People Can Make You Think
So last night I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine, and by interesting I really mean upsetting and while I don't doubt his friendship, it just makes me doubt how well he really does know me. I was talking about how I'm going to be stressed out beyond belief between now and when finals are over and that the best thing for everyone will be to avoid me because I will more than likely be uber bitch and he started getting on me that not everyone is out to dump me just because I get into a bad mood and while I believe him that not everyone will, alot of people will and have done so already. This somehow turned into him questioning if I still thought of him as a friend, which hurt alot honestly. I go to him with so much, especially when I'm upset and he questions my friendship for him?? WTF?!?! He knows alot about my past and the fact that I have trust issues and we just got into some crazy deep shit last night while I was already super stressed about the test I had today and was attempting to study for said test. Needless to say, I was upset with how the conversation ended and I sometimes worry that we are slowly losing our wonderful friendship that we had. It feels like there is constant drama surrounding our friendship and I hate it. I don't want it to be drama filled. I just want it to be fun, like it used to be. Oh well, you don't always get what you want. It was bad enough at Formal that I felt like he wanted to be as far away from me as possible, but as per usual, I couldn't just come out and say it. I just kept telling him that nothing was wrong and went on my "merry" way. Do I have issues? Of course I do. I know that and I don't need anyone to tell me that. I guess deep down I was just hoping that he would force the issue since he knows me and my tendencies to go into denial; especially when I'm either afraid of the answer or don't want to hurt someone. Will he ever read this and see what it's about, doubtful, but I'm okay with that. Just to get it off my chest helps like times a million. I don't know. I'm done with this for now. I got other things to stress about and worry about, like finals and last exams in classes that are all next week.