sam
the only person ive been lying to, is myself. for example, last night and tricking myself into thinking i want to be with a girl, well it was short lived at least and after some shit, realized hardcore that im not into girls-so that confusion is over at least. ive become a pretty honest person...well, pretty brutally honest.
this journal entry isnt private, is it? have any of them ever been?
some people can't take that very well-some people even get so pissed off/intimidated about it that they call me a liar. well when it comes to last night, i meant what i said when i said it, thought i did anyway, but by the end of the night it wasn't hard to tell that id simply been trying to forget about my heartache and move on, make sense of all my failed relationships.
when i got home-now sick from the fucking cold i had to walk in- i cried myself to sleep. not only because i feel like my honesty and lack of having anything to hide is somewhat of a curse, people are still lying to me in really fucked ways...but also because i realized i do still care about daniel and want to be with him (and think he may possibly be lying to me as well)
well ive really no idea, nothing ever failed with him, i just haven't spoken to him and im getting a bad feeling about what's happened between us and think the situation is far too fucked to make sense...far too fucked to sit here and believe i have reason to wait for him and that he's not lying to me...all assumptions (well, strong ideas?) but like i say in a video that ill post later...love is fucking crazy and it has no rules and despite how messed up this situation may appear to be...i love the guy. but dont get me wrong, i wont stop myself from living my life and doing what i feel is right to do, im not exactly waiting for him at this point (have to put myself and my heart first) but if he calls in two weeks, or whenever, and he wasn't lying..and his feelings for me are in tact...ill be there 100%..with all that said..
there's this old song by lifehouse that im sure you've all heard..that pretty much explains how i feel right now about this...about him...1 2 3 go..
I'd rather I chase your shadow all my life
Than be afraid of my own
I'd rather be with you
I'd rather not know
Where I'll be than
Be alone and convinced that I know
When the world keeps spinning round
My world's upside down
And I wouldn't change a thing
I've got nothing else to lose
I lost it all when I found you
And I wouldn't change a thing
No, you and I wouldn't change a thing
Everything I know has let me down
So I will just let go
Let you turn me inside out
Cause I know I'm not sure
about anything
But you wouldn't have it any other way
When the world keeps spinning round
My world's upside down
And I wouldn't change a thing
I've got nothing else to lose
I lost it all when I found you
And I wouldn't change a thing
No, you and I wouldn't change a thing
Spinning turning watching burning
All my life has found its meaning
Walking crawling climbing falling
All my life has found its meaning
You and I wouldn't change a thing
No, you and I wouldn't change a thing
this journal entry isnt private, is it? have any of them ever been?
some people can't take that very well-some people even get so pissed off/intimidated about it that they call me a liar. well when it comes to last night, i meant what i said when i said it, thought i did anyway, but by the end of the night it wasn't hard to tell that id simply been trying to forget about my heartache and move on, make sense of all my failed relationships.
when i got home-now sick from the fucking cold i had to walk in- i cried myself to sleep. not only because i feel like my honesty and lack of having anything to hide is somewhat of a curse, people are still lying to me in really fucked ways...but also because i realized i do still care about daniel and want to be with him (and think he may possibly be lying to me as well)
well ive really no idea, nothing ever failed with him, i just haven't spoken to him and im getting a bad feeling about what's happened between us and think the situation is far too fucked to make sense...far too fucked to sit here and believe i have reason to wait for him and that he's not lying to me...all assumptions (well, strong ideas?) but like i say in a video that ill post later...love is fucking crazy and it has no rules and despite how messed up this situation may appear to be...i love the guy. but dont get me wrong, i wont stop myself from living my life and doing what i feel is right to do, im not exactly waiting for him at this point (have to put myself and my heart first) but if he calls in two weeks, or whenever, and he wasn't lying..and his feelings for me are in tact...ill be there 100%..with all that said..
there's this old song by lifehouse that im sure you've all heard..that pretty much explains how i feel right now about this...about him...1 2 3 go..
I'd rather I chase your shadow all my life
Than be afraid of my own
I'd rather be with you
I'd rather not know
Where I'll be than
Be alone and convinced that I know
When the world keeps spinning round
My world's upside down
And I wouldn't change a thing
I've got nothing else to lose
I lost it all when I found you
And I wouldn't change a thing
No, you and I wouldn't change a thing
Everything I know has let me down
So I will just let go
Let you turn me inside out
Cause I know I'm not sure
about anything
But you wouldn't have it any other way
When the world keeps spinning round
My world's upside down
And I wouldn't change a thing
I've got nothing else to lose
I lost it all when I found you
And I wouldn't change a thing
No, you and I wouldn't change a thing
Spinning turning watching burning
All my life has found its meaning
Walking crawling climbing falling
All my life has found its meaning
You and I wouldn't change a thing
No, you and I wouldn't change a thing