So here we are again...
I'm hours away from getting back on the road and dreading every second that passes. If today unfolds like other days, then I will barely hold my composure in front of my father and keep my cool until I can pick up a cup of coffee. From there I will be crying incessantly until I get through Hartford, when I've calmed down enough to get onto the 91 interchange. From there on until I get to the Mass-VT border I'll likely be mopey, speed and smoke a lot. Then from the VT border until I pick up I-89 I feel sort of numb and bored. But by the time I stop at the rest stop in Sharon, I feel better, I feel ready to face Vermont, and find myself really missing Bryon.
I'm really sick of this emotional mindfuck I put myself through. It's so predictable, and yet, I haven't developed the mental willpower to work through it yet.
So last night I finally got to spend some time at the apartment that Keith, Tim, Kelly and Matt moved into last month. It's a cute place, though not nearly as large as was first described to me. I give them credit, because I don't know how I could stand the living condition. It's a 2-bedroom place, so Matt's room is the living room. The common area is the kitchen, and with four people it feels really cramped. If it works out for them, then all the power to them. I know that set-up would drive me crazy before too long. So any initial jealousy I felt evaporated last night. But the apartment is irrelevant, because I got to see some dear friends that I miss so much, and that is what matters to me.
I need to start doing more laundry lists on here again. For some reason I feel like when I make my goals public, I feel more inclined to do them. Perhaps it's the satisfaction of being able to strikethrough them? =) I have a long list of goals for May, most of them financial, that I don't think I'll actually be able to complete simply because I won't have the income coming in in the next 20 days. I'm a little upset with myself because I was supposed to pay off my credit cards in April, and now I'm looking to pay them off in May, and I can't guarantee the balances will be 0 by the 31st. They're not huge debts but they are for necessary things, like my car maintenence and my dental work.
My mind is sort of foggy from last night. That could be from being out until 4:45 in the morning and drinking bad vodka at dinner. I'm fairly certain I left my lighter at the apartment. I don't know HOW I'm going to get up for work tomorrow, but Imma have to do it, cuz mama's got bills to pay.
I guess that's all I want to say for now. The next time I'm on here I'll be back in Vermont and, very likely, drunk again. Later.
I'm really sick of this emotional mindfuck I put myself through. It's so predictable, and yet, I haven't developed the mental willpower to work through it yet.
So last night I finally got to spend some time at the apartment that Keith, Tim, Kelly and Matt moved into last month. It's a cute place, though not nearly as large as was first described to me. I give them credit, because I don't know how I could stand the living condition. It's a 2-bedroom place, so Matt's room is the living room. The common area is the kitchen, and with four people it feels really cramped. If it works out for them, then all the power to them. I know that set-up would drive me crazy before too long. So any initial jealousy I felt evaporated last night. But the apartment is irrelevant, because I got to see some dear friends that I miss so much, and that is what matters to me.
I need to start doing more laundry lists on here again. For some reason I feel like when I make my goals public, I feel more inclined to do them. Perhaps it's the satisfaction of being able to strikethrough them? =) I have a long list of goals for May, most of them financial, that I don't think I'll actually be able to complete simply because I won't have the income coming in in the next 20 days. I'm a little upset with myself because I was supposed to pay off my credit cards in April, and now I'm looking to pay them off in May, and I can't guarantee the balances will be 0 by the 31st. They're not huge debts but they are for necessary things, like my car maintenence and my dental work.
My mind is sort of foggy from last night. That could be from being out until 4:45 in the morning and drinking bad vodka at dinner. I'm fairly certain I left my lighter at the apartment. I don't know HOW I'm going to get up for work tomorrow, but Imma have to do it, cuz mama's got bills to pay.
I guess that's all I want to say for now. The next time I'm on here I'll be back in Vermont and, very likely, drunk again. Later.