhaps, and then she replied, "No, no. It's alright. I don't know why but I like you".
"Yeah?" I could hear her just fine, but you know. And she was speaking in English, too.
"Yeah, whenever I see you, it's like you have a big heart."
I laughed. This girl, she definitely knows nothing about me. "I" have a big heart??? ...Welp.
"No... Whenever you see me I look like I have a big heart, but whenever I'm out of your sight I actually have a small heart."
"Really? That's even better."
Not sure what she was trying to say, I just ended the conversation with a big laugh. Yeah, what's big about me aside from my body is probably my laughter.
Anyway, I went to Starbucks with her today and we met up with a junior of mine. The hectic, nerve-wrecking multicultural week is here so this junior's been trying her best to survive. I guess she just happened to feel the urge to speak whatever she had to so she wound up letting it all out at me. Maybe I'm that type of a person who can make people want to talk to me about their personal feelings?
Today I had a practice for tomorrow's Praise and Worship at church. Because one of the songs has been on my mind since this evening, I am now opening more religious Hillsong-kinda songs at Youtube. And then it just came to my mind, that it's no longer about what my religion is or whether God and Jesus truly exist, because living is not what it's all about. I think I'm now at a stage where I totally understand how atheists think; proving that God (Jesus) exists is no easy task. It's completely natural for some people to think that this whole God-religion thing is human-made, because religion indeed is. Even if you shove a verse from the Bible about faith being the proof for something you cannot see, most people will not just agree without putting up an argument. Now, why do I keep coming to church?
That's because even though I kinda understand why atheists are atheists, that doesn't mean I am one of them. I believe in an existence Greater than human beings, and that humans at some point in their live will have to seek that Greater Being, whether they like it or not, whether they do it consciously or not. That's why I think, disputing about religion and God's existence is of no use; it's not what's important. After all, the efforts of men in search of life's mysteries, our inner selves, the soul, that Superior Power will never end; history proves it.
I feel that being a Christian helps me control myself, that's why I am happily living my life as a Christian. I would have done the same with whatever religion my parents were getting me into. The teachings in the Bible, especially those from the New Testaments, they all come down to one point and one only: Love. That's all you have to have in order to be a better person, to create a better place for everyone to live in. There is one rule, so far, in the Bible that I refuse to believe in, it's in the Old Testament, a rule that bans homosexual relationship. By refusing to believe in that rule I don't mean I refuse God. Because we, humans, are not stupid, you see. We know by heart, how to tell wrong from right. There is a reason why we're different from animals, because we have not only brain, but also conscience. To blindly give yourself to be chained by "Religion" is to kill that very ability endowed to us, judging things by our heart. I guess that's also why judges are not robots, which undoubtedly can give this super equal justice to everyone, because robots have no heart. So why do some people decide to be heartless and force their teachings on others? And where the hell do they get these "teachings" anyway?
You say God is the Benevolent one, you say the Bible is based truly on God's words, you say there's a verse in the Bible which says "the most important thing among faith, love and hope is Love" and then you say that your teachings, that you force on others, are taken from the same Bible. What a contrary.
I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. Guess I'm just in a bad mood today.